Friday, December 19, 2008

Floss for A Cause

This goes out to my San Diego:

Coach Carriers

Dooney Danglers


Louis Luggers


Gucci Graspers


Patron Pourers


Henny Holders


iPhone Flossers


Blackberry Braingers


G1 Janglers



You showed me you got it. Now make it drip like wah-duh.

Holla at me or text 619-971-1384 for more info
Do something with your $$$ other than try to make someone else feel less than!
BIG UP instead of BRING DOWN, ya punk clown!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Coochie Vendetta Coochie COOCHIE VENDETTA



Watch this, ya punk bish.
TELL ME Soulja Boy, Gu-chay!, and Shawty Old Lo and their Romper Room raps on "Gucci Bandana" ain't knockin', though. This is THE SavvyFatty Shower Monkey-Shakin' shit right now!


Now, say the title of the post aloud.
You over there rockin' now, ain'tcha?


So last week, my TWomegirl, Shercole of Minority Weirdos, brought, "Coochie Vendetta" into my life's lexicon by stating that this is what Soulja's chorus sounds like to her.
And, for that: I'm forever changed because: Twas she right... or twas she RIGHT?!?!

Anywhoo, we had a short TWonvo about actual coochie vendettas. I suggested founding a "Coochie Revenge Society" where our coochies could conduct covert operations to unleash our coochie vendettas, Coochie COOCHIE VENDETTAS on those who've wronged the coochay.

'Coley-Cole just laughed; I was dead-azz.


So, ladies, I pose this question:

WHO would your coochie have a vendetta out against?
And WHY?


Bounce to the comments and let's SEMI-air it out! INITIALS! And DETAILS!

And on the contrary: If your coochie has been blessed to have never been wronged and since the Holla-Daze are upon us:
Who would your coochie send a Christmas card to?


I'll pop it AWF! in the comments...FOLLOW ME, NAH!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Rep Yo' PIGGAY!


What's better than Oprah?


For those of you who answered: "Miley Cyrus and Kim KardASShian butt-nekkid-buffin' the Honda with a large side of Tyra Banks shutting the hell up and letting her guests tell THEIR stories-SANS interruptions and interjections in order to Keyshia Cole the people by annoyingly trying to drive home the point that "I'M JUST LIKE YOU!" because she must be blind or need some glasses to see that we've heard her fivehead fables and simply don't give a fuck anymore," **breathes and stops** then you'd be CLOSE.

However...survey says: MORE OPRAH!

Last week, Lady O dropped the dime on herself by admitting the fact that she's double-fisting 100 pounds.

However, unlike Lady Lane Bryant behind this blog righ'chea, she isn't proud of her poundage and is actively planning a curb-the-curves coup.

**looks lovingly into the eyes of my BabyMama #1 prize while pinching playfully at her baby fat-fat**
I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU AAARRREEE!!!

**slyly slips hand around to her purse, to ensure it hasn't lost any weight**

In honor of my sugahunnyicedtea, I'll go ahead and let y'all know about the weight I'm working with.
Cuz, sheeiiit: If a bia bia like Opreezy can be honest about her obesity, then so can SAVVistra FATTerline, dammit!

So listen up kids, cuz this ish is like the Halley's Comet of revelations: ONCE in a lifetime.

My weight...**inhales deeply; feels immediate moistening of brows and palms**
...could very easily be the model number of Mercedes Benz.
**exhales**

WHOOOO!!!!! Fuck shackles off my feet; THAT was freeing!

Ok...
Who's next to come clizzean?
;^p

Monday, December 15, 2008

Tres Preguntas: The Health, Safety & Well-being Edition

1) Why does it take my hard-headed arse dayum near two weeks of knocking on death's door like, "Hola, Grim Reepito!" before I get up, get out, and drag my ass to the doctor to unfortunately, spend my weed'lowance get the proper, legal, prescriptions and doc-ordered bed rest necessary to return me back to tip-fat shape?



2) Why is it OK for your non-minority superior to joke and say, "Git'urr DUUUHHNNN!" yet, you'd be putting your job and income in jeopardy if, after exhibiting exemplary skills that you're quite certain neither your boss nor coworkers possess, by exclaiming:



3) Even though I DO NOT condone violent reactions to most situations:
Why can't I get enough of this?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

You Betta WORK!


Top O'The Morn, Ye Ol' SavvyFAT'Liens!

Jeeeeaahhhh! I knew a little beefy Bex showing those high-priced BVDs who's boss would get your juicies going cray-yay-zee! MC's ack like they don't know!


After 5 lousy, dizzays :-( of chillin' like an illy-feelin' villain, I've finally returned to a normal temperature! Now finger clap, ehh!
My forehead has finally ceased production of salty oceans of sweat and I can half-way speak a whole sentence without sounding like Peter Brizzady. (0:37 mark; Also, please note how NONE of the Bradys are part of a Rhythm Nation, especially Puberty Pete. D'oh!)

Today, I thought I'd switch it up a bit since this IS the month that our (well, "some " of our; This is America! I like to exercise the 'T' word) Lord and Savior was born.
Instead of our usual Hump Day Holiday in the middle of the week, I'll introduce you to something far more tame and "family-friendly." Because if you've ever read anything on SavvyFatty, you KNOW I'm AAALLLL about family.
I'm like the McDonald's of Bloggers; the Sunday afternoon crowd at Hometown Buffet of the Blogging World; a 90s Friday night tuned into ABC type of Blogging Biatch, riiiigghhhttt?!

Haha!



What IS "Work It! Wednesday!," you ask?
Well, it's just me being me highlighting someone who I believe is WORKIN' IT! in whatever they do.
I don't mean ho-hum, everyday working it. NO!
I'm talmbout: WORKIN' IT!
Going for DOLO and doing them at all costs and being BAD AZZ at it. And not someone who's already been put on for their city; but someone who is doing the dayum thizzang; someone who has yet to receive proper shine for whatever it is that they BANG at.
Know someone like this? Get at me and let me know what they're all about!


So, ninjas and beaches, I introduce you to:
"Work It! Wednesday!"


And you better like it!

SHAN-Tastic!

Meet Shannon West

A 24-year old wifey, mommy, and up-and-coming plus-sized pearl from the City of Angels.

When not ripping a runway or having her cuteness captured by camera, Shan's spending time with her honey, Brian, and their 4-going-on-40-year-old daughter, Briannon; also an up-and-comer on the modeling map.

Shannon and I crossed paths back in October at West Hollywood's, "Love Your Body Day;" an event designed for women to love and appreciate themselves, whether they be Big Body like a Benz or teeny tiny like a Tercel.

SavvyFAT'Liens: You knoowwwow I was all up and through that thang; loving my boday while actively promoting the foolish, but oft-times informative site that is SavvyFatty.

From across the room I noticed Shannon: all suited and cute'ed up in her denim shirtdress that I was MAD jelly over.
From her sweet smile, I knew she'd have an approachable personality...and wouldn't mind taking my lil' ghetto business card. ;-)
We exchanged compliments and chatted it up for a bit. Once she told me she was a model, I knew I had to feature her on SF because you all know: I'm ALL about using your fat for fab.

I caught up with Shannon to see what this rising star is all about AND because I like to catch folks while they're still one of us "reg'la folk"; while I still can holla at her, like: "Hey, Shan! It's ya girl, Sav!" and she won't shoot me the Side-Eye of "Uhm...Do I Know You?"

Haha!
Real talk: Shannon's a cool girl. See why I had to put this big beauty on your radar.

We eSat down and chopped it up about what it's like being a Fat Femme Fatale in Southern Cali, the Land of the Plastic Fantastic. I ucks with Shan because she's just as confident in her curves as I am. And through her experience modeling and mine being the Biggest, Baddest Blogging Biatch you ever did see, we wanted to show those who may rage against their rolls that IT'S OK! WE GET IT POPPIN'!


SavvyFatty: So, Shan, being born and raised in Southern Cali, the fake capital of the globe, did you ever feel pressure to be something other than the luscious lady you are?

Shan: You know I'd be lying if i said, "No."

There are those mornings when i feel "fat and nasty." But i have a great family that always convinces me otherwise! I always remind myself that there tons of women like myself and someone has to let it be known that: Big is beautiful!



SF: Many plus-sized women don't have the confidence to even look themselves in the mirror on the daily, let alone get in front of a camera or out on stage to flaunt their poundage for the world to see. Where do you get your cool confidence and sexy self-esteem?

Shan: Growing up, people always said, "You'd be so pretty if you lost some weight or just dropped a couple of sizes/pounds. Once I got older, I was an emotional and physical wreck! I was a beautiful woman on the outside, but dying on the inside because all I could think about was numbers! Then it dawned on me: Why should numbers define who I am? i am a beautiful woman with lots to offer the world. I need to show it! And perhaps in my quest to get acceptance for my fellow big girls, I will raise some people's self-esteem along the way.



SF: I <3 Beth Ditto and Mia Tyler. Who are your favorite plus-sized pretty ladies in the public eye…besides me, of course? ;^p

Shan: I love Queen Latifah, Mo'Nique, Tocarra, and Jennifer Hudson!



SF: Besides the unadulterated "gorge" that is your face, what's a fave body part of yours?

Shan: My breasts! They are so full and soft. [pause] Sounds like porn, huh? [laughs]



SF: Uhhh...Yeah, it does. And won't be no touchin' of yourself on my blog. Well, not today at least. **snickers**

What about your man's favorite facet of the fab fluffiness that is you?

Shan: Oh! My man is definetly a "butt" lover! That is his fetish!



SF: **blushes** OK! I hear dat! GO BRIAN!

Ok, let's switch gears back to the G-rated. Remember: This is a family blog! We want Briannon to be able to read this post one day without spontaneously combusting out of sheer embarassment, right?

Shan: You're right! [laughs] Ok...moving along...



SF: What plus-size store or website would you make it RAIN ON if you was paid like you weigh?

Shan: I absolutely love Ashley Stewart! Whether you have $20 or $200 you can come out of there looking fierce! And the clothes fit "us" great!



SF: I like everything from the cheap chic of Forever 21, the indy feel of UrbanOutfitters.com, the playful palettes of Heatherette, to the colorful cool of Custo Barcelona. Which line, store, or site do you wish offered apparel for the Ample Amazon?

Shan: I would say Forever 21 because they seem to have some pretty, fashionable apparel at a more than affordable price.



SF: What steps does one take to become a fabulous modeling fatshionista like yourself?

Shan: Honestly it is all about networking, networking, networking! Keep your eyes open for any and all auditions. Even if the role/ gig doesn't call for plus-size because you never know: You may go in there and knock 'em dead and they might change their minds!



SF: Alright! Go 'head! GO 'HEAD! I see that "go-getter" spirit in you. What's next for Shannon?

Shan: Only God knows! But I am ready and excited for whatever He has planned!



SF: Have any closing words for our supple sisters who don't share our level of love for our plush lush?

Shan: Yes! First and foremost: Women AND men both have to know that God made you who you are! And he DOES NOT make trash! So one must practice self-acceptance at all costs. And remember: No matter the amount of clothes you wear, your curves are STILL there. So be happy with yourself and ALL that you have!



SF: Ok-K-K!!! **waves Martin Luther King, Jr. fan in the a-yer** YES!

So, when you get all big (no pun intended) and stuff, will you remember me and take a moment to pop a bottle with your homechick, Savvy F.Baybeh?

Shan: And you know this, man! SUPER HONESTLY!!!



Alright! There it is, folks! Shan said she'd remember your girl when she's backstage at the Lane Bryant show and I'm outside the tent with a wad of Real Women Dollars trying to buy my way in.
Haha!
She's such a sweetie, though, right?

And, please note: This interview ain't just for my health!
I can't count the number of emails I receive on a monthly basis from big girls and women who feel ashamed, embarrassed and uncomfortable with their size. They thank me for "being me," and repping "us" unapologetically, which is all well and good.
But, what does ME doing ME do for YOU?

My purpose with this interview and this site, as a whole, is to promote SELF-LOVE! More than anything, I want those of you reading this that don't feel comfy being lumpy to start appreciating yourselves for the BEE-YOO-TEE-FUL, bad mamajamas you are!
Like Michael Jackson said before he went completely White Woman:
START WITH THE (WO)MAN IN THE MIRROR!


Now, I'm stepping off my retro-fitted soapbox to put the focus back on ShanTheWoman:
Tell me how much you love her!

Fashion For the Foundation

Catch Shannon doing her thizzle, this Thursday, December 11 at
Fashion Aid LA.
The toy drive and fundraising event benefits The Kierrah Foundation, which was established to "Encourage, Educate, and Empower Former Foster Girls."

It's all going down at the Celebrity Center International in Hollywood, located at 5930 Franklin Ave. (click the flyer for more info!)

If you're in the LA area and want to spread a lil' holiday cheer, stop by with an unwrapped, unopened toy or $ in hand to support a great organization while catching our girl, Shannon, in action!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I'm ILL and SICK!

I'm not okay! I need glowsticks.

(See! Something MUST be wrong with me if I'm busting a whack rhyme, yo.)

Email me some chicken noodle soup with a hot toddy on the side.

In the meantime, get your SavvyFatty Fat, Fab, Foolishness fix here... (about the 4 HOUR convo I had with a lady once known as "Super..." [you know!])

Monday, December 8, 2008

Seis Preguntas

Ok. So one of my avid readers, Millie T, mentioned the fact that I missed posting 3 questions last Monday, to which I responded, in a more than saintly fashion: "Shuddup, biatch!"
(Haha! J/k! Luhh you, "Meal.")

So, to pacify that
"child of God," as well as the others who noticed the same, today I'll present you with 6 questions.
These are TRILL questions that I'd like answered, via the comments section, PLEASEandEMEETREEITLEE!




1) How Young Berg gon' get a show, yet the people don't know how that lil jheri head "Lil' Richie" from "Family Matters" is surviving the times?


2) Why IS it a crime to want to recreationally ingest plants and chemicals for a lil’ mind alterization from time to time, but it's perfectly fine to drink, IN PUBLIC, and get pissy drunk to where you don't remember walking from your car to your front door-BAREFOOT-at 2am?


3) Could you picture Mary J. Blige with a dirty blonde, gel'd up, weaved up, dirty scrunchied hairstyle if she never got famous? (Yup. Me too.)



4) If Queen Latifah’s head was smaller and her eyes were closer together and she was shaped like a woman instead of a right tackle, don’t you think she’d look similar to Beyonce...or is that just the purp talkin'?


5) WHY does every reggae or dancehall song have the words “likkle” (little) or “yoot” (youth) in them? I don’t care if the shit is about elderly leukemia, there’s going to be a “likkle” or “yoot” in there SOMEWHERE.


6) Why did the Lawd give ignorant, illiterate azz ninjas the biggest and best dicks...and me no antibodies to fight off my addiction to them?

Key-No-NO!!!


What in the Mavis Staples "I'll Take You There," (2:25 mark) Cloris Leacham "Dancing With The Stars," Wilona, "Bye Bye, Bugga!" FUCK?!?!?!!!


It's quite obvious Mama Yvonne cursed "gifted" Keyshia with this wretched, ratchet azz "Boxing Match Anthem-Singing" wig at Saturday night's bout between Oscar "Fishnets" De La Hoya and his ass-whooper, Manny Pacquiao. (Cuz any of you who catch "The Way It Is" on BET know Miss Yvonne got a wig for EVERY occasion.)

Since I was at home illin' like a villian, I didn't catch the fight.
Who did?
And what did YOU think of that Chester Cheetah sitting atop Keyshia's dome?

Friday, December 5, 2008

Strap It Up, Flip It, FUCK IT DOWN, Oh, OHHH!

And: No. NOT these kind of straps...

Wonder no more about where you can find The S A V V'iest One this weekend. I'll be at ChateauSavv, front and center at the Dell Dimension, wifebeater pulled up to my chin; Caciques pushed akimbo; Pointer and Middle going to WOIK!

And...WHY you ask?

Wait. Before I get started, will somebody be so kind as to duct tape my ooch to my body first because (**WARNING: NOT safe for nowhere but the comfort of your own panties or Speedos)

THIS.IS.RIGHT.HERE.NINJA!

Guys, Bis, & Wonky Eyes


PUHLEEEEEZZZ tell me I'm not the only one who watches, "Tears, Shears & Beauty," the only reality show EVER filmed with a toilet paper roll and the bottom of a Razor scooter pointed towards the sun!!

No, real talk: TS&B is BET J's look into the lives of 8 contestants prepping on the road to compete in this year's "Model Model Weave Battle" being held in New Jersey.

WATCH.THE.VID.ya punk kid!


And the contestants in this follicle fuckery are:

Muffen, an "I'll Take Yo Cookies" dyke medium gal from Beantown: Boston, MA.
Muffen is the veteran in the game who has always been a winner. After placing 3rd in a previous show, Muffen is out to get revenge for what she thinks was an unjust loss. Let's see if she can compete in the show without bodying a muhfucka.




Mya (Long Island, NY) Don't really know much about her and her anorexic dreads, but I would bank on her in a "Lettuce & Carrot Fucking Up Competition. "


Ronald (Hempstead, NY) Don't really know WHAT I think about this Jamaican bwoi. But he's tall, dark, and got dreads! **panties moisten like towelettes**
I don't know if dude's straight, bi, strictly guys or the type to try summa everything for size, so...
YOU let ME know!


Yosi (Newport News, VA) In a nutshell, she's the female version of Ronald. What most stands out to support that claim was the ep where she was looking at models in astonishment and amazement and "Bitch, I'm ready to hit the pavement!" type-eye fucking.
Then she gon' say: "Wow. I feel like a kid in the candy store." And what do kids do with candy, ladies and gentlemenzes...ok-k-k!!!
You gotta catch reruns of the show to see how she was gettin' at models, nigga-on-the-corner-with-his-balls-in-his-hands-like, to ask them if they'd like to be in the hair show. I smell strap-on...!!!


Janel (Brooklyn, NY) aka "Thicky McDonald." Yeah, she got a hint or taste of football player in her, but she's a cool chick about her bidnazz of selling Big Macs, Filet-O-Fish, and Happy Meals and shit to the masses.


Tarsha (Boston, MA) No comment.
(You see dat big biatch? JOO.SEE.DAT.BIG.BITCH?!!!)




Naeemah (Philadelphia, PA) She needs to get a hold of that eye...no, really. Take that bitch out, blow in it like a Nintendo game for exactly 19 seconds, then set it off on the correct side. But her hairstyles be CRAZY hot, though. Guess that's what dice for eyes will do for ya...
FYI: You'll catch her staring off into Middle Earth with her bottom lip scraping her knees a time or 70. Don't let that alarm you.
Remember:
The biatch is good with her hands.
Her eyes: Not So Much.


Derek J (Atlanta, GA) Last year's winner.
Mr. Stiletto Pumps In The Salon
is cocky as fuck while looking like a dirty grocery store sneaker in neon-pink metallic leggings.
His entire shop is composed of "kids." (And no: I don't mean children.)
My favorite stylist from Derek's new salon was the one who looked like a scorched tree with a jet black and Cherry Cola relaxer swinging in the windzes. He may not be the prettiest girl in the boy's bathroom, but his regal relaxer makes up for ALL of it.

In close, CLOSE second was the one who looks like a stunningly beautiful wolf, the one who was caught getting the opposite of a boner while dancing with our favorite killa crack cougar, Frankie.
Dariel what they call'um.

***********************

PLEASE.TELL.ME.YOU.WATCH.THIS?!?!!!
BET J, Thursdays 730pm. (Check yo local listings cuz I ain't cha ho')


Ok, from the vid and my kind descriptions of this year's contestants:
Who do YOU think will take the trophy?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

CKILF

No, I'm not spittin' any gang talk; no "Crip Killin'" or none of that ghetto, organized bullshit.

I'm talking about Celebrity Kids I'd Like To Fu...Haha! You get the drift.

LAWD!
**fans self while watching R. Kelly's homemade DVD and thinking, "Awww, what's all the fuss for?"



While watching Quincy Brown's episode of MTV's "Super Sweet 16," I dayum near jumped through my Panasonic to introduce those lusciously large lips of his to my v...again, the drift is gotten.
He looks and speaks like a tiny pimp, too, exuding the confidence you'd get only from someone who's loved 'em and left 'em; dicked 'em down and kicked 'em down.
And his voice...OOOHHHWEEEE!!!! I guess he gets his voice from his daddy, late 80s R&B sensation, Al. B having a unibrow Sure and his swagger from his mama's (professional kept woman, Kim Porter) baby daddy, Diddy.
Now, when it's time to wine and dine and make love off some moonshine, I don't usually go for the lightskin, wavy wavy babies, but for this lil' one: I'll make the exception.
So, Quincy, if you're ever in Daygo and need a tour of the bouidoir at ChateauSavv the city: Holla at me, baybeh!




Thanks, BCK for the flick!

Now, on the flipside, from extroverted to introverted teena SEXXXAY, we have Snoop's first born son, Corde aka "Spank." (far right...broad shoulders...comehither stare)
**fans self after spitting that nickname**
Is that how the game's played, Spank? Well, shit...
**frees arse from their Venezias captivity; bends over; shows the world**


LAWD!
After each and every time I watch the intro to Snoop's show, (1:30 mark) and see Spank, I have to then log on to http://ReplacementPanties.com.
Something about the quiet confidence of this young youth has got me singing, "WHOA-OH-WUH-WHOOOOAAA-OH!!!!"
Like the old dudes used to say to me as I walked the streets of Southeast in my tennis skirt with my throwin' my thick thighs like "WUHT?:"
WHERE WERE BOYS LIKE SPANK WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL?

Look at him. Doesn't he seem like that semi-unapproachable, yet totally loveable, popular high school athlete that every lil' fast azz chickenhead and good girl, alike, would swoon over and READILY hand the drawls to. But, instead of accepting their advances, he'd refuse their sexual seduction by sweetly saying, "Naw, You're the homegirl" and leave it at that-without dickin' you down to ChinaTown.
LOVE IT!
He even has a touch of "awkward" in him, with the braids and braces mix. But...like Trina and Silkk once said: THAT'S COOL!

Now...PLEASE: Watch the first few minutes of this...then let ME know if you didn't turn your yannays into a fish tank...


Ok, then.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

WHO Told Harpo To JOCK Me?

Title don't really have shit to do with the post, but I just likez the way it sounds!

Ok, so Saturday night I got one of the best texts of my LIFE!

My girl Courtney, or 'NeNe' (no ATL Housewives) is what we call'er, texted me to ask if I was free Tuesday night.
Instantly, I was like, **eyeroll** "Oh, gawd: another tresome invite." Don't this fucka's know my pussy's sign says: CERRADO So I didn't respond immediately.
But being the cool azz bia bia that I am, I said, "Let me text her back. She might need a ride. She might need to borrow some money for a midnight abortion. She might need some money for her midnight abortion and a ride afterward. Shit! I don't know." So I texted back.

And guess what this heffa asked me, via Myspace comment?
"Me+YOU=Color Purple and cast party Tuesday night??? Call me"

Muth.Er.Fuck.ERRRRRRRRR!!!!
**does a Negro version of "Riverdance" out of pure excitement**

I've been feenin' to get tickets to this show worse than the corners of Lil Boosie's mouth been itchin' to be wiped, man!
Ever since I heard my Baby Mama #1, Oprah Winfrey, was bringing the classic movie to Broadway, I knew I had to slaing some boodussy save my chips to peep the show LIVE.
Back in '06, me and my girl, NicaMiff, was supposed to go see it in DC in '06, but ninjas got piss poor (but not morally...unless you count the fact that she got me to 'dro tokin' that same summer, but that's neither here nor there).
Me and my girl Millie T were planning to go to the Daygo ("San Diego" for your outtatowners) but shit just never popped off.

Anywhoo, I say all that to say this:

I'm going to Color Purple tonight, bitchezzzzz!!!
And then the cast party after!! WHOOO HOOOOOO!!!!
Too bad Fantasia isn't starring in the SD production. Aww, man! [/Swiper]
I'd <3 to see her and Young Dro. Moreso Young Dro cuz LAWD KNOWS I lovez me half-an-inch-from-ugly, 1 minute to midnight man! And he got lips that I'd like to introduce to the space between my hips...

Ok, **turning off Horndog switch** look how Alt-Hip Rocker Nerd Fat Femme Fab I'll be looking tonight!


I'm rockin' my crispy white button up, black pinstriped vest, Lane Breezy RightFit (tightfit!) denim, black pleather bomber, and accessories out the arsehole!!
I'm at work mad impatiently counting the hours down 'til showtime.
I'm like a late 90s Jennifer Love Hewitt flick, mayne: I CAN'T HARDLY WAIT!!!
And PLEASE BELIEVE!, since I'm going to the theatre directly after work, I got the vodka on chilly willy in the lunchroom refrigerator. Wonder how long it'll take these nosey muhfuckas to realize that that water AIN'T freezin'.
HAHA!!!!!!

Have any of you seen my baby mama's Broadway endeavor?

If so, HOW WAS IT?

Monday, December 1, 2008

Sore Loser Lookin' Girl


Did you see "Tyra" today, the "Modelville" episode?
You know, the one we discussed "HERE," where the ol', losin' azz America's Next Top Model girls, (l-r) Fatima, Dominique, Lauren, Renee, and Bianca are given the chance to become spokesmodels for natural, urban beauty line, Carol's Daughter.
Ultimately, half-man-half-amazing lightbright beauty, Dominique, took the prize, which consisted of a $50,000 modeling contract with the line.

However...
Did you see Renee's sorry, sucka, chump, punk losing ass scurry unhappily off the stage, go up to Fatima, bitchfitshit-talking, then mouth something about not being picked, then race to the top of the stairs and dramatically collapse to the floor?

Did you see that shit?


What.Degree.of.BITCHAZZBITCHNESS.Was.THAAAAATTT?!?!!?!?

**outraged mode**
Bitch couldn't even, for one fucking second, be a woman and congratulate her fellow sister in the modeling struggle. Bitch gon' immediately start crying bitch tears about not winning. EVERYBODY can't win, sugarhunnayicedtea! There can only be 1 WINNER...and YOU WASN'T IT, LIL' BIT!


In her own lil' bitchazz words:
"I just worked so hard for this and it's like I just feel like it's over like I can't cannot like move out here...like I haveliterally like $11 in my bank...and I worked my butt off and I just thought that I did the best...Dominique, you did great-I'm so happy for you, but..."


BUT WHAT??!?!?! YOU LOST! EL OH ESS TEE, HOMEGIRL! Getcho shit and go back to ya husband and baby and STEP like Omega Psi Phi, homey-loc!
Ol' Scarecrow & Mrs. King scary-lookin' blonde ho...

Anywhoo...
Did anybody else catch that?
If so, what you think?