Double-Fisting for Brangelina

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As everyone, including the deaf, blind, and comatose knows by now, Brad Pitt and his big-lipped beautiful biatch, Angelina Jolie, welcomed twins this past Saturday evening.

Les jumeaux (<--look it up and learn suh'in!), a boy named Knox Leon, (<--Fa real? Well...I guess pimps were once newborns, too. With a name like that I can easily imagine him slappin' and snatchin' hoes by the hair before tossin' their tramp azzes face-first into his spaceship in about 33 years.) and a baby bitch **jealous face** girl named Vivienne Marcheline, made their earthly debut in Nice*, France. (*That's NEACE for you Hooked on Nig'phonics muhfuckas)

Excuse me, y'all. I ain't mean to call someone's precious lil' newborn a bee-yi-yitch. That's not even who I am as a person.
I'm just tight because, instead of extending their humanitarian acts by adopting an impoverished American child, one struggling to pay her rent; car note; COUNTLESS credit card bills; whilst supporting her late night taco shop habit **pointing to self with a loaded shotgun**, they dun' up and done it.
And by "it" I mean The Grown Up, making kids the old-fashioned way: Dinner, a movie, complete with LOADS (*wink, wink**) of back-of-the-theater head, then back home to a bucket of the finest well wine whatever third-world country they were vacationing in had to offer.

I won't be bitter; I'm happy for them.
I really like the way they kept to the theme of giving their boys names ending in 'X.' Now they have Maddox, Pax, and Knox.
Too bad these captains weren't trying to save this ho, though. I would have gladly switched my shit and answered to the name "Ox" if it meant I'd be spending my nights laying lips-first in Angelina's lap debt-free.
But...Such is life!

So...
CONGRATS, B-Rad and Li-Li!
**shoots the Jules Winnfield-eye to Vivienne for takin' my number 1 spot**