Friday, January 30, 2009

Malibu T'Yanna

Yo, how did Biggie and Jan's East Coast asses end up with a California Girl?

T'Yanna, Biggie's daughter with his first babymama, Jan, is a teen now. (Dayum! I feel ANCIENT! Remember her THEN?!)
Peep her speaking on her daddy's biopic, "Notorious" while sounding like an extra in the movie, "Valley Girl."
Video Highlight: 5:43 mark where T.T. speaks on B.I.G.'s protege, Lil' Cease getting a lil' verklempt during the funeral scene at the movie's premiere. Now that's "HARD BODY!," Cease! ;^p

Ever since the movie's been out, I've been gettin' MAAADD hits to my blog for this post. Don't click that red 'X' without peeping the comments first. That ninjlet Anon 'tis a HOOT!

Peep T.T. and her brother, Biggie's A-Alike son with singer, Faith Evans, CJ, enjoying some online sibling time.

Now...DON'T.GET.IT.TWISTED. I'm a thug's Thug. A GANGSTA'S GANGSTA. But I think this is sooooo cute. You can tell they really love each other.
LMAO at the 1:06 mark where Faith and her Barack OBlackenedWeedLips make a quick, agitated appearance.

THIS is the kind of reality TV I'd watch.
What Say YOU?!

Bush Era Bullshit

'106 & GOON,' Algernod?
Like: For Real?
Was the intersection of '13th and NiggerCoonSambo' already involved in the production of another live video show?

Now that Obama is in the h-h-HOOOUUSE, we have no time for the shenanigans above. We need to leave that shit in the Ig'nit Administration. We're trying to hop up out the beeeeddddd; turn our Barack and Michelle OOOONNNNNNN!!!
Get like US.


Here's 2 great examples of Fuck-uations...
...And if you're confused by my brand new noun
if you haven't already, watch both videos and I'll define at the end. Then, I challenge you to tell me you ain't have a tiny ounce of regret about giving the good gooshy gooshy away without any semblence of a rock, solid commitment.

First of the O.G. Queens of NY...

MC Lyte "Poor Georgie"
Who can forget this cautionary tale of a playa from-the-Him-a-lay-as who used to get his draink "OWN" and ended up killing himself DEAD.
(I know this ain't the O.G. vid, but listen to how the beats change to modern bangers in the background...DOPENESS.)


Eric Benet feat. Faith Evans "Georgy Porgy"
Yooooo! This song soooo reminds me driving to SDSU in my first vehicular baby, "NeNe" the Limited Edition Cadillac Neon. R.I.Peezy NeNers! We had some times, boy! May you rest pieces in a metal motherland...

Anywhoo, here's another ode to a Poor Georgy who was living life wild and foul. What is it about that 2-syllable euphemism that makes a muhfucka meet an untimely auto-related demise? Man!
Tell me this isn't some of the prettiest footage of Faith, though?

fuck-u-a-tion (<--I dun' toldja) n. 1. The clear and present understanding that the person you're fucking is only that: the person you're fucking. 2. A non-verbal agreement betwixt 2 adults regarding a "Don't Ask; Don't Tell," strictly sexual, "Don't Call Me; I'll Call You" jumble of relations. a.k.a. "What I do outside this bedroom/backseat/alley way/the baffroom at church is MY BIDNISS!"

Now, my fair maidens and muthafuckas:

How many of you have active
fuckuations popping in your palaces?
  • Does it suck?
  • OR
  • Does it ROCK?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Barely Legal

Happy Hump Day, SavvyFAT'liens!

Please enjoy the video featured above if you'd like a window into my mind to see the mood I'M in right now...
Oh, and thank my boy "JF" aka "Uppity Dick" for the vid. Ninja knows DAYUM WELL I wanna take it there, but is acting like his dick is wrapped in Werther's Originals or some shit...UGH!

<Mary/K-Ci>If fuckin' dudes is all that I have to dooooooo!/I don't wanna do ANYTHING ELSE!</Mary/K-Ci>
**fans self**

Now, if you couldn't tell from the complete title of this blog displayed at the very top of your screen or from the underlying subject in each and every one of these here posts:
Savvy likes to Drop, Pop, and Fuck IT!

Ain't nuuuuuttttthin' better to make the oochie wetter than a nice, long, thick, juicy pants pork sword, right?
LAWD! **fans self**

And what's better and BETTER than a NLTJPPS?

Well, besides Jesus's love and grace, of course...


**Double LAWD**

Remember this pitiful shit from mere days ago?
Yeah. DEAD THAT. Cuz I've been DELIVERED. ESS AY VEE dunn bounced back like fast shaking azz cracks.
I've been gifted and Merry Christmas'd with some new, NEW shit. No less than 9.5 inch shit.

But since all them gotdayum letters are just absolutely, horrifically, tediously loooonnnggg to remember, just refer to him as "18 Supreme Peen On S A V V Y Fatty's C.R.E.M.E. TEAM, Nahmean?"...or "18 Supreme Peen" for shote-shote.

This is the first time I've gone "Frankie".
I usually stick with dudes in the 24-35 year old age range. So I'm feeling mad nostalgic and youthful right about now, mayne. I'm the me that was walking down the street, binder in hand, Sony Walkman on dizzeck blasting Total's "Kissing You (Remix)", thinking about the ol' 3-sport athlete who'd just FB'd me on the school bus.

WHEW! Those.Were.The.DAYS!


So, ladies and gents, do tell:
What's the youngest pants pirate or puhnahni that you've banged like a drum?
And how did you and old balls or thuggin' youngin's paths cross?

Monday, January 26, 2009

3 Questions: The Obama's Dat 'N!' Edition

...and by 'N' I mean 'NEW PRESIDENT,' SNITCHEEEZZZZ!!!!

1) How muthafucking HAAARRRDD are Jeezy and Jay going on the remix to the Obama ode, “My President’s Black?” Like: Fa real, tho!

2) Have you ever heard the following sentence: "I want a jheri curl right quick..."

3) How do you think James Evans kicked it to the fly, young honey that was Florida?
  • Think he asked her if he could have the pleasure of oiling her neck?

**4) **BONUS: Why do you think the Spork gets such a bum rap?!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

HOPE Hustle

Damn, Dame Dash: Since you're no longer able to Roc-A-Fella, guess you gotta Barack-A-Fella, no?

My girl, Fre, caught this "Hope Hustler" over the weekend while in DC for the Inauguration festivities.
And even though I'm BEYOND embarrassed, sitting here with my fanguhz crossed hoping these pics don't get in the hands of "company," I can't even be mad at Barack's "Bruh'man" for slainging that Jovan Musk with the Super-Glue'd First Family Photos. Barack speaks of "CHANGE"...and never once did he omit snatching off eau de toilette labels.

So I salute this spirited salesman for his dollar-clocking dauntlessness.


Monday, January 19, 2009

Do You Wanna Love SOMEBODAY?

Happy MLK Day, folks!

I hope you're also enjoying the holiday off. If not, **laughs uncontrollably as I sip my Two-Buck Chuck from my couch while sporting the finest knockoff Tommy Hilfiger tank dress my mama's 1996-vacationing-in-Acapulco $$$ could buy**

Just kidding, folks. You know I luhh y'all like fat kids love the ice cream truck. And I didn't come here to hate on your work situation; just came to spread some "King Holiday" loving in the form of a 1986 Pop, R&B, and Hip Hop video celebrating the Reverend's legacy. And in honor of the Ultimate Dreamer, we'll play a little game entitled:

How many of the following can YOU spot?

1) Dookie-Thick King Offspring 'Staches?

2) Pre-Kanye West Shag & Shades Combos?

3) Introspective Dr. King posters where his facial expression is UNDOUTEDLY saying, "Laaawwwddd, I Hope These Ninjas Don't Uck This Up After I Worked So Hard AND Had My Life SNATCHED For Their Punk Arses."

4) Pair of grey sweatpants that NEVER had a chance of being loose-fitting

5) Red-Cardigan-Sweater-Wearing New Edition members simultaneously resembling a My Little Pony and hip-popper Lil' Mama

6) Teena Marie mullets

7) Whitney the Snowgirl

8) Menudo members that would grow up to marry wives

9) DeBarge porn 'staches

10) Yellow satin jackets with pockets storing cupcakes, Slim Jims, and sleep apnea machines



Get your answer on in the COMMENTS...

Monday, January 12, 2009

3 Questions: Brought to you by the letter 'I'

...for "Infidelity"
(You'll get it in a minute, home skillet...)

"Happy" Monday, all!
**sips coffee; punches calendar in the dome**

I'm running on 'E' like a muthatoucher, mayne as I just got in from a solo drive from Vegas and I'm BEAT like Suge on LA concrete, man.
This coffee ain't doing a gotdayum thang for me and I'm rocking the same pants I had on yesterday. **pours out a lil' Tide for the work clothes still in the hamper that were scheduled to be washed Sunday, but my fas'tailed azz went to Vegas instead of taking care of home; snatches a branch off a tree to beat my own ass**

Day-Old jeans or not: I made it to the Jay-Oh-Bee and now that I'm here, I just have a few questions for all my loyal Savvy FAT'Liens.
So, if you'd be so kind as to take a moment from your busy schedules of not doing a gotdayum thang while STILL getting paid for it and answer the questions below, I'd greatly appreciate it. Hell, I might even buy you a shortset...

1) Have you ever seen a 'Uniggcorn?'

2) If you were "blessed" with only 1 hand, how would you:

A) Zip your zipper?

B) Tie your shoes?

C) Wash your hands?

3) Which melanin-wealthy Hip Hop Chorus King did I spot at the club in Vegas OPENLY and UNAPOLOGETICALLY cupcaking and MAD PDA'ing with a breezy OTHER than the woman he gave his last name to?


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Like A Chump

Sending text messages, saying things I don't really mean
Like, "Yeah, I like how you spent your cable bill dough on them Red Monkey Jeans"

Kissing on lips I could care less if I touch
While wondering, silently, "Damn, must I introduce this niglet to a brush?"

Dealing with a
Ralph Tresvant-type who does WAAAAYYYY too much fussin'
A muthafucka who had the NERVE to ask me: "Why didn't you act like you liked me in front of my cousin?"

Accepting massages when I really came for the drillin'
Accepting WAAAAYYYY less fuckin' and faaaarrr TOO.MUCH.DAYUM.CHILLIN'

I've dealt with it ALL. Did it ALL for the Nookie.
And now I'm in search of a TRILL AZZ Veteran instead of this Booty Call Rookie

Therefore, I resolute to find a new dealer.
One who will MURDER the ooochie like a real cap peeler.

One with a locked & loaded peen deep down in his britches
One, always at-the-ready, EAGER to scratch my midnight itches

One who won't bait me over with promises of fuckin'
Then get my ass to the crib to watch UFC on Spike! and when I ask, "WHAT DA HAIL YOU DOIN' INSTEAD OF RAPIN' ME?" and his ol' sensitive ass asks: "Damn, why you rushin'?"

One who ain't tryna love on me and cuddle up like a bitch
One who looks at me, then the Wu-Tang, then demands:
"Come put that pussy on this dick!"

One who's tall, dark, strong, but won't try to push me
Does He even exist?...Or: Should I go strictly for the pussy?


Just like Limp Bizkit's 1999 hit, I've taken an 'L' in the Dick Dealer Department...all in the name of Nookie aka Regular Fucking.
Kissing. Massages. Lap-Laying. TALKING. ICK!
Regretfully, I've engaged in it all in hopes that I was putting "money in the bank" for a back-blowing-out session.
Color me NOT proud.

So, ladies and pimps, atop my list of OH!-9 resolutions is to find a NEW! peen purveyor. One who understands the meaning and significance behind a text message sent after the 10 o'clock hour. One who understands my need to bang like a gang at least thrice weekly.

I mean, really: Is it too much to ask that he gives up the ass like I'm a robber requesting cash?


Should I focus on more lucrative goals, like advancing in my career?

(If you answered Choice B...GETDUHFUCKOUTTAHERE!!!!!!!!!!!)

Is there a heart in the house tonight?

If so, PLEASE tell me I'm NOT the only one who's put up with shenanigans in the name of screwing!!!!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

28 With A Bullet

As of TODAY, I have exactly 1 month (**criiiiinge; teeth chattering nervously**) left as a Deuce-8 year old.

As of TODAY, YOU have exactly 1 month to get me gifted. GET ME GIFTED! [/Savvy FIERCE]

And if you don't know what to get for your Savvy, here're a few demands! ideas.



Cuz I'm tired of looking like a young, pre-jheri curl AND minky yaki lacefront Michael Jackson by the dome.
Mixed Chicks Leave-In Conditioner/Styling Creme, Tre-Deuce Ozs. $50

Cuz I got dick pics that need a'posting. In Pink. Cuz that ninja would have been better off with vajay, anyway.
Bright Pink Set of 2 Picture Frames spotted at MultiChic. $68. (WHAT?! I'm Worth It!)

Cuz Savvy don't play that!Neon Yellow Shield Shades. Ready for purchase, so I can get my Terminator X on, for the low-low of $48 at ShopNastyGal.

Cuz I <3 the 90's. And she's giving us pin-curl swoop.

Harajuku Lovers "Music" fragrance. $25 at Macy's. C'mon. You got that.

Cuz I like to run. **looks at self...the name of my blog...and inside my refrigerator**
Ok, cuz they're cute, you judgemental fuck.
Puma Key High Top Sneaks. $60; brought to you by the fine folks over at UrbanOutfitters.

Cuz I'm tired of my glovebox overflowing with scratched-the-HAIL-up CDs that readily play every corny interlude, yet, not the song that I wasted $14.99 on the dayum CD for in the first effing place.
iPod Touch. I'm easy to please. So surprise me with the GBs. Salivated over via the Apple store.

Cuz I want to be there; wouldn't want to have to ask them hoes, ASK THEM HOES ABOUT IT.
Tickets to the San Diego leg of Lil' Wayne's "I Am Music" Tour.
Somewhere close, where I can easily see the skinty of his jeans, please. Oh, and a backstage pass would also be loverly. (I got a box full of lollilops I'd like "autographed.")