I know. I'm later than snow at the Equator. But hea' it FINALLY is, my TUB homies!
1. I can't stand wigs!
Fine if you're terminally ill and on your way to the Upper Room and need to **singin** FEEL LIKE A WHOA-MUN!
But being in your 20s or 30s and throwing any old $19.99 Chin Lee's Wig and Biskit bullshit on to go to the club...negativo!
But being in your 20s or 30s and throwing any old $19.99 Chin Lee's Wig and Biskit bullshit on to go to the club...negativo!
I HATE the ones that don't even ATTEMPT a natural looking part or hair separation, sit 50 feet above your natural hairline, and are bottom heavy like 32s on a Chevy.
AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!
I'll gladly take Naps & Alopecia for $600, Alex.
2. I'm the absolute WORST drunk or "elevated" (**wank, wank**) dialer!
Soon as I'm feelin' good in the hood, I'm going through my contacts like a woman possessed and sending out inappropriate, random, and/or silly azz texts.
AAALLL of my exes (and never weres) get messages that look something like this: Dammit! Im misn yo azz ryt now. Wish u cud brang me summa dat. Membr wen I slid my tun-...
3. I <3 NERDS!
Now...don't get me wrong: I'll take a thug for some ig'nit, rape'ish DI ONLY. But my heart belongs to geeks. I love mad intelligence, an extensive, awe-inspiring, almost indecipherable vocabulary and someone ohso comfortable in their awkward dweebyness. **turning panties to a pond thinking about him**
4. I have an insatiable appetite for sushi, gyros and dark, ooglay, rough ninjas!
I'm fat. So you know NUH'CHIN makes me happier than a smiling stomach. **rubbin' both sets of bellays**
And like the old saying goes: The darker and uglier the berry, the longer the schlong!
**slowly and reminiscently singin** MEMORIES...like the corners of my mind...Misty, watercolored memories...of how you ran all up and through this behi...HEY! Nothing to read here, folks. MOVE ON!
5. Midgets are NOT the business!
If the Mob kidnapped my man and demanded $1 million in ca$h and I accidentally happened upon a midget sittin' atop a mountain of trillion dollar bills, I'd be posting an ad on eHarmony.com faster than you could say "Midget Mac!" Better that than tryna wrestle his lil' thick azz off the dough. **shuddering at the thought**
6. I turn into my alter-ego, MC Bri Ski, when I'm minglin' with the stars and throwin' a party on Mars. **wank, wank**
I can come off the dome and spit 38 FIYAH! bars about whoever's around me at the time.
**sendin' a special shout to my girl T-mama who caught the wrath one night** ;- )
T-mama Cheeks
She'll fuck you in ya baby mama sheets...
HAHA!
So there! Now you know a lil' more about your girl!
To all my SavvyFatty'ers out there: If you're so inclined, comment and leave 6 bits of info about yo punk azz.
And if not...well, fuck you with a shit shank then!
3 comments:
AHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHH~!!!!!
You are so funny.
LOL@ "I'll gladly take Naps & Alopecia for $600, Alex." What about quick weaves?! Hmmm, #4 sure looks familiar...gee, I wonder why!? *wink*
LMAO @ 1 thru 6! You are too funny.
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