Friday, May 30, 2008


Awww, dayum.
**lookin' around at a room full of skranjuhs while nervously fidgeting**


I'm feelin' like a mid-90s 'Pac right now.

Uhhh...hi, err'body.
**waves mad awkwardly**

Anybody know the feelin' when you have what you THOUGHT would be a small get-together with only a couple of ya folks?
You pick up a lil' meat portion and a veggie plate that you KNOW ninjas ain't HARDLY gon' be checkin' for but you get it anyway. (NayNay DID let you use her EBT card so...). You call up ya Auntie to hook up some 'tayduh salad and break out a couple bottles of low-level, liver-assaulting wine & spirits that you purchased under the "Shit, it's better than NUTHIN'" rationale.
And when the guests start to arrive, just cuz somebody saw a counter full of Popov they instantly assumed it was goin' DOWN and got to textin' the whole 'hood, turning ya shit into a FUNCTION (<--West Coast speak for a par-tay. Dub-C Stand UP!!!!) faster than you can exclaim, "But I only got a 20-piece Honey BBQ Wings!"

Well...that's how a ninjette's feelin' at this IG-ZACK moment. Even though I'm MORE than tittyfucking myself IG-CY-TID happy to see y'all!!!! :^D

Updating this blog has been secondary to my triflin', sorry ass, would make better dough givin' blowjobs to transients daytime gig and after work beachin' up whale-style with my DVR.
I post WHEN and IF I want to. And with the homegirl Mary around a lil' bit mo' than I'd like her to be lately, it's been LESS and LESS in the past month or so. **hopin' my pastor ain't in the buil'in**

But now that my motherblogger Fran FRESH'er over at C+D blew my shit up like Fat Joe in a Taco Bell baffroom, I'm David Bowie and Queen-style under pressure to keep my new audience in-tuh-tayned. (**Oh, and Fresh, please believe you got an account opened and a at the GA branch of the Head Bank for that gooooood lookin' out!) Even though I'm nervous in the service, I'm up for the challenge. Especially with the kinda cool azz folks that have joined my once small blog family.

Shouts to everybody who first-time SavvyFatty'd it yesterday and to those of you who emailed, Myspaced and/or commented regarding the 40/40 post. Glad you enjoyed my honest account of how me and my folks were bent over and no vaselined at Jigga's spot.

And special fam shouts to my grandma who spit some TROOFUS like fighters spit toofus about my review being a little TOO scathingly descriptive.
In the words of my lil' ole Gramz out there in San An, TX, who ain't hardly tryna be the Voletta Wallace of the blog set:

"Ain't Las Vegas owned by The Mafia? I hope they don't read that article and be after you!"

Like Dave Chappelle when dude flashed him the gun after he refused to pay $873 for a car wash: DUNNNNHHHHH!!!!

But sit back, relax, read some old posts, and get to know what I'z all about. And if you feel so inclined and my mouf ain't full one way or the other **wank, wank**, talk to me. I talk back.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Showtime, Synergy!

Photo Source
Well, wipe my ass with a Jigglypuff! Ain't Mimi-kins just a cute, sweet bundle of tacky cheesiness ultra-fashionable "youth?" I can't fucking stand love her retro coolness as she gets her Jem & The Holograms on at at the Tokyo Dome while on the Japanese leg of her E=I Don't Hardly Care promo tour.

Photo Source
Celebrity Advice for the Day: Meemz, since it seems like your munk has a tapeworm that just can't be satiated, why not feed that savage beast AND save a BUNCH of Monistat money on wardrobe and stylists by having a fabric camel toe surgically attached to your peesh?

Did someone say, 'Savvy?!'

**frantically grabbing purse, keys, box of flavored condoms and the twins before I miss this boat!!!**


Photo Source

So, my boy over at The Superficial thinks Kimmy K. is rockin' a bunk bed mattress under this dress that's hugging her curves so gotdayum perfectly that my tongue has purchased a Star Map in desperate hopes of locating Chateau KardASShian.

I've reviewed the pics. And I'm kinda on the fence about the whole thing.

But...**performing a cursory finger test** judging from the good gushy gushy emitting from my lapular region, I simply don't give a shit!!!

Maaaaan, if I could look 1/17th as delectable in a white dress, instead of like this, I put that on ya MUTHA I wouldn't be sittin' here fuckin' around with y'all'z asses. Instead, I'd be posted somewhere with Pretty Boy Floyd, firmly parked between his nostrils and chin while wearing nothing but a Nike Livestrong Bracelet and a satiated smile.

**making the phone gesture with my left hand while shooting Reg and Kim the 'eye'**


Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Jank-Z's 40/40 Club, Lost Wages

**loud-talkin' with my hand on my hip**


JAY-Z, JIGGA-MAN, J-HOVA, The GOD MC or whoever you are at this moment: I'mma need you to cut me a check and/or send me one of the many platinum-plated toasters or blenders I'm sure you received for your recent nuptials. I WASTED $$$, a pint of blood, and my time like Muslims waste swine at the Vegas incarnation of The 40/40 Club and I need to recoup, ninja!

If I had to rate the overall experience at 40/40, I'd give it a -5 stars.

The only reason I was hyped to go was because of Jay-Z's star power and to support a black businessman. **coughGIGANTORmistakecough**
The ONLY thing that saved it from getting a -1 vajillion stars was the atmosphere and decor. There were plenty of plush seating areas with flat screens everywhere. We were there to catch the Spurs/Lakers game and at every visual point there was a TV showing the action.
Oh, and shouts to whoever was timing the music to come on right when the game cut to commercial: BRAVO TO YOU!!! **pointer finger clap** Thanks for reminding us of whose house we were in by playing the Bey-Z anthology over and over...and over...and OVER again. Allow me to show my gratitude for hearing "03 Bonnie and Clyde" enough times to make me wanna hold MYYYY girlfriend tight.

And now the nominees for the Most Outstanding, Extraordinarily TERRIBLE Experience at a Las Vegas Spot for a Monetarily-Challenged Gubmit Employee:

No clear host station.
When we arrived we walked around aimlessly for a good 5 minutes until we saw people in 40/40 shirts. We asked where do we check in for our reservation (which we were told was NECESSARY. We were directed to a woman who was just standing around, dressed as we were; no name tag or 40/40 insignia. I told her we had reservations. She DID NOT ask our name; just how many were in our party. We were then walked in a FULL circle (in order to remain un-pissed, I called it a "guided tour" in my head) around the place to find somewhere to sit. We stopped at NUMEROUS spots before finally being seated in a cool ass space.


DON'T go hungry, poor, expecting greatness OR without your Incredible Hulk hands on deck. Menu was encyclopedia-heavy, mayne. Matter of fact: Don't even TOUCH the menu.

All you'll get is a half-assed attempt at UNSEASONED, hardly microwaved frozen food and a sorry pile of bullshit disguised as salad or a garnish on your plate.


We started off trying several appetizers. (Crab Cakes, Breaded Catfish Sticks, Buffalo Wings, The Picnic {should have been named the YUCKFUCK!}, and Cheese Bread.) EVERYTHING arrived LUKE-FRIGID except for the dry hot wings which were a work-with-able temperature.
"The Picnic" consisted of 2 fried deviled eggs (imagine wet cardboard. BLECH!) and about 5 hard, dry chicken sticks all for $12. I cut the roof of my mouth on one them gatdayumed things, too. But I quickly learned my lesson and tore apart the 2 that I COULD eat. I melted them in Ranch for a good minute or 5 JUST to be able to TASTE them.


The "cheese bread" was nothing more than Grocery Outlet-quality frozen deep dish pizza cut into 4 uneven sticks. It arrived to us looking like it had seen a ghost; PETRIFIED. It was cold, hard, and dry...and $8!! **tears** As a fat girl, I'll try anything ONCE, but just the sight of those 4 dead bodies saved me from several unnecessary calories. And for that, I'z grateful.

Our waitress was young, dumb, and full of "Umm..." Her ass didn't know SHIT. She even brought other tables' orders to us and basically asked us to pick what we ordered. I feel sorry for whoever had the cheese fries cuz there was a receipt buried under the cheese when we saw it. Mmmm!! Receipt-y goodness!!!!! [/sarcasm]

Be sure to pack your camel (no pun intended) thirst game. When requesting water to wash away the metallic taste of blood from the chicken shit assault, we were brought a toy tea set-sized carafe of water with lemon. I asked if we could have one without lemon and was told that it would take about 20 minutes. Water with lemon...INSTANTLY!! Water WITHOUT lemon...20 minutes! Ok...that made sense. [/sarcasm]
So, annoyed, I just cancelled the water and decided to live my life as a vampire.

Since water is a crap shoot, (and drinks are so jank-ridden, you'd be better sneaking a fif in your purse like I did!) you may not have to go pee-pee, but, unfortunately, I did. The bathrooms LOOKED nice. But skip le toilet if you're accustomed to such trivial things as cleanliness, toilet seat covers OR toilet paper! They'll be more on the floor or in the unflushed toilets than on the roll.

Shopping Bag Girl.
If she don't do nuthin', she gon' fall/Jugglin' menus, plates, glasses, tabs, shit we didn't order and all/Now go and get ya money lil' Shopping Bag Girl/Go and brang me some gotdayumed, mufuckin' wadduh, Shopping Bag Girl!!!!!

**calming down...regaining composure**
Besides the food and service, what annoyed us most was the plastic shopping bag of 40/40 paraphernalia the waitress carried.


I thought her azz was late and didn't have time to drop her things off before manning her stations. I asked what was she carrying and was told that they're MADE to carry souvenirs just in case patrons want to purchase them. My thoughts: "Ummm...whatever happened to a STORE?!"
Even though she wasn't worth her weight in Memphis Bleek CDs, I felt sorry for the girl as she juggled everything while trying to keep the crumpled bag on her shoulder.


Overall, I just PRAY this is simply a franchise and hope H-to the Izzo is NOT directly in charge of or responsible for this fuckery.
But iffin' he IS: PLEASE BELIEVE I'mma Limewire-download and bootleg-sell EVERY SINGLE Def Jam, Roc-A-Wear, AND Destiny's Child (Sorry Kellz. I know you need the guap, but...) and all associated items so I can to get my $$$ back!!!!

FRONTIN' is a habit

DON'T get like me!


I took my broke azz to Vegas this weekend with not even enough money to cop a crispy new pair of Pro-Wings. But from the way we Sin City kicked it, you'd be under the impression that I made waaaayyyy more than a Chuck E. Cheese token annually.
But I was on a mission: I didn't care if gas cost a Beetlejuice blowjob per gallon, it was a matter of EXTREME importance that I get away for Memorial Day. Lucky for my impoverished azz, the girls and I were able to find a hotel within my budget so we hopped in the ol' Honda and beat the 15 North like a smart mouf kid.

But please believe, like Pharrell sung: I was just FRONTIN' cuz, as most of y'all who know me personally or thru the blogosphere, you're WELLl aware of my adventures as a po' gubmit employee peeump.


If you're a regular SF'er you already know how I cain't even afford to pay attention and how homeless people hand ME change while patting my back and saying, "It ain't trickin' if I got it." **tears**

Regardless of the comatosed wallet, I STILL rartied like a sock par! JEAH!

Shouts to the following for making my Memorial Day weekend mad memorable:

"Dan-Ye" and "Hank Bank$" for showing me and the girls some love.

Dan-Ye, you knowwwww you got an account open at the Head Bank for sending me that cam phone pic of my baby daddy on stage at his SuperFest and for comin' through with that good PLP'in (that's Parkin' Lot Piffin') in the 'Price!! That was just what I needed RIGHT when I needed it. ;^p And...I hope that lil "adult" conversation at The Orleans don't have you lookin' at ya girl any different. Me and the girls don't ever get TOOO crazy. We were just sayin'! LOL!

Pretty Boy Fine Fucker Floyd for just being you.
You probably didn't see me cheapskatin' it and watching you from the furniture store parking lot since I didn't wanna pay have $10 to get into SuperFest, but I sho' saw you in your jersey with no undershirt. And usually I don't play that off-the-court-musty-fuck look, but for your hot azz, I'll give you a pass...and if you wanted it, summa this azz. OH!
Only question I have is: WHO dug up a time capsule containing a 1993 issue of Rap Pages and thought it was the BIZNISS to book Domino to perform at the event? The Getto Jam was like, "No, ma'am." But props to you for givin' a brotha an opportunity to make some $$$ in order to get his herringbone and Ray-Bans outta the pawn shop.

Poetry nightclub in Caesar's Palace for its blatant disregard of its own ADVERTISED Saturday night promotion!
I loved the way your website said those in all white for the Tank performance would get front of the line privileges THEN had your Mr. Piggy security guard act like that was the most preposterous thing he'd heard when I asked him about it. Had muhfukkas walkin' around with their Q-tip games strong including my azz, in the buil'in lookin' like a quadruple roll of Charmin for no good gatdayum reason! GRRRR!!!
That was cool, though, cuz we bounced from there and made it RAIN on the bar, tables, and slot machines at Bellagio. And in turn, they made it rain on our livers with all them free dranks. YAY! and D'oh! at the same time!

Gary Payton who was valeting his Range, sittin' on blindingly bright 94'z, right in front of Honey D. Honda at the Bellagio. Both your profile and edge up game were on pizzoint, GP!
Now...if only you coulda seen through the thick layer of desert dust covering my windshield, you woulda been the winner of Thanksgiving dinner.
**wink, wink** Cuz I KNOOOW them lil' Middle Eastern lookin' toothpicks you were with cain't do it like ya Fatty. Dontchu know once you go fat, you'll eat till you bring on a heart attack?!?!....NO?!...Well, that.

Josh! Good LOOOKKKIIINNNN' on coming through for your ninjettes! We had a BLAST with you at the 'Lagio. And your homies weren't half bad either!! ;-) Just let me know how I can be like YOU when I grow up! I'll have my people call yo' people!

The overzealous maid staff at our hotel for interrupting the tiny bit of sleep we were able to get.
In our half-dead hungover state, how could we hear you bangin' on the door shouting, "HOUSE-GEE-PEENG!" but you, awake, alert and WORKING, couldn't hear us screaming, "NO! THANK! YOU!"
We appreciated your enthusiasm about your job.
Really we did. But just imagine, if instead of being in an alcohol-induced semi-coma, we were...
Yeah... so clean out your ears, Maria.
That's pretty much it. The weekend was fun for all! except for...

Monday, May 26, 2008

Reunited & It Feels So Hoooood

photo snatched from VH1

As a black woman, I ABHOR Flavor of Love 3 and everything it stands for. **whispers** But I cain't stop watchin'. That ig'nit shit be CAWLIN' me, man!But I could be on my own. So for those of you who enjoy illicit displays of smokey eyes, bargain basement lacefronts, tight ghetto Rainbow Brite dresses, and pathetic exhibitions of fathers failing their daughters: Welcome to Heaven.

Besides the degradation of my sistas at their OWN hands **tears**, I don't respect lying about wanting to boo up with a 40-something year old Tootsie Roll.
I would MUCH rather these bitches keep it real and say, "My telemarketing job wasn't keeping my nellz and hurr did, KING Magazine wasn't checkin' for my Sidekick flicks, my Section 8 was due, Jre'Quantrez hadn't mailed the child support check, my new growth was outta hand and I just needed a shortcut to being Dirty Sanchez'd by famous dicks. So I employed my azz cheeks to help a biatch get on."
Now THAT'S talkin' square biz to me, bay-bay. But since folks don't know SHIT about real-keepin' it anymore, I won't hate. GET. IT. HOW. YOU. LIVE!

My personal hohighlights below.

photo ganked from Bourgy
(From L to R:) Sinceer, The Things, St. Lewis, Grayvee, El and Shy in front

Real Talk
Queen of Comedy Sommore was on the scene offering up her take on this season. When she told Flav, "You ain't cute enough to tell a bitch her breff stinks!" I Hollywood-fainted at that unadulterated use of TROOF.
But when Flav replied, "You best believe I'm cute enough to tell you you need a weave!" I knew it was a wrap for my existence so I texted Jesus a copy of my soul since I had no further use for it.
Good shit, guys!

Flav Shaves
Flav finally buried the braids that lived far too long on life support AND gave up his recent
Snap Into A Nigger Slim Jim look by shaving his head. And honestly, I think this is the first case in history where a chocolate-covered peanut head is a ginormous upgrade. Yaaayy, Flav! **shoots the thumbs up**

Hanky Stainky
Poor Shy and the shit shoes-wearing dude tapdancing on the back of her tongue. (<--Fuck.) I almost fitted myself for my wings and halo when she started crying about how casting directors would say, "Ain'tchu the Stainky Breff girl?" and wouldn't want to book her. YOUCH! I know it HAS to hurt that your foolproof plan to get on turned into Operation: Failure faster than you could strap on your breathmint necklace. D'oh!! I'm glad she realized her reality show mistake and was woman enough to admit it on national TV. She's a real azz bitch and I gets down with real shit. No pun intended. ;-)

Hometown **air quotes** Hero
Sinceer is my girl. She reps my town AND we worked at the same company a few years back. What I knew of her then, she was a real sweetheart.
With that being said, I STILL think 17 less packs of BBQ'd chitlins hair would have been MORE than sufficient to set her "Checks is startin' to roll in and I can finally change the game for these hoes!" look off. I said: Since she's from the town (619: STAND UP!!!!)
I'mma be cool with her.
Just let me add: Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, AND Helen Keller could see from your antics that you were DESPERATELY trying to be this season's villain since you'd obviously studied the show and saw how lucrative it has been for others. Sucks for you since we've seen this "show" before: It's called "
New York Circa 2006 to present. " She's the ORIGINATOR and CONSTANT perpetrator of all you tried to do, INCLUDING the "Fugazi Jump Start Cry" you attempted to pull off during your segment of the reunion. Usually when most humans cry they drop tears like drunk ninjas drop beers. If your eyes remain dry like the career of Do or need more people to convince me that you were TRULY devastated about not winning Flav's heart. From this day forth I challenge you to carve out our your own niche and stay outta New York's lane. NEXT ---> I mean "MUCH SAN DIEGO LOVE!"

Flavor of Dumped.
My heart goes out to Thing 2 for being dropped, on TV, by a Milk Dud. Damn.
Maki-Da-Da, girl. But I will say her hair looked GREAT. Shouts to whoever super-glued the tracks to her temples to conceal the baldilocks edges that made their television debut during the season. **whispers** Now if only someone would wave a magic orthodontic wand she'd be AAALLL gravy, baby... But I digress. She looked nice. It was refreshing to see her AND her sister without those sorry excuse for bangs.

Liz turns Legit
Shouts to Flav's last babymama,
Liz, for sticking in there and ignoring the hundreds of strains of mono contracted in the last couple of years in order to snag her man. I'm happy Flav proposed and hopes he stays in Karma's life before he makes a left down Justin Guarini Ave.

With that being said, the reunion was ehhhhh. No real revelations from the girls. Just biz as usual: Lots of tight dresses, weave and lacefront stocks shooting through the roof!, and shameless hopes of fame and/or notoriety by saying some shit that should get you 66th trimester abortioned. **yawns** I had much more fun watching Chiba and her fucked up eye hiding skills on Miss Rap Supreme.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Cinch Sak SEXY!


photo hijacked from C+D

I ain't gon' lie: Something about these lil' horny middle-schoolers turn my Caciques into Lake Superior faster than you can make the sex cry-yyyyy! Don't know if it's the provocative lyrics, the washboard abs that are BEGGIN' for a tongue bath or the beat the pussy up, beat the pussy UP gyrations **fanning self**...but whatever it is, I'd R. Kelly it!

  • WHO DEE HAIL left the Hefty Cinch Saks by the sewing machine?
  • Why is dude with the high top jackin' Terminator X's 1991 swag HARD?!
  • Who in the industry was the lucky recipient of a Norwood Young salad toss in order to get his son in the group?
  • Shouldn't Slick 'Em be somewhere thanking the Gods of Photoshop for making him appear normal, instead of like the nigger coon spawn of Monster from The Muppets?

Thursday, May 22, 2008


Let me start this lil' post off by saing: Y'all know I'm AAAALLLLL about individuality.

Especially when it comes to the crop. For those that know me personally, you know I mohawked it for a couple years. But now since I'm all gubmit-employeed up, I gotta weave it till I can achieve it. PLEASE believe it!

With that being said, I STILL demand to know why Fannie Mae thought it was both cute and appropriate to come out the house with her Tampax game proppa'.

photo hijacked from BOSSIP

WHO is her stylist and WHY is this person still living, Lord?

I could live with the skunk patch...and thank Heavens we ALL made it through this...but this shit right here, ninja. **shaking head**
AND I knoooowwwwww my boy Ronnie Mac is somewhere NOT lovin' it!

Lady Luck

For years, judging from the menacing sneer on his face to the straight-with-no-chaser verse delivery, I have thought that rapper Bun B had the type of dick game that was equivalent to being stomped in the vajayjay with a steel-toed Timberland boot. **salivating** Cuz I'z a big gal and ooohhh, baby! I like it ROOOUUUGGGHHHH!!!!
So when I wasn't letting my fingers linger, daydreaming of the day when Big Dick Cheney would perform such an act on moi, I was wondering about what kind of woman WOULD he give the beeswax to. And lo and behold, here her is!!!:


Lucky Bitch Queenie Freeman, Big Dick, and an inside-out chimney were partying it up at the II Trill Private Listening Session held inside of the Houston Galleria's Louis Vuitton store. Also on hand were the Mini-Buns, Bun B's trill'dren.

Nostrildamus and Friends


Singer and Dancing With The People You Really Don't Recognize but SOMEBODY Says They're Stars reject Mario was on hand at Maxim's 2008 Hot 100 Party giving us a sneak peek into his thoughts via his ginormous nostrils. I just thank the Sweet Lawd above that that chil' ain't developed a habit for the White Girl, Christina Aguilera. Cuz that would be an IG-SPAIN-SIV azz habit. **wonderin' if there's a such thing as an 88-ball**


Hollywood Space Cadet Party Girl (cuz really...does she DO anything ELSE?!) Bai Ling was also in the building confused as to whether she was about to take a swim or slang a pocket full of stooooooonnnnnes. Judging from this get-up, what illegal substance do you think she fried her rice in before stepping up in the place?


Chrissy Mil was also on the premises showing us how she's NOT spending her economic stimulus $$$ on such petty things as a hairdresser, a Pro-Styl'd up toothbrush, or earrings costing more than 99 cents. I ain't even gon' hate! Do you, girl! I know it's HAWD out hea' for a _______ (<--what does she do again?!)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Hot like FIYAH!


Ladies and gents, I'm in a terrible ass mood. Over a comedy ass dude (see pic above) who tried to play ME like a fool.
So here's a FUCK YOU! flow, a hot twenny fo', dedicated to that ho just to let that nigga know, "You NEVER was the onliest!" More like one of fo'! HAHA! ;-)

So...follow me nah...Photobucket

Nigga you play me?
I free a nigga quicker
Than that whale they call Willy
I keeps my heart chilly
It’s ice pumpin’ through these veins
Feelings stay frosty frigid
Like a diamond-danglin’ chain
Nigga GOTTA be insane
Cain’t play a bitch who play
Cuz I just had some other dick
Just the other day!
I keep a contacts list
Full of rough and ready dicks
Shit a bitch can even switch
And dial a sexy azz chick
To give me heady quick
Strap up give me better dick
And now I'll say "BYE BYE!"
Like the chick that married Nick
Maaaan I ain’t even gon’ lie
Shed a tear or two from my eye
But I’m headin’ to the Pharcyde
And I’ll keep on passin’ you…BYE!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

P-poppin', Hood-rattin' & Ass-Whoopin'

Which "royal" pop singer put her head down and pussy-popped on a handstand for the Today show audience this morning?


If you guessed Miss PeePee Pants herself, Fergie, give yourself a gold star AND a bag of Ultra-Absorbent Depends.


UK songstress Estelle forgot that she was in public as she attended the opening ceremony for the 23rd Annual AIDS Walk in NY lookin’ like your cousin Poobie’s second babymama going to the “nell” shop on Saturday morning.


Famed YouTube asswhoopa, Kimbo Slice, had his midnight alleyway rape swag on PIZZOINT at CBS’s Elite XC Saturday Night Fights.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Savvy Fasties

photo source

Peep who got the evening off from Dress Barn long enough to make a public appearance! Former AI'er Melinda Doolittle in her octagenarian pastor's wife's First Sunday best attends the 2nd Annual Millennium Promise and Malaria No More Benefit in New York City.

photo source

When viewing this still from the movie Speed Racer, you're probably about to blow a gasket, thinking, "WOW! COOL!"
As for me...well, I'm sittin' over here thinkin' more like...

**leaving T-Pain a voicemail**
You better hope the devil don't still have the receipt for your soul. Cuz iffin' he does and decides to return's what your future holds...

The Barely Even Tried Awards

So...yeah. **heavy sigh** The BET Awards nominees were announced yesterday and ol' Blacky McSoot lead the pack of nominees with 5 nominations. 5! While a semi-masterpiece-makin' muhfucka like Kanyeezy garned a mere 3 nods.

What in the vocoder FUCK?!


T-PAIN, homey? T-PAIN, nigga?! T-muddasuckin'-PAIN?! Fa real?!?!! Is that yo' word, Black Embarassment Television?!?!??!!

Alright. Ok.

Peep the category below. **eyes rollin' like some 24'z**
PLEASE don't ask me for RHYME nor REASON behind why and/or how folks were nominated. 'Specially since some of these folks ain't even released ALBUMS OR chart-topping hits within the past year.
**slapping forehead and throwing up hands** Ay, mi dios!

Best Female Hip Hop Artist:

Photobucket Photobucket
Kid Sister Photobucket Photobucket


For more "Let's just pull some muhfuckin' names outta a hat" nominees, click here...

Thursday, May 15, 2008

My panties say, " __________!"

After viewing the pics below, what are your panties thinking?

I'll be glad to share the thoughts of my bloomers panty'lones once they stop trying to hang themselves with the extra skin from my lower belly. **tears**

Dog the Nigger-Hating Bounty Hunter lookin' so sextastic I think I might weave myself a mullet.

photos source
English Singer/Songwriter Lily Allen showing the WIZZORLD that flat bellies are SOOOOO last year. '08 is the year for CLUB CHUB! Make some NIZZOOIIIIIISE!!!

*Yes, sweet Jesus: Those ARE Crocs! **tucking soul like an iced out chain**

photo source
There's ZERO WORDS in all of mankind's dictionaries and thesauruses to describe this shit right here, nigga.

My Thoughts IGG-ZACK-LAY!

Peep the following background individuals in the below pic:


photo ganked from
Lolo's Cube

  • Man in suit directly behind Alicia
  • Guy with camera up to his face
  • Big dude in blue T-shirt

Now...if you ain't either DYIN' laughin' at them gettin' caught on FILM sayin' a collective "DAAAAAYYYYUUUMMM" OR beatin' your clit/dick like you caught it fuckin' your grandma, then check your pulse.
Cuz A. Keys is UZI'in hoes with this body-hugging, grey knee-length number with her killer curves.
Yeah, her mini-tetas would leave an African village starvin' like Marvin, but them hips...**wiping drool** is SCREAMIN' for twins! Shouts to
Romey Rome!!

Sheeeeeeiiiiiitttt!!!! If I wasn't tryna be faithful to Floyd, Oprah, Miley, and that thick camel-ridin' cutie Kim, PLEASE BELIEVE I'd be tryna hurt dat and merk dat!

Do ya thang, Leesh!
**whispers in her ear** I would give it to ya nonstop...and I don't care who's watchin' watchin' WAW-CHIINNN...

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Cuz fat kids LOOOOOVE Food Freebies!

Tomorrow, May 15th, is about to go down as the BEST DAY EVER! (<-of this week, at least ;-p)

For those of US with wallets and bank accounts chillin' in ICU, check these FREEBIE THURSDAY promos from Dunkin Donuts and Micky D's!



Oh and...YOU'RE WELCOME! ;-)

It IS Hump Day afterall

If you had to say this natural display by Mother Earth resembled a female body part...which body part would it be?!

photo source

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

It's just one of dem days

In honor of no news catching my eye enough to go through the motions of researching, finding pics, being a Witty Bitty AND posting coupled with the fact that my coworker decided to go home "sick" 34 minutes after her ass got here LATE in the first gatdayumed place so I gotta do HER work and mine (GRRR!!!), this is what you'll get for the day.
And you'll LOVE IT, DAMMIT!!!



Is your second toe longer than your first?
Actually, it is. It's also MUCH ashier, too. They both bathed at the same time and have been sitting in the same Payless Airwalk all day. Now how does THAT happen?! **perplexed face**

Do you have a favorite type of pen?
Yup, the one that writes phat checks from OTHER people's bank accounts, thank you vurry much!

Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing?
Probably the same shit I did today. Got up, hating life, got dressed for a job that doesn't pay me nearly enough, texted your mom and dad to see what's poppin' with the Late Night Nutfest, worked, hated life, gave your parents the biz'nazz...Yeah. That's about it.

What color are your toenails usually?
Usually a nice fungally greenish brown, lookin' like a mini-brigade of No Limit Souljas. Thanks 1992 case of Cellulitis!!!!!

What was the last thing you highlighted?
Your mom's name and number on the bathroom wall. Why should "Wendy" get all the shine when "Mary" is just as good at what she does?


What color are your bedroom curtains?
Curtains?!?! PSSSH! Please! What you think this is? FUCKingham Palace? Do I look rich, muhfucka? I got a satin bed sheet up like, "Ninja WHAT!"

Have you ever had a black and white cat?
Yup. Mulatto meat is the BEST! Mmmm! **picking pube hair off tongue then licking lips**

Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
To get my babe some food even though NEITHER of us should be eating taco shop PERIOD...let alone after 10pm! Baddy Fatties!

What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
Same whip I'm pushing now: Honda Accord, Limited Edition! Complete with the burnt out carpet due to an unfortunate bleach and Windex spill.
**singin'** You will neva' find/(Blumm Blumm Blumm Blumm)/A to' back Honda like miiiine **tears**

Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
No wallpaper. Just paint in spider-carcass beige.

Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?Photobucket
I did, matter of fact. Shit tasted like NutriSweeted nut juice.

Last time you received flowers/flower?
Maybe last summer. Long stem white roses from my 3rd "husband" Isn't he sweet?! Sending flowers and ain't even SMELT the yannies! Now THAT'S a REEEAAAAALLL man. ;-)

Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?
Not when I'm profiting. And by "profiting" I mean...

What is in your inbox at work?
Mostly emails from Camille, some from my babe, and then some shit I ignore and EXPEDITIOUSLY delete called "Work"

Last time you saw fireworks?
EACH and EVERY time your mom and dad blindfold and tag team me. Your parents ain't NOOOOO joke! OOOHHWEEE!!! Shouts to Harold and Marilyn!


Who is the last person that left you a message on your cell?
Your dad's OTHER mistress asking me for tips on how to make his tip drip. OH BOY!

Do you have a black dog?
I don't currently have one. But I've dated and screwed a few. I also like to call them "Black Bastards!"

Do you have any pickles in your fridge?
If'in I did, as horny as I've been, they'd find a new home in my "lap" if you know what I mean. **wank, wank**

Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?
Sure do! If you were a teen in the 90s, STAND UP!
**singin'** And I hate EV-RY-THING about CHU! EV-RY-THING about CHU!

Do you have a little black dress?
NOTHING I have is little. Well, except one thing...and right now it's partaking in a pickle. **wank, wank**