Guess Who's FIZZAT?

Yeah, I know: It's been a LOOONNNGGG azz time, so here's some hugs & kisses for you

However, this is no social visit, so no grinning and displayage of tooth


Barack is in office and I thought we'd left this shit back in the Admin of You-Know-Who


But OHHHH NO! We still got bidniss to 'tend to when it comes to the Ghett-Olympics that is Prom for our youth


SHOUTS to my IG Email Posse brought to me by the Triscuit Tress Trio that is NaturallyAlise, LuvvieLG, and ThePBG. Christina: I blameth YOU for bringing this into my world. But Zaynab: You took it over the IZZEDGE with your project poem, homay and for that: iCurse Thee.





To babygirl in the collared-up circus tent, Hot Paink with the Yellow
You effin' Pepto Klepto: Taketh back that toe to that camel!


To ol' gal in the Color By Numbers corset with the cotton candy tutu
Wasn't you slaingin' Newports at the Legion last week? Ain't you really 42?


Dear Chesty Betsy: Your jugs be'eth too behemoth for that strapless gown
And PS: Do your titties have an elevator? If not, then why they look so down?


Oh, my Young Jeezus!: Who gave the OK for the family portrait at the prom?
Please convict them, O'Savior, for felonious, ghettotanous and foolhardy use of Vee-ton.


Now, this orange frock with the feathers, homegirl don't look that bad
But correct me if I'm wrong, but: Didn't she go to prom with your dad?


Now, for this "dude" in the orange: You're no J-Lo in that dress
You've got FAR too much fabric and, clearly, not ENOUGH neck.


To ol' boy in the sofa: Naw, playboy, yo' shit AIN'T HARDLY on point
What you CAN do is get back to them dishes 'need 'tendin' down at Harpo's Juke Joint.


To homechick in the Spongebob, iREFUSE to live with your theatrics!
How disrespectful to rob ya lil sis of the sheet RIGHT off her mattress!
Have you any shame about pulling this frightful fashion caper?
When you know DAMN WELL you just wasted good birthday gift wrapping paper!


To the golden girl going to Carnival in this costumey 2-piece
Why has your weave disagreed, divorced, and parted like Moses did the sea?


To Piggy Smalls in the maroon: Alright, Big Ma: DO YO THANG!
But you ain't gon' be able to sit down in that dress, so I hope your limo is a train.

To the rest of you fools who I spared and did not address
Congratulations on the setting back of hundreds of years of Black Progress
With your illicit displays of sheer niggatry and your stellar ho shit 'fits
I asketh the Lord to curseth your wombs and loins so you can't pass on this shit!



However...For those who've already entered parenthood: PLEASE allow your kids to be kids
Or in 15 years or so I'll see they fonky asses on WSHH acting dumb-niggerish in 'dem vids

Now...HOW YOU LUHH' DAT?

**abruptly drops keyboard**

Bush Era Bullshit

'106 & GOON,' Algernod?
Like: For Real?
Was the intersection of '13th and NiggerCoonSambo' already involved in the production of another live video show?

Now that Obama is in the h-h-HOOOUUSE, we have no time for the shenanigans above. We need to leave that shit in the Ig'nit Administration. We're trying to hop up out the beeeeddddd; turn our Barack and Michelle OOOONNNNNNN!!!
Get like US.

HOPE Hustle

Damn, Dame Dash: Since you're no longer able to Roc-A-Fella, guess you gotta Barack-A-Fella, no?

My girl, Fre, caught this "Hope Hustler" over the weekend while in DC for the Inauguration festivities.
And even though I'm BEYOND embarrassed, sitting here with my fanguhz crossed hoping these pics don't get in the hands of "company," I can't even be mad at Barack's "Bruh'man" for slainging that Jovan Musk with the Super-Glue'd First Family Photos. Barack speaks of "CHANGE"...and never once did he omit snatching off eau de toilette labels.

So I salute this spirited salesman for his dollar-clocking dauntlessness.

WHAT SAY YOU ABOUT HIS MONEY-MAKING MOXIE?

8-Head, ANTM Rejects & Poak Chop Grease Lips

Ne-Yo's head looks like a boxing glove.

Now that THAT'S established...
I watched Tyra chop it up with Ne-Yo in promotion of his new hit album, Year of the Gentleman.Photo Source
Despite what everybody says about Ne-Yo, I like the kid. He seems like a likeable dude. Somebody you wouldn't give ya goodies to, but you would spend COUNTLESS nights on the phone with until the wee hours of the mo'nin.

However...

In the interview there were more than enough acts I like to call, "Forced, Unnecessary, UNCONVINCING Displays of Heterosexuality a Concerted Effort To Dispell Long-Standing Rumors About OBVIOUS Participation in His Local GHEY Parade:"


Trying to be EXTRA hetero by "GOODNESS GRACIOUS"'ing when encountering the ladies of ANTM backstage. Was it because he liked their lipgloss?


"Uhh...I don't know. Take you to dinner on me." Answer to Tyra's question about what he planned to do with the money from the judgment.

• He also spilled the GIZZUTS about his short-lived stint on the R. Kelly Tour. Ne-Yo admitted he believed he was kicked off the tour for outshining his Royal Pissyness.
• He spoke about how security wouldn't let him through to thank Kels for giving him a chance to perform on the tour.
• Ne-Yo also talked about his experience with "Code Blue" which was code for "His Supreme Urinator is coming down the hall and you better cut into the nearest open door so as not to disturb his "flow."
• "We fought so I could get a damn dressing room! He told our people to get dressed on the bus." When telling the tale about Kels had 7 dressing rooms backstage at the Columbus, GA. But Ne-Yo and camp couldn't get ONE. (**Double-Dutch Lips sued R. Kelly's camp and won about $700G's for the ordeal.)

'Yo also performed his smash, "Closer" and ROCKED that fonky joint!
(Don't know who them dayum Phantom of the Ghey Club azz ninjas dancin' behind him, but they also gave it up what what in the butt.)
Sidenote: Don't this pic make Ne-Yo seem almost...dare I say it!...FUCKABLE?

*****
Speaking of the ANTM girls, 5 loohoozers from seasons' past are given a chance to flip their fates and become the "spokesbeauty" for Black-owned beauty biz, Carol's Daughter on Tyra's new show-within-a-show, Modelville.
The models compete for a year-long contract with the beauty brand valued at 50,000 boodle$ .

Each contestant will be in charge of creating, producing, and starring in a 30-second ad promoting items such as Carol's Daughter Hair Milk or the product line's Love Butter.
The ladies, who've all converged upon an apartment in the NYC, are:

Cycle 9's Bianca Golden

Cycle 10's Dominique Reighard

Cycle 10's Fatima Siad

Cycle 10's Lauren Utter

Cycle 8's Renee Alway

*******

I vote for Bianca to win it all the way. Especially after some dumbazz member of the "Cankles McCanklesons" (aka The Nikki Blonsky family) fucked her mom up over some dumb shit.

Who do you THINK will win?

Who do you WANT to win?

I Tote A Toolbox

...bitch, it's Hammer Time!

PHILADELPHIA — Police in Philadelphia have released surveillance video of a hammer-wielding man attacking another man dozing in a subway car.

The video shows the attacker boarding the subway just after midnight on Thursday with a young child about 5 years old.

Detective Kenneth Roach says it appears that the man kissed the child, then told him to sit down.

After that, the man reached into a backpack he was carrying, pulled out a hammer and began attacking another man who was sitting nearby and dozing off.

The attack spilled onto the subway platform and lasted for several minutes.

Roach says the victim escaped with relatively minor injuries from what appears to have been an unprovoked attack.

No arrests have been made. (Source)

See the victim's reaction here...

This is kinda the way I've been feeling this week.Work is boring. Coworker's leaving. I'm prepping for Operation:MoreWork4Free
which is the abbreviated version of
Operation: BetnotSayShitCuzThenYoudBeTheAngryBlackBitchWeKNEWYouWereInsteadOfATeamPlayer.
I got the weight of trying to get non-voters to vote with voter registration deadlines rapidly approaching.
The weekend is still scores of hours away as 'tis only Hump Day **heavy sigh**
...and a biatch ain't humped yet. **crotch tears** I don't think I'd take my lack of King Kong Long Schlong as far as servin' a random ninj a heaping helping of some Stanley Kirk Burrell on public transit, complete with a child in toe...but, hey...you never know.



How goes it in YOUR neck of the 'hoods?

Sol-Slapped

While over at my bloggin' bwoi BJ's spot, HHU2, I came across this vid of BEYONCE'S LITTLE SISTER tryna act like she ain't BEYONCE'S LITTLE SISTER.

All I gotta say is that newscaster is better than ya girl. If that was my channel and/or interview, we either woulda cut to commercial, a boxing ring, or the line of questioning would have deviated from promoting her lil' ripoff, Welfare/WIC-office-Amy-Winehouse-At-The-Flea-Market album to questions people really give a fuck about...like:

"It's common knowledge that you can't turn a young ho into a household name. So, compared to your SUPERTALENTED, SUPERSTAR sister that did NOT have a baby as a teen: How does it feel to not be shit?"

"Are you interested in losing the rest of that Gonzo honker you had chopped off years ago in order to FINALLY resemble a Knowles and not dude from Mad TV?"

And finally:
"Bitch, do you want a SavvyFatty 2-piece combo? MINUS the biscuit?"

My jigga Juelz: You know I luhh you with all my heart and Soledad O'Brien. But ya mama woulda been knocked into some Hadley Street Dreams fuckin' wit' me.

Father Knows Breasts

Luther Campbell, aka Luke Skywalker aka Uncle Luke aka the muhfucka who started me on the road to adolescent pussy-poppin' after watching countless hours of his videos on The Box AND spendin' unnecessary money on his Freak Show series of videos cuz I secretly wanted to be down with the team (especially the scenes with Gloria Velez!), is getting his own VH-1 reality show.
**enter moment of silence here**

And although I'm embarrassed to admit it, I will say that I WILL be tuning in.

And no, not cuz I really wanna see butt nekkid hoes p-poppin' through his living room and garden. Naw. 'Taint that deep.
It's mostly because I'm curious to see the different variations of 'Luther' his numerous babymamas came up with. I'm curious to see if Lutheria will make her television debut and bring along her sister, Luthkemia, and their younger brother, LuthGherig's Disease.

The shit is set to premiere tonight at 10:30pm.

So, SF'ers: WILL YOU MOVE SOMETHIN' OVER TO VH-1 TO CATCH Luke's Parental Advisory?

Is Ya Skin A Sin? **REMINDER**

Shouts to my brutha, Jaz, for the info on this one. A few others also emailed me about this so you know I HAAAADDD to post.

Did you know that companies in the US have said they would hire a white man with a felony record and no high school education BEFORE they would hire a black man with NO criminal record and a 4-year degree?

July 23rd at 9pm and July 24th at 9pm CNN will premiere a series, "Black in America with Soledad O'Brien."
For my brothas and sistas, especially those raising young brothas and sistas, I URGE you to watch this special with your children.
The aforementioned statistic and many others will be revealed during the series.
On 7/23 the series will focus on Women and Families. 7/24 is dedicated entirely to the plight of the Black Man in America.

I beg and plead with you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE watch and internalize what you see and hear; no matter HOW disturbing the information revealed...you can (and will) thank me later.
For more information: http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2008/black.in.america

In the meantime, let's take it back to when Hip Hop wasn't telling us to YOOOOUUUUU and super-soak hoes, but was more concerned with each one teachin' one.
80s babies: Remember this one?! Let's see how many rap legends YOU can spot in this clip.

The True Fucker

**Desperately searching for a word more descriptive and picture-painting than "speechless" to describe my shock, awe and horror right now**

This.Shit.Right.Here.NINJA!

photo source



I cain't and WILL not believe that The New Yorker let my soon-to-be First Lady, **ballot marked; fingers crossed** plucked and high (brows) girl, Obama's baby mama, Michelle, go out like "Shirley" on What's Happening.
That woman is a saint in my eyes! A beautiful black queen who ain't afraid to rock her natural press and curl is so hard to come by these days. And these fuckas got her on here looking like BozNegro The Clown.
SHAMEFUL!!

Oh...and the rest of that shit is unexcuseable, as well. I ain't blind; don't need no glasses to see.
But since you've probably heard (or read) everybody else's opinion on the shit, I won't bore you with mine. Just know I got a SavvyFatty 2-Piece Combo heating up in the microwave for whoever greenlit that cover.

As an artist, I can understand the satirical nature of the photo.
According to Politico, artist Barry Blitt "satirizes the use of scare tactics and misinformation in the Presidential election to derail Barack Obama’s campaign."

Ok. Cool. But why isn't there an alternate, commemorative cover with John "Centrum Silver" McCain holding a press conference while simultaneously pushing up daisies and stunt-doubling for worm food ig-zack-lee 10 seconds after he's sworn in?
That's a very real fear that I have as a voter; that our President will kick the bucket and leave a far-less prepared muhfucka in charge of the countray. Why not satirize the shit that frightens ME?

MY take: OBVIOUSLY they're speeding down Controversy Ave, straight onto the We're-Trying-to-Skew-On-The-Fencers-and-Middle-America's,-Most-Notably-the-Red-States-Residents,-Already-Effed-Up-View-of-The-First-Black-Candidate Expressway.
Shit's tasteless and for those who won't buy the magazine or read up on the "satire," they'll take this shit as law and run with it...straight to the polls with a John McCain vote. We cannot afford that. We've seen The Republican Show for the past 8 years and it's the complete opposite of the BIZNISS!

*****
So...to counter that negativity, cop the HOTTEST B-rack merch you can via CafePress.
Taughted as, “FRESH FRUITS AND VEGGIES FOR FRESH OBAMA LOVERS!," here's my fave item of the moment, for obvious reasons, uhhh doyyy!:



And it's PLUS-SIZED! Available in sizes 1x-5x! **contemplating starting a club called, "Big Biatches for Barack"**

Now...if only I could find the John McCain toilet paper roll. That shit would go PLATINUM (or Assnum) at Chateau Savvy.

Oh LOHAN NAAAWWWW!!!!

Lindsay Lohan's lil sis, Oscar Meyer Weiner Snap Into A Slim Jim, Ali, has a new single, "All The Way Around" which she says, "shows off her hip hop side."

**places machine gun to temple; tickles the trigger**

I heard this bullfuckery while watching E's reiteration of the shit they JUST showed less than 30 minutes earlier on E! News, The Daily 10.

Ummmm...**mad perplexed and vexed** If this shit right here is hip hop, then me and Amy Winehouse share a pair of jeans and Ashanti is more than capable of getting onstage and blowing Superhead Patti LaBelle-style. I ain't heard something less hip hop since I spent two and a half hours with my DVR and remote control watching 106 & Park trying to learn the Soulja Boy.

Ooops. Did I say that? [/Steve Urkel] Haha! J/k. No Ice T.

But I realized that, as I punished my ear drums to the highest level of punishtivity while watching this vid, instead of leaning back and/or shaking my salt shaker like most hip hop beats make me do, I actually stood up and busted a simultaneous Twist/ Achy Breaky Heart combination. And Ali's right: I never felt closer to Rakim & Eric B than I did right then. [/sarcasm]

HIP HOP MUSIC: Here's what they think about you!

Bet those KFC, Taco Bell commercials, and Brooke Hogan collabos don't seem so worth the money earnin' like Mount Vernon anymore, huh?

Now...Ain't This Some Twit?!

Remember my Twitter post from yesterday?!?!?!

Well, look who done mozied on over to Twitterdom? (<<--as my man Zillz would say)
Miss TYRA MAIL! herself, Frankie, otherwise known as Mama Keyshia Cole.

In true Frankie fashion, she wylin' and keepin' the shit-talk on deck. Her username alone, FrankieFBaby, has me cutting down a tree to prep my own casket. What she know about THAT?!??!!
Peep what she "tweeted" after Neffie returned from leaving her sitting with the kids all day and night:
"Nef walked up in here like OOH NUTTIN. I was gone call CPS on dat azz for abandoning these kids. Who she think she is? Theres only1 Frankie!"

WOW!! LMMFFAO!!!!!!!!!
What does she mean by "there's only 1 Frankie?" Was she insinuating that Neffie was trying to steal her leave-yo-kids-with-any-ol'-body-while-you-basehead-it-out-on-the-skreets-till-you-get-good-and-gotdayumed-ready-to-return-home schwag?
Only Gawd Knows.

But I know one thang: I'll MOSDEF be tuning in to The Frankie Show to see what kind of post-crackish shenanigans go on in her world.

What about YOU?!

Is Ya Skin A Sin?

Shouts to my brutha, Jaz, for the info on this one. A few others also emailed me about this so you know I HAAAADDD to post.

Did you know that companies in the US have said they would hire a white man with a felony record and no high school education BEFORE they would hire a black man with NO criminal record and a 4-year degree?

July 23rd at 9pm and July 24th at 9pm CNN will premiere a series, "Black in America with Soledad O'Brien."
For my brothas and sistas, especially those raising young brothas and sistas, I URGE you to watch this special with your children.
The aforementioned statistic and many others will be revealed during the series.
On 7/23 the series will focus on Women and Families. 7/24 is dedicated entirely to the plight of the Black Man in America.

I beg and plead with you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE watch and internalize what you see and hear; no matter HOW disturbing the information revealed...you can (and will) thank me later.
For more information: http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2008/black.in.america

In the meantime, let's take it back to when Hip Hop wasn't telling us to YOOOOUUUUU and super-soak hoes, but was more concerned with each one teachin' one.
80s babies: Remember this one?! Let's see how many rap legends YOU can spot in this clip.

Turn Off The Dora The Explorer Nightlight...

...and light a candle.

Fuck.
I'm up late nightin' it like I don't got public transpo to catch in less than 6 hours.

So, while over at Fresh's speezy, I came across some shit that got me CPS AND a ninja-with-a- black-light-dialin'.

SF'ers, I solicit you to assist in the lacing of my tennis on this one:

WHAT the F U C K happened to kids being kids?

In the Black Parents' Guide to Raising Respectable Children, (that I'm currently composing to thwart future cast members of Karma of Love,) I cannot recall a chapter on how to properly construct a Garanimals Flamenco dress. **smh and weeping**

If this kiddie prom night (<--necessary for WHAT, again?!) was ANYthing like mine, that ain't no milk OR vanilla pudding droplets on them Disney Princesses sheets there's cause for concern. I needz folks' parental cards revoked. Oh! And hand over them uteruses and vas deferens' too, playaz. **does the 'Gimme' hand**

Flavor in your Sinceer

If you're a reg'la SF'er, you know I LOATHE but still tuned in to [/embarrassed] all incarnations of the Flavor series'iz'zis. Especially this past season since resident "nemesis" Sinceer is reppin' my hometown.
DAYGO! DAYGO! HELLO! It's DAYGO! **doin' a 'Tard-Lite version of the Shawty-Lo**

Being that Sinceer is currently a friend of mine via my personal Myspace, I came across a blog she wrote last night. Subject at a glance: HATERS

I'll refrain from giving my opinion (for a change. **checkin' Hell's temperature**) and allow you fine ladies and gents to form your own opinions about what Sinceer is spittin' via her Craigslist Erotic Services ad Myspace page.

**DISCLAIMER ALERT**
Being that I've already addressed the bullshit azz idea of 'hate' I'mma zip it and zip it good. I DON'T take that ish seriously because 'hate' is just another person's opinion. And we all know opinions are like shitty Pinky Starfishes: From time to time, we ALL have one.
As an adult, to embrace the concept of 'hate' is comical to me. But...to each their own. **shrugs**

As a single big biatch with a respectable, yet low-paying job and an equally low hanging bellay, I'd honestly rather be doing spending big face pennies than slaingin' ass like this....or that in order to get VIP to a club that's gon' get shot up 45 minutes to close ANYdayumway.

So before anybody fixes the their fonkay gums to say, "You just mad cuz YOU ain't on TV" or "Don't hate cuz YOU cain't!" I'll make the 'HURSH' gesture with my fangaz, quick-like, and say: "Ninja, puhleez."
Cuz while bitches these nice, young ladies were fugazi-ass-tear-manufacturin' and wishin' on that fallen star, I'z in a reg'la car, tokin' out with a candy bar. And mighty satisfied with it, too.

Plus, I knoooowww if I peruse the 'net long enough, I'm 1 tumillion% soy'tin I could find a site featuring bitches with the multi-pack belly AND back game out and about for the viewing pleasure of international credit card-swiping Club Chub admirers ready to get their Raspusha 'OWN', ok-k-k?
But I choose to no-exposed-tittay-or-ass-cheeks-involved low wage it and show my brain not give it by spittin' my life to this keyboard and blog.

Now that that's done...
Follow her nah if you give a fuck.

Well..... as you all know Sinceer is officially the most hated on Flavorette in Flavor of Love history!!! And I say that proudly. You never realize how many people out there have issues until you become the target of these losers!!!
Since the show has aired I've been constantly harrased (only online because nobody would dare talk shit in my face) as well as some of my supporters... I'm doing this blog not because these haters are bothering me.... but because they are bothering some of you....(<--Well, ain't that spesh'o? -Sav) sometimes these losers go thru the extent of creating a fake myspace profile request me as a friend.... wait for the friend request is approved and then post these dumb ass comments on my page like I give a fuck what they think.... some of my people see these comments and reply back with a comment and then the hater starts harrassing them.....
I just want my supporters to know ain't no way in hell is any of these things these people are saying affecting me (REALLY?! Then what's the reason for this blog?! Things that make you go "BULLSHIT!"-Sav) what so ever so if you see a loser on my page ignore them because I do... people talk about my forehead but Myamee's forehead is bigger then mine but nobody says shit about hers, (Aww. Another prime example of how it's NOT affecting you. I see you! -Sav)
damn bottle of wine, I get called a bad mom when Hotlanta admitted she ain't pay her rent to be on the show and Bunz admitted she was behind on bills and my bills were paid (how did I end up being called a bad mom),
I get called a backstabber when the twins backstabbed everybody in the beginning, Heezinz backstabbed Thing 1 and Black backstabbed Heezinz,
I get called uneducated when I have a bachelors degree, (Word?! Would love to see THAT side instead of the backside, crackside. -Sav) a job, and I'm one of the only girls in the house who don't live with my parents...these examples given are the reasons why I say I'm the most hated on because people only focus on "me" and try to find anything wrong with "me" and even make up shit...
if you ask me why I think I'm the most hated on the show.... it's because I was the strongest in the house... I was one of the most entertaining on the show.... I had the most self esteem and I didn't give a fuck what anybody thought about me (until the moment you sat down to compose this blog, riiiight? -Sav) ....
these haters are mad that I got on a tv show with my bad attitude while they're stuck behind a computer hating....
these haters are mad that with all the shit talking they did about my forehead and about my attitude I came on the reunion making sure my forehead showed and my attitude was even worse!!! (www.OBVIOUS.com -Sav)
So with that said I'm gonna continue to be me... the more haters I have the more I know that I'm doing something right otherwise they wouldn't have anything to hate on!!!!
And I know alot of yall can relate to what I'm goin thru with these losers cuz I see most of yall have haters too so we all must be doing something right!!!



Now that THAT'S over...**yawning, wonderin' if it's Good Morning time yet**

Why do YOU think she has so many haters?

• IS it the forehead?
• The OBVIOUS playing up for the cameras?
• The fact that we've all seen this show before?
• Or are we all just effin' bored with FOL alum **air quotes** bad ackin' and fresh-off-elimination-T&A-slaingin'?

My opinion is off limits so I shaln't. YOU make the call!

Reunited & It Feels So Hoooood

photo snatched from VH1
As a black woman, I ABHOR Flavor of Love 3 and everything it stands for. **whispers** But I cain't stop watchin'. That ig'nit shit be CAWLIN' me, man!But I could be on my own. So for those of you who enjoy illicit displays of smokey eyes, bargain basement lacefronts, tight ghetto Rainbow Brite dresses, and pathetic exhibitions of fathers failing their daughters: Welcome to Heaven.

Besides the degradation of my sistas at their OWN hands **tears**, I don't respect lying about wanting to boo up with a 40-something year old Tootsie Roll. I would MUCH rather these bitches keep it real and say, "My telemarketing job wasn't keeping my nellz and hurr did, KING Magazine wasn't checkin' for my Sidekick flicks, my Section 8 was due, Jre'Quantrez hadn't mailed the child support check, my new growth was outta hand and I just needed a shortcut to being Dirty Sanchez'd by famous dicks. So I employed my azz cheeks to help a biatch get on."
Now THAT'S talkin' square biz to me, bay-bay. But since folks don't know SHIT about real-keepin' it anymore, I won't hate. GET. IT. HOW. YOU. LIVE!


My personal hohighlights below.

photo ganked from Bourgy

(From L to R:) Sinceer, The Things, St. Lewis, Grayvee, El and Shy in front
Real Talk
Queen of Comedy Sommore was on the scene offering up her take on this season. When she told Flav, "You ain't cute enough to tell a bitch her breff stinks!" I Hollywood-fainted at that unadulterated use of TROOF.
But when Flav replied, "You best believe I'm cute enough to tell you you need a weave!" I knew it was a wrap for my existence so I texted Jesus a copy of my soul since I had no further use for it.
Good shit, guys!

Flav Shaves
Flav finally buried the braids that lived far too long on life support AND gave up his recent Snap Into A Nigger Slim Jim look by shaving his head. And honestly, I think this is the first case in history where a chocolate-covered peanut head is a ginormous upgrade. Yaaayy, Flav! **shoots the thumbs up**


Hanky Stainky
Poor Shy and the shit shoes-wearing dude tapdancing on the back of her tongue. (<--Fuck.) I almost fitted myself for my wings and halo when she started crying about how casting directors would say, "Ain'tchu the Stainky Breff girl?" and wouldn't want to book her. YOUCH! I know it HAS to hurt that your foolproof plan to get on turned into Operation: Failure faster than you could strap on your breathmint necklace. D'oh!! I'm glad she realized her reality show mistake and was woman enough to admit it on national TV. She's a real azz bitch and I gets down with real shit. No pun intended. ;-)

Hometown **air quotes** Hero
Sinceer is my girl. She reps my town AND we worked at the same company a few years back. What I knew of her then, she was a real sweetheart.
With that being said, I STILL think 17 less packs of BBQ'd chitlins hair would have been MORE than sufficient to set her "Checks is startin' to roll in and I can finally change the game for these hoes!" look off.
So...like I said: Since she's from the town (619: STAND UP!!!!) I'mma be cool with her.
Just let me add: Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, AND Helen Keller could see from your antics that you were DESPERATELY trying to be this season's villain since you'd obviously studied the show and saw how lucrative it has been for others. Sucks for you since we've seen this "show" before: It's called "New York Circa 2006 to present. " She's the ORIGINATOR and CONSTANT perpetrator of all you tried to do, INCLUDING the "Fugazi Jump Start Cry" you attempted to pull off during your segment of the reunion. Usually when most humans cry they drop tears like drunk ninjas drop beers. If your eyes remain dry like the career of Do or Die...you need more people to convince me that you were TRULY devastated about not winning Flav's heart. From this day forth I challenge you to carve out our your own niche and stay outta New York's lane. NEXT ---> I mean "MUCH SAN DIEGO LOVE!"

Flavor of Dumped.
My heart goes out to Thing 2 for being dropped, on TV, by a Milk Dud. Damn. Maki-Da-Da, girl. But I will say her hair looked GREAT. Shouts to whoever super-glued the tracks to her temples to conceal the baldilocks edges that made their television debut during the season. **whispers** Now if only someone would wave a magic orthodontic wand she'd be AAALLL gravy, baby... But I digress. She looked nice. It was refreshing to see her AND her sister without those sorry excuse for bangs.

Liz turns Legit
Shouts to Flav's last babymama, Liz, for sticking in there and ignoring the hundreds of strains of mono contracted in the last couple of years in order to snag her man. I'm happy Flav proposed and hopes he stays in Karma's life before he makes a left down Justin Guarini Ave.

With that being said, the reunion was ehhhhh. No real revelations from the girls. Just biz as usual: Lots of tight dresses, weave and lacefront stocks shooting through the roof!, and shameless hopes of fame and/or notoriety by saying some shit that should get you 66th trimester abortioned. **yawns** I had much more fun watching Chiba and her fucked up eye hiding skills on Miss Rap Supreme.

TAMPtasia

Let me start this lil' post off by saing: Y'all know I'm AAAALLLLL about individuality.

Especially when it comes to the crop. For those that know me personally, you know I mohawked it for a couple years. But now since I'm all gubmit-employeed up, I gotta weave it till I can achieve it. PLEASE believe it!

With that being said, I STILL demand to know why Fannie Mae thought it was both cute and appropriate to come out the house with her Tampax game proppa'.

photo hijacked from BOSSIP

WHO is her stylist and WHY is this person still living, Lord?
I could live with the skunk patch...and thank Heavens we ALL made it through this...but this shit right here, ninja. **shaking head**
AND I knoooowwwwww my boy Ronnie Mac is somewhere NOT lovin' it!

The Barely Even Tried Awards

So...yeah. **heavy sigh** The BET Awards nominees were announced yesterday and ol' Blacky McSoot lead the pack of nominees with 5 nominations. 5! While a semi-masterpiece-makin' muhfucka like Kanyeezy garned a mere 3 nods.

What in the vocoder FUCK?!
WHO DA HAIL LEFT THE GATE OPEN!?
T-PAIN, homey? T-PAIN, nigga?! T-muddasuckin'-PAIN?! Fa real?!?!! Is that yo' word, Black Embarassment Television?!?!??!!

Alright. Ok.

Peep the category below. **eyes rollin' like some 24'z**
PLEASE don't ask me for RHYME nor REASON behind why and/or how folks were nominated. 'Specially since some of these folks ain't even released ALBUMS OR chart-topping hits within the past year.
**slapping forehead and throwing up hands** Ay, mi dios!

Best Female Hip Hop Artist:


Kid Sister




For more "Let's just pull some muhfuckin' names outta a hat" nominees, click here...

Flavor of Loathe 3

Anyone interested in seeing the further denegration of our Black women at the hands of the THEMSELVES and the media in the name of entertainment and for their 15 minutes of fuckery and fame the love of Flavor Flav LIVE?!?!?!!
If you answered "YES! Me! Please!" go kill yourself then here's your chance to attend the Flavor of Love 3 Minstrel Reunion show!

Here's the invite info, courtesy of Sinceer's Myspace page:

Are you the ULTIMATE "Flavor of Love" fan?
Do you know everything there is to know about Flav and the girls?
Why not put your knowledge to good use by attending the taping of the "Flavor of Love 3" Reunion?
You'll get an opportunity to ask questions of your favorite cast members, hear them revisit good times and bad, and even to be among the first to find out how things went for the girls after they left Flav and the show. The taping will be held in Los Angeles during the afternoon of Friday May 16, 2008. The taping is FREE but by invitation ONLY. So to secure your spot at what is gonna be one of the hottest reunions in VH1 History, write us at: FOL3Reunion@gmail.com.
In your email, please include the following information:
Your first name
Your age and sex
Your city of residence
Your contact numbers and email address
The names of the people that you will be bringing to the reunion (NOTE: we cannot reserve more than four seats for any one person)
Early respondents do have an edge, so get your response to us ASAP. You will be contacted by a producer the week of May 12 if you are selected for the audience.
IMPORTANT NOTES: You must be over 18 to attend the taping and have your own transportation to the taping in Los Angeles. The production cannot provide lodging or transportation. THIS IS NOT A CONTEST. All audience members will be REQUIRED to sign a confidentiality agreement prior to being admitted to the audience.

Granny Hoes Best

Granny always said, "A clean pussy is like cooked chitlins. It looks nastay, feels sloppay, smells funnay...but ninjas STILL eat it."

**Shouts to my girl 'Minah for sending me this ish. Real talk, Meen! REAL TALK!

Cinco De Lie-O

Happy Cinco De Mayo, folks!
'Tis the day to gather your friends and fam to celebrate Mexican heritage and pride by reflecting on the initial victory of Mexican forces over the French in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, right?
RIGHT?!
WRONG!!
It's Cinco De Drink-o, bitches! Shouts to all you licka-loving Americans who will readily desecrate any ol' historical holiday (4th of July, anyone?) by turning it into a DUI Derby.

All day you sit impatiently in your cubes trying to devise a scheme to make an early exit out of the workplace in order to snatch up the BEST table at the local Chili's or El Torito.

Celebrate Mexican heritage?! Pssshh!! PLEASE!! More like celebrating with mass quantities of Mexican beers and your esay homey, Jose Cuervo.
The free chips and salsa, tiny sombreros and zarapes decor is all fine and dandy, but really you're in the buildin' to get plastered! ROCK OUT with our COCKS OUT!! BLITZ OUT WITH OUR TITS OUT! To get HAMMERED like MC while singing "La Bamba" drunkenly.

It's a dayum shame, U.S. of A.


All I wanna know is: Where da PAWR-DAY at?!
;-p