Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby Batter

Irv Gotti’s head looks like his neck baked a cake, yo.

Lift up the back of his shirt and there'd be a cassette player under a furry flap and shit.

**brings composure back to the bottom of the map**

My bad, fam. Don’t mind me and my shit talk about my fellow chubster...ESPECIALLY if you've seen me lately. For those that have, you're already in the knizzow about how my neck is losing inches by the Chipotle.

But…Have I told you that I can’t fucking stand him…latelay?

As I sit here and catch “Gotti’s Way” via DVR, my blood goes from Top Ramen to NUCLEAR as I listen to this dumb fuck talk his daughter, Angie, out of pursuing a college education since his ass didn’t and was blessed enough to make millions.

But: What part of the LAME is THAT?

ANY retard with a v-card knows that KNOWLEDGE is power. Yeah, money is gravy like mashed potaters, but who's to say lightning would strike Angie's path the way it did when Murder, Inc. reigned supreme? (Pun Intended)

And EVERY Irv Gotti should know that money ain’t THAT easy to come by ANYmore.(“Body,” anyone?)

For those of you smacking ya lips: Don't think I'm hating on Baked Biscuits Head. I do respect Gotti as a businessman, envy his go-getter spirit and, well: Who can forget how he introduced the world to a talented, young songstress by the name of NOFUCKINGBODY?

But as a husband and a father, I want to take him by his Play-Doh titties and chuck his Pillsbury Doughyness to a place where no one EVER checks for a Murder Inc. project AGAIN.

A little place I like to call: EVERYWHERE.

Deb, his hoping-against-hope azz wife, is better than ME, yo.

Ain't NO way in a world where ninjas like Idris Elba and Mickael Pietrus (<--gotcha!) sexily saunter would I allow this Hip Hop Teddy Ruxpin to openly and CONTINUOUSLY disrespect me or give my child bad advice for ONE moment.

Ok, well, maybe ONE moment; at least long enough for us to clock them reality show checks and enough evidence to show the lawyers and judge just what type of cheating azz chubby fucker this yellow ninja really is. But after that lil’ game is played, I’m in the WIIINNND with my JoJo Simmons’esque daughter and impressionable sons to enjoy MY life spending HIS coinage. Cha-Chaing!

But I digress. And please forgive me for going in on this human hush puppy (and no, NOT the shoes, playboys and girls) because he ain't the reason for the season.

I TRILLY came through to take you down Memory Lane with me for a second.

So close your eyes for a moment (figuratively and shit, since you gotta read this, remember? But shouts! to those who DID. Eeenyusjays.) while I take you on this spunky expedition...

Picture a club, circa 2002; packed wall-to-wall with sweaty weaves and hungry onlooking azz ninjas dying to run their fingers through ‘em.

Envision ya girl rightchea getting my proper party ON as the DJ spins one of my FAVORITE songs, B.I.G.'s “One More Chance.” All of a sudden I feel someone behind me. I turn around to see a spaghetti noodle of a man toothily grinning. And if my memory serves me correctly, he had on an Avirex button-up. Or a drugstore rayon. Shit-I can’t call it. But for argument's sake picture some shit that would have sweat and must at its front door like, “Come.Out.And.PLAAA-AAYYY!”

So we groove a lil’ bit and he asks me if I want a drink. “HAIL YEAH!” my mind blurted since that type-shit is RARE in these Daygo streets. You’ll get caught butt nekkid with a blunt between your ass cheeks in your cubicle faster than you’ll get a male-sponsored drink ‘round these parts.

Arm-in-arm we head to the bar and he tells me to get what I want. Back then, I was GHETTO and had NO type of ladylike decorum...case in point: “Double shot of Henny,” I eagerly tell the bartender before dude changes his mind and saves his dough for the taco shop run immediately after. Directly after the order crossed my lips, I see his eyes widen and bottom lip drop like groupie drawls.

“Awww, shit. You’z a G!” he exclaims, dumbfounded that I’m drinking like the big boys do. I just bat my eyelashes and smile sweetly with that “Jeah, that’s how I roll. AND WHAT?!” look on my face.

Before the bartender hands us our drinks, the DJ drops THIS shit right here, n-word:

Let me let you know: You ain’t never SEEN a big bitch groove like I grooved at that moment. Hand in the a-yer. Draink to my lip. Ass a’sway. All around loving LIFE cuz like Lost Boyz said: MUSIC MAKES ME HIGH.

Spaghetti Rayon promptly took his place on my no-booty and got to grinding like bad brakes. We were still by the bar waiting for our liquid libido. Soon as the bartender pushed ‘em our way, we grab ‘em and continue our party of 2; STILL grooving and shit. I throw mine back like a floor-length weave (cuz my mama taught me that) while never missing a chance to rub up against “him downstairs.”

Just as I heard, “Baby, I don’t know why you wanna do me wrong (Do Me Wrooonnng)” I feel a violent azz shudder behind me. I turn around to make sure Rayon Ricky ain't had a seizure from the amount of azz-negative I'm throwing his way. At that moment I see Avirex Slim with the “OH!” face. Yes, ladies and pimpin' men: That “OH!” face. The one I hand out like prescriptions and subscriptions when I’m on a mission.

I stared a mudhole THROUGH his face and for some reason, his eyes wouldn’t meet mine. He clutched his drink for dear life and BRISKLY limped away without any utterance.

I took a moment to process. I mean, I HAD just imbibed that Henn-Doggy Dogg. My mind most CERTAINLY could have been playing tricks on me.

I thought that maybe his girl had just walked in with the Domestic Violence face on.

But, then something told me to just do a “check” on my jeans. Maybe he'd spilled his drink on me and was afraid of my reaction.

I swung my hand around to my nil-booty to find a newborn batch of baby batter.

SWEA’ FO’ GAWD.

Guess Who's FIZZAT?

Yeah, I know: It's been a LOOONNNGGG azz time, so here's some hugs & kisses for you

However, this is no social visit, so no grinning and displayage of tooth


Barack is in office and I thought we'd left this shit back in the Admin of You-Know-Who


But OHHHH NO! We still got bidniss to 'tend to when it comes to the Ghett-Olympics that is Prom for our youth


SHOUTS to my IG Email Posse brought to me by the Triscuit Tress Trio that is NaturallyAlise, LuvvieLG, and ThePBG. Christina: I blameth YOU for bringing this into my world. But Zaynab: You took it over the IZZEDGE with your project poem, homay and for that: iCurse Thee.





To babygirl in the collared-up circus tent, Hot Paink with the Yellow
You effin' Pepto Klepto: Taketh back that toe to that camel!


To ol' gal in the Color By Numbers corset with the cotton candy tutu
Wasn't you slaingin' Newports at the Legion last week? Ain't you really 42?


Dear Chesty Betsy: Your jugs be'eth too behemoth for that strapless gown
And PS: Do your titties have an elevator? If not, then why they look so down?


Oh, my Young Jeezus!: Who gave the OK for the family portrait at the prom?
Please convict them, O'Savior, for felonious, ghettotanous and foolhardy use of Vee-ton.


Now, this orange frock with the feathers, homegirl don't look that bad
But correct me if I'm wrong, but: Didn't she go to prom with your dad?


Now, for this "dude" in the orange: You're no J-Lo in that dress
You've got FAR too much fabric and, clearly, not ENOUGH neck.


To ol' boy in the sofa: Naw, playboy, yo' shit AIN'T HARDLY on point
What you CAN do is get back to them dishes 'need 'tendin' down at Harpo's Juke Joint.


To homechick in the Spongebob, iREFUSE to live with your theatrics!
How disrespectful to rob ya lil sis of the sheet RIGHT off her mattress!
Have you any shame about pulling this frightful fashion caper?
When you know DAMN WELL you just wasted good birthday gift wrapping paper!


To the golden girl going to Carnival in this costumey 2-piece
Why has your weave disagreed, divorced, and parted like Moses did the sea?


To Piggy Smalls in the maroon: Alright, Big Ma: DO YO THANG!
But you ain't gon' be able to sit down in that dress, so I hope your limo is a train.

To the rest of you fools who I spared and did not address
Congratulations on the setting back of hundreds of years of Black Progress
With your illicit displays of sheer niggatry and your stellar ho shit 'fits
I asketh the Lord to curseth your wombs and loins so you can't pass on this shit!



However...For those who've already entered parenthood: PLEASE allow your kids to be kids
Or in 15 years or so I'll see they fonky asses on WSHH acting dumb-niggerish in 'dem vids

Now...HOW YOU LUHH' DAT?

**abruptly drops keyboard**

HOPE Hustle

Damn, Dame Dash: Since you're no longer able to Roc-A-Fella, guess you gotta Barack-A-Fella, no?

My girl, Fre, caught this "Hope Hustler" over the weekend while in DC for the Inauguration festivities.
And even though I'm BEYOND embarrassed, sitting here with my fanguhz crossed hoping these pics don't get in the hands of "company," I can't even be mad at Barack's "Bruh'man" for slainging that Jovan Musk with the Super-Glue'd First Family Photos. Barack speaks of "CHANGE"...and never once did he omit snatching off eau de toilette labels.

So I salute this spirited salesman for his dollar-clocking dauntlessness.

WHAT SAY YOU ABOUT HIS MONEY-MAKING MOXIE?

OBC: NINJETTE, PLEASE!

I mean, yeah. It's been no secret that La Savviente has been known to appreciate a sexxxay lady...or 9 **winks at ALL'luh'mm; licks my lips; rocks my hips**, in my day.
**reminisces while getting out calendar of this afternoon**

But this shit right HERE, ninja...**tastes the bile'y yummyness of vomit**


Ladies and gentlemen: I present to thee, our homegeisha, our personal kid karate, SHORTYPERS, from the illustrious OBC:

I have a few questions for our Dental Superstar before she finishes rubbing that hamburger's paper across her grill.

1) You look Asian. Ya teef look European. British, to be exact. In what country did you first rest ya naps?

2) But in what country is it accepted, as well as customary, to walk around with teeth looking like Academy Awards statuettes?

2) Do you think your teeth should be treated as biscuits?

3) If not, why are yours so buttery?

4) If so, don't you know all that cholesterol will kill ya?

WHO WANTS THIS HOT BUTTER ON THEIR POP-D-POP-D-POP-CONE?!?!?!!!!!

OBC: Ninja PLEASE!

Would this hot piece of cocoa get you curious?

If so, hit him up on OBC. DLICKTAIL's his name and from the looks of it licking babboon tails and 1970's porn'staches is his game.
**coats shirt with bile**

America's GOT to be Fucking Kidding Me

Fa REAL, United States?!


Don't blame me! **embarrassed, dayum near 30-year old face** Blame the oil companies and the fact that I'd rather be watchin' YouTube than to be in the skreets burnin' through crude.

But I guess The ZOOPERSTARS (**LOL!...then stops self**) weren't ALL bad. I came down with a quick case of smile crackeration at these points:

• Inflatable "50" making WASTE of his G-ZOOnit shirt at the 1:54 mark.
• The flawless display of BEAV-poppin' on a handstand at the 2:35
• The showstopping, man-eating courtesy of "SNAIL Earnhardt, Jr" **slaps knee** at the 2:51.

But...I got more important shit to do. **Tunes into X-Tube...then tunes right out as I just cain't get enough**
I ain't gon' front: The Zooperstars website is DOPE! as you can vote for the next creature to join the Zoo. The character names alone...maaannn!! Look at this shit and tell me YOU didn't contract H.I.-Hehehe?!?!?!!!

Alas, The Zooperstars were voted off of Thursday's 'America's Got Talent.' And that's good news for a biatch like me who's NEVER watched this show and now is cancelling future recordings on the DVR never will.

Cuz It's Saturday's Little Brother

**WARNING: There's no rhyme nor reason for this post. Now that you know that...enjoy!

T-Pain is Musical Hogmaws.

Tastes good in all kindsa shit, including birthday cake... but it'll kill ya. "M. Hog" sold his extra-onyx orifices to that ninja, The'Dev'il. But now that ninj is clockin' mo' dollaz than William H. got "Hollas!"
That's all.

**Sidenote on the Video:

• WHAT kinda sick mind thinks of this type'a shit?
  
• Is the stage a fucking 3-ring BINDER, yo?!
• WHY does the 'Pain figure look like Isaac Hayes's (Respect.) "Chef" character from South Park in Colonel Sanders 'fit, homey?

********************************************

Speaking of musical artists: Soulja Boi is Musical Top Ramen.

When you're reeaalllll hungry, securely sitting at "Will Eat The Asshole Out Of An Al Reynolds"-level, (<<<--he's the one w/o the nutsack) you can get a lot of it for cheap, but you really shouldn't be digesting it because it's A MILLI percent bad for yoooouuuuuu!!!!












********************************************



Funniest thing I heard all week, courtesy of one of my Twitter/BlogTalkRadio homies:

"Hammer Panties"
**picture me Pearl-Gate'in'**
Was that you, Odara?!














********************************************



"It's So Cooolllld In The PC"
By faaaarrr, I think THIS is the most HIGH-lair-e-yus "It's So Cold" remix out there!
Be sure to strap your Pull-Up on prior to pressing play. (<<<---alliteration, much?)
Hear the PC get his frustrations out about the hood rat stuff popping off between RAM and ROM.


********************************************

Imagine a high-heeled Croc.
Tayo, did you spit that one?

********************************************








"Somebodies," (BET)
While flipping through the channels last night I caught a quick couple minutes of this kitchen ass version of a Church's Chicken 2-piece with a crispy honey biscuit of a show.
And, in those mere 120 seconds, I could already tell that this show's craft service table had halfed-hot links chillaxin' in the middle of a veggie plate. Complete! with jellay jars full of buttermilk and Ranch dressing.
Don't know why, but I pictured some kind of Debbie Allen/Sounds of Blackness collabo music coming on and playing reeaaall musical-inspirational, church retreat-type ish, too.
I guess the students at the local college were the only one's who'd take money orders and chicken dinners as payment, no?!


What do any of Y'ALL think about any of THIS?!
To the COMMENTS!

PubeTube

Whoopi Goldberg hosted a special segment of 'The View' inside model Tyson Beckford's---

NO?!!!

WHAT!!!!!!

Then...What in Flaw'duh Evans, Nappy Dugout-type FUCK SHIT is this?!?!?!

• And why wasn't I invited?
  
• And why is homegirl just standing there instead of deep-D diving?
  
• And why did I forget that I think Tyson is a PooPoo Pirate?
  
• But, why would I try it anyway?
  
• Why can I picture Tyson, Puffy, and Bentley playing a nekkid, ghey game of Twister?
  
• But why would I try it anyway?

Bristol Palin's Pussy Pumper

(above) Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin's high school sweetheart and the reported father of her unborn baby.
(below) The Palin Family; Bristol on the far right.

I wouldn't let this jheri-curled, mophead, dead-eyed fool near my poosay...but apparently Bristol Palin did. And now plans to World-of-Curls his 'fro for the "rest" of her life.

More...

Happy Labor Day!

No, not you, my loyal SavvyFatty folks, but:

You!
"Juneau's Juno!"Bristol Palin
17-year old daughter of Alaska Governor and the GOP's Vice Presidental pick, Sarah Palin
And no, not this week's federal holiday that got my Venezias fitting like a second, thick, denim skin after eating far too much "poak" and "tayduh salad" while imbibing mixed drainks involving champagne, wine, and Cherry Tampico, (<<--Class, at its finest) but an ACTUAL labor day. April 18th of this year, to be exact.
Don't know what the HAIL I'm talking about?!
Follow me, nah!!
WAIT!
You can't...since for some odd, type-jainky "I SMELL A COVER-UP" reason, the Daily KOS story that was posted about the Desperate Housewives-"Bree Van De Kamp"-type situation involving Sarah Palin and her teen daughter has mysteriously disappeared!

But the long of the short is:
It's believed that Sarah Palin did not give birth to her fifth child, Trig Paxson Van Palin, who was born this past Spring with Down Syndrome. Instead her teen daughter, Bristol, reportedly secretly birthed the child and turned custody over to her parents to hide her transgression.
Read more here...

But now, since Gov. Palin and her pals are so Pro-Choice and Anti-Birth Control, Lil' Miss Premarital Pussy Pumpstress, has turned up knocked up AGAIN!
However this time, with the Senior Ms. Palin in the national spotlight, this pregnancy cannot be hidden or covered up with Baby Trig and his blankie.


*******
My opinion, in short:THIS is exactly what happens when you refuse to talk to your children about birth control. And when you sit so high on your Conservative High Horse thinking that it's impossible to even fathom that your child may slip up and get knocked up.

NEWSFLASH to parents with teenagers:Your son's dick will harden and your daughter's pussy will moisten and at some point it will find something to get into...or something to get into it. PLAIN and SIMPLE!
Believe me: I know!
Many moon'leniums ago, I was a teen with working parents, a lot of free time, and a bus pass that could take me to any one of my ex's homes at any given time of day or evening. I remember being HOT AS FUCK for my high school sweetheart(s) and rising EARLY in the morn to ride the bus across Southeast to see them and staying up late on the phone describing in GRAPHIC detail** what I was going to do to them the next time I saw them. (** And I always kept my promise...right, TAL and SLB?! HAHA!)

But real talk: Having a sex and/or birth control convo with your child has never decreased nor enhanced their desire to screw.
We're biologically designed to be attracted to the opposite sex. (Well, some of us. **side-eyes Puff and the rest of the Hip Hop Closet**) But there's nothing unnatural about the urge to fuck. It's in us all. The best thing a parent can do is equip their children, especially their teen girls, with the tools necessary to prevent an early or unwanted pregnancy.

The Palins went wrong by trying to hide Bristol's pregnancy; especially when trying to pass an obviously-unpregnant Gov. Palin off as being with child.Gov. Palin, right, pictured in her 3rd trimester while pregnant with her first first baby in 1989


Then, in her 3rd trimester with Baby Trig in early 2008
This cover-up and subsequent scandal could have easily been avoided with just a teeny-tiny ounce of what I like to call "Truth." Instead of being anti-birth control, they should have been Pro-Sex Ed. They should have discussed the consequences of unprotected sex as well as the consequences of getting preggo while Mommy is trying to be the Republican Hilly C. And since that NEVER happened, they are about to be grandparents for the second time...under the scrutiny of the entire country.

What the Right-Wingers refuse to realize while on their Moral High Horses is that there's not ONE family in this wide world that has not been affected by a teenage pregnancy and that being a teen parent does NOT mean you or your child are destined to not be be shit.
Hell, I'm a product of a couple of horny high schoolers, as are many of my friends, co-workers, aunts, uncles, great grandparents, cousins, etc.
Yes, I bring home a can of Tab and a Homies figurine every 2 weeks, but I think I'm doing pretty well, despite my humble, and oft-thought "shameful" beginnings. Yes! It is embarassing to have a pregnant child, especially when you've done everything in your power to raise that child "right." But like your ass after eating anything off a Taco Bell menu: SHIT HAPPENS!
The Palins could not control Bristol's actions, but they COULD HAVE controlled their reaction to her sitaution. And a cover-up was NOT the correct, MORAL thing to do which is why this situation brings about many questions regarding Sarah Palin's morals, especially since she's up for a position which would make her the second most powerful person in the WORLD.
As a person who could possibly (but HOPEFULLY NOT!) become her constituent, I needz to know:

• If you'll lie to the public about something as simple as a teenage pregnancy, what ELSE will you lie about?
  AND
• If you cannot keep your own daughter's legs closed, how can you help our daughters to remain chaste?

I've shared my views.
What are your thoughts and opinions on the Palin Pregnancy(ies)?

McCain in my AZZ!

In the immortal words of Thing 2 from "Flavor of Fuckery:"

FA REAL, FLAV?!?!?!!!!

Alaska Governor Palin is McCain's choice for VP

John McCain has chosen Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin to be his vice-presidential candidate on the Republican ticket for the White House, a senior McCain campaign official has told CNN. The 44-year-old Palin, now in her first term as governor, is a pioneering figure in Alaska, the first woman and the youngest person to hold the state's top political job. More bullshitteration here...

The Republicans are some tricky azz bastards, mayne!! Opportunistic Douchebags who've sat back in the cut, ninja what!, and observed what the disgruntled "Hillarations" (<<--Hillary Clinton supporters) want more than anything in the long run: A woman reppin' in DC.

Fuck the fact that this woman will support a "regime" that has brought the US economy, environment and its reputation around the world down to the fiery pits of Hell. As long as there's tampons on the ticket, PUMAs and ignorant feminists just may cast a vote for Centrum Silver in November, leaving Obama to take his "celebrity" back to the Senate.

I'm fucking speechless right now, y'all. So I cain't. Nor will I.

So...talk amongst yourselves...in the comments, of course. **wink**

WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?!??!!!

BARACK DAT SHIT!!!!!!

MON.U.FUCKING.MENTAL!!!!!!!!!!
On the 45th Anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I Have A Dream" Speech.
Coincidence?!?!! FUCK NO.

Barack Obama, mahhh man!, has just accepted the Democratic Nomination for President.
Well, I'll be GOTDAYUMED!!!!!!!
I can't even describe to you at this moment how I'm feeling. It's a mixture of pride, of joy, of excitement, of hope, of muthafuckin, "YEEEEAAAHHHHH, NINJAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The future first fam has got me so hyped!

From the precise press of Michelle's coif to the way the Obama Girls, Malia, 9, and Natasha aka Sasha, 7, are the picture of perfection sitting next to their mother. I loved the way Sasha clapped for her mother and the way Malia even stood up for Michelle. These girls are little angels. Let that hada been some kids in FamiliaSavvyFatty at that moment when they cut to that shot, SOMEbody woulda been gettin' pinched and/or slapped across the mouf. (No Child Abuse.)

BARACK-A-FELLA, Y'ALL!!!!!

Sol-Slapped

While over at my bloggin' bwoi BJ's spot, HHU2, I came across this vid of BEYONCE'S LITTLE SISTER tryna act like she ain't BEYONCE'S LITTLE SISTER.

All I gotta say is that newscaster is better than ya girl. If that was my channel and/or interview, we either woulda cut to commercial, a boxing ring, or the line of questioning would have deviated from promoting her lil' ripoff, Welfare/WIC-office-Amy-Winehouse-At-The-Flea-Market album to questions people really give a fuck about...like:

"It's common knowledge that you can't turn a young ho into a household name. So, compared to your SUPERTALENTED, SUPERSTAR sister that did NOT have a baby as a teen: How does it feel to not be shit?"

"Are you interested in losing the rest of that Gonzo honker you had chopped off years ago in order to FINALLY resemble a Knowles and not dude from Mad TV?"

And finally:
"Bitch, do you want a SavvyFatty 2-piece combo? MINUS the biscuit?"

My jigga Juelz: You know I luhh you with all my heart and Soledad O'Brien. But ya mama woulda been knocked into some Hadley Street Dreams fuckin' wit' me.

THIS.Is.The.Sound.Of.Revenge!

Cain't Stop. WON'T STOP.

...Introducing: HORRIBLE ADORABLE!!!

Learn about it!

Shake That Munkay!

WOW!!!
I found ONE place in this UNIVERSE where the ex could go and be HUNG like a racehorse...sort of.
If you ever thought a male couldn't have a PHAT MUNKAY...think again!

**Warning: Not.Safe.For.Work...OR LIFE!

Father Knows Breasts

Luther Campbell, aka Luke Skywalker aka Uncle Luke aka the muhfucka who started me on the road to adolescent pussy-poppin' after watching countless hours of his videos on The Box AND spendin' unnecessary money on his Freak Show series of videos cuz I secretly wanted to be down with the team (especially the scenes with Gloria Velez!), is getting his own VH-1 reality show.
**enter moment of silence here**

And although I'm embarrassed to admit it, I will say that I WILL be tuning in.

And no, not cuz I really wanna see butt nekkid hoes p-poppin' through his living room and garden. Naw. 'Taint that deep.
It's mostly because I'm curious to see the different variations of 'Luther' his numerous babymamas came up with. I'm curious to see if Lutheria will make her television debut and bring along her sister, Luthkemia, and their younger brother, LuthGherig's Disease.

The shit is set to premiere tonight at 10:30pm.

So, SF'ers: WILL YOU MOVE SOMETHIN' OVER TO VH-1 TO CATCH Luke's Parental Advisory?

The True Fucker

**Desperately searching for a word more descriptive and picture-painting than "speechless" to describe my shock, awe and horror right now**

This.Shit.Right.Here.NINJA!

photo source



I cain't and WILL not believe that The New Yorker let my soon-to-be First Lady, **ballot marked; fingers crossed** plucked and high (brows) girl, Obama's baby mama, Michelle, go out like "Shirley" on What's Happening.
That woman is a saint in my eyes! A beautiful black queen who ain't afraid to rock her natural press and curl is so hard to come by these days. And these fuckas got her on here looking like BozNegro The Clown.
SHAMEFUL!!

Oh...and the rest of that shit is unexcuseable, as well. I ain't blind; don't need no glasses to see.
But since you've probably heard (or read) everybody else's opinion on the shit, I won't bore you with mine. Just know I got a SavvyFatty 2-Piece Combo heating up in the microwave for whoever greenlit that cover.

As an artist, I can understand the satirical nature of the photo.
According to Politico, artist Barry Blitt "satirizes the use of scare tactics and misinformation in the Presidential election to derail Barack Obama’s campaign."

Ok. Cool. But why isn't there an alternate, commemorative cover with John "Centrum Silver" McCain holding a press conference while simultaneously pushing up daisies and stunt-doubling for worm food ig-zack-lee 10 seconds after he's sworn in?
That's a very real fear that I have as a voter; that our President will kick the bucket and leave a far-less prepared muhfucka in charge of the countray. Why not satirize the shit that frightens ME?

MY take: OBVIOUSLY they're speeding down Controversy Ave, straight onto the We're-Trying-to-Skew-On-The-Fencers-and-Middle-America's,-Most-Notably-the-Red-States-Residents,-Already-Effed-Up-View-of-The-First-Black-Candidate Expressway.
Shit's tasteless and for those who won't buy the magazine or read up on the "satire," they'll take this shit as law and run with it...straight to the polls with a John McCain vote. We cannot afford that. We've seen The Republican Show for the past 8 years and it's the complete opposite of the BIZNISS!

*****
So...to counter that negativity, cop the HOTTEST B-rack merch you can via CafePress.
Taughted as, “FRESH FRUITS AND VEGGIES FOR FRESH OBAMA LOVERS!," here's my fave item of the moment, for obvious reasons, uhhh doyyy!:



And it's PLUS-SIZED! Available in sizes 1x-5x! **contemplating starting a club called, "Big Biatches for Barack"**

Now...if only I could find the John McCain toilet paper roll. That shit would go PLATINUM (or Assnum) at Chateau Savvy.

Oh LOHAN NAAAWWWW!!!!

Lindsay Lohan's lil sis, Oscar Meyer Weiner Snap Into A Slim Jim, Ali, has a new single, "All The Way Around" which she says, "shows off her hip hop side."

**places machine gun to temple; tickles the trigger**

I heard this bullfuckery while watching E's reiteration of the shit they JUST showed less than 30 minutes earlier on E! News, The Daily 10.

Ummmm...**mad perplexed and vexed** If this shit right here is hip hop, then me and Amy Winehouse share a pair of jeans and Ashanti is more than capable of getting onstage and blowing Superhead Patti LaBelle-style. I ain't heard something less hip hop since I spent two and a half hours with my DVR and remote control watching 106 & Park trying to learn the Soulja Boy.

Ooops. Did I say that? [/Steve Urkel] Haha! J/k. No Ice T.

But I realized that, as I punished my ear drums to the highest level of punishtivity while watching this vid, instead of leaning back and/or shaking my salt shaker like most hip hop beats make me do, I actually stood up and busted a simultaneous Twist/ Achy Breaky Heart combination. And Ali's right: I never felt closer to Rakim & Eric B than I did right then. [/sarcasm]

HIP HOP MUSIC: Here's what they think about you!

Bet those KFC, Taco Bell commercials, and Brooke Hogan collabos don't seem so worth the money earnin' like Mount Vernon anymore, huh?

Now...Ain't This Some Twit?!

Remember my Twitter post from yesterday?!?!?!

Well, look who done mozied on over to Twitterdom? (<<--as my man Zillz would say)
Miss TYRA MAIL! herself, Frankie, otherwise known as Mama Keyshia Cole.

In true Frankie fashion, she wylin' and keepin' the shit-talk on deck. Her username alone, FrankieFBaby, has me cutting down a tree to prep my own casket. What she know about THAT?!??!!
Peep what she "tweeted" after Neffie returned from leaving her sitting with the kids all day and night:
"Nef walked up in here like OOH NUTTIN. I was gone call CPS on dat azz for abandoning these kids. Who she think she is? Theres only1 Frankie!"

WOW!! LMMFFAO!!!!!!!!!
What does she mean by "there's only 1 Frankie?" Was she insinuating that Neffie was trying to steal her leave-yo-kids-with-any-ol'-body-while-you-basehead-it-out-on-the-skreets-till-you-get-good-and-gotdayumed-ready-to-return-home schwag?
Only Gawd Knows.

But I know one thang: I'll MOSDEF be tuning in to The Frankie Show to see what kind of post-crackish shenanigans go on in her world.

What about YOU?!

D.M.seX Change

This pic has the floor around my cubicle moister than my Strawberry Shortcake sheets, circa 1985.
Shouts to Gina, a commenter over at C+D, for bringing this gravatar into my world.
Now only if it can be brought into Tashera's, since this is most definitely an upgrade as there's minimal 4-by-4head exposure.