OBC: Ninja PLEASE!: Killa Kanekalon Edition

Anybody interested in a ninja who likes to dress like he's at his own funeral?

Fancy a kind gentleman who ain't afraid to rock a kanekalon toupe and a basketball shorts-satin Raiders joy-zee?


Prefer a dude who is well aware of his uncanny resemblance to the Rev. Al, which is the exact reason he decided to pixelate the picture of him volunteering at his mother's bingo game

Then holla atcha uncle, De'Jeffrey Ernesto Blanchard (cuz what else could it be?) aka "Genuwine" on America's Next Top HIV Distributor, OnlineBootyCall.

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So what y'all think:
Should I give him the Jheri/S-Curl Hitler Mustache GAAASSSS Face...?!?!!!
OR
...Should I give him my yantie size and a couple batches of Real Women dollar$ so he can buy me some tents ling-er-ree at Lane Brizzity?

SavvyFat'liens: YOU MAKE THE CALL!!!!!

Cuz It's Saturday's Little Brother

**WARNING: There's no rhyme nor reason for this post. Now that you know that...enjoy!

T-Pain is Musical Hogmaws.

Tastes good in all kindsa shit, including birthday cake... but it'll kill ya. "M. Hog" sold his extra-onyx orifices to that ninja, The'Dev'il. But now that ninj is clockin' mo' dollaz than William H. got "Hollas!"
That's all.

**Sidenote on the Video:

• WHAT kinda sick mind thinks of this type'a shit?
  
• Is the stage a fucking 3-ring BINDER, yo?!
• WHY does the 'Pain figure look like Isaac Hayes's (Respect.) "Chef" character from South Park in Colonel Sanders 'fit, homey?

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Speaking of musical artists: Soulja Boi is Musical Top Ramen.

When you're reeaalllll hungry, securely sitting at "Will Eat The Asshole Out Of An Al Reynolds"-level, (<<<--he's the one w/o the nutsack) you can get a lot of it for cheap, but you really shouldn't be digesting it because it's A MILLI percent bad for yoooouuuuuu!!!!












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Funniest thing I heard all week, courtesy of one of my Twitter/BlogTalkRadio homies:

"Hammer Panties"
**picture me Pearl-Gate'in'**
Was that you, Odara?!














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"It's So Cooolllld In The PC"
By faaaarrr, I think THIS is the most HIGH-lair-e-yus "It's So Cold" remix out there!
Be sure to strap your Pull-Up on prior to pressing play. (<<<---alliteration, much?)
Hear the PC get his frustrations out about the hood rat stuff popping off between RAM and ROM.


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Imagine a high-heeled Croc.
Tayo, did you spit that one?

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"Somebodies," (BET)
While flipping through the channels last night I caught a quick couple minutes of this kitchen ass version of a Church's Chicken 2-piece with a crispy honey biscuit of a show.
And, in those mere 120 seconds, I could already tell that this show's craft service table had halfed-hot links chillaxin' in the middle of a veggie plate. Complete! with jellay jars full of buttermilk and Ranch dressing.
Don't know why, but I pictured some kind of Debbie Allen/Sounds of Blackness collabo music coming on and playing reeaaall musical-inspirational, church retreat-type ish, too.
I guess the students at the local college were the only one's who'd take money orders and chicken dinners as payment, no?!


What do any of Y'ALL think about any of THIS?!
To the COMMENTS!

Shake That Munkay!

WOW!!!
I found ONE place in this UNIVERSE where the ex could go and be HUNG like a racehorse...sort of.
If you ever thought a male couldn't have a PHAT MUNKAY...think again!

**Warning: Not.Safe.For.Work...OR LIFE!

Mah Nay Lil' Plies

Huh?!"
Plies, gettin' his Lil' Darryl on, was seen on the scene at Maino's video shoot for the "Hi, Haters" remix.

Even though I abhor his fugazi thug image AND the fact that he's a ghetto gospel A-alike to Kirk Franklin, there's just something about this pseudo-goon that makes me want to speed in the fast lane, pedal to the floor, mayne, tryna get back to his love.He would get the SavvyFatty BEESWAX, mayne. And like a black widow, I'd eat his bite-sized ass after I busted my nut. Mmmm!! **rubbing hands together** Algernod'y goodness!

Maino was in the buil'lin' lookin' like Khalil Kain and Pillsbury Doughboy's cocoa love child.
IMHO: Ninjas with pillow soft arms should opt out of tattoo-coppin'...and invest that guap in turtleneck-rockin' instead.Oh...and Maino: I HATE your song. So, I guess you got 1 more person to wave to, right, Bitch?!

His Weave Look Like Some Curlay Fries

Shouts to BCK for the flick!
Lil' Henry, Seal and Heidi Klum's first mistake son showed off his chicken fries 'do on a family trip to Rome.
The rest of the people in the pic were lucky enough to enjoy combed hair and matching clothes. Lil' Hen-Dogg is never that lucky.

**Slowly Raises Hatchet Out of Back Pocket**

Young Jeezus: WHO DUH HAIL LEFT THE GATE OPEN FOR THIS OTIS SPUNKEMEYER MUFFIN SPROUTING 3 FEET ABOVE MONIQUE'S SCALP?!?!

A WIIIIIGGGGG!!!!!
**slices wig through the ay-yer**


AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!
Worse than bills and short dick niggaz who couldn't take the fact that I loved their kindergarten-sized dick asses despite the fact that he couldn't keep it up for a mere 43 seconds ass niggaz:
I.HATE.WIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These no part havin', sittin' on ya head like a bag of rotten bananas monstrousities must be banned E-MEE-TREE-IT-LEE!
Kanekalon, Drawstring, or Sew-Ins are your ONLY options if you cain't achieve it and have . Nothing More. Nothing Less.
If the shit can be bobby-pinned to ya dome via a stocking cap: FLEEEEEE!!!!!

Why, Lawd?!?! I'm sure that High School Musical 1-151 dough should be rollin' in faster than Nathan Lane into Zach Efron's tanghole ...I'm sure you coulda got Monique a lacefront!!!!!

Cover Camel Boy

JiggaMan graces the cover of Vibe's 15th Anniversary JUICE issue holding up 6 fangaz.

What do YOU think the significance of these fingers are?

If I had to weigh in, I'd guess: The number of ChapStick sprays it took for his lips to reach this level of Ashford & Simpson.
Talk about "Solid As A Roc!"

Turn Off The Dora The Explorer Nightlight...

...and light a candle.

Fuck.
I'm up late nightin' it like I don't got public transpo to catch in less than 6 hours.

So, while over at Fresh's speezy, I came across some shit that got me CPS AND a ninja-with-a- black-light-dialin'.

SF'ers, I solicit you to assist in the lacing of my tennis on this one:

WHAT the F U C K happened to kids being kids?

In the Black Parents' Guide to Raising Respectable Children, (that I'm currently composing to thwart future cast members of Karma of Love,) I cannot recall a chapter on how to properly construct a Garanimals Flamenco dress. **smh and weeping**

If this kiddie prom night (<--necessary for WHAT, again?!) was ANYthing like mine, that ain't no milk OR vanilla pudding droplets on them Disney Princesses sheets there's cause for concern. I needz folks' parental cards revoked. Oh! And hand over them uteruses and vas deferens' too, playaz. **does the 'Gimme' hand**

SkinBAD

Is bad skin this season's answer to the winter's chunky neck scarves craze?

As I let MTV Jams make me weep for the future of our youth keep me company this weekend, it's come to my attention that unadulterated scarfaces are the new 'hood hype and the latest chapter in the "Keepin' It Real" movement.

• Monica's Cheatin' Azz Baby Daddy boo bear Rocko spit about his huge'normous horse head and bite-sized body NOT ProActiv'ating his game just like it's no Tu-Maw-Ruh.

• We're well aware that Shawty Lo Dunn Dunn it all...BUT tend to his skin and persevere in preserving his ET finger**air quotes** sexy.
  
  

But I don't have time to worry about they shit. Naw! Cuz I'm over here CHEESIN' like cheddar as this is EGG-SELL-LINT news for a biatch like me!

**bustin' an '80s celebratory Prep**

I guess it's beddy-by for my Dream Matte Mousse and bye-bye to the bronzer as I proudly parade my piles of pimples, acres of craters and wait for SavvyFatty to BLOOOOWWW Rick Ross-style! JEAH!

So...talk amongst yourselves while I sit back, relax, and let the black heads bad-act!
Sheeeiiit! MuthaFUCK a Clean & Clear! A biatch got dollaz to clock so bottles can pop!
**wipes self dowwwwnnnn with Crisco while logging into AdBrite account**

TAMPtasia

Let me start this lil' post off by saing: Y'all know I'm AAAALLLLL about individuality.

Especially when it comes to the crop. For those that know me personally, you know I mohawked it for a couple years. But now since I'm all gubmit-employeed up, I gotta weave it till I can achieve it. PLEASE believe it!

With that being said, I STILL demand to know why Fannie Mae thought it was both cute and appropriate to come out the house with her Tampax game proppa'.

photo hijacked from BOSSIP

WHO is her stylist and WHY is this person still living, Lord?
I could live with the skunk patch...and thank Heavens we ALL made it through this...but this shit right here, ninja. **shaking head**
AND I knoooowwwwww my boy Ronnie Mac is somewhere NOT lovin' it!

My panties say, " __________!"

After viewing the pics below, what are your panties thinking?

I'll be glad to share the thoughts of my bloomers panty'lones once they stop trying to hang themselves with the extra skin from my lower belly. **tears**

Dog the Nigger-Hating Bounty Hunter lookin' so sextastic I think I might weave myself a mullet.
photos sourceEnglish Singer/Songwriter Lily Allen showing the WIZZORLD that flat bellies are SOOOOO last year. '08 is the year for CLUB CHUB! Make some NIZZOOIIIIIISE!!!


*Yes, sweet Jesus: Those ARE Crocs! **tucking soul like an iced out chain**

photo sourceThere's ZERO WORDS in all of mankind's dictionaries and thesauruses to describe this shit right here, nigga.

We're ALLL God's Chil'lunz

First thoughts when seeing this pic?! Anyone? ANYone?!

The first thought, besides frantically searching for a pen while shouting, "RUN ME HIS DIGITS ASAP! ASAP!!!" (I mean, DUH! Can we say "Obvious!!!!") was: "When Akon and Young Jeezy find time out of their busy hip hop-ruining schedules to make this lil' one?"

Now...meet me at the crossroads so you won't be lonely.

Miss Crap Supreme

Photos Source
Really, I'm not feeling NONE of the "femcees" on this show, lyrically or physically.
Everybody looks like they could use a hot Massengil and/or Bleach and Febreze dip...and a gift certificate to Ann Taylor Loft.


The only one I'd give an "Aw'ight" to was my Sister in Bigness, Lady Twist. (Club Chub...STAND UP!) Other than that...I'll just be watching to see if somebody fucks up Chiba's OTHER eye. Rather it be with a fist...or with Byata's Rusky juice. **wank, wank**




The Ultimate Embarrassment to Black People quote of the night HAAAASSSS to go to Babymomma #1, Nicky2States (aka Baby Oil 'Bama), when talking about how shit was gettin' outta hand cuz everybody was gettin' they drank on:
"Alcohol, as they say, it makes you let down your prohibitions. We didn't have any."
LAWD!!! **Clutches Jeezus piece AND a history book**




Close runner up has to be Kim Wayans ghetto-cute A-alike, Miss Cherry, after a certain "semi-established" rapper got in her face about telling the honest dayum troof calling her a One Hit Wonder:
"Schuh-wang! You startin' an argument, schuh-wang de'en!"


EXKRUHS

• 
  I LMMFVenezias AAAWWWF at the scene when they were in the salon and homechick in the background, lookin' like a permed up Double-X Chromosome Flav, startin' giggin' and rappin' along to the gals' wack azz chorus.
  LOL! I hear dat! Don't let that perm burn stop you from gettin' EVERY BIT of yo 1.37 seconds of fame!
• 
  Overall, I think the challenge was kind of weak. Me, being the bia bia I am, I wouldn't have been nervous to spit in front of the Catholic Sisters. I just woulda pulled a lil memory of Martin outta my dome and spit Sheneneh and KeyLoLo's ish from the talent show ep ('member dat?): You want some...but you cain't get NUN! (<--Haha! Get it?! I'm lame...I know!)

**shakes head slowly** I couldn't watch the whole ep, mayne. My daily quota of IG'NIT had already been met while watching Flavor of Fuckery earlier. (Notice how this is a 99% Khia free post?!?!?! )

**reaches for Jeezus piece again**
SORRY!! I cain't do it all! I'm but ONE woman!

America's Next Top Trophy

Photo source

Why is Kelz, a bona fide superstar, trying to look like what's sittin' atop the award you get at Bronner Bros.?

The only logical answer for this fuck shit is that him and Sisqo are planning to hold a televised Metallic-Off, to see who can out-metallicize who. The winner gets a lifetime supply of leather Skittles-colored pants with matching fingerless gloves.
Other than that...**shifts Life switch to 'OFF'**

Fuck.

Apparently, this 1984 church camp art project fuckeration is supposed to be the bouquet that Bey carried down the aisle during her nuptials last week.

Instead of wasting a shitty qualified artist's time on this bullshit mess why didn't she just have House of Damn You Wrong puffy-paint her out a sign that clearly states: "I'm a Tacky Beast."
CUT TO THE CHASE, people!
Also, **opening my coin purse and looking for 2 pennies** instead of re-releasing Kelly's brick of an album and having her embarrass herself show up on red carpets from here to the BBQ Pit, why not just have her stamp her forehead with a sign that says, "I'll forever be Beyonce's shitwiper."

We all know it. Now's the time for y'all to SHOW IT!

What the HELL, 'Monae?!

Bad Boy future Dungeon Dweller artist Janelle Monae and a host of other ATLiens arrive on the red carpet at the opening of the Atlanta Ballet presentation of "BIG."
**flatlining slowly** I won't even waste my time, nouns, verbs, or adjectives to describe this fuck shit right here. I will let the post write itself while I remove my soul from the depths of my being and FedEx it to the Most High.

SavvyFatty...OUT!

**THIS JUST IN: IS IT TRUE?! COULD IT BE?!?! ME OH MY!...A HATER!!...like a Soft & Beautiful kiddy perm: JUST FOR ME!
Peep the ANONYMOUS (Silly coward! Anonymity's for kids!) comment rant of SavvyFatty's VERY FIRST hater! OH! FINALLY! After 28 years! My very first hater! Tis a date which will live in infamy! YAY ME!

*Sidenote: This hea' mah juke joint! If I don't like something, no matter WHAT its purpose, I have ZERO, ZILCH, and NO problem saying so! So...You can hate me NOW! **blows kisses**

Stink PINK LADY!

Mariah Carey was in France promoting her single "Touch My Body" and stainkin' up the place while looking like an extra from the movie Grease: Slicka Than Nu-Nile.

**screaming on Mariah's stylists**
E-NUFF AW'REDDY! The pee-po is tiiiii'ed with the constant tittay display and those pale glue sticks she calls legs. Would it HURT to put a bitch in a button up shirt and some highwaisted slacks for a muddasuckin' change??!?!?!!?!! Or has the world not seen enough of her mammal toe yet?
What's the word, Johannesburg?!!!!!

Elderlicious!

Musical Douchebag Rapper Singer Artist Fergie recently celebrated her 33rd bday with a Vegas shindig where her King Tut A-alike game was diesel. Peep ya granny's pair of saggy Silk Reflections she uses for a neck.
**licks lips then vomits** Ooooohhh!! FERGIELICIOUS!

Kids Choice-y Lovers

The Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards were held Saturday in La-La-Land at UCLA's Pauley Pavilion.
Several of your favorite stars were in the house looking their "best." And you know me...always handing out an 'E' for "Ehhhh...well, you tried."

America Ferrera was in the house, betraying bigger girls EVERYWHERE by shrinking to the size and proportions of a bobblehead.



Lil Mama was trying harder than a gay porn star's cock as always.
Anybody else hear the muffled sounds of angry piano playing and a body shifting in its grave? Even the ghost of Liberace is appauled by this outfit. I heard some muffled muttering about the bullfuckery of puffy paints and hot pink glitter.



Akon brought his own personal 6-to-6 Program to the festivities. Very handsome set of boys. Even the one with his Royal Tenenbaums game proper. Looks like 'Kon got Loon on the payroll, in the background toting a box of Capri Suns and a duffle bag of pee-pee clothes for the occassion.



Is it me...or does LaToya Rihanna look like she visited the Jackson family butcher doctor? That nose is lookin' Rachel Zoe-type thin. Really, her WHOLE face is looking different.
Pump ya brakes, Rih! Don't travel down Vivica Fox Lane! And PLEASE!! Don't get on the Lil Kim Expressway!



**injecting monitor with an insulin shot**
Winner of Project Runway Christian Soriano blessed the event with his sugary sweet presence while giving that Side Eye of Diabetes. **vigorously shaking pointer finger only** FIERCE!

**handing JD the phone**

It's Rick Ross. He says he don't want you smurfin' up his swag.

Jermaine Dupri addressed students in NYU's Recorded Music program in a session entitled, "How to Get a Record Deal" while making sure his son of Musiq Soulchild and this little dick taker game was strizzong.