Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Is Ya Skin A Sin? **REMINDER**

Shouts to my brutha, Jaz, for the info on this one. A few others also emailed me about this so you know I HAAAADDD to post.

Did you know that companies in the US have said they would hire a white man with a felony record and no high school education BEFORE they would hire a black man with NO criminal record and a 4-year degree?

July 23rd at 9pm and July 24th at 9pm CNN will premiere a series, "Black in America with Soledad O'Brien."
For my brothas and sistas, especially those raising young brothas and sistas, I URGE you to watch this special with your children.
The aforementioned statistic and many others will be revealed during the series.
On 7/23 the series will focus on Women and Families. 7/24 is dedicated entirely to the plight of the Black Man in America.

I beg and plead with you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE watch and internalize what you see and hear; no matter HOW disturbing the information can (and will) thank me later.
For more information:

In the meantime, let's take it back to when Hip Hop wasn't telling us to YOOOOUUUUU and super-soak hoes, but was more concerned with each one teachin' one.
80s babies: Remember this one?! Let's see how many rap legends YOU can spot in this clip.

Thursday, July 17, 2008


My bad y’all. I’ve been on a small intelligence/takin' my freedom break.

There’s TONS going on in the political world that those of us scratchin' and survivin' and dayum near hangin' inna chow line! (<--for YEARS I thought it was "'hangin' eatin' chowduh!") should be aware of.
Add that to the fact that at times it gets uber-overwhelming for the kid to slave for my pay, tend house, blog and research, network, self-improve, clear my DVR, hang out, bullshit, and sleep (or be slept with! Mmmm…) all within a 24-hour period. So I take these mini-vacays when I need some time to clear my mind. It’s nothing against noooooboday; you knowz I love y’all like fat kids love to sit out at gym.

Soon I’ll be back like bra straps and flat asses or churches havin’ masses, ok-k-k?!
Until then…you can find me on the Twitter. Or probably on my shitter. Or maybe over on Myspace. Tryna supply a ninj’ a taste! [T- "Soot" Pain “I’m Sprung”]

So, sing it with me **beatboxes** I LOVE YOU!/You love me/Better braing that azz back to SavvyFatty/Or I'll Google Earth your home/And be sittin' on your porch/And make a beat with your dome like I'm Scott Storch

Speakin' of that purple furry child molester Barn, ain't this FUUUUCCKKKKEDDD up?!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Skid Marks Are Made of These

Ahhhhh! Dreams really DO come true!


Anybody want to join me for a bean and cheese pork rib collared greens and cabbage burrito? I got alot of "work" to do.

Get yourn here...

Field Mouse Combo W/Cheese, Please

Watch this shit to get an understanding of the post title.

And I'd rather eat a field mouse/than to see John McCain in The White House

Throw Mickey, Mighty, and Stuart's little white ass on the barbie for ya girl, too!

Shouts to my girl, Fre, for sending me this. This shit KNOX like a Southeast 619 elementary school!
Or...for the world that don't know my 'hood: a Jolie-Pitt newborn, mayne!!!!
Ahhhh! Ghetto Creativity at its FINEST!

The True Fucker

**Desperately searching for a word more descriptive and picture-painting than "speechless" to describe my shock, awe and horror right now**


photo source

I cain't and WILL not believe that The New Yorker let my soon-to-be First Lady, **ballot marked; fingers crossed** plucked and high (brows) girl, Obama's baby mama, Michelle, go out like "
Shirley" on What's Happening.
That woman is a saint in my eyes! A beautiful black queen who ain't afraid to rock her natural press and curl is so hard to come by these days. And these fuckas got her on here looking like BozNegro The Clown.

Oh...and the rest of that shit is unexcuseable, as well. I ain't blind; don't need no glasses to see.
But since you've probably heard (or read) everybody else's opinion on the shit, I won't bore you with mine. Just know I got a SavvyFatty 2-Piece Combo heating up in the microwave for whoever greenlit that cover.

As an artist, I can understand the satirical nature of the photo.
According to Politico, artist Barry Blitt "satirizes the use of scare tactics and misinformation in the Presidential election to derail Barack Obama’s campaign."

Ok. Cool. But why isn't there an alternate, commemorative cover with John "Centrum Silver" McCain holding a press conference while simultaneously pushing up daisies and stunt-doubling for worm food ig-zack-lee 10 seconds after he's sworn in?
That's a very real fear that I have as a voter; that our President will kick the bucket and leave a far-less prepared muhfucka in charge of the countray. Why not satirize the shit that frightens ME?

MY take: OBVIOUSLY they're speeding down Controversy Ave, straight onto the We're-Trying-to-Skew-On-The-Fencers-and-Middle-America's,-Most-Notably-the-Red-States-Residents,-Already-Effed-Up-View-of-The-First-Black-Candidate Expressway.
Shit's tasteless and for those who won't buy the magazine or read up on the "satire," they'll take this shit as law and run with it...straight to the polls with a John McCain vote. We cannot afford that. We've seen The Republican Show for the past 8 years and it's the complete opposite of the BIZNISS!

***** counter that negativity, cop the HOTTEST B-rack merch you can via CafePress.
Taughted as, “FRESH FRUITS AND VEGGIES FOR FRESH OBAMA LOVERS!," here's my fave item of the moment, for obvious reasons, uhhh doyyy!:


And it's PLUS-SIZED! Available in sizes 1x-5x! **contemplating starting a club called, "Big Biatches for Barack"**

Now...if only I could find the John McCain toilet paper roll. That shit would go PLATINUM (or Assnum) at Chateau Savvy.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Double-Fisting for Brangelina

photo source

As everyone, including the deaf, blind, and comatose knows by now, Brad Pitt and his big-lipped beautiful biatch, Angelina Jolie, welcomed twins this past Saturday evening.

Les jumeaux (<--look it up and learn suh'in!), a boy named Knox Leon, (<--Fa real? Well...I guess pimps were once newborns, too. With a name like that I can easily imagine him slappin' and snatchin' hoes by the hair before tossin' their tramp azzes face-first into his spaceship in about 33 years.) and a baby bitch **jealous face** girl named Vivienne Marcheline, made their earthly debut in Nice*, France. (*That's NEACE for you Hooked on Nig'phonics muhfuckas)

Excuse me, y'all. I ain't mean to call someone's precious lil' newborn a bee-yi-yitch. That's not even who I am as a person.
I'm just tight because, instead of extending their humanitarian acts by adopting an impoverished American child, one struggling to pay her rent; car note; COUNTLESS credit card bills; whilst supporting her late night taco shop habit **pointing to self with a loaded shotgun**, they dun' up and done it.
And by "it" I mean The Grown Up, making kids the old-fashioned way: Dinner, a movie, complete with LOADS (*wink, wink**) of back-of-the-theater head, then back home to a bucket of the finest well wine whatever third-world country they were vacationing in had to offer.

I won't be bitter; I'm happy for them.
I really like the way they kept to the theme of giving their boys names ending in 'X.' Now they have Maddox, Pax, and Knox.
Too bad these captains weren't trying to save this ho, though. I would have gladly switched my shit and answered to the name "Ox" if it meant I'd be spending my nights laying lips-first in Angelina's lap debt-free.
But...Such is life!

CONGRATS, B-Rad and Li-Li!

**shoots the Jules Winnfield-eye to Vivienne for takin' my number 1 spot**

JonASS Whoopin'

Raise your hand if you ordered a SavvyFatty 2-piece combo with NO soda!!!!!


Dear Nick Jonas,
Let me start by informing you that NO weapon formed against me shall prosper; I'm more than a conqueror. **kisses 99-Cent Store Jesus Piece**
With that said, PLEASE...for the love of the curly brown pubes atop your dome, tell me you weren't behind this.

Before I hand you two front row tickets to the SavvyFatty gun show, let me explain where I'm comin' from.

I always tell My Mi that until she turns 18 and it's No R. Kelly that we're together, she can run the streets with her thugs and I'll be waiting for her.

But YOU, ninja. YOU?!?!
Unh UNH!!

Like a diet of strictly penises: I ain't havin' it! At least if she was gon' dip like a chip, she coulda did it with a fucka that is NOT capable of stunt-doublin' for the little girl in Paulie. Or Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer.

I mean, shit! I'm fully aware that my short munnay cain't compete with the fact that you and your "Shane" from The L-Word-lookin' bros are over there clockin' million$ like the Jolie-Pitts adoptin' (and birthin') chil'drun. I know I ain't nuhchin' but a lowly gubmit employee in a dirty Ac (-CORD that is) and you got lame-ridden teens and tweens spittin' that kitty water into their Doras.

So since you got the world at your powdery fingertips and I ain't shit but a BWP, I kindly ask that you refrain from effin' up my happy home.

Woman to Munchkin: Have you EVER been in love? Woman to Munchkin? Ain't this the same shit YOU woulda done?!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Hoes With Toes

This is my shit right now!!!

If you could be a fly on the wall in my shower, while I'm getting dressed to go to a job that ain't worth its weight in paper clips or the pounds and mounds of stolen Post-It Notes I misappropriate monthly, you'd see I ain't only in there lathering up. I'm also in there shaking my shimmay! I got a lil' special dance I do to this shit, too. (If you see me out in the skreets DON'T ask me to do it as it is the COMPLETE opposite of safe for public. However, it is safe for your parents room after we've knocked back a whole box of wine and a bag of pork rinds dipped in Ranch dressing.) This shit gets MUCH play on the Dell Dimension. This shit KNOCKS!

I know this video is new and all. But I just want to know how the illustrious committee in charge of the Barely Even Tried Awards nominations (you know: the same committee who deemed it appropriate to nominate Kid Sister for "Best Female Hip Hop Artist" even though hardly anybody knows who that is!) missed out on nominating this video.

"What category?" you ask?!?! **rolls eyes then hands your Helen Keller ass a pair of telescopes cuz you blind and need some glasses to see**

Best Display of Metallic Camel Toes

OOOHHHWEEEEE!!! I love this video! And no, not because Lloyd looks like an Al-Qaeda/Michael Jackson-mix version of our Lord and Savior. No.

It's cuz this video is chock full of pussy prints. And like hot wings, fish tacos, Chipotle, and Sunday morning head: I LOVE IT!

Yes, the feminist inside thinks it's disrespectful that the women are free to put their bodies and 'ginas on display for the world while their eyes are covered. I do think that's rude. However, I can fully understand the artistic reasoning behind it. That reasoning states: Don't get distracted by knowing or giving a fuck who this bitch is. Just watch her hips rock back and forth, south and north, and get so hypnotized by the way her body's rollin' round and round.

Makes POI'FICK sense to me!

Peep the 1:44 minute mark for THE BEST camel toe ever!! And if you can't see it good on the 'Tube, then please sitcho $5 azz down and watch it on BET or MTV Jams. It's worth it! Just be sure to have your Kentucky Jellay and lap-rubbing hand on deck. You'll thank me later. ;-)


Lindsay Lohan's lil sis, Oscar Meyer Weiner Snap Into A Slim Jim, Ali, has a new single, "All The Way Around" which she says, "shows off her hip hop side."

**places machine gun to temple; tickles the trigger**

I heard this bullfuckery while watching E's reiteration of the shit they JUST showed less than 30 minutes earlier on E! News, The Daily 10.

Ummmm...**mad perplexed and vexed** If this shit right here is hip hop, then me and Amy Winehouse share a pair of jeans and Ashanti is more than capable of getting onstage and blowing Superhead Patti LaBelle-style. I ain't heard something less hip hop since I spent two and a half hours with my DVR and remote control watching 106 & Park trying to learn the Soulja Boy.

Ooops. Did I say that? [/Steve Urkel] Haha! J/k. No Ice T.

But I realized that, as I punished my ear drums to the highest level of punishtivity while watching this vid, instead of leaning back and/or shaking my salt shaker like most hip hop beats make me do, I actually stood up and busted a simultaneous Twist/ Achy Breaky Heart combination. And Ali's right: I never felt closer to Rakim & Eric B than I did right then. [/sarcasm]

HIP HOP MUSIC: Here's what they think about you!

Bet those KFC, Taco Bell commercials, and Brooke Hogan collabos don't seem so worth the money earnin' like Mount Vernon anymore, huh?

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Cinnamon Toast Ush


photo source

Is it just me and my fabits (that's fat girl habits) or is looking at Usher's face causing you to fiend for a Saturday-morning-while-watching-Pee-Wee's-Playhouse bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
Somebody left this cover in the Photoshop Tanning Booth for 1,862 seconds too long. Even Lil Fif's (cuz typing 'Usher Raymond V' was plain ol' NOT an option) lips are steppin' to the black side.

What in the Djimon Honsou hail?!

Oh yeah, and if you ain't noticed, Ursh is giving the world a chance to peep the results of him and Tameka's science experiment for the August cover of Essence. Lil' Fif is a very cute little one; I won't front. Just hope they had him back on the set of Idlewild before Bryan Barber yelled, "ACKSHUN!" and the Costume Department noticed some shit missin'.

Oh! And I hope Ursh ain't make no munnay from these flicks being out for the public to see. Cuz iffin' I remember, he scoffed at the idea of using his child to make money. Guess since Here I Stand ain't movin' the units he's used to, minds change when ya dimes change, no?

Now...Ain't This Some Twit?!

Remember my Twitter post from yesterday?!?!?!

Well, look who done mozied on over to Twitterdom? (<<--as my man Zillz would say)
Miss TYRA MAIL! herself, Frankie, otherwise known as Mama Keyshia Cole.


In true Frankie fashion, she wylin' and keepin' the shit-talk on deck. Her username alone, FrankieFBaby, has me cutting down a tree to prep my own casket. What she know about THAT?!??!!
Peep what she "tweeted" after Neffie returned from leaving her sitting with the kids all day and night:
"Nef walked up in here like OOH NUTTIN. I was gone call CPS on dat azz for abandoning these kids. Who she think she is? Theres only1 Frankie!"

WOW!! LMMFFAO!!!!!!!!!
What does she mean by "there's only 1 Frankie?" Was she insinuating that Neffie was trying to steal her leave-yo-kids-with-any-ol'-body-while-you-basehead-it-out-on-the-skreets-till-you-get-good-and-gotdayumed-ready-to-return-home schwag?
Only Gawd Knows.

But I know one thang: I'll MOSDEF be tuning in to The Frankie Show to see what kind of post-crackish shenanigans go on in her world.

What about YOU?!

Air Pianympho

So, I'm over at Kanye's blog desperately trying to find some type of contact info so Yeezy Yeezy can peep the hot fiyah that is the SavvyFatty FreakMixxx of his verse on Young Jeezy's "I Put On."

But once my search proved fruitless, and only after emailing a pic of my grandma to be featured in the "Stronger Sightings" section (Yeah, if arthritis don't kill her, it will only make her stronger) did I spot something that caught my lil' hornay eye.

Enter the AirPiano.


Tauted as "an innovative musical interface which allows playing (<<--Ooh!) and controlling software instruments simply by moving hands in the air" (<<--Unh. Unh! Baybee!) I knew this was something that must be added to the SavvyFatty Lonely Nights Arsenal at once!
Now if this pic doesn't make you want to lay under those magically dancing, pasty white hands...then check your temperature. Cuz you mosdef must be gettin' your Heaven for a G on.

To all you thinking: "Savvy, you don't play an instrument. What will you do with something like this?!" I think, "Stay yo fonkay azz out my muthaplukkin' biznazz!!!" then I lay out my plans to your nosey ass for you inquiring minds.

Once the AirPiano is received and secured, I'm going to commence to e-mee-tree-it-lee taking it apart to discover exactly what makes it work. My plans are to construct something similar to be placed in my Caciques in order to avoid a tripl to the Dirty Souf in an effort to climb the Stairway to Heaven.
Then, directly after, depending on the severity of the exxxplosion, I'll get to erasing each and every fuck ninja up out my contacts list. Except for these two, of course. I might not need ninjas anymore, but I still got bills. And money, mosdef, still make me cum.

So, to all my people that enjoy The SavvyFatty Experience and would love for your daily dose of fuckshit to continue, I'll need you to reach into your Goach bags and wallets to donate to my Air PianHO fund.

Until it's received, SF will be on hiatus indefinitely.
So, the faster you get your donations in, the sooner we'll be back to our regularly scheduled ho dro programming.

How you luhhhh dat?!

Snoop Kentucky Dogg

So, yes, I HAVE been blowing my magical flute for a lil’ minute now.
Noooo, not the one that makes sweet music. The one that, with the help of a bag of magical oregano, takes my eyes from sensual and sexy to low and sleepy in the blink of a...well, eye.

However, like Britney’s sanity, that’s neither here nor there.

I just need someone to explain to me, in the Queen’s Ebonics, why has Snoop gon’ Country on a nizzle?<>

His gangsta broomstick lookin’ ass is up on my TV in a Lakers jerz and a cowboy hat, playin’ Dominoes with none other than Willie “High as a Kite since Texas Was a Republic” Nelson like it’s Goldic Loc or The Lady of Rage.


Was Shante too busy gettin’ her purve and swerve on to cockblock this tomfuckery? Or has Snoop finally realized that his lyric game has been on a swift and steady decline since the days of Doggystyle and that going Country may result in a major career upgrade?!

Monday, July 7, 2008

D.M.seX Change


This pic has the floor around my cubicle moister than my Strawberry Shortcake sheets, circa 1985.
Shouts to Gina, a commenter over at C+D, for bringing this gravatar into my world.
Now only if it can be brought into Tashera's, since this is most definitely an upgrade as there's minimal 4-by-4head exposure.


American Pie popularized the phrase, "MILF" for "Mother I'd Like to beFRIEND." (<<--edited for the chil'lunz)


Now, after viewing this new Ebony cover (peeped over at my ninja Sane's speezy), I've coined my own phrase: "PCILF" for "Presidential Candidates I'd Like to beFRIEND."

I DARE one of y'all to tell me you wouldn't debrief and let B slide into your Oval Office.
This is pee-YURE, Grade A, USDA-choice SCHA-WAG right here. No perms. No conks. No crack. Just pure hotness.

Do ya thank, B-Rock!
Peep the rest of the Ebony Collector's Series here...

Shiver me TWITTER


Do you Twitter?
If so, come follow me nah as I Tweet like the singer on Missy's sheets!
Iffin' you don't, follow me anyway by peeping the Twitter updates on the right...right under the pic of me doing what I do best. Mmmm! Mmmm! Calories!

Red Yum!

Welcome back to the real world, folks!!!
Shit SUCKS monkey balls, right?!!!

How was your 3-day weekend?!
If your holiday weekend was anything like mine, your ass is raw from wiping dead animal carcusses from it, your liver's still crying, your eyes are still bloodshot, and you're walking like you just got off a horse. A very fat horse. Oh...and your jaws hurt and you could use a new tip for your tongue.
...Or is that just me?!

With all that fun and shenanigans, I did have something quite unfortunate happen to me, as well.
After many years of late night visits and sneaking around to see each other, I've officially broken it off with ThugBait. (<<--Not Safe For Nothing But The Privacy of Your Own Masturbation Station)
I know. I know. We've been in it to win it for years. I mean, no one kept me company like its screen shots of thugalicious niggas giving each other the BEESWAX in cheap motel rooms. Of "punks" suckin' the brown off of many a blindfolded ninjas dick while a dude thinks it's some hood rat gettin' him off. Ooh! And I loved the addition of the fantasies. I liked to read short stories about what niggas would do to the featured thugs. Those accounts right there, ninja!! Those accounts RIGHT THEEEEEERRRREE!!! Let me stop before I get all nostalgic and get to callin' when I know I've moved on.

So ladies and gents, meet my new late night (and afternoon...and early morning...and any time I fuckin' feel like it!) hype, RedTube.

Mean Muggin' EVERY single effin' one of you out in SavvyFattyLand:


I don't even have time to go into the many ways I EL OH VEE E this site, but I will tell you, the gay channel gets MUCH play on my Dell Dimension. This shit right here, ninj! (<<<--Again. NOt safe for existence...unless you're alone with your pants at your ankles, in which case: GO TO WORK!!!)
All I gotta say is: My computer chair will never be the same. My shit's like a fish tank right about now. Oooohhhhweee!

Oh, and don't think I ain't been on these channels. Ninja, please! They get much play on the Dell, as well. Not as much play as the Gays do, (HAIL NAW! Not NEARLY as much as the gays! [1:36 mark!!!!]) but play nonetheless.

So, in closing, if you ever come to SavvyFatty and I ain't updated in a good eleventeen days or you hit the cell and all you get is vmail, you know where to find me.
I'll be on RedTube at my computer in the nude watchin' bitches fuck/Watchin' a man fuck his dude...MMMKAY?!?!?!

So get GONE so I can get it ON!

Just like Wu-Tang?

Like the Staten Island 9, is Sinceer also for the kids?


Check this Grade A reason folks should need to pass the Bar and take a responsibility quiz in order to raise children. (Photo peeped at Miss Sinceer's Neighborhood)

What would you do if you saw your chil'unz with a sign like this?

My answer: Have a 40-month trimester abortion cuz obviously something wasn't clean in the baby batter that night.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Chuck E. Cheesey E.

**wiping piss off my chair and wondering if there's a vending machine with a new, dry pair of Caciques**

So, while browsing the homey Oscar's site, Various Cool, I came across some shit that separated my urine from its origins in my bladder.
Y'all thought Eazy E. let the sex cooties take him down to the Devil's mound, huh? Well...WRONG!!! Come to find out he's in the Witness Protection program with a new, low-paying, but equally entertaining job. If you haven't already, press play with no further delay.

Mary J. Thighs


photo source

Oooohweee!! Look at Mary gettin' her T&T on. That's toned and thick for those of us who are neither. **points to self, then slices wrist** She's looking good. I won't even hate on the fact that her thighs them nevvuh part her. I LOVE Mary, real rap.

I see she's still rockin' my March through April hairstyle, though. But that's all GEE double O DEE good with me. Cuz once summer and my trolley came, I gave that look up antydayumway.
So, "Murry" if you still got edges after so many years of weavin' cuz you wasn't achievin', (<--1:53 mark) let me know if you can fuck with the look I'm rockin' now. It's a classic: the snatchback pony. Bet my baby hair game is WAAAYYYY tighter than yourn, too.
**holds up my baby toofbrush, rat-tooth comb and Pro-Styl like "Beach, wuht?"**

Desecrate What Ya Mama Gave Ya

In Websites Yo Mama Would Be Ecstatic to Find You On news, I came across this gem of a site while looking up Bible verses. :^D
DimeWars is a site where lonely, horny people can vote on their favorite "dimes." Easy enough, right?

I won't hate nor front on most of these ladies cuz there are mosdef some HUNNAYS who could show up, unannounced, at Chateau Savvy ANY time..after midnight and before 4am. However, I doubt this is what feminists like Sojourner Truth had in mind while they were fighting for women's freedom, rights and equality.

Plus, not EVERYbody on the site is "Dime" worthy. I did see a couple muhfuckas who should be givin' me change for a penny.
Take Nya for instance.


I've seen more meat on a hummingbird wing. And she ain't showing us shit. I ain't hardly moved to rape my lap vote for her ass in this Tomb Raider/Indianapolis Jones ghetto get up. Plus, she didn't even try with that wrap that should be ringing the nurse begging for a few more CC's of volume, either. NEXT!

If I'mma be voting on how hot beaches are, I'mma want my women nice, thick and half a centimeter away from booty buck nekkid.

Like these fine young ladies, Naughty Neshelle and Absolutely Amber. I'd get naughty with both and ABSOLUTELY lick the wrappers.


However, both of those ladies cain't come within an inch of fuckin' with Miss Thanksgiving Dinner-Thick herself, Tasha Destiny. Like Ray-J say: Shawday Got GIFTS!!!
Ass and hips like this need be illegal in all 50 states. And Puerto Rico. AND the US Virgin Islands. Hail! The UNIVERSE!!!
Bitches like this need be e-mee-tree-it-lee punished by being shipped to Camp SavvyFatty: the Correctional Facility for Bitches That Are Too Thick To Exist. I'd make sure they were punished to the full extent of the law. PLEASE. BELIEVE. IT.

**fanning self while trying to vote with my elbows since my hands look like chicken fingers dipped in ranch**

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Ditto, Preggo, Midge-O, & Nipp-O


My sister in bigness, The Gossip's frontwoman Beth Ditto, rocked the Columbia Club in Berlin last night looking fierce in her yellow animal print pancho and cowboy boots.
If you don't know, now you'll know: I LUBZ me some Beth!!!
Every single gotdayumed layer of her! She ain’t afraid to be herself or show the WORLD her multi-pak of bellays. I ain’t EVEN mad at that! Get me drunk enough and you might get a glimpse of my wifebeater stretcher, too. Do ya thang, B. Ditty!


photo source

From the unfortunate looks of it, singer Ashlee Simpson's nose knifing is in extreme danger as her Pete Wentz-induced pregnancy causes her nose to morph back to its original alien form.



Janet and JD were spotted leaving Garanimals’ Christian Lacroix’s 09 Spring Summer Haute Couture show during Paris Fashion Week.
Without fail, each and every time I see a pic of this couple, I get an image of what it must be like to let a roll-on beat up my cervix…cuz really, that IS what DamitoJo is doing by fucking with this bite-sized bizkit, no?


photo source

Way to beat emphysema, Amers! **shoots the thumbs up**
Nevermind homechick copping a feel of a crackhead's teet. America's Next Top Drug Casualty, Amy Winehouse, was seen on the scene giving a double middle finger to that lil' ol' chronic obstructive pulmonary disease she's fighting.
Way to go, Amy!!!! Show emphysema that it's not the boss of you!!!

Bisexual Birthday Shower

photo source

Last night, hip hop artist and pussy fiend producer Missy Elliott celebrated her 37th bday with a lil' gathering at Marquee in the NYC. Out of all the pics, I peeped MAYBE 3 dudes. And each looked like his shirt snapped together right up under his bizzalls, so, really, they are doing the opposite of counting.

So, I'm asking you, my fine pee'po: Was the reason for the lack of XY chromosome guests in attendance because Missy is man enough for each of the fine ladies in the house? Or did she make the mistake of leaving Kang Labeefah in charge of the guest list?
photo source



According to, Lil Weezyanna is getting his own brand of champagne. The line, called "Halo" [/Type 52 Diabetes] will be coming to a freezer within the Liquor, Ribs and Check Cashing Spot near you in the fall.
The article states the line will feature variations such as Halo Brut and Halo Penisful Pinnacle, which is a Chardonnay with fruit and nut flavors. Sashay! Chante!

I got 500 half pennies that says this shit tastes like week-old etouffe and Baby's spiderweb dust precum.

WhatCHU thank?!

In Who's Ready To Go To Hell With Gasoline Drawls News

WHO in Jeezus's holy name would do such a thing?!


And if YOU ain't NOOOOOOOOO better.

Now...excuse me while I go Ebay off my soul to the highest bidder while praying heavily for this lil' one...

See 'Saw'

**side-eyein' my homays**


See, Nas and Ron!!!!!!: I TOLDJU there was about to be a Saw V and that Saw IV came out in the theaters last year!
Good looks to my TUB homey, SweetB'z for the pic.

My bad, SF'ers. You have NO idea WHO or WHAT I'm talkin' about. If you ain't on...get down.

See, these ninjas bet me $10 dollaz that the next Saw movie would be the 4th installment, when it's really the 5th. I KNEW what the hail I was talking about since I had to sit through that sick, twisted, demented, nayustay fuckshit of a movie TWICE: Once with the TOD homies (WHAT IT DEW?! I miss y'all like CRAY-ZAY!) and another time with "MM" and his friend "Travis B. Glasses" (<--who sat through the WHOLE movie with a Nike backpack on...for what again?!?!!)

Yeah!! That $10 came in handy, too. Cuz, E-MEE-TRID-LEE after I won it...and finished off another bowl or two, guess what ya greedy big biatch spent it on?!?!

Let's just say: I made it RAIN on Vons Bakery section...namely the fresh baked brownies...ON SALE for $2.99, daaaawwwwgggg!!!!!
My pancreas STILL ain't forgiven me for that late night high treat, either.
**Grabbing the Febreze Air Effects in Citrus**

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Tuesday Survey for the Ain't HARDLY Workin'

Shouts to my girl X-Trina for this survey. Treeny: Can you believe it's already 10 years since we shook the Madhouse?!?!?!! You either?!?!! Man! We OLD!! Shouts to Class of 1998!

And to the rest of y'all, quit actin' like you workin'. You know DAYUM WELL you got BlackPlanet, AdultFriendFinder and OnlineBootyCall minimized in ya taskbar. honor of the fact that you ain't HARDLY doin''s a SavvyFatty Survey...and you'll like it, dammit!!!!

Anymore Questions?!

01:What's a fact about the last person who texted you?
We're screwing...and I like it.

02: Its 4 in the morning, and your phone rings.....and?
Either somebody's getting ROYALLY cussed out...or ROYALLY fucked the shit out of.

03: What is your favorite thing to eat?
In Public...
In Private...

04: Where was your default picture taken?
At home in the computer corner/photo boof.

05: Do u watch The Hills?
FUUUGGGG NAW!! What kinda LC, Lo, Audrina, Whitney, Heidi, Spencer, Brody, Justin Bobby storyline following punk do you think I am?!

06: What do you hear right now?
The news and my fan keeping a fat biatch luke nuclear.

07: What do you think your number 1 is doing right now?
She ain't doin' nuthin' but somewhere praising the Lawd.

08: What’s your favorite thing to have on your bed?

09: Who would be the first person to know if you got pregnant?
The abortion clinic...hahahaha! I keed!! I meant Coronado Bridge.

10: What's the last thing you ate?
Too Much. Had a whole googob, PILE of that shit, too.

11: Can you sleep in jeans?
Yeah, Jean's cool. She's nice and warm.

12: What is something you just don’t understand?
How some folks are missing integral parts of their hair, yet still want a high ponytail or a glue-in weave...and to walk when it's windy. **shaking head**

13: Where were you on July 4th, 2007?
At Imperial Beach most of the day, then at Mission Beach the rest of the evening.

14: Who was the last person you were in a car with?
Big Booty Judy

15: Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
No, it's fine he's on my mind. It's gonna take awhile for me to shake Shawday Dick-Wop. But I'mma be aww'ight.

16: Do you care what others think about you?
Bitch. Please! **rolls eyes...then whispers** don't talk about me. :-( I'm sen-suh-tee-yiv.

17: Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
Married or buried cuz I'd rather be pushin' flowers than to be in my bed and alone for umpteen hours.

18: Did you have a good day?
Everything's better once my homegirl Mary Jane comes through and lets me break her down to the very last compound.

19: What do you look forward to in the next 3 months?
Winning the lotto and being DEBT-FREE!! I'm puttin' it in the ay-yer!!! 'Tis GOING to happen!

20: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
Hmmm...that's hard...let's see...**thinking HARD** ZERO!

21: What was the last thing you laughed really hard about?
Him thinking I really like him when I only phone to bone.

22: When was the last time you got flowers?
Let's see...take the 8, carry the one, divide by the hypotenuse of the isosceles triangle, times Pi...that would be about a year ago.

23: Do you plan on moving in the next year?
Hail naw! I'm mad comfy in my honeycomb hideout.

24: Do you like winter?
Winter? What's that? Is that what people who can't afford to live in the Paradise of Southern California deal with in the months between December and April?!

25: Do you regret anything?
I regret everything. I ain't shit.

26: Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
Naw, I prefer late night mutual masterbation.

27: Do you like to cuddle?
I do! I do! Wanna cuddle with me?!?!?!

28: Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
Sex. Bills. Fuckin'. Money. Bonin'. Money. Screwin'.

29: Honestly, how many people have you really liked in the past year?
Probably about 4. I getz around.

30: Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
I think a lot of people can kiss my oversized, cottage cheese, flat as an ironing bored azz.

31: How late did you stay up last night?
Like the letter after X: Why?!

32: Ever met a real life prostitute?
Yes! Even had the ho' in my house!!!

33: Are you going to grow apart from someone close?
Already have. And I miss the bitch. But she's changed for the worse. Liked her better when she was genuine. Now, I'll love her from afar.

34: Has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
Yep, Ny-zer last week. And Cam every time she crosses my doorstep...**thinking**...or do I be nekkid?!

35: Honestly, how many people have you completely fallen for?
Only 2. And you call them 'Mom and Dad.'

36: Happy most of the time?
I'm happiest when I'm high and written rhymes about nuttin' in ya eye, one time for ya mind.