BIG BODY-ODY!

Didja see me?
I'm F A M O U S.
**shouts to my Phya girl for the feature. Here's to hoping I rep'd the Thick Snack Brigade with pride and honor. HOLLER!**

SHAN-Tastic!

Meet Shannon West

A 24-year old wifey, mommy, and up-and-coming plus-sized pearl from the City of Angels.

When not ripping a runway or having her cuteness captured by camera, Shan's spending time with her honey, Brian, and their 4-going-on-40-year-old daughter, Briannon; also an up-and-comer on the modeling map.

Shannon and I crossed paths back in October at West Hollywood's, "Love Your Body Day;" an event designed for women to love and appreciate themselves, whether they be Big Body like a Benz or teeny tiny like a Tercel.

SavvyFAT'Liens: You knoowwwow I was all up and through that thang; loving my boday while actively promoting the foolish, but oft-times informative site that is SavvyFatty.

From across the room I noticed Shannon: all suited and cute'ed up in her denim shirtdress that I was MAD jelly over.
From her sweet smile, I knew she'd have an approachable personality...and wouldn't mind taking my lil' ghetto business card. ;-)
We exchanged compliments and chatted it up for a bit. Once she told me she was a model, I knew I had to feature her on SF because you all know: I'm ALL about using your fat for fab.

I caught up with Shannon to see what this rising star is all about AND because I like to catch folks while they're still one of us "reg'la folk"; while I still can holla at her, like: "Hey, Shan! It's ya girl, Sav!" and she won't shoot me the Side-Eye of "Uhm...Do I Know You?"

Haha!
Real talk: Shannon's a cool girl. See why I had to put this big beauty on your radar.

We eSat down and chopped it up about what it's like being a Fat Femme Fatale in Southern Cali, the Land of the Plastic Fantastic. I ucks with Shan because she's just as confident in her curves as I am. And through her experience modeling and mine being the Biggest, Baddest Blogging Biatch you ever did see, we wanted to show those who may rage against their rolls that IT'S OK! WE GET IT POPPIN'!

SavvyFatty: So, Shan, being born and raised in Southern Cali, the fake capital of the globe, did you ever feel pressure to be something other than the luscious lady you are?

Shan: You know I'd be lying if i said, "No."

There are those mornings when i feel "fat and nasty." But i have a great family that always convinces me otherwise! I always remind myself that there tons of women like myself and someone has to let it be known that: Big is beautiful!

SF: Many plus-sized women don't have the confidence to even look themselves in the mirror on the daily, let alone get in front of a camera or out on stage to flaunt their poundage for the world to see. Where do you get your cool confidence and sexy self-esteem?

Shan: Growing up, people always said, "You'd be so pretty if you lost some weight or just dropped a couple of sizes/pounds. Once I got older, I was an emotional and physical wreck! I was a beautiful woman on the outside, but dying on the inside because all I could think about was numbers! Then it dawned on me: Why should numbers define who I am? i am a beautiful woman with lots to offer the world. I need to show it! And perhaps in my quest to get acceptance for my fellow big girls, I will raise some people's self-esteem along the way.

SF: I <3 Beth Ditto and Mia Tyler. Who are your favorite plus-sized pretty ladies in the public eye…besides me, of course? ;^p

Shan: I love Queen Latifah, Mo'Nique, Tocarra, and Jennifer Hudson!

SF: Besides the unadulterated "gorge" that is your face, what's a fave body part of yours?

Shan: My breasts! They are so full and soft. [pause] Sounds like porn, huh? [laughs]

SF: Uhhh...Yeah, it does. And won't be no touchin' of yourself on my blog. Well, not today at least. **snickers**

What about your man's favorite facet of the fab fluffiness that is you?

Shan: Oh! My man is definetly a "butt" lover! That is his fetish!

SF: **blushes** OK! I hear dat! GO BRIAN!

Ok, let's switch gears back to the G-rated. Remember: This is a family blog! We want Briannon to be able to read this post one day without spontaneously combusting out of sheer embarassment, right?

Shan: You're right! [laughs] Ok...moving along...

SF: What plus-size store or website would you make it RAIN ON if you was paid like you weigh?

Shan: I absolutely love Ashley Stewart! Whether you have $20 or $200 you can come out of there looking fierce! And the clothes fit "us" great!

SF: I like everything from the cheap chic of Forever 21, the indy feel of UrbanOutfitters.com, the playful palettes of Heatherette, to the colorful cool of Custo Barcelona. Which line, store, or site do you wish offered apparel for the Ample Amazon?

Shan: I would say Forever 21 because they seem to have some pretty, fashionable apparel at a more than affordable price.

SF: What steps does one take to become a fabulous modeling fatshionista like yourself?

Shan: Honestly it is all about networking, networking, networking! Keep your eyes open for any and all auditions. Even if the role/ gig doesn't call for plus-size because you never know: You may go in there and knock 'em dead and they might change their minds!

SF: Alright! Go 'head! GO 'HEAD! I see that "go-getter" spirit in you. What's next for Shannon?

Shan: Only God knows! But I am ready and excited for whatever He has planned!

SF: Have any closing words for our supple sisters who don't share our level of love for our plush lush?

Shan: Yes! First and foremost: Women AND men both have to know that God made you who you are! And he DOES NOT make trash! So one must practice self-acceptance at all costs. And remember: No matter the amount of clothes you wear, your curves are STILL there. So be happy with yourself and ALL that you have!

SF: Ok-K-K!!! **waves Martin Luther King, Jr. fan in the a-yer** YES!

So, when you get all big (no pun intended) and stuff, will you remember me and take a moment to pop a bottle with your homechick, Savvy F.Baybeh?

Shan: And you know this, man! SUPER HONESTLY!!!

Alright! There it is, folks! Shan said she'd remember your girl when she's backstage at the Lane Bryant show and I'm outside the tent with a wad of Real Women Dollars trying to buy my way in.
Haha!
She's such a sweetie, though, right?

And, please note: This interview ain't just for my health!
I can't count the number of emails I receive on a monthly basis from big girls and women who feel ashamed, embarrassed and uncomfortable with their size. They thank me for "being me," and repping "us" unapologetically, which is all well and good.
But, what does ME doing ME do for YOU?
My purpose with this interview and this site, as a whole, is to promote SELF-LOVE! More than anything, I want those of you reading this that don't feel comfy being lumpy to start appreciating yourselves for the BEE-YOO-TEE-FUL, bad mamajamas you are!
Like Michael Jackson said before he went completely White Woman:
START WITH THE (WO)MAN IN THE MIRROR!

Now, I'm stepping off my retro-fitted soapbox to put the focus back on ShanTheWoman:
Tell me how much you love her!

Fashion For the Foundation

Catch Shannon doing her thizzle, this Thursday, December 11 at
Fashion Aid LA.
The toy drive and fundraising event benefits The Kierrah Foundation, which was established to "Encourage, Educate, and Empower Former Foster Girls."

It's all going down at the Celebrity Center International in Hollywood, located at 5930 Franklin Ave. (click the flyer for more info!)

If you're in the LA area and want to spread a lil' holiday cheer, stop by with an unwrapped, unopened toy or $ in hand to support a great organization while catching our girl, Shannon, in action!

Look Out, Weekend!!

We made it to Friday, my loyal SavvyFat'liens! JEEEEEAAAHHHHH!
Err'body stand up on ya desks and shake ya dicks or ya tittays in the name of the weekend!
**tries to get monitor x-ray vision**
However...
I'm ready to GO RIGHT NOOOOWWW!!!!

Shouts to John Legend and my wannabe husband, Andre 3000, for singing my Friday life with their words.
Favorite bar: "Let's blow this lame nigga factory."

WHATEVVUH you say, 'Dre 3K!


So...What does everyone have planned this glorious weekend?

Here's what the kid is (hopefully) getting into this lovely weekizzledizzle:

Maybe a lil' bit of THIS!


All I gotta say is: Please pay special attention to the 5:24 minute mark.

*****
Hollywood NOW Love Your Body Day

Sunday Oct. 12th 12-4, all ages, free admission

Check the website for more info:
HTTP://WWW. LOVEYOURBODYDAY. COM


**I'll be in the BUILDING. If you're in SoCali and want some free ish, YOU SHOULD BE, TOO!

..

Words of Wisdom

What's up, my folkeration!
How's err'bawday doin' on this fiiinne Friday, Jr aka Thursday?

I still feel bad about that time that I left you, without a Savvy blog to get fresh to for all those days. My bad, dawgs!
But...Trilly, it's been a difficult past month or so for your girl.
I lost my baby. My car is sick. I'm dayum near about to lose my freedom if I don't go on vacation QUICK. So needless to say, nobody's smilin' over this way.



But, during that time of rejection and reflection, I've grown mad insightful. And below is some insight I'd like to share with you.
Like to hear it?! Hear it, hoe!

1) Ninjaz are only as courageous as their dicks are long.
If they're workin' with a monster, they're most likely a beast. If they're workin' with weenis, then all communicae should CEASE!
Cuz, in my personal experience, you'll ask that tiny-dicked, punk muthafucka to go on a romantic weekend with just the two of you and he'll tell you to "plan it and send me the itinerary; I'll go anywhere you want to go" gettin' ya azz ALLLL excited to spend some time nuzzled up under his shit-for-breff azz all so he can ignore your emails, texts, phone calls once you try to finalize shit and you'll NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN!
Yeah, bitch! I'm talkin' to YOU, homey!! FUCK YOU and that half of a Vienna Sausage you call a dick! Yeah, the head was tremendous, but YOUR DICK WAS NOT THE BIZNESS!!!!
**fanning self**

2)Ninjaz like bitches with glasses cuz them blind azz bitches cain't see they PUNK AZZES!
Ever see a nice lookin' dude with a bitch on Helen Keller status, with microscopes AND telescopes and a seeing eye rottweiller leading her way?
Ever wonder, "WUHT DUH BLUHDCLOT?!?!"
Well...WONDER NO MORE!! cuz I dun' just laced ya tennis shoes. Ninjaz like a bitch to stay in the dark about what bastards they are! And if the bitch cain't see how many fingers he's throwing up, he most likely cain't see the fact that he's been fuckin' somebody else for MONTHS and MONTHS, either.
My perfect-vision and purrday homegirl just got pushed to the side for a bitch rockin' a Ray Charles set of eyes. And the bitch ain't even CUTE!!!! Looks like a substitute teacher, circa 1983.
But...that's what the nigga wanted! And...no need to cry over spilled Similac, M.T. That ninj STILL got umbilical fluid behind his ears, anyway. Even though the dick was gravy, did you see yourself changing Pull-Ups for that much longer?!

3)Fat bitches are another fat bitch's worst enemy.
Everybody nose Savvy is mosdef a fatty.



A fresh, fly, fantabulous fat biatch at that, Jack!
Regardless of how high my fly meter goes, I got NUHFCHIN' but LOVE for AALLLL my Torrid and Lane Bryant shoppers.
Anybody with a multi-pack of chins and/or bellays is AW'IGHT WITH ME!!!! We gotta stick together like moist legs on hot leather, mayne!

But...apparently this countray azz, double-dutch lip rockin' bitch don't feel the same.
I asked this ho for a favor. Put ME own for MAH city, OWN OWN for mah city; something MAD simple. This bitch was like, "Whoops! My bad. I forgot!" But, regardless of how many times I've asked, she NEVER does the favor. So I ask and ask and ask, but get no results so now I'm reachin' for my ski mask and my hammer mad fast!
But I'm done with askin' for favors cuz I can do my own thang; be my OWN LifeSaver.
So, my girl thinks it's hate and competition: Another fat bia don't want to see another fat bia comin' up. ESPECIALLY when that other fat bia is OLDER and HOTTER. (<--Yeezzzz!)
This whole sitcho-ayshun is just another case of Fat Girls in a Barrel syndrome...and I cain't stand it!

So...the plot thickens: One day I'm checkin' her shit and I see a post that is ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME as one I'd postly previously posted. I'm like, "Hold up: WAAIIIITTT!!!" My shit wasn't good enough before, but now you're basically bitin' my stee? Okay, Station Wagon Lips: I GOTCHU!
But, my Ladies of Lane Bryant, the moral to this story is: We're a movement by ourself; but an earthquake when we're together!
We need to stick together and support one another cuz it's not that many of us reppin' for us and it SURELY ain't that many who are ON!
So I say: EFF competition when there's room for all of us to be winnin', RIGHT?!?!?!

We DOWN SOUF SWAINGIN', NINJA!!!

Haha!
Shout out to that lil' elementary schooler from DJ Chuck Teezy's mixtape who is singin' my life with his precocious words!

Me and my girls, aka the Tre Musketeers, are heading to the Great State of Texas next week for a 5 day stint and I. CAIN'T. WAIT!!!
A beezy ain't been on vacation since gas was still a reasonable price! I've been working non-stop like a big, buck, field niggra. But now...it's all coming to an end next Wednesday as me and my girls FLY ROBIN FLY! UP UP IN TO SKY!!!!

So, I don't know what you do, but when me and my girls travel, we like to totally revamp the wardrobe.
Yes, we could have a closet full of shit still chillin' with the tizzags (Nas: That red crotchet crop vest that would have looked super-duper HAUTE paired with a plain wifebeater and khaki bermuda shorts!) and we STILL feel the need to upgrade our swag.

*******
I NEED some new clothes baaaddddllyyy.
Just this morning I swea' fo' Gawd that I peeped a pair of Ellesse parked right under that Karl Kani signature T posted up next to my fresh Torrid ish.

And now since the airlines are charging for checked bags (the HORROR!!) and I know it's gonna be hotter than the devil's arsehole down in the Duddy Souf (that's how it goes!) I'll need lightweight, skin-revealing, pieces that can easily transition from day to night.
So, allow me to do a lil' wishful thinkin' a.k.a. eWindow Shoppin', to show you what I WOULD cop if the budget (<<--of cereal crumbs and jellybeans **tears**) permitted.

First up would be this cutesy little denim jumper straight from the clearance section (YES!) of Torrid that can go from casual days to cosmopolitan nights with just the switch of the shirt and accessories.














During the day it could be easily rocked with a plain white tee,
bulky neck scarf
yellow, geometric-patterned hoops, and bronze, quilted gladiator sandals.

For the Party Life match it with a high-collared ruffle shirt in a light, neutral color. Set the whole look off with a pair of patent leather chap pumps and an ultra-modern updo
.

A bulky, yellow leather purse could be matched with either outfit.
Although a dainty golden clutch would be perfect for that chic evening look.

*******

Peep the other pieces that could find a home in Suitcase SavvyFatty and could be seen rocked around the mean streets (and clubs! and STRIP CLUBS!!!) of Texas.

Red Ruffled Banded Bottom Dress: Cute walking through the mall with silver flip flops. Hotter at night with mustard suede platforms.


Purple Sueded Peep-Toe Ankle Booties: Chic with bermuda shorts or skinny jeans. HAUTE! with a fitted pencil skirt and flirty blouse. (Shouts to my girl Haute for these cutie booties, even though she didn't like them, I think they're BAWSAY!)


Crispy White Ruffle Bodysuit: Ahh! I love nothing more than the romantic feel of a clean-lined ruffle top as they add just the right amount of femme sophistication to any outfit. This particular piece would be perfect with a pair of wide-legged, sailor-inspired jeans and a pair of bold-patterned slingbacks.


Now, if you've enjoyed this post and would LOVE to see your favorite fat girl sizzlin' in San Antonio, lookin' AWESOME! in Austin, or HAUTE in Houston: Gon' ahead and send all donations to 2300 Savvy Street.
Please. And. Thank. You!

Ditto, Preggo, Midge-O, & Nipp-O

My sister in bigness, The Gossip's frontwoman Beth Ditto, rocked the Columbia Club in Berlin last night looking fierce in her yellow animal print pancho and cowboy boots.
If you don't know, now you'll know: I LUBZ me some Beth!!!
Every single gotdayumed layer of her! She ain’t afraid to be herself or show the WORLD her multi-pak of bellays. I ain’t EVEN mad at that! Get me drunk enough and you might get a glimpse of my wifebeater stretcher, too. Do ya thang, B. Ditty!

*****

photo source
From the unfortunate looks of it, singer Ashlee Simpson's nose knifing is in extreme danger as her Pete Wentz-induced pregnancy causes her nose to morph back to its original alien form.

*****


Janet and JD were spotted leaving Garanimals’ Christian Lacroix’s 09 Spring Summer Haute Couture show during Paris Fashion Week.
Without fail, each and every time I see a pic of this couple, I get an image of what it must be like to let a roll-on beat up my cervix…cuz really, that IS what DamitoJo is doing by fucking with this bite-sized bizkit, no?

*****

photo source
Way to beat emphysema, Amers! **shoots the thumbs up**
Nevermind homechick copping a feel of a crackhead's teet. America's Next Top Drug Casualty, Amy Winehouse, was seen on the scene giving a double middle finger to that lil' ol' chronic obstructive pulmonary disease she's fighting.
Way to go, Amy!!!! Show emphysema that it's not the boss of you!!!

Bisexual Birthday Shower

photo source
Last night, hip hop artist and pussy fiend producer Missy Elliott celebrated her 37th bday with a lil' gathering at Marquee in the NYC. Out of all the pics, I peeped MAYBE 3 dudes. And each looked like his shirt snapped together right up under his bizzalls, so, really, they are doing the opposite of counting.

So, I'm asking you, my fine pee'po: Was the reason for the lack of XY chromosome guests in attendance because Missy is man enough for each of the fine ladies in the house? Or did she make the mistake of leaving Kang Labeefah in charge of the guest list?

photo source

LIFE of a Living Bass Head

In honor of Black Music Month and Hump (<-yes, please) Day, here's one of the first songs, that I can remember, to ever make me aware of the potential fiyah down below.

Since the first time I heard "We Want Some," as a 2nd grader (Yup! Don't tell MamaSav, please! Y'all know she believes in retro whoopin's!!) riding with my then 25 year old, highly irresponsible, but always cool uncle, I've been in luhh with anything sporting a bass-heavy, high ass-shakeability beat.

As an early 20-something gettin' my partay and drank on, you'd besta clear a nice plus-sized path to the dancefloor unless you're up for losing a pair of swap meet stilettos or Now Lata Thom McAns. Cuz when I hear just the first SECOND of this, it's a wrap for anybody standing in my way as I make moves faster than Chinese kids make shoes!

And, ask my girls: If I get the slightest inkling that the DJ is about to mix this in, please believe I turn into Good Ol' St. Nick as I lavish the crowd with strings of pearls AND inhalers to clutch cuz EVERYBODY's gonna need breff to breeve after this show. Cuz I'm about to shock the world by changing minds about flat-assed fat girls as it's LITERALLY about to look like I was humpin' an invisible "stick."
Too-Short and Lil' Jon's "Shake That Monkey" is probably my all-time favorite no-ass shakin' song, with "I Wanna Rock," "Scarred," "Hoochie Mama," and Ying Yang's "Salt Shaker" all tied for second.
You ain't NEVVUH seen a big biatch shake it like a salt shaker, polaroid pickcha AND Michael J. Fox sittin' on a washing machine full of bricks until I hear these songs back to back.

So, shouts to my uncle's reckless child care skills and Mr. Mixx, Fresh Kid Ice, Luke, and Brother Marquis for turning this sitting-Indian-style-in-front-of-a-Donald-Duck-record-player-listening-to-Cabbage Patch Dreams kinda gal to a Bass Head for life.
With your influence, I've burned many a'calorie while turning many a dancefloor into a boner-having ninja graveyard, mayne.

Uhhh...hi

Awww, dayum.
**lookin' around at a room full of skranjuhs while nervously fidgeting**

I'm feelin' like a mid-90s 'Pac right now.

Uhhh...hi, err'body.**waves mad awkwardly**

Anybody know the feelin' when you have what you THOUGHT would be a small get-together with only a couple of ya folks?
You pick up a lil' meat portion and a veggie plate that you KNOW ninjas ain't HARDLY gon' be checkin' for but you get it anyway. (NayNay DID let you use her EBT card so...). You call up ya Auntie to hook up some 'tayduh salad and break out a couple bottles of low-level, liver-assaulting wine & spirits that you purchased under the "Shit, it's better than NUTHIN'" rationale.
And when the guests start to arrive, just cuz somebody saw a counter full of Popov they instantly assumed it was goin' DOWN and got to textin' the whole 'hood, turning ya shit into a FUNCTION (<--West Coast speak for a par-tay. Dub-C Stand UP!!!!) faster than you can exclaim, "But I only got a 20-piece Honey BBQ Wings!"

Well...that's how a ninjette's feelin' at this IG-ZACK moment. Even though I'm MORE than tittyfucking myself IG-CY-TID happy to see y'all!!!! :^D

Updating this blog has been secondary to my triflin', sorry ass, would make better dough givin' blowjobs to transients daytime gig and after work beachin' up whale-style with my DVR.
I post WHEN and IF I want to. And with the homegirl Mary around a lil' bit mo' than I'd like her to be lately, it's been LESS and LESS in the past month or so. **hopin' my pastor ain't in the buil'in**

But now that my motherblogger Fran FRESH'er over at C+D blew my shit up like Fat Joe in a Taco Bell baffroom, I'm David Bowie and Queen-style under pressure to keep my new audience in-tuh-tayned. (**Oh, and Fresh, please believe you got an account opened and a at the GA branch of the Head Bank for that gooooood lookin' out!) Even though I'm nervous in the service, I'm up for the challenge. Especially with the kinda cool azz folks that have joined my once small blog family.

Shouts to everybody who first-time SavvyFatty'd it yesterday and to those of you who emailed, Myspaced and/or commented regarding the 40/40 post. Glad you enjoyed my honest account of how me and my folks were bent over and no vaselined at Jigga's spot.

And special fam shouts to my grandma who spit some TROOFUS like fighters spit toofus about my review being a little TOO scathingly descriptive.
In the words of my lil' ole Gramz out there in San An, TX, who ain't hardly tryna be the Voletta Wallace of the blog set:

"Ain't Las Vegas owned by The Mafia? I hope they don't read that article and be after you!"
FUCK.
Like Dave Chappelle when dude flashed him the gun after he refused to pay $873 for a car wash: DUNNNNHHHHH!!!!

But sit back, relax, read some old posts, and get to know what I'z all about. And if you feel so inclined and my mouf ain't full one way or the other **wank, wank**, talk to me. I talk back.

Speakin' of Hurr...

Will Smith's primary late-night dookie pusher Jada Pinkett-Smith and K-Ci's old coke ho Mary J. Blige, along with Carol's Daughter founder, Lisa Price (<--my sister in bigness. Club Chub-make some noooiiiize!) held a special meet and greet with customers at the Westfield Fox Hills Mall in Culver City. **singin' and whisperin' before I get a drive-by shankin'** In the GHETTO!

photos: Kevin Kwan/nubuzzphoto.com

Damn! I wish I would have known!...and I had the day off...and gas prices weren't so ungodly...aaaand I had enough $$$ to actually make a poychuss...cuz I woulda been THERE!
I LUUUUUHHHVVVZZZZZ me some Murry J., even if she swagger-jacked this ol' gubmit employee by rockin' my current chunky bangs, wrap and big glasses ish. Dayum! Cain't a poor gubmit employee have ANYthang to herself? (The truth: Yes. Yes, I can. And it's called "Poverty." **tears**)

photos: Kevin Kwan/nubuzzphoto.com

I'm diggin' Jada's crop as well. It's refreshing to see her reppin' for her mulleted counterparts in a fab, fonky fashion. I can dig it! REP YO RAINBOW!
**lookin' around...then whisperin'** Before going home to 'Du, Mary better check her neck for hickies.


BIG UPS to successful, Black business WOMEN!!!

Let's get gone! WALK IT OUT!

...You can doodoo pirate all by yo'seeeelllllf!

StAl has stalled.
Tell me this pic doesn't pretty much sum up the state of their union?

photo peeped at WORDIZZ

After far too many years of fag-haggin' and 2nd linin' at the gay perr-raid (Shouts to Eli!) Star Jones has removed her rainbow-colored glasses and is travelling down the path to seek out a HETEROSEXUAL relationship.

Get the details. Follow me nah!

Savvy Fasties

**Handing over complimentary Club Chub membership card and saluting my sister with the sisterly Double Chin Spin**

Celeb wife Justine Simmons arrived on the red carpet for the celebration of officially handing over her Slightly Overweight membership pendant to join my illustrious squad of buffet-loving bitches, Club Chub Healing Bridges event hosted by shock-jock Howard Stern’s own personal sambo, Robin Quivers. Guess money CAN’T buy you a functioning appetite suppressant.

IT'S TRICKY!/TO BE SO ROUND/TO BE SO ROUND/TO BE SO ROUND/IT’S TRICKAY!

Cashing in her pussy chips
Rumor has it that songbird Alicia Keys is due to marry her music producer boo, Kerry “Krucial” Brothers, this upcoming Independence Day. And as much as we’d love to take that to the bank, **handing it back** we just cain’t. ‘Leesh? Cashing in her pussy chips? YEAH RIGHT!!! SORRY! We don’t believe you! You need more people! How could she possibly forsake a closet full of New Eras , rainbow bandannas and these?

Is Wayne Brady gon’ have to do his own full set?
It’s official like a ref with a whistle: Black America’s Whitemare Oily Black Sailor Coon is divorced.
Comedian Wayne Brady’s marriage to his wife of 9 years, Mandie, is over. The couple shared one daughter…and a disdain for dating and marrying within their own race.

When trying to reach Mandie for comment, she only offered: YOU WOAWN MANNY-COOR in PED-DEE-COOR?!

Like Kraft Macaroni and Cheese...

and beatin' the alarm just to snooze

And like a lick-pullin' Blood

I GOT THE BLUES!

Irritation level's sittin'

At an all time high

Right next to Weezyanna

Eatin' stars from the sky

It's on the edge of the ledge

'Bout to take the leap over

Aint no peace, peak is reached

Ain't a No Limit Soulja

Did way too much drankin'

Ain't get enough rest
Give me a small amount of bull

Sendin' holes to your chest

This ain't a threat

'Tis a promise

Ain't no fightin'

Bringin' llamas

Ain't no kiddin'

Fuck ya mama

I brings WAR

Fuck Drama

I spit nukes

Fuck flames

Fuck a toilet

Shit yo name

No aftermath like The Game

Katrina ya azz

Got Hurricanes

Fuck ya life

Who you admire

SF's the blog

You desire

Turn 35

And retire

She's now the Queen...

But I'm the SIRE!!

HAHAAHAHHAHAAAA!

Yeah, I feel better already!

Miss Crap Supreme

Photos Source
Really, I'm not feeling NONE of the "femcees" on this show, lyrically or physically.
Everybody looks like they could use a hot Massengil and/or Bleach and Febreze dip...and a gift certificate to Ann Taylor Loft.


The only one I'd give an "Aw'ight" to was my Sister in Bigness, Lady Twist. (Club Chub...STAND UP!) Other than that...I'll just be watching to see if somebody fucks up Chiba's OTHER eye. Rather it be with a fist...or with Byata's Rusky juice. **wank, wank**




The Ultimate Embarrassment to Black People quote of the night HAAAASSSS to go to Babymomma #1, Nicky2States (aka Baby Oil 'Bama), when talking about how shit was gettin' outta hand cuz everybody was gettin' they drank on:
"Alcohol, as they say, it makes you let down your prohibitions. We didn't have any."
LAWD!!! **Clutches Jeezus piece AND a history book**




Close runner up has to be Kim Wayans ghetto-cute A-alike, Miss Cherry, after a certain "semi-established" rapper got in her face about telling the honest dayum troof calling her a One Hit Wonder:
"Schuh-wang! You startin' an argument, schuh-wang de'en!"


EXKRUHS

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  I LMMFVenezias AAAWWWF at the scene when they were in the salon and homechick in the background, lookin' like a permed up Double-X Chromosome Flav, startin' giggin' and rappin' along to the gals' wack azz chorus.
  LOL! I hear dat! Don't let that perm burn stop you from gettin' EVERY BIT of yo 1.37 seconds of fame!
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  Overall, I think the challenge was kind of weak. Me, being the bia bia I am, I wouldn't have been nervous to spit in front of the Catholic Sisters. I just woulda pulled a lil memory of Martin outta my dome and spit Sheneneh and KeyLoLo's ish from the talent show ep ('member dat?): You want some...but you cain't get NUN! (<--Haha! Get it?! I'm lame...I know!)

**shakes head slowly** I couldn't watch the whole ep, mayne. My daily quota of IG'NIT had already been met while watching Flavor of Fuckery earlier. (Notice how this is a 99% Khia free post?!?!?! )

**reaches for Jeezus piece again**
SORRY!! I cain't do it all! I'm but ONE woman!

MC Bama

**putting on 'Nice' cap**

You know what?
I ain't even gon' taze MC Hammer's babygirl, A'Keiba Burrell, for looking like part time choir director/part time drag queen Fontlutrell Simms on the set of MTV's "Rock the Cradle."


If she wants to rock a blue pleather belt directly beneath her clavicle, then that's HER business. Who am I to judge my fellow big biatch on her style choices?
Plus, her ass sung the DOG SHIT out of Jennifer Hudson's "I Love You, I Do" on the premiere ep of "RTC." Had me wavin' my chuuuch fan and shakin' my tambourine like, "YEAH!" I say she wins it all...if the shit was on BET. But I know one of them young Y T's are gonna take the crown.

Give me that Dusty Looooooooove!

Good morning, SavvyFatty'ers! Happy Tuesday! (<--whatever the hell that means! If it ain't Friday, it ain't right!)
Ain't much going on this morn. I am SUPERVISOR and CARING ABOUT WORK-FREE today! So...you just do you! And U'mma do me! Sittin' at work chillin' on SavvyFatty!

Sooooo...let's cut to the chase:
I think someone has an office crush on ya ol' girl.
**noddin' head while lickin' lips and poppin' starched white collar**

And why wouldn't they? I mean I only steps up in this piece in the best collared shirts, sweaters and jeans (<--YUP! Found out they couldn't really enfore a dress code cuz we're gubment employees...so I tucked the slacks like an iced out chain on the corner of MLK Blvd and Malcolm X Ave!!) that Lane Bryant and their $50 off a purchase of $150 or more coupons can buy!

For the past few weeks one of my elderly coworkers (YES!) has had NO problem standing behind me for a good 86 seconds before actually opening her (YES! HER!) gums to say something. And usually when she does finally speak, it's some half thought-through NON-funny joke or gossip that I'm supposed to be remotely interested in. But since she's on the geriatric set and the only other negroid in my office, I entertain her bullshit by smiling sweetly.

And how do I know she's there in the first place, you ask?
Well, first off: The beezy is forever rockin' at least one piece of one of them circa 1991 noisy ass jogging suits. If she ain't rockin' the pants and causing bleeding ears throughout the building with each footstep, she is mosdef in the jacket. That shit right there gives her away as soon as she stands up out of her chair and steps out of her cube. All you hear in the aisle is "Swish swoosh sweesh swoosh." And when it stops directly behind my head, at that moment, I know she's there. Standing silently while staring at the back of my weave.

I NEVER turn around. NEVER EVER for fear that if I turn around too soon she'll be licking the PolyDent off her dentures and forming a dust cloud by rubbing the hail out of what's left of her clit.
Because...why else would she be staring at the back of my dome for so long? Other than the fact that she's imagining what it would be like to have all 2 packs of my Venus MicroYaky all up and through her fingers as I'm diving lips first into her lovely lady lap. **coats back of throat with corny vomit**

Damn me for being the sexy big beast I am!!!!!!!

Let the Church say, "GATDAYUM!"

Brandy and Aretha Franklin

I understand being down for ya folkers, but what's up with Reth-Reth smuggling a whole church pew into the NAACP Image Awards?
After many years of being the hottest, sexxxiest bia bia in the soul game, she STILL don't have pull to get enough tickets for her homays from the Mammoration Temple of Greater Tetas?
Daaaaamn, homay!

And I can't tell if Brandy just got out the shower...or karate class. But her hair IS on point for a change. **thumbs up** FINALLY it doesn't look like there's an invisible village of evil Liliputians above her pulling her wig off with a crane.

SENSATIONNEL!

MISSAAAAAY!

Right now, she's my inspiration since I'm dibblin' and dabblin' in writing and producing Hip Hop. So I GOTZ to show her some HIP HOP BIG GIRL lovin'...but not TOOOOO much.
Don't want Tweet knockin on my door, talkin 'bout some, "OOOPS! There goes my fist across your dome! OH MYYY..."
You get the rest. **wank, wank**