Fuck-uations

Here's 2 great examples of Fuck-uations...
...And if you're confused by my brand new noun, if you haven't already, watch both videos and I'll define at the end. Then, I challenge you to tell me you ain't have a tiny ounce of regret about giving the good gooshy gooshy away without any semblence of a rock, solid commitment.
("D'oh?"...YEAH!)



First up...one of the O.G. Queens of NY...

MC Lyte "Poor Georgie"
Who can forget this cautionary tale of a playa from-the-Him-a-lay-as who used to get his draink "OWN" and ended up killing himself DEAD.
(I know this ain't the O.G. vid, but listen to how the beats change to modern bangers in the background...DOPENESS.)



Then...

Eric Benet feat. Faith Evans "Georgy Porgy"
Yooooo! This song soooo reminds me driving to SDSU in my first vehicular baby, "NeNe" the Limited Edition Cadillac Neon. R.I.Peezy NeNers! We had some times, boy! May you rest pieces in a metal motherland...

Anywhoo, here's another ode to a Poor Georgy who was living life wild and foul. What is it about that 2-syllable euphemism that makes a muhfucka meet an untimely auto-related demise? Man!
Tell me this isn't some of the prettiest footage of Faith, though?


fuck-u-a-tion (<--I dun' toldja) n. 1. The clear and present understanding that the person you're fucking is only that: the person you're fucking. 2. A non-verbal agreement betwixt 2 adults regarding a "Don't Ask; Don't Tell," strictly sexual, "Don't Call Me; I'll Call You" jumble of relations. a.k.a. "What I do outside this bedroom/backseat/alley way/the baffroom at church is MY BIDNISS!"

Now, my fair maidens and muthafuckas:

How many of you have active fuckuations popping in your palaces?

• Does it suck?
• OR
• Does it ROCK?

Barely Legal

Happy Hump Day, SavvyFAT'liens!
Please enjoy the video featured above if you'd like a window into my mind to see the mood I'M in right now...
Oh, and thank my boy "JF" aka "Uppity Dick" for the vid. Ninja knows DAYUM WELL I wanna take it there, but is acting like his dick is wrapped in Werther's Originals or some shit...UGH!

Anywhoo...
<Mary/K-Ci>If fuckin' dudes is all that I have to dooooooo!/I don't wanna do ANYTHING ELSE!</Mary/K-Ci>
**fans self**

Now, if you couldn't tell from the complete title of this blog displayed at the very top of your screen or from the underlying subject in each and every one of these here posts: Savvy likes to Drop, Pop, and Fuck IT!
Ain't nuuuuuttttthin' better to make the oochie wetter than a nice, long, thick, juicy pants pork sword, right?
LAWD! **fans self**

And what's better and BETTER than a NLTJPPS?
Well, besides Jesus's love and grace, of course...

NEW, ENERGIZER BUNNY, NOS KIT, SPEEDY GONZALEZ, 18 YEAR OLD NLTJPPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Double LAWD**

Remember this pitiful shit from mere days ago?
Yeah. DEAD THAT. Cuz I've been DELIVERED. ESS AY VEE dunn bounced back like fast shaking azz cracks.
I've been gifted and Merry Christmas'd with some new, NEW shit. No less than 9.5 inch shit.


My EBNOSKSG18YONLTJPPS has arrived.
But since all them gotdayum letters are just absolutely, horrifically, tediously loooonnnggg to remember, just refer to him as "18 Supreme Peen On S A V V Y Fatty's C.R.E.M.E. TEAM, Nahmean?"...or "18 Supreme Peen" for shote-shote.

This is the first time I've gone "Frankie".
I usually stick with dudes in the 24-35 year old age range. So I'm feeling mad nostalgic and youthful right about now, mayne. I'm the me that was walking down the street, binder in hand, Sony Walkman on dizzeck blasting Total's "Kissing You (Remix)", thinking about the ol' 3-sport athlete who'd just FB'd me on the school bus.

WHEW! Those.Were.The.DAYS!

**********

So, ladies and gents, do tell:
What's the youngest pants pirate or puhnahni that you've banged like a drum?
And how did you and old balls or thuggin' youngin's paths cross?

Like A Chump

Sending text messages, saying things I don't really mean
Like, "Yeah, I like how you spent your cable bill dough on them Red Monkey Jeans"

Kissing on lips I could care less if I touch
While wondering, silently, "Damn, must I introduce this niglet to a brush?"

Dealing with a Ralph Tresvant-type who does WAAAAYYYY too much fussin'
A muthafucka who had the NERVE to ask me: "Why didn't you act like you liked me in front of my cousin?"

Accepting massages when I really came for the drillin'
Accepting WAAAAYYYY less fuckin' and faaaarrr TOO.MUCH.DAYUM.CHILLIN'

I've dealt with it ALL. Did it ALL for the Nookie.
And now I'm in search of a TRILL AZZ Veteran instead of this Booty Call Rookie

Therefore, I resolute to find a new dealer.
One who will MURDER the ooochie like a real cap peeler.

One with a locked & loaded peen deep down in his britches
One, always at-the-ready, EAGER to scratch my midnight itches

One who won't bait me over with promises of fuckin'
Then get my ass to the crib to watch UFC on Spike! and when I ask, "WHAT DA HAIL YOU DOIN' INSTEAD OF RAPIN' ME?" and his ol' sensitive ass asks: "Damn, why you rushin'?"

One who ain't tryna love on me and cuddle up like a bitch
One who looks at me, then the Wu-Tang, then demands: "Come put that pussy on this dick!"

One who's tall, dark, strong, but won't try to push me
Does He even exist?...Or: Should I go strictly for the pussy?

*************

Just like Limp Bizkit's 1999 hit, I've taken an 'L' in the Dick Dealer Department...all in the name of Nookie aka Regular Fucking.
Kissing. Massages. Lap-Laying. TALKING. ICK!
Regretfully, I've engaged in it all in hopes that I was putting "money in the bank" for a back-blowing-out session.
Color me NOT proud.

So, ladies and pimps, atop my list of OH!-9 resolutions is to find a NEW! peen purveyor. One who understands the meaning and significance behind a text message sent after the 10 o'clock hour. One who understands my need to bang like a gang at least thrice weekly.

I mean, really: Is it too much to ask that he gives up the ass like I'm a robber requesting cash?

OR

Should I focus on more lucrative goals, like advancing in my career?

(If you answered Choice B...GETDUHFUCKOUTTAHERE!!!!!!!!!!!)

Is there a heart in the house tonight?

If so, PLEASE tell me I'm NOT the only one who's put up with shenanigans in the name of screwing!!!!

Strap It Up, Flip It, FUCK IT DOWN, Oh, OHHH!

And: No. NOT these kind of straps...

Wonder no more about where you can find The S A V V'iest One this weekend. I'll be at ChateauSavv, front and center at the Dell Dimension, wifebeater pulled up to my chin; Caciques pushed akimbo; Pointer and Middle going to WOIK!

And...WHY you ask?

Wait. Before I get started, will somebody be so kind as to duct tape my ooch to my body first because (**WARNING: NOT safe for nowhere but the comfort of your own panties or Speedos)

THIS.IS.RIGHT.HERE.NINJA!

CKILF

No, I'm not spittin' any gang talk; no "Crip Killin'" or none of that ghetto, organized bullshit.

I'm talking about Celebrity Kids I'd Like To Fu...Haha! You get the drift.

LAWD!
**fans self while watching R. Kelly's homemade DVD and thinking, "Awww, what's all the fuss for?"



While watching Quincy Brown's episode of MTV's "Super Sweet 16," I dayum near jumped through my Panasonic to introduce those lusciously large lips of his to my v...again, the drift is gotten.
He looks and speaks like a tiny pimp, too, exuding the confidence you'd get only from someone who's loved 'em and left 'em; dicked 'em down and kicked 'em down.
And his voice...OOOHHHWEEEE!!!! I guess he gets his voice from his daddy, late 80s R&B sensation, Al. B having a unibrow Sure and his swagger from his mama's (professional kept woman, Kim Porter) baby daddy, Diddy.
Now, when it's time to wine and dine and make love off some moonshine, I don't usually go for the lightskin, wavy wavy babies, but for this lil' one: I'll make the exception.
So, Quincy, if you're ever in Daygo and need a tour of the bouidoir at ChateauSavv the city: Holla at me, baybeh!

Thanks, BCK for the flick!
Now, on the flipside, from extroverted to introverted teena SEXXXAY, we have Snoop's first born son, Corde aka "Spank." (far right...broad shoulders...comehither stare)
**fans self after spitting that nickname**
Is that how the game's played, Spank? Well, shit...
**frees arse from their Venezias captivity; bends over; shows the world**


LAWD!
After each and every time I watch the intro to Snoop's show, (1:30 mark) and see Spank, I have to then log on to http://ReplacementPanties.com.
Something about the quiet confidence of this young youth has got me singing, "WHOA-OH-WUH-WHOOOOAAA-OH!!!!"
Like the old dudes used to say to me as I walked the streets of Southeast in my tennis skirt with my throwin' my thick thighs like "WUHT?:"
WHERE WERE BOYS LIKE SPANK WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL?
Look at him. Doesn't he seem like that semi-unapproachable, yet totally loveable, popular high school athlete that every lil' fast azz chickenhead and good girl, alike, would swoon over and READILY hand the drawls to. But, instead of accepting their advances, he'd refuse their sexual seduction by sweetly saying, "Naw, You're the homegirl" and leave it at that-without dickin' you down to ChinaTown.
LOVE IT!
He even has a touch of "awkward" in him, with the braids and braces mix. But...like Trina and Silkk once said: THAT'S COOL!

Now...PLEASE: Watch the first few minutes of this...then let ME know if you didn't turn your yannays into a fish tank...


Ok, then.

BONE Appetit

I LOVE this song!
Even if these ninjas are saingin' like somebody's cheese-grating their dicks to the sounds of smooth jazz while sipping Capri-Suns under the still moonlight, this shit KNOCKS!!!!

Matter o'fact, I love it so much, I had to throw some SavvyFatty STAINK! on it and do a SavvyFatty FreakMixxx. After all: It IS Hump Day, folks!!!

So...follow me nah as I throw my stizzle on Jamie Foxx's vizzle, nizzle!

"He Got A Bone"

I love him cuz he got a bone

Don’t need Cialis, his shit is homegrown

Don’t nuthin’ get me more moist

Than a ninja with a boner by choice

Standing at attention, yeah his shit hard

And I can tell he’s bout to get me off

He won’t slow down, fuck a bump and grind

Gon’ dig it straight into my spine

Thrustin’ so hard I’m about to cry

Damn he aggressive, fuck being shy

I ain’t never seen his softer side

Ninjas blessed, good dick size

Knowing I’ll be screaming for help

I keeps an inhaler on my shelf

Only kinda bone I want

Pussy-pumpin’ king workin’ that good bone

I love him cuz he got a bone

HE GOT A BONE!

He tryna put it down my throat

It down my throat

I love it when he say

Just pop lock and drop it drop it drop it

I love it when he say

It’s cool just swallow just swallow

Pussay POWER!

Happy Hump Day, folks!
We're half-way through the work week and guess what...?!?!?!?!!!
I HUMPED!!!!!!
**feels mascara melting down my cheeks, drowns in balloons, tinsel and confetti**
Yay me!!!
But more importantly: YAY, PUSSY!!!!!!! **slaps her 2**

*****

Each and every time I invite someone to my "Lap Luau" I hear the same "Coochie Compliments" over and over again...and a girl can't help but blush. I mean, it's not like there's a 24 Hour "Fitness" for the "peesh." But for some reason (Praises BE!) my ish is in TIP TOP SHAPE!

So, I asked my TWITches from Twitter what Coochie Compliments they get on the reg'la. Here's what a few of them offered up about what THEIR "Pushermen" had to say about their "girlfriends:"

Pretty, tight, & just riiiiiiiiight!! ~cristalbubblin

My bf is constantly saying: "How did you make it squeeze my dick like that?..." ~datGooD_ish

How about, "It's FAT!" LOL! Guys love that and IDK why! ~JazzeeJEF

I'm constantly complimented on tightness and muscle control. I'm asked if it has Tylenol PM in it cuz we make um drowsy! Lol ~MayMay81

I think the nicest compliment I've had was: "You make me feel like a virgin all over again!" After they come outta the coma that my cooch leaves them in, I don't understand stutterin' too much! I need to learn different languages! ~Jhazzai

Best compliment I get is when my dude in NY buys same day tickets 2 get it =) ~CathrynMarie

"I'd get a job for you" LMAO!!!! ~THEflyGIRL

Well, what do they say about YOU, La S A V V'iente?center>

Yup. Like THAT. ;^p

So, besides the text on the pic **takes a bow**, these are the Top 3 Coochie Kudos I've heard time and time again from a diverse group of dick dealers:

"Daaayyyuuum, this shit is JUICY!"

"Oooh! This shit is TIGHT!"

"Damn, that pussy feels so goooooodddd! What you got up in there?"

"Oooohhh!!! SUCK THE SKIN OFF THAT DICK, BITCH!

Ladies: What Coochie Compliments does your "girlfriend" receive from your dick dealers?

Work-Friendly "PONE"

Y'all want this Hump Day started RIIIIGGHHHTTTTT?!?!?!!

**Homegirl on the harmonica and baby on the turntables get MYYYYY vote!

PubeTube

Whoopi Goldberg hosted a special segment of 'The View' inside model Tyson Beckford's---

NO?!!!

WHAT!!!!!!

Then...What in Flaw'duh Evans, Nappy Dugout-type FUCK SHIT is this?!?!?!

• And why wasn't I invited?
  
• And why is homegirl just standing there instead of deep-D diving?
  
• And why did I forget that I think Tyson is a PooPoo Pirate?
  
• But, why would I try it anyway?
  
• Why can I picture Tyson, Puffy, and Bentley playing a nekkid, ghey game of Twister?
  
• But why would I try it anyway?

Father Knows Breasts

Luther Campbell, aka Luke Skywalker aka Uncle Luke aka the muhfucka who started me on the road to adolescent pussy-poppin' after watching countless hours of his videos on The Box AND spendin' unnecessary money on his Freak Show series of videos cuz I secretly wanted to be down with the team (especially the scenes with Gloria Velez!), is getting his own VH-1 reality show.
**enter moment of silence here**

And although I'm embarrassed to admit it, I will say that I WILL be tuning in.

And no, not cuz I really wanna see butt nekkid hoes p-poppin' through his living room and garden. Naw. 'Taint that deep.
It's mostly because I'm curious to see the different variations of 'Luther' his numerous babymamas came up with. I'm curious to see if Lutheria will make her television debut and bring along her sister, Luthkemia, and their younger brother, LuthGherig's Disease.

The shit is set to premiere tonight at 10:30pm.

So, SF'ers: WILL YOU MOVE SOMETHIN' OVER TO VH-1 TO CATCH Luke's Parental Advisory?

Hoes With Toes

This is my shit right now!!!

If you could be a fly on the wall in my shower, while I'm getting dressed to go to a job that ain't worth its weight in paper clips or the pounds and mounds of stolen Post-It Notes I misappropriate monthly, you'd see I ain't only in there lathering up. I'm also in there shaking my shimmay! I got a lil' special dance I do to this shit, too. (If you see me out in the skreets DON'T ask me to do it as it is the COMPLETE opposite of safe for public. However, it is safe for your parents room after we've knocked back a whole box of wine and a bag of pork rinds dipped in Ranch dressing.) This shit gets MUCH play on the Dell Dimension. This shit KNOCKS!

I know this video is new and all. But I just want to know how the illustrious committee in charge of the Barely Even Tried Awards nominations (you know: the same committee who deemed it appropriate to nominate Kid Sister for "Best Female Hip Hop Artist" even though hardly anybody knows who that is!) missed out on nominating this video.

"What category?" you ask?!?! **rolls eyes then hands your Helen Keller ass a pair of telescopes cuz you blind and need some glasses to see**

Best Display of Metallic Camel Toes

OOOHHHWEEEEE!!! I love this video! And no, not because Lloyd looks like an Al-Qaeda/Michael Jackson-mix version of our Lord and Savior. No.

It's cuz this video is chock full of pussy prints. And like hot wings, fish tacos, Chipotle, and Sunday morning head: I LOVE IT!

Yes, the feminist inside thinks it's disrespectful that the women are free to put their bodies and 'ginas on display for the world while their eyes are covered. I do think that's rude. However, I can fully understand the artistic reasoning behind it. That reasoning states: Don't get distracted by knowing or giving a fuck who this bitch is. Just watch her hips rock back and forth, south and north, and get so hypnotized by the way her body's rollin' round and round.

Makes POI'FICK sense to me!

Peep the 1:44 minute mark for THE BEST camel toe ever!! And if you can't see it good on the 'Tube, then please sitcho $5 azz down and watch it on BET or MTV Jams. It's worth it! Just be sure to have your Kentucky Jellay and lap-rubbing hand on deck. You'll thank me later. ;-)

Air Pianympho

So, I'm over at Kanye's blog desperately trying to find some type of contact info so Yeezy Yeezy can peep the hot fiyah that is the SavvyFatty FreakMixxx of his verse on Young Jeezy's "I Put On."

But once my search proved fruitless, and only after emailing a pic of my grandma to be featured in the "Stronger Sightings" section (Yeah, if arthritis don't kill her, it will only make her stronger) did I spot something that caught my lil' hornay eye.

Enter the AirPiano.

Tauted as "an innovative musical interface which allows playing (<<--Ooh!) and controlling software instruments simply by moving hands in the air" (<<--Unh. Unh! Baybee!) I knew this was something that must be added to the SavvyFatty Lonely Nights Arsenal at once!
Now if this pic doesn't make you want to lay under those magically dancing, pasty white hands...then check your temperature. Cuz you mosdef must be gettin' your Heaven for a G on.

To all you thinking: "Savvy, you don't play an instrument. What will you do with something like this?!" I think, "Stay yo fonkay azz out my muthaplukkin' biznazz!!!" then I lay out my plans to your nosey ass for you inquiring minds.

Once the AirPiano is received and secured, I'm going to commence to e-mee-tree-it-lee taking it apart to discover exactly what makes it work. My plans are to construct something similar to be placed in my Caciques in order to avoid a tripl to the Dirty Souf in an effort to climb the Stairway to Heaven.
Then, directly after, depending on the severity of the exxxplosion, I'll get to erasing each and every fuck ninja up out my contacts list. Except for these two, of course. I might not need ninjas anymore, but I still got bills. And money, mosdef, still make me cum.


So, to all my people that enjoy The SavvyFatty Experience and would love for your daily dose of fuckshit to continue, I'll need you to reach into your Goach bags and wallets to donate to my Air PianHO fund.

Until it's received, SF will be on hiatus indefinitely.
So, the faster you get your donations in, the sooner we'll be back to our regularly scheduled ho dro programming.

How you luhhhh dat?!

PCILF

American Pie popularized the phrase, "MILF" for "Mother I'd Like to beFRIEND." (<<--edited for the chil'lunz)

Now, after viewing this new Ebony cover (peeped over at my ninja Sane's speezy), I've coined my own phrase: "PCILF" for "Presidential Candidates I'd Like to beFRIEND."

I DARE one of y'all to tell me you wouldn't debrief and let B slide into your Oval Office.
This is pee-YURE, Grade A, USDA-choice SCHA-WAG right here. No perms. No conks. No crack. Just pure hotness.

Do ya thank, B-Rock!
Peep the rest of the Ebony Collector's Series here...

Red Yum!

Welcome back to the real world, folks!!!
Shit SUCKS monkey balls, right?!!!


How was your 3-day weekend?!
If your holiday weekend was anything like mine, your ass is raw from wiping dead animal carcusses from it, your liver's still crying, your eyes are still bloodshot, and you're walking like you just got off a horse. A very fat horse. Oh...and your jaws hurt and you could use a new tip for your tongue.
...Or is that just me?!

With all that fun and shenanigans, I did have something quite unfortunate happen to me, as well.
After many years of late night visits and sneaking around to see each other, I've officially broken it off with ThugBait. (<<--Not Safe For Nothing But The Privacy of Your Own Masturbation Station)
I know. I know. We've been in it to win it for years. I mean, no one kept me company like its screen shots of thugalicious niggas giving each other the BEESWAX in cheap motel rooms. Of "punks" suckin' the brown off of many a blindfolded ninjas dick while a dude thinks it's some hood rat gettin' him off. Ooh! And I loved the addition of the fantasies. I liked to read short stories about what niggas would do to the featured thugs. Those accounts right there, ninja!! Those accounts RIGHT THEEEEEERRRREE!!! Let me stop before I get all nostalgic and get to callin' when I know I've moved on.

So ladies and gents, meet my new late night (and afternoon...and early morning...and any time I fuckin' feel like it!) hype, RedTube.

Mean Muggin' EVERY single effin' one of you out in SavvyFattyLand:


IFFIN' I FIND OUT ANY ONE OF Y'ALL KNEW ABOUT THIS SITE AND DIDN'T TELL YA GIRL...IT'S GOIN' DOWN LIKE THE PROM QUEEN'S GOWN!!!! HOW COULD YOU KEEP FREE, QUALITY PORN AWAY FROM YA HOMAY?!?!?! HOOOOOWWWW?!?!?!? WHHHYYYYY?!?!?!?! [/Nancy Kerrigan]

I don't even have time to go into the many ways I EL OH VEE E this site, but I will tell you, the gay channel gets MUCH play on my Dell Dimension. This shit right here, ninj! (<<<--Again. NOt safe for existence...unless you're alone with your pants at your ankles, in which case: GO TO WORK!!!)
All I gotta say is: My computer chair will never be the same. My shit's like a fish tank right about now. Oooohhhhweee!

Oh, and don't think I ain't been on these channels. Ninja, please! They get much play on the Dell, as well. Not as much play as the Gays do, (HAIL NAW! Not NEARLY as much as the gays! [1:36 mark!!!!]) but play nonetheless.

So, in closing, if you ever come to SavvyFatty and I ain't updated in a good eleventeen days or you hit the cell and all you get is vmail, you know where to find me.
I'll be on RedTube at my computer in the nude watchin' bitches fuck/Watchin' a man fuck his dude...MMMKAY?!?!?!

So get GONE so I can get it ON!

Desecrate What Ya Mama Gave Ya

In Websites Yo Mama Would Be Ecstatic to Find You On news, I came across this gem of a site while looking up Bible verses. :^D
DimeWars is a site where lonely, horny people can vote on their favorite "dimes." Easy enough, right?

I won't hate nor front on most of these ladies cuz there are mosdef some HUNNAYS who could show up, unannounced, at Chateau Savvy ANY time..after midnight and before 4am. However, I doubt this is what feminists like Sojourner Truth had in mind while they were fighting for women's freedom, rights and equality.

Plus, not EVERYbody on the site is "Dime" worthy. I did see a couple muhfuckas who should be givin' me change for a penny.
Take Nya for instance.

I've seen more meat on a hummingbird wing. And she ain't showing us shit. I ain't hardly moved to rape my lap vote for her ass in this Tomb Raider/Indianapolis Jones ghetto get up. Plus, she didn't even try with that wrap that should be ringing the nurse begging for a few more CC's of volume, either. NEXT!


If I'mma be voting on how hot beaches are, I'mma want my women nice, thick and half a centimeter away from booty buck nekkid.

Like these fine young ladies, Naughty Neshelle and Absolutely Amber. I'd get naughty with both and ABSOLUTELY lick the wrappers.



However, both of those ladies cain't come within an inch of fuckin' with Miss Thanksgiving Dinner-Thick herself, Tasha Destiny. Like Ray-J say: Shawday Got GIFTS!!!
Ass and hips like this need be illegal in all 50 states. And Puerto Rico. AND the US Virgin Islands. Hail! The UNIVERSE!!!
Bitches like this need be e-mee-tree-it-lee punished by being shipped to Camp SavvyFatty: the Correctional Facility for Bitches That Are Too Thick To Exist. I'd make sure they were punished to the full extent of the law. PLEASE. BELIEVE. IT.

LAWD!!!
**fanning self while trying to vote with my elbows since my hands look like chicken fingers dipped in ranch**