Election Day Eats

Raise your hand if you don't like FREE SHIT?!?!?!

Yeah...Thought so.

You know the politically-savvy Baby D in me knows AAAALLLL about the Election Day food freebies.
How you think I got this pot belly: OVERNIGHT?! I gotta get it how I live!

So, if your inner fat kid wants some free shit as a reward for voicing your vote, see below on ways to turn your 'I Voted' sticker into some serious Election Day swag!

******
For all you coffee zombies (or those of you needing a booboo boost after a long night of imbibing all types of ill shit **points to my weekend and sometimes weekday-if-I-had-a-long-day-at-work self**) Starbucks is offering a FREE tall cup of their brewed coffee.
Key Words: BREWED coffee.
So don't go in there embarrassing yourself and ya mama acting all douche'y if you can't get a venti decaf triple soy latte frappuccino with a chicken noodle soup and a soda on the side.
Be grateful that the company who's charged us a 50 magillion percent markup for the past decade+ on effin' COFFEE is giving us something other than that late morning "No dee HAIL I DIDN'T just spend fo' dollars on some gotdayum ground up beans and I'm STIIILLLL tired as FUCK!" crash.



Need a coffee companion?
Then hit up my favorite pound-purveyor, Krispy Kreme, to receive a FREE sprinkle-spangled, star-shaped donizzity for exercising your right to VIZZOTE!



I scream! You scream! We all scream for FREE ICE CREAM!
Hit up Ben & Jerry's for a free scoop (1, you greedy arses!) between 5 and 8pm today!


KNOW ANY OTHER ELECTION DAY FREEBIES?
Hit the comments off, ninjas! Share the wealth! [/Barack Obama]

TRILL Deal Holyfield

What's up my SavvyFatty Divas and Dick Dealers?! How's it hangin' and danglin'?!

Remember a few posts back when I said, "Ask me ANYthang and I'll tell you the TROOF?"
Well, that day my ass was bullshittin' like a skinny girl with a bucket of chicken. But today, I'm ready to give y'all the TRILL DEAL to the questions asked via the Comments section that I DID NOT answer that day. NO BULLSHIT! All true shit! Pinky Starfish Promise!

1) So are you really into females, or are you just joking?

I'm really into orgasms; doesn't matter WHO dishes them just as long as I leave having busted 1...or a hun'nid.

2) If you could get it with anybody in the world, who would it be?

Floyd Mayweather! Lawd, he is all types of bite-sized Chocolate'y Delectability! His cocky bravado adds to the milk jug of moisture already in my Caciques for him. He could get this big guhl down on the flo' AAAALLL DIZZAM DAY!

3) U ever do a 3some (or more)? If so what was the makeup of the group?Yes, I surely have as I will be a freak until the day; until the DAAAAWWWWWNNN.
And the makeup of the group was me in Cinnamon eyeshadow, bronze eyeliner, Blackest Black mascara and a pinky nude lip gloss.
Haha!
Trill Talk: 2 Kitties and a Rottweiler.


4) I was wondering what type of outfits do you wear when you go out?Well, I'm different than the rest. I'm kinda jazzy/punky. When I step out you can find me in a cut up punk rock T-shirt with a string of faux pearls and chunky bracelets. I like to mix something rocker with something femme and dainty just to keep they heads turnin'.

My favorite fat girl sites for stepping out are Torrid, Old Navy, and Lane Bryant.
Torrid has the young, hip, fun shit. Old Navy is trying to step into the Fat Fab Arena and Lane Bryant has the classic pieces in quality fabrics--AND they give COUPONS!

Since I'z a po' peeump with a wallet and bank account on LIMP!, I like pieces that can go from day to night with the switch of the bottoms and a whole new set of accessories.

Take this printed green and black one-shoulder number I spotted at Old Navy for $6.99!

In the daytime it bangs with a pair of baggy cargo shorts, casual patent leather Gladiators, and bold Boho-Fresh accessories.

For night, class and sass it up with a khaki button-front pencil skirt, chunky faux gemstone jewelry, and hot pank! ankle boots with a matching leather clutch.

Hell, throw a black blazer or cardigan and sleek slacks over this biatch and you can even rock it, don't stop it! to the work place.

**Remember, before making it rain on ANY poychuss: VERSATILITY is key!


5) Do you agree with Mo'nique when she said that skinny women are evil?FUUUCKKKK NAWWWWW!!
And for the record: I absolutely cannot STAND Mo'nique!

Although she reps for the big girls like no other, I cannot stand her schtick. I DO NOT think she's funny nor do I think she should single out skinny bitches as being "evil" just cuz they ass can PUSH THE PLATE BACK like we cain't!
In my world, ERR'body is a hottie, including me with my Supreme Team of jellay and bellays. There's room for us ALL to get ours. I ain't gon' hate on you cuz you can rock shit like this and I cain't...or am I?! GRRR!!!
**drops down to sweep the flo' with A Milli crunches**

We DOWN SOUF SWAINGIN', NINJA!!! Pt. 2

Before I can even think about packing for my trip, I need to evaluate my luggage sitcho.

**Evaulated; Results Revealed**

I'm in desperate need of some new luggage, mayne!
This Wal-Mart Route 66 roller bag I borrowed (and never returned) from the ex is NOT the beeswax. That shit is so raggedy it probably wouldn't make it off my porch in tact, let alone to TX and back. And I need something sturdy that can support the numerous pairs of Venezias that I'll pack, but most likely will only wear the tightest, backyard camel-toe producing pair.

So I've been doing more eWindow Shopping for some luggage for my trip next week. Picture me rolling through the airport spo'tin' and totin' the hotness below:

Isn't that seafoam green case just the cutest?
Besides a patterned backpack, I'd also carry something this cute on the plane. I'm trying to carry on as much as possible to avoid that $15 per checked bag fee.
But if I had to check a bag, it would the Dooney & Burke giraffe print rolling case. I already rock a knockoff of the giraffe large hobo, which is just as much style for a fraction of the price, so why not rock some trill shit?

A simple shift dress, big yellow glasses, an armful of colorful bangles, and girly patterned flats complete the simple but chic travel look.
Oh, and a MacBook Air so I could update my SF'ers while I'm on the road. Cuz wouldn't you want to be the first to know about the freak I meet to lick me from my head to my feet?
Yeaaahhhh! I thought so. ;^)

We DOWN SOUF SWAINGIN', NINJA!!!

Haha!
Shout out to that lil' elementary schooler from DJ Chuck Teezy's mixtape who is singin' my life with his precocious words!

Me and my girls, aka the Tre Musketeers, are heading to the Great State of Texas next week for a 5 day stint and I. CAIN'T. WAIT!!!
A beezy ain't been on vacation since gas was still a reasonable price! I've been working non-stop like a big, buck, field niggra. But now...it's all coming to an end next Wednesday as me and my girls FLY ROBIN FLY! UP UP IN TO SKY!!!!

So, I don't know what you do, but when me and my girls travel, we like to totally revamp the wardrobe.
Yes, we could have a closet full of shit still chillin' with the tizzags (Nas: That red crotchet crop vest that would have looked super-duper HAUTE paired with a plain wifebeater and khaki bermuda shorts!) and we STILL feel the need to upgrade our swag.

*******
I NEED some new clothes baaaddddllyyy.
Just this morning I swea' fo' Gawd that I peeped a pair of Ellesse parked right under that Karl Kani signature T posted up next to my fresh Torrid ish.

And now since the airlines are charging for checked bags (the HORROR!!) and I know it's gonna be hotter than the devil's arsehole down in the Duddy Souf (that's how it goes!) I'll need lightweight, skin-revealing, pieces that can easily transition from day to night.
So, allow me to do a lil' wishful thinkin' a.k.a. eWindow Shoppin', to show you what I WOULD cop if the budget (<<--of cereal crumbs and jellybeans **tears**) permitted.

First up would be this cutesy little denim jumper straight from the clearance section (YES!) of Torrid that can go from casual days to cosmopolitan nights with just the switch of the shirt and accessories.














During the day it could be easily rocked with a plain white tee,
bulky neck scarf
yellow, geometric-patterned hoops, and bronze, quilted gladiator sandals.

For the Party Life match it with a high-collared ruffle shirt in a light, neutral color. Set the whole look off with a pair of patent leather chap pumps and an ultra-modern updo
.

A bulky, yellow leather purse could be matched with either outfit.
Although a dainty golden clutch would be perfect for that chic evening look.

*******

Peep the other pieces that could find a home in Suitcase SavvyFatty and could be seen rocked around the mean streets (and clubs! and STRIP CLUBS!!!) of Texas.

Red Ruffled Banded Bottom Dress: Cute walking through the mall with silver flip flops. Hotter at night with mustard suede platforms.


Purple Sueded Peep-Toe Ankle Booties: Chic with bermuda shorts or skinny jeans. HAUTE! with a fitted pencil skirt and flirty blouse. (Shouts to my girl Haute for these cutie booties, even though she didn't like them, I think they're BAWSAY!)


Crispy White Ruffle Bodysuit: Ahh! I love nothing more than the romantic feel of a clean-lined ruffle top as they add just the right amount of femme sophistication to any outfit. This particular piece would be perfect with a pair of wide-legged, sailor-inspired jeans and a pair of bold-patterned slingbacks.


Now, if you've enjoyed this post and would LOVE to see your favorite fat girl sizzlin' in San Antonio, lookin' AWESOME! in Austin, or HAUTE in Houston: Gon' ahead and send all donations to 2300 Savvy Street.
Please. And. Thank. You!

Skid Marks Are Made of These

Ahhhhh! Dreams really DO come true!



Anybody want to join me for a bean and cheese pork rib collared greens and cabbage burrito? I got alot of "work" to do.

Get yourn here...

Cuz fat kids LOOOOOVE Food Freebies!

Tomorrow, May 15th, is about to go down as the BEST DAY EVER! (<-of this week, at least ;-p)

For those of US with wallets and bank accounts chillin' in ICU, check these FREEBIE THURSDAY promos from Dunkin Donuts and Micky D's!

Oh and...YOU'RE WELCOME! ;-)

Ice C.R.E.A.M. Rules Everything Around Me

Baskin Robbins, my 2nd favorite dessert, weight-gaining, and Lane Bryant stock supporting spot behind Coldstone Creamery (Mmmm!! Cake Batter and Sweet Cream mixed with caramel and white chocolate chips! WIPE ME DOWN!) is holding a $0.31 Scoop Event TONIGHT from 5p-10p!
The event is in honor of America's firefightin' heroes and will benefit The National Fallen Firefighters Foundation which remembers the fallen heroes and provides support and assistance to the families left behind. Details here...

Urban Decay Family & Friends Event!

Urban Decay, the hip, trend-setting cosmetics company offering such fun, tongue-in-cheek product names like Roach, Oil Slick, Mildew, and Grifter is having a Family and Friends Event!
Save 30% on any purchase between now and Wednesday, April 30th. (To Redeem: Enter FFA30 at checkout, then hit 'Redeem Coupon')
Spend $75 or more and get FREE shipping!
Ooh!! Offer valid for Hard Candy cosmetics, too!!

Can't decide? Need product help or suggestions?
I like this...and this! Ooh! This, too! And DEFINITELY this! **wank, wank**

Well...all WHITE now!

Warm weather and a steady stream of sun-soaked days are almost upon us. (And if you're a Southern Californian like me...they NEVER left!) **looking at everybody else** Wudderyoo? JEALOUS?!
It's almost safe to tuck away the dark, dreary duds from your cold weather collection and exchange them for spring time brights and summery lights.

What's a better way to throw up your hands to declare, "IT'S SUMMERTIME, BIATCHES!" than with a pair of linen-blend trousers that can seamlessly take you from clock-punching to rum-punching?

LaneBryant.com has the perfect pair of light, white, versatile trousers for all your hot weather happenings.







Saturday Sun-Day
What's better than waking up hangover-free! and to the sun smiling and shining through your window on a warm weekend morning?
Getting the chance to shop the uptown Farmer's Market!

The one you hardly get a chance to enjoy since you're forever nursing a headache or upset stomach from your Friday night festivities. You can already hear the strawberries, cherries, apricots and asparagus calling your name!
No time to fuss over an outfit. Just grab something quick as the market's only open for five hours...and you've already slept half of them away!





Throw on your "Lazy Days" pink plaid shirt over the tee you slept in and roll the sleeves up to your elbows since it looks hot out.
Slide into your white trousers, silver sandals, and a wrist full of stack bracelets. You can't forget those cute little plastic drop star earrings, the ones you scored for just $4! the last time you were sober enough to go to market.
Grab your sunglasses, reversible leather tote (for all those fab fresh finds!) and you're out the door. Hopefully looking cute enough to catch the eye of Adu, the African jeweler who for months now has been telling you how "eeg-squees-seet-lee bee-yoo-teef-oh" you'd look in a pair of his cowbone earrings. Today may be the day you score...not only flowers, produce, and the earrings (finally!)...but also his number. ;-)


Nautical By Nature
Your bestest guy friend invites you to a dinner party aboard his grandparents' yacht, Ebony Empress. You absolutely dread hanging with Avery's fam because of their unapologetic Black Elitist conservative views and the nonstop nagging about when you guys are going to "realize you're PERFECT for one another." But Avery is your bestie. So you can't leave him stranded with "those people" as he so affectionately calls them.
He tells you to dress up (to please the elders), but dress comfortably to please yourself. You have the perfect outfit in mind; one that will have precious Grandma Winifred questioning just how well you would fit into her bourgeois brood.


The clean lines of the white trousers paired with your nautically-themed schoolboy jacket over your hot pink Obama tee (YEAH!) will most definitely catch a few elephant-enamored eyes.
Carnation drop earrings, a silver envelope clutch and lime green heels set it all off. OH! DO NOT forget a pair of zebra-print flats just in case you ruffle too many right-wing feathers...and have to run for your left-wing life!


Weekday Wage-earning
You survived the night with the Harringtons and actually ended up enjoying yourself. After eating gourmet fried chicken and baked macaroni (WHAT?!!!)...and sipping 5 too many of Uncle Arland's addicting Peach Bellinis, you realize the Harringtons aren't that bad of a bunch. Yes, they are voting for McCain and "don't comprehend the allure of a simple Senator from the Midwest." But in the end...they are alright.
Since you slept through your alarm and only have mere minutes to get out the door, (Thank GOD for that before bed shower!) you throw your white trousers back on, (not before giving them a quick shake!), over a freshly dry-cleaned and pressed striped button-up, along with a white linen halter vest.



Silver teardrop hoops, a hot pink cameo, and an anchor necklace (keeping in the nautical theme!) accessorize your thrown together look. You simultaneously slide on your silver locket bracelet, grey stacked heels, and yellow ostrich purse just before grabbing your laptop and keys and flying towards your car, all the while thinking about Grandma Wini's smug promise to "groom you in the Harrington way in order for you to make Avery a fitting wife." HA! Is that right?!
If she could see you now!

Getcha M.A.C on!

Every FAB! female's face friend, M.A.C., is having a FREE SHIPPING event.
That's right! From now until Sunday, 4/13, shipping is GRATIS with ANY purchase over $60.

HAIL YEAH!! That's what I'm talkin!

Now...**pulling pockets out like rabbit ears**...if only my bank account hadn't run away to find a family who could "feed" it... **tears**

But y'all do ya thang! I ain't mad!

Fresh shouts to all my black eye-rockin domestic violence victims...NOW is the time to stock up on that Studio Finish and Select Cover-Up so you won't have to lie and tell fabricated stories about sleepwalking! JEAH!! **does the Humpty Dance**

Hahahaahahaha! I KEED! I KEED!!! Please refrain from sending nasty emails or reporting me to some douchebag agency. I'm fuckin' with y'all! I'm in the zone cuz it's Friday Jr., snitches!

Wino-saur

BevMo is having its 5 Cent Sale...and this time it's not only the wine! It's the hard licka, too!

Buy 1 Flavored Skyy Vodka for $15.99 and the 2nd is just 5 cents!
WHOOOHOOOOO!! **doing the Humpty Dance**

The only catch is you must buy 2 of the same flavor. No mixxy-matchies.
Believe me...I tried! I had some MEEEEAAAN Pink Panties to make and wanted to try the Citrus and the Berry, but I was quickly denied.
But that's cool! 2 750ML for $16 plus tax...I'm wit' it!!!

Ice Cream Dreams

Anybody that's ever been to Chateau Savvy knows I love me some color, patterns, and decorative dishes. Right now I'm eating off a black and white damask print set that I got from Tar-jzay on sale for like $40. One can never have too much foodware so I'm always looking to add to my collection. And these lil' colorful Andy Warhol plastic ice cream cones from Loft Party are pleading with me to bring them home!

Aren't they so cute? Complete with their lil acrylic stand! When not being used to stuff my face with unnecessary and unwanted poundage, they'd be perfect little vases filled with tiny hydrandreas.
I {heart} them!

GAAAWJUS in Grey

Think a pencil skirt is JUST for 9 to 5 hustlin' when you're workin' workin' day and night?
WRONG!

Peep the versatility of this grey pinstriped Old Navy stunner (available NOW! for $16.99 in sizes 22-30!!!) with a widetabbed waist to hide that extra handful of Hershey's Miniatures you stole from Carol's candy dish.



Effortlessly HIP
Your favorite hip hop DJ is spinnin' at the local car show and you need the perfect 'fit to be comfy and cool while catchin' the eye of all those car club cuties. Time to show them that their Dodge Magnums and Ford F-150s aren't the ONLY things that are candy-painted.

Stunt on 'em in a white baby tee accessorized with a fat, gold dookie rope worn under an animal print neckerchief with vinyl earrings, an arm full of rubber bracelets, a colorful leather bag and fiyah hot foldover leather ankle booties.
All this paired with your grey skirt...GUARANTEED to get their "engines" revvin'!



Velocity VIXEN!
Just as you're heading back to your ride while bobbing to the fading beat of the DJ, one of the guys from the Stuntin' 300 club hands you 2 VIP tickets to a party they're throwing in a hall close to downtown. Dre, the club's treasurer, tells you it's a "casual, but sexy event."
Casual, but sexy, ehh? "No problem!" you say as you immediately pair your red, jersey off the shoulder top with the skirt you're already rocking. Silver jewelry, a black and white patterned bag, and your plaid heels will help you get your par-tay on in the RIGHT lane.

S-S-S-SIZZLIN'!

Are these pure, unadulterated HOTNESS or what?!!?!!
Sassy and fun. For the hot bitch on the run. Like my rhymes? Really?! Ok...I'm done. **tears** HAHA!
Right now I'm TOTALLY checkin' for these snake-print tan and black booties available at http://lulus.com/ (My new favorite purse AND shoes jumpoff spot!)

Peep how these booties transition flawlessly from weekdays to weekends.

Work Game Proper:

Wow 'em at your 9 to 5 and show 'em how you can multi-task AAAANND multi-sass in a white ruffled shirt, skinny brown crop pants, quilted blue bag with gold hardware, gold hoops, and a muted face. And your snake-print booties, too, of course!
You might not get that raise you've been overtime working and overtime ass-kissing for, but at least Nancy over in Accounting will envy the SHIT out of your ass since you STAY flossy and bossy on her calculatin' and FOREVER hatin' ass. ;-)


Hanging Out HOT!

Ok, so ya eco-friendly homegirl texts you to invite you to a recycling drive going down at the local community center. You're not really interested as you don't think twice about tossing your empty water bottle into the trashcan or running your shower for a good 15 minutes before actually getting in. However, it IS an opportunity to learn something,brighten your horizons and stop being such a wasteful douche. So you oblige.
Now tell me: Isn't this the PERFECT outfit to get your "Save Mother Earth" on?
Graphic print-tee, rugged cargo shorts, fat wooden bracelet (sorry tree!), an arm full of gold bangles, brown mascara and dewy lips. Ooh! And a canvas tote to carry all the "Plant a Tree" seed packets that are sure to be handed out heavy-like. And ya booties...that you have to defend to several eco-PETA'ites as being "Snake-PRINT only!"


Environmental Evenings

So Jeb, the new "green" guy you met at the recycling drive, invites you to "An Evening of Awareness" fundraising gala being held at the new, trendy boutique hotel Downtown. He tells you it's casual and to wear what you want because he's gonna be rockin' out in ripped jeans, Adidas Rastas, and a Bob Marley Day 1999 commemorative T-shirt. (And HOPEFULLY! PLEASE GOD! several spritzes of Axe bodyspray!) But the event IS being held at one of the hottest spots in town. You wouldn't be caught DEAD in a dingy wifebeater, flip flops, floor-length tie-dyed skirt and 'pit hair.
So this is what you pull together:
White Macaron dress, orange bag (similar to your blue one, but now you're AAALLL about the earth tones!), gold aztec cuff bracelet, white and pink gold drop earrings along with golden eyes and gilded lips. Ooh! And the booties that brought you and Jed together in the first place after he spilled a bag of recyclables RIGHT on your toes.
Mother Earth who?!?!! Lookin' this fly, you'll be the baddest MOTHER in the building!

Count Lacy (<---get it?)

Where my FATTIES at?!?!?!

Looka here at this HAUTE black lace banded bottom top ON SALE! NOW!!! at http://lanebryant.com/
Fun and flirty enough to be worn in the day. And sleek and chic enough to be FIERCE in the night.


Here's the daytime look. PERFECT for afternoons in the mall or errand-running. Or a backyard boogie, day in the park...or any place where you must look stunning! (<---like that rhyme one time for your mind?)
Skinny jeans, silver earrings, a rhinestone ring, red and white pointed toe flats, a multicolor bracelet, a green bag and plain lip balm to set it off. ;-)



For night time we have a houndstooth graphic print skirt with green heels, a purple fabric clutch, heavy eyes, nude glossy lips, diamond earrings and ring and a black plastic cuff. Stylish, sassy, and saucy! And oh so flossy! Cuz Kelis ain't the only one who loves to be BOSSY! (JEAH!)

Fat Fab Frugal Find!

**singin like Montel Jordan in the 90s**
This one's for the honeys...my FAT FAB HONEYS!
(Ok, I made up that last part, but you get my drift!)

Ladies, when it comes to fashion and outfit-making, I have a HUGE problem with wearing things literally. Cuz like that's sooooooo "mall." Like OhmyGAWD! FER SHER!
Like if you get a shirt and wear it with pants and shoes and and maybe some earrings and your everyday purse...ZZZZZZZZZ!!! BORING!!

I always have to add some pizzazz to my 'fits to give 'em a lil SavvyFatty swang to it. Cuz really, I HATE for someone to have on my EXACT same outfit. But that way if we do happen to get caught at a luau rockin the same damn Lane Bryant white and green floral print tunic AND capris (DAMMIT, man!), it won't have the same "feeeeellll" to it, ya dig? Cuz I will be rockin the bangin street fair-purchased palm frond paper mache earrings and a pair of camel colored pointy toe heels instead of your ghetto girl bamboo earrings (at least 2 pair!) and white sequined (**vomits**) FOAM flip flops...ya dig?!?!!!

Ok...so let's get back on trizzack.
Looky what I found at Torrid.com. It's a Yellow and White Tropical Print Cami. ON SALE! NOW! at http://Torrid.com!

Ain't it kee-yute?!?!?!! Me likey cuz it's yellow, (one of my FAVE! colors!) fun, and flirty. But when I imagine it paired with a pair of jeans (probably capris) and white flip flops, somebody pull my weave up out my cereal bowl after I've fell asleep in it. SNOOZE CITY!!!!

So here's two looks I cooked up to jazz and spice this ish up a bit! Just call me "Fashion Zatarains" man!

Peep this Sassy Safari daytime look.
Imagine our lil yella cami under this safari-inspired shirt dress. ALL buttons unbuttoned, paired with several strands of pearls (FAUX of course! You know I'z a poor ninja!), a purple cuff bracelet along with a gold cuff (worn on the SAME arm, OF COURSE!), pale giraffe-print heels...OH THE HOTNESS! Shimmery gold rimmed eyes, pale pink lipstick. GIRL STOP!!!
Peep it!!



Now...when it's time to step out and getcha grown and sexxxy nighttime on...see how we can FAB the look up a bit.
I LOVE a bold color mixed with another pop of color and then tamed by neutrals. Peep the sheer BADASSNESS of mixing black, grey, blue, and yellow. YOWZA!
Imagine our lil yella cami under this grey capelet, over these grey-striped skinny pants, paired with a SMOKING HOT blue ankle bootie, fun goldtone accessories (the snake earrings are KILLIN' em softly!) and VAMPY makeup...JJJJJEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!

**Sidenote: Now...If only we could fiiiiinnnd all this hot ish in our size! I've done the hard part by cultivating the look. Now it's your turn to do the legwork to get the items, ya dig?!?!?!!