INSIDE JOB

They're sticking to THEIR story...are you?

NEVER FORGET.


Thoughts?

Words of Wisdom

What's up, my folkeration!
How's err'bawday doin' on this fiiinne Friday, Jr aka Thursday?

I still feel bad about that time that I left you, without a Savvy blog to get fresh to for all those days. My bad, dawgs!
But...Trilly, it's been a difficult past month or so for your girl.
I lost my baby. My car is sick. I'm dayum near about to lose my freedom if I don't go on vacation QUICK. So needless to say, nobody's smilin' over this way.



But, during that time of rejection and reflection, I've grown mad insightful. And below is some insight I'd like to share with you.
Like to hear it?! Hear it, hoe!

1) Ninjaz are only as courageous as their dicks are long.
If they're workin' with a monster, they're most likely a beast. If they're workin' with weenis, then all communicae should CEASE!
Cuz, in my personal experience, you'll ask that tiny-dicked, punk muthafucka to go on a romantic weekend with just the two of you and he'll tell you to "plan it and send me the itinerary; I'll go anywhere you want to go" gettin' ya azz ALLLL excited to spend some time nuzzled up under his shit-for-breff azz all so he can ignore your emails, texts, phone calls once you try to finalize shit and you'll NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN!
Yeah, bitch! I'm talkin' to YOU, homey!! FUCK YOU and that half of a Vienna Sausage you call a dick! Yeah, the head was tremendous, but YOUR DICK WAS NOT THE BIZNESS!!!!
**fanning self**

2)Ninjaz like bitches with glasses cuz them blind azz bitches cain't see they PUNK AZZES!
Ever see a nice lookin' dude with a bitch on Helen Keller status, with microscopes AND telescopes and a seeing eye rottweiller leading her way?
Ever wonder, "WUHT DUH BLUHDCLOT?!?!"
Well...WONDER NO MORE!! cuz I dun' just laced ya tennis shoes. Ninjaz like a bitch to stay in the dark about what bastards they are! And if the bitch cain't see how many fingers he's throwing up, he most likely cain't see the fact that he's been fuckin' somebody else for MONTHS and MONTHS, either.
My perfect-vision and purrday homegirl just got pushed to the side for a bitch rockin' a Ray Charles set of eyes. And the bitch ain't even CUTE!!!! Looks like a substitute teacher, circa 1983.
But...that's what the nigga wanted! And...no need to cry over spilled Similac, M.T. That ninj STILL got umbilical fluid behind his ears, anyway. Even though the dick was gravy, did you see yourself changing Pull-Ups for that much longer?!

3)Fat bitches are another fat bitch's worst enemy.
Everybody nose Savvy is mosdef a fatty.



A fresh, fly, fantabulous fat biatch at that, Jack!
Regardless of how high my fly meter goes, I got NUHFCHIN' but LOVE for AALLLL my Torrid and Lane Bryant shoppers.
Anybody with a multi-pack of chins and/or bellays is AW'IGHT WITH ME!!!! We gotta stick together like moist legs on hot leather, mayne!

But...apparently this countray azz, double-dutch lip rockin' bitch don't feel the same.
I asked this ho for a favor. Put ME own for MAH city, OWN OWN for mah city; something MAD simple. This bitch was like, "Whoops! My bad. I forgot!" But, regardless of how many times I've asked, she NEVER does the favor. So I ask and ask and ask, but get no results so now I'm reachin' for my ski mask and my hammer mad fast!
But I'm done with askin' for favors cuz I can do my own thang; be my OWN LifeSaver.
So, my girl thinks it's hate and competition: Another fat bia don't want to see another fat bia comin' up. ESPECIALLY when that other fat bia is OLDER and HOTTER. (<--Yeezzzz!)
This whole sitcho-ayshun is just another case of Fat Girls in a Barrel syndrome...and I cain't stand it!

So...the plot thickens: One day I'm checkin' her shit and I see a post that is ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME as one I'd postly previously posted. I'm like, "Hold up: WAAIIIITTT!!!" My shit wasn't good enough before, but now you're basically bitin' my stee? Okay, Station Wagon Lips: I GOTCHU!
But, my Ladies of Lane Bryant, the moral to this story is: We're a movement by ourself; but an earthquake when we're together!
We need to stick together and support one another cuz it's not that many of us reppin' for us and it SURELY ain't that many who are ON!
So I say: EFF competition when there's room for all of us to be winnin', RIGHT?!?!?!

The True Fucker

**Desperately searching for a word more descriptive and picture-painting than "speechless" to describe my shock, awe and horror right now**

This.Shit.Right.Here.NINJA!

photo source



I cain't and WILL not believe that The New Yorker let my soon-to-be First Lady, **ballot marked; fingers crossed** plucked and high (brows) girl, Obama's baby mama, Michelle, go out like "Shirley" on What's Happening.
That woman is a saint in my eyes! A beautiful black queen who ain't afraid to rock her natural press and curl is so hard to come by these days. And these fuckas got her on here looking like BozNegro The Clown.
SHAMEFUL!!

Oh...and the rest of that shit is unexcuseable, as well. I ain't blind; don't need no glasses to see.
But since you've probably heard (or read) everybody else's opinion on the shit, I won't bore you with mine. Just know I got a SavvyFatty 2-Piece Combo heating up in the microwave for whoever greenlit that cover.

As an artist, I can understand the satirical nature of the photo.
According to Politico, artist Barry Blitt "satirizes the use of scare tactics and misinformation in the Presidential election to derail Barack Obama’s campaign."

Ok. Cool. But why isn't there an alternate, commemorative cover with John "Centrum Silver" McCain holding a press conference while simultaneously pushing up daisies and stunt-doubling for worm food ig-zack-lee 10 seconds after he's sworn in?
That's a very real fear that I have as a voter; that our President will kick the bucket and leave a far-less prepared muhfucka in charge of the countray. Why not satirize the shit that frightens ME?

MY take: OBVIOUSLY they're speeding down Controversy Ave, straight onto the We're-Trying-to-Skew-On-The-Fencers-and-Middle-America's,-Most-Notably-the-Red-States-Residents,-Already-Effed-Up-View-of-The-First-Black-Candidate Expressway.
Shit's tasteless and for those who won't buy the magazine or read up on the "satire," they'll take this shit as law and run with it...straight to the polls with a John McCain vote. We cannot afford that. We've seen The Republican Show for the past 8 years and it's the complete opposite of the BIZNISS!

*****
So...to counter that negativity, cop the HOTTEST B-rack merch you can via CafePress.
Taughted as, “FRESH FRUITS AND VEGGIES FOR FRESH OBAMA LOVERS!," here's my fave item of the moment, for obvious reasons, uhhh doyyy!:



And it's PLUS-SIZED! Available in sizes 1x-5x! **contemplating starting a club called, "Big Biatches for Barack"**

Now...if only I could find the John McCain toilet paper roll. That shit would go PLATINUM (or Assnum) at Chateau Savvy.

Double-Fisting for Brangelina

photo source
As everyone, including the deaf, blind, and comatose knows by now, Brad Pitt and his big-lipped beautiful biatch, Angelina Jolie, welcomed twins this past Saturday evening.

Les jumeaux (<--look it up and learn suh'in!), a boy named Knox Leon, (<--Fa real? Well...I guess pimps were once newborns, too. With a name like that I can easily imagine him slappin' and snatchin' hoes by the hair before tossin' their tramp azzes face-first into his spaceship in about 33 years.) and a baby bitch **jealous face** girl named Vivienne Marcheline, made their earthly debut in Nice*, France. (*That's NEACE for you Hooked on Nig'phonics muhfuckas)

Excuse me, y'all. I ain't mean to call someone's precious lil' newborn a bee-yi-yitch. That's not even who I am as a person.
I'm just tight because, instead of extending their humanitarian acts by adopting an impoverished American child, one struggling to pay her rent; car note; COUNTLESS credit card bills; whilst supporting her late night taco shop habit **pointing to self with a loaded shotgun**, they dun' up and done it.
And by "it" I mean The Grown Up, making kids the old-fashioned way: Dinner, a movie, complete with LOADS (*wink, wink**) of back-of-the-theater head, then back home to a bucket of the finest well wine whatever third-world country they were vacationing in had to offer.

I won't be bitter; I'm happy for them.
I really like the way they kept to the theme of giving their boys names ending in 'X.' Now they have Maddox, Pax, and Knox.
Too bad these captains weren't trying to save this ho, though. I would have gladly switched my shit and answered to the name "Ox" if it meant I'd be spending my nights laying lips-first in Angelina's lap debt-free.
But...Such is life!

So...
CONGRATS, B-Rad and Li-Li!
**shoots the Jules Winnfield-eye to Vivienne for takin' my number 1 spot**

Turn Off The Dora The Explorer Nightlight...

...and light a candle.

Fuck.
I'm up late nightin' it like I don't got public transpo to catch in less than 6 hours.

So, while over at Fresh's speezy, I came across some shit that got me CPS AND a ninja-with-a- black-light-dialin'.

SF'ers, I solicit you to assist in the lacing of my tennis on this one:

WHAT the F U C K happened to kids being kids?

In the Black Parents' Guide to Raising Respectable Children, (that I'm currently composing to thwart future cast members of Karma of Love,) I cannot recall a chapter on how to properly construct a Garanimals Flamenco dress. **smh and weeping**

If this kiddie prom night (<--necessary for WHAT, again?!) was ANYthing like mine, that ain't no milk OR vanilla pudding droplets on them Disney Princesses sheets there's cause for concern. I needz folks' parental cards revoked. Oh! And hand over them uteruses and vas deferens' too, playaz. **does the 'Gimme' hand**

We're Gonna Make It

...That's fa sho
If you're stressed
Then let it GOOOOOO

VH-1 Soul: Thanks for the early mornin' bless and word to 'Tribe Called Quest. That's the realest shit I NEED to hear right now.
(Hip Hop Heads: Check the 1:25 mark for a young Kanye West affiliate, Consequence, lookin' like a present-day Lupe Fiasco)

Happy Black Music Month, my pee'po'z!

Today's the first day of Operation: Public Transit...and needless to say, I'm stressed to DEF.
For the first time in over a decade I've had to raise my head 2 1/2 hours EARLIER than I'm used to (<--Fuck.) just to prep for a 2-hour, 12-mile trek that'd usually take me no more than 25 minutes in traffic. **tears**

As a So'Cal native, I've been conditioned to be strapped to my vehicle. Especially here in "Daygo" where public transit is laughable at best. It's not uncommon to transfer from bus to trolley to bus to dayum Razr scooter just to get 10 miles away. And that'll take you no less than a couple hours and you'll STILL have to walk a good 22 blocks or so just to get to your destination.
Back in the mid-to-late 90s I was a San Diego Transit Savvy. I knew all the routes and run times. Now...I'm only used to exercising my key-clickin' finger. Dammit, man!
So I've prayed and packed my patience game and just hope I make it on time. And don't be afraid to shout me out if you see me walkin' and/or Green Linin' it. Like DJ Khaled and 'nem: HOLLA @ ME, BAYBEH! And if you're also victim of this gas price BS, please believe: WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT!

Reunited & It Feels So Hoooood

photo snatched from VH1
As a black woman, I ABHOR Flavor of Love 3 and everything it stands for. **whispers** But I cain't stop watchin'. That ig'nit shit be CAWLIN' me, man!But I could be on my own. So for those of you who enjoy illicit displays of smokey eyes, bargain basement lacefronts, tight ghetto Rainbow Brite dresses, and pathetic exhibitions of fathers failing their daughters: Welcome to Heaven.

Besides the degradation of my sistas at their OWN hands **tears**, I don't respect lying about wanting to boo up with a 40-something year old Tootsie Roll. I would MUCH rather these bitches keep it real and say, "My telemarketing job wasn't keeping my nellz and hurr did, KING Magazine wasn't checkin' for my Sidekick flicks, my Section 8 was due, Jre'Quantrez hadn't mailed the child support check, my new growth was outta hand and I just needed a shortcut to being Dirty Sanchez'd by famous dicks. So I employed my azz cheeks to help a biatch get on."
Now THAT'S talkin' square biz to me, bay-bay. But since folks don't know SHIT about real-keepin' it anymore, I won't hate. GET. IT. HOW. YOU. LIVE!


My personal hohighlights below.

photo ganked from Bourgy

(From L to R:) Sinceer, The Things, St. Lewis, Grayvee, El and Shy in front
Real Talk
Queen of Comedy Sommore was on the scene offering up her take on this season. When she told Flav, "You ain't cute enough to tell a bitch her breff stinks!" I Hollywood-fainted at that unadulterated use of TROOF.
But when Flav replied, "You best believe I'm cute enough to tell you you need a weave!" I knew it was a wrap for my existence so I texted Jesus a copy of my soul since I had no further use for it.
Good shit, guys!

Flav Shaves
Flav finally buried the braids that lived far too long on life support AND gave up his recent Snap Into A Nigger Slim Jim look by shaving his head. And honestly, I think this is the first case in history where a chocolate-covered peanut head is a ginormous upgrade. Yaaayy, Flav! **shoots the thumbs up**


Hanky Stainky
Poor Shy and the shit shoes-wearing dude tapdancing on the back of her tongue. (<--Fuck.) I almost fitted myself for my wings and halo when she started crying about how casting directors would say, "Ain'tchu the Stainky Breff girl?" and wouldn't want to book her. YOUCH! I know it HAS to hurt that your foolproof plan to get on turned into Operation: Failure faster than you could strap on your breathmint necklace. D'oh!! I'm glad she realized her reality show mistake and was woman enough to admit it on national TV. She's a real azz bitch and I gets down with real shit. No pun intended. ;-)

Hometown **air quotes** Hero
Sinceer is my girl. She reps my town AND we worked at the same company a few years back. What I knew of her then, she was a real sweetheart.
With that being said, I STILL think 17 less packs of BBQ'd chitlins hair would have been MORE than sufficient to set her "Checks is startin' to roll in and I can finally change the game for these hoes!" look off.
So...like I said: Since she's from the town (619: STAND UP!!!!) I'mma be cool with her.
Just let me add: Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, AND Helen Keller could see from your antics that you were DESPERATELY trying to be this season's villain since you'd obviously studied the show and saw how lucrative it has been for others. Sucks for you since we've seen this "show" before: It's called "New York Circa 2006 to present. " She's the ORIGINATOR and CONSTANT perpetrator of all you tried to do, INCLUDING the "Fugazi Jump Start Cry" you attempted to pull off during your segment of the reunion. Usually when most humans cry they drop tears like drunk ninjas drop beers. If your eyes remain dry like the career of Do or Die...you need more people to convince me that you were TRULY devastated about not winning Flav's heart. From this day forth I challenge you to carve out our your own niche and stay outta New York's lane. NEXT ---> I mean "MUCH SAN DIEGO LOVE!"

Flavor of Dumped.
My heart goes out to Thing 2 for being dropped, on TV, by a Milk Dud. Damn. Maki-Da-Da, girl. But I will say her hair looked GREAT. Shouts to whoever super-glued the tracks to her temples to conceal the baldilocks edges that made their television debut during the season. **whispers** Now if only someone would wave a magic orthodontic wand she'd be AAALLL gravy, baby... But I digress. She looked nice. It was refreshing to see her AND her sister without those sorry excuse for bangs.

Liz turns Legit
Shouts to Flav's last babymama, Liz, for sticking in there and ignoring the hundreds of strains of mono contracted in the last couple of years in order to snag her man. I'm happy Flav proposed and hopes he stays in Karma's life before he makes a left down Justin Guarini Ave.

With that being said, the reunion was ehhhhh. No real revelations from the girls. Just biz as usual: Lots of tight dresses, weave and lacefront stocks shooting through the roof!, and shameless hopes of fame and/or notoriety by saying some shit that should get you 66th trimester abortioned. **yawns** I had much more fun watching Chiba and her fucked up eye hiding skills on Miss Rap Supreme.

P-poppin', Hood-rattin' & Ass-Whoopin'

Which "royal" pop singer put her head down and pussy-popped on a handstand for the Today show audience this morning?

If you guessed Miss PeePee Pants herself, Fergie, give yourself a gold star AND a bag of Ultra-Absorbent Depends.





UK songstress Estelle forgot that she was in public as she attended the opening ceremony for the 23rd Annual AIDS Walk in NY lookin’ like your cousin Poobie’s second babymama going to the “nell” shop on Saturday morning.




Famed YouTube asswhoopa, Kimbo Slice, had his midnight alleyway rape swag on PIZZOINT at CBS’s Elite XC Saturday Night Fights.

The Barely Even Tried Awards

So...yeah. **heavy sigh** The BET Awards nominees were announced yesterday and ol' Blacky McSoot lead the pack of nominees with 5 nominations. 5! While a semi-masterpiece-makin' muhfucka like Kanyeezy garned a mere 3 nods.

What in the vocoder FUCK?!
WHO DA HAIL LEFT THE GATE OPEN!?
T-PAIN, homey? T-PAIN, nigga?! T-muddasuckin'-PAIN?! Fa real?!?!! Is that yo' word, Black Embarassment Television?!?!??!!

Alright. Ok.

Peep the category below. **eyes rollin' like some 24'z**
PLEASE don't ask me for RHYME nor REASON behind why and/or how folks were nominated. 'Specially since some of these folks ain't even released ALBUMS OR chart-topping hits within the past year.
**slapping forehead and throwing up hands** Ay, mi dios!

Best Female Hip Hop Artist:


Kid Sister




For more "Let's just pull some muhfuckin' names outta a hat" nominees, click here...

Flavor of Loathe 3

Anyone interested in seeing the further denegration of our Black women at the hands of the THEMSELVES and the media in the name of entertainment and for their 15 minutes of fuckery and fame the love of Flavor Flav LIVE?!?!?!!
If you answered "YES! Me! Please!" go kill yourself then here's your chance to attend the Flavor of Love 3 Minstrel Reunion show!

Here's the invite info, courtesy of Sinceer's Myspace page:

Are you the ULTIMATE "Flavor of Love" fan?
Do you know everything there is to know about Flav and the girls?
Why not put your knowledge to good use by attending the taping of the "Flavor of Love 3" Reunion?
You'll get an opportunity to ask questions of your favorite cast members, hear them revisit good times and bad, and even to be among the first to find out how things went for the girls after they left Flav and the show. The taping will be held in Los Angeles during the afternoon of Friday May 16, 2008. The taping is FREE but by invitation ONLY. So to secure your spot at what is gonna be one of the hottest reunions in VH1 History, write us at: FOL3Reunion@gmail.com.
In your email, please include the following information:
Your first name
Your age and sex
Your city of residence
Your contact numbers and email address
The names of the people that you will be bringing to the reunion (NOTE: we cannot reserve more than four seats for any one person)
Early respondents do have an edge, so get your response to us ASAP. You will be contacted by a producer the week of May 12 if you are selected for the audience.
IMPORTANT NOTES: You must be over 18 to attend the taping and have your own transportation to the taping in Los Angeles. The production cannot provide lodging or transportation. THIS IS NOT A CONTEST. All audience members will be REQUIRED to sign a confidentiality agreement prior to being admitted to the audience.

Cinco De Lie-O

Happy Cinco De Mayo, folks!
'Tis the day to gather your friends and fam to celebrate Mexican heritage and pride by reflecting on the initial victory of Mexican forces over the French in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, right?
RIGHT?!
WRONG!!
It's Cinco De Drink-o, bitches! Shouts to all you licka-loving Americans who will readily desecrate any ol' historical holiday (4th of July, anyone?) by turning it into a DUI Derby.

All day you sit impatiently in your cubes trying to devise a scheme to make an early exit out of the workplace in order to snatch up the BEST table at the local Chili's or El Torito.

Celebrate Mexican heritage?! Pssshh!! PLEASE!! More like celebrating with mass quantities of Mexican beers and your esay homey, Jose Cuervo.
The free chips and salsa, tiny sombreros and zarapes decor is all fine and dandy, but really you're in the buildin' to get plastered! ROCK OUT with our COCKS OUT!! BLITZ OUT WITH OUR TITS OUT! To get HAMMERED like MC while singing "La Bamba" drunkenly.

It's a dayum shame, U.S. of A.


All I wanna know is: Where da PAWR-DAY at?!
;-p

Damn, homay!

Ok. So, Bernard Hopkins let the Brit get all up in his grits at Saturday's fight.

DAAAMMNN, homay! Against Calzaghe you wud'nt da man, homay! **wondering if Hop can smell what the glove was cookin'**

Ok. Enough of that since, thanks to Captain Morgan and 'nim, I didn't get to watch the fight anyway. Guess HBO thought they was too good to broadcast live from my toilet bowl.
HAYDUHZ!!! But that's neither here nor there.

Look who was in the house like Mighty Mouse! Front row centa' like, "Yeah! I'm DAT ninja!" (Yeah, I see Whitney, looking alive!!! I ain't EVEN gon' hate! All I'mma say is "YAY YOU!" and "GET DAT YOUNG COCK!")





Wow!! What a difference a dick makes!
Before Ray dicked my babymama, Kim KardASShian, down (with a pants python that's MUCH too slim for myyyyy taste) nobody was checkin' for him. I GARE-RONE-TEE if this was just a couple of years back and he tried to sit FRONT ROW at a fight, the security guards would be like, "Wait a minute!" I bet Brandy wasn't even invited. Guess now since Ray's shinin' harder than his parents' daughter, she'll be labeled as "Ray J's sister"...or "Shawty Is a Killa!"

Lloyd Banks wants The Game dead

Lloyd Banks, 1/3 of the uber-talented!, CD sales sensation!! that is G-Unit (ninja, please!) , thinks former group member The Game should awwwf himself.
In an interview with SOHH, Banks commented on remarks made by The Game regarding his thoughts about committing suicide in the current issue of XXL.

"I heard he's going to terminate himself so good luck on that," Banks told SOHH. "I predicted that too. So, next time you in the dark and you think about blowing your noodles all over your nice little paint, just do it like Nike."

Damn.

Tell us how you reeeaalllly feel, Plymouth Barracuda mouf and Dirt Devil nostrils. That's colder than a polar bear's toenail. But since this is probably the only way you'll get any kind of shine since your albums consistently sell double-corduroy, I ain't knockin' your relevancy hustle. DO YOU!

Kids are Adorable

Watch. (Sorry! Embedding was disabled!)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=JchD_S5cXx4


Compare.

And if you can get some time off from your funeral...or from up under Lucifer's fiery bosom, (whichever came first) please read the comments. All I'mma say is: COME ON, PEOPLE!

**grabbing credit card and logging on to TicketsToHell.com**

Miss Crap Supreme

Photos Source
Really, I'm not feeling NONE of the "femcees" on this show, lyrically or physically.
Everybody looks like they could use a hot Massengil and/or Bleach and Febreze dip...and a gift certificate to Ann Taylor Loft.


The only one I'd give an "Aw'ight" to was my Sister in Bigness, Lady Twist. (Club Chub...STAND UP!) Other than that...I'll just be watching to see if somebody fucks up Chiba's OTHER eye. Rather it be with a fist...or with Byata's Rusky juice. **wank, wank**




The Ultimate Embarrassment to Black People quote of the night HAAAASSSS to go to Babymomma #1, Nicky2States (aka Baby Oil 'Bama), when talking about how shit was gettin' outta hand cuz everybody was gettin' they drank on:
"Alcohol, as they say, it makes you let down your prohibitions. We didn't have any."
LAWD!!! **Clutches Jeezus piece AND a history book**




Close runner up has to be Kim Wayans ghetto-cute A-alike, Miss Cherry, after a certain "semi-established" rapper got in her face about telling the honest dayum troof calling her a One Hit Wonder:
"Schuh-wang! You startin' an argument, schuh-wang de'en!"


EXKRUHS

• 
  I LMMFVenezias AAAWWWF at the scene when they were in the salon and homechick in the background, lookin' like a permed up Double-X Chromosome Flav, startin' giggin' and rappin' along to the gals' wack azz chorus.
  LOL! I hear dat! Don't let that perm burn stop you from gettin' EVERY BIT of yo 1.37 seconds of fame!
• 
  Overall, I think the challenge was kind of weak. Me, being the bia bia I am, I wouldn't have been nervous to spit in front of the Catholic Sisters. I just woulda pulled a lil memory of Martin outta my dome and spit Sheneneh and KeyLoLo's ish from the talent show ep ('member dat?): You want some...but you cain't get NUN! (<--Haha! Get it?! I'm lame...I know!)

**shakes head slowly** I couldn't watch the whole ep, mayne. My daily quota of IG'NIT had already been met while watching Flavor of Fuckery earlier. (Notice how this is a 99% Khia free post?!?!?! )

**reaches for Jeezus piece again**
SORRY!! I cain't do it all! I'm but ONE woman!

Fuck.

Apparently, this 1984 church camp art project fuckeration is supposed to be the bouquet that Bey carried down the aisle during her nuptials last week.

Instead of wasting a shitty qualified artist's time on this bullshit mess why didn't she just have House of Damn You Wrong puffy-paint her out a sign that clearly states: "I'm a Tacky Beast."
CUT TO THE CHASE, people!
Also, **opening my coin purse and looking for 2 pennies** instead of re-releasing Kelly's brick of an album and having her embarrass herself show up on red carpets from here to the BBQ Pit, why not just have her stamp her forehead with a sign that says, "I'll forever be Beyonce's shitwiper."

We all know it. Now's the time for y'all to SHOW IT!

The Magical Amount

**singin**
It's FRIIIIIDAY and I'm ready to swang! /Roll up the bleezy/and sip me some draaank!/Tonight!/Ohhhhhhh!/Gettin' higher than a kite/Ummmm!!
Rip, Babygirl! But I had to switch it up one time for my mind!

Happy Friday, my folks!

We've been waiting all week and now it's time to GEEK!
I don't know about y'all...but tonight it's goin' down like a Prom Queen's gown! Or a paraplegic swimmer who's GUARANTEED to drown!

Am I the only 20-something that looks forward to the mindnumbing freeness that is the weekend? Or are the rest of you sitting just as eagerly in your cubes with booties ITCHIN' ready to start this party right?

I don't mean no REGULAR partyin' either. NO ZIR! No standing around socializing about politics, global warming, or stock tips while cluthchin' a brewski. OH NO! Not my type of hype. I like to GUZZLE like a dog with no muzzle! Hand me a shot to get my body hot!

The only problem is...once I get going I don't know when to stop. **embarrassed face** ESPECIALLY if I'm not E-MEE-TREE-IT-LEE buzzin'. I'll keep it movin by throwin' em back until I feel that slight hint of warmth in my thigh...and at that moment, I know I've turned down the onramp to the Drunken Biatch Super Highway!
That's when I pump my brakes, but not a moment sooner. But usually by that time...it's far too late.

And that's when it's time to BEWARE!!! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!

Ladies: Tuck ya husbands!
Men: Hide ya wives...and ya side bitches!
Cuz when I'm "thuuurrr" it's a WRAP like Saran! There's not a booty, titty, dick, or mammal toe in the place that's not getting felt up. And EVERYBODY in the room is an instant contestant in the Tongue Kissing Contest...the one that I don't HESITATE to get poppin' when my alcohol level is at "Daaaaammmnn, Homey." So don't leave ya man OR woman 'round ME! True playa fa real! Ask ANY nigga...FA REAL!

But now that I'm speeding towards the hill's plateau...I recognize it's time to make a change. It ain't as cute to be a drunken menage-a-twenty-enducing bitch at 28 like it was 5 or 6 years ago.

And if I ain't sliding my hands where the sun don't shine...then I'm somewhere passed out...silently buying tickets to go dap up Peter and lay in the bosom of my Sweet Lord. And that's REALLY not cute because who wants to be luggin' alla THIS onto a gurney?

So I guess I need to find my magical amount. The one that KEEPS me faded, but not enough to lay me out!

But...not tonight!

**Shouts to my boy Dre for the inspiration! You ain't NEVAAAAAA lied!!!!!

Paris is Falling

**rubbing hands together while speaking in my e-veeeelll, sinister voice**

PARIS HILTON...YOU'RE GOING DOOOOOWWWNNNNN!
RARARARARAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!


Paris hilton took a niiiiiice lil' spill, which birthed a niiiiice lil' chin knot, while leaving a music store in Prague.

You KNOW you're a herpes ridden, praying mantis A-alike whorebag when you even FALL like a ho. Peep the placement of her head in the second pic as she's trying to recover.

AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!
**calling home to see if someone can bring me some fresh undies as the ones I'm currently wearing have inexplicably turned a liquidy brown**

Rich bitch!

Give me that Dusty Looooooooove!

Good morning, SavvyFatty'ers! Happy Tuesday! (<--whatever the hell that means! If it ain't Friday, it ain't right!)
Ain't much going on this morn. I am SUPERVISOR and CARING ABOUT WORK-FREE today! So...you just do you! And U'mma do me! Sittin' at work chillin' on SavvyFatty!

Sooooo...let's cut to the chase:
I think someone has an office crush on ya ol' girl.
**noddin' head while lickin' lips and poppin' starched white collar**

And why wouldn't they? I mean I only steps up in this piece in the best collared shirts, sweaters and jeans (<--YUP! Found out they couldn't really enfore a dress code cuz we're gubment employees...so I tucked the slacks like an iced out chain on the corner of MLK Blvd and Malcolm X Ave!!) that Lane Bryant and their $50 off a purchase of $150 or more coupons can buy!

For the past few weeks one of my elderly coworkers (YES!) has had NO problem standing behind me for a good 86 seconds before actually opening her (YES! HER!) gums to say something. And usually when she does finally speak, it's some half thought-through NON-funny joke or gossip that I'm supposed to be remotely interested in. But since she's on the geriatric set and the only other negroid in my office, I entertain her bullshit by smiling sweetly.

And how do I know she's there in the first place, you ask?
Well, first off: The beezy is forever rockin' at least one piece of one of them circa 1991 noisy ass jogging suits. If she ain't rockin' the pants and causing bleeding ears throughout the building with each footstep, she is mosdef in the jacket. That shit right there gives her away as soon as she stands up out of her chair and steps out of her cube. All you hear in the aisle is "Swish swoosh sweesh swoosh." And when it stops directly behind my head, at that moment, I know she's there. Standing silently while staring at the back of my weave.

I NEVER turn around. NEVER EVER for fear that if I turn around too soon she'll be licking the PolyDent off her dentures and forming a dust cloud by rubbing the hail out of what's left of her clit.
Because...why else would she be staring at the back of my dome for so long? Other than the fact that she's imagining what it would be like to have all 2 packs of my Venus MicroYaky all up and through her fingers as I'm diving lips first into her lovely lady lap. **coats back of throat with corny vomit**

Damn me for being the sexy big beast I am!!!!!!!

Enough is E-MUTHA-FUCKIN-NUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

San Diego STOP THE VIOLENCE March & Rally
Friday, 3/28/08
16-year-old Brandon Nicholas Johnson of Lemon Grove and his 15-year-old buddy, Donnell Eric Davis Jr. of San Diego, both died after a car-to-car shooting on state Route 54 on Sunday, March 16, 2008. Donnell attended Lincoln High School along with one of the shooting/crash survivors.

Funeral services for both will be at Bayview Baptist Church on Thursday, March 27, 2008 at 11:00 a.m.
Yesterday, a 16 year old classmate of Donnell Davis asked to meet with me. Lacanae Meafee, a junior at Lincoln High School wanted to know if a march she was organizing down Imperial Avenue from St. Stephen's Church could conclude with a call to action rally at the Jackie Robinson Family YMCA.I told her it was the least we could do to help our community overcome this tragic loss. What was most impressive about Lacanae's request is her strong desire to go beyond the 1.7 march on a Friday night.

Now I need your help.Please consider joining the march down Imperial Avenue and attending the rally at the Jackie Robinson Family YMCA. Lacanae and her organizing team expect 200-300. I suggested they might want to prepare for 2,000 to 3,000.
Visit this link: http://zoomerang.com/Survey/?p=WEB227LZ6RZN8H to RSVP or volunteer. There has never been a more important time to support the youth in our community.

The violence must stop!
Michael Brunker, Executive DirectorJackie Robinson Family YMCA