Monday, May 26, 2008

Reunited & It Feels So Hoooood

photo snatched from VH1

As a black woman, I ABHOR Flavor of Love 3 and everything it stands for. **whispers** But I cain't stop watchin'. That ig'nit shit be CAWLIN' me, man!But I could be on my own. So for those of you who enjoy illicit displays of smokey eyes, bargain basement lacefronts, tight ghetto Rainbow Brite dresses, and pathetic exhibitions of fathers failing their daughters: Welcome to Heaven.

Besides the degradation of my sistas at their OWN hands **tears**, I don't respect lying about wanting to boo up with a 40-something year old Tootsie Roll.
I would MUCH rather these bitches keep it real and say, "My telemarketing job wasn't keeping my nellz and hurr did, KING Magazine wasn't checkin' for my Sidekick flicks, my Section 8 was due, Jre'Quantrez hadn't mailed the child support check, my new growth was outta hand and I just needed a shortcut to being Dirty Sanchez'd by famous dicks. So I employed my azz cheeks to help a biatch get on."
Now THAT'S talkin' square biz to me, bay-bay. But since folks don't know SHIT about real-keepin' it anymore, I won't hate. GET. IT. HOW. YOU. LIVE!

My personal hohighlights below.

photo ganked from Bourgy
(From L to R:) Sinceer, The Things, St. Lewis, Grayvee, El and Shy in front

Real Talk
Queen of Comedy Sommore was on the scene offering up her take on this season. When she told Flav, "You ain't cute enough to tell a bitch her breff stinks!" I Hollywood-fainted at that unadulterated use of TROOF.
But when Flav replied, "You best believe I'm cute enough to tell you you need a weave!" I knew it was a wrap for my existence so I texted Jesus a copy of my soul since I had no further use for it.
Good shit, guys!

Flav Shaves
Flav finally buried the braids that lived far too long on life support AND gave up his recent
Snap Into A Nigger Slim Jim look by shaving his head. And honestly, I think this is the first case in history where a chocolate-covered peanut head is a ginormous upgrade. Yaaayy, Flav! **shoots the thumbs up**

Hanky Stainky
Poor Shy and the shit shoes-wearing dude tapdancing on the back of her tongue. (<--Fuck.) I almost fitted myself for my wings and halo when she started crying about how casting directors would say, "Ain'tchu the Stainky Breff girl?" and wouldn't want to book her. YOUCH! I know it HAS to hurt that your foolproof plan to get on turned into Operation: Failure faster than you could strap on your breathmint necklace. D'oh!! I'm glad she realized her reality show mistake and was woman enough to admit it on national TV. She's a real azz bitch and I gets down with real shit. No pun intended. ;-)

Hometown **air quotes** Hero
Sinceer is my girl. She reps my town AND we worked at the same company a few years back. What I knew of her then, she was a real sweetheart.
With that being said, I STILL think 17 less packs of BBQ'd chitlins hair would have been MORE than sufficient to set her "Checks is startin' to roll in and I can finally change the game for these hoes!" look off. I said: Since she's from the town (619: STAND UP!!!!)
I'mma be cool with her.
Just let me add: Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, AND Helen Keller could see from your antics that you were DESPERATELY trying to be this season's villain since you'd obviously studied the show and saw how lucrative it has been for others. Sucks for you since we've seen this "show" before: It's called "
New York Circa 2006 to present. " She's the ORIGINATOR and CONSTANT perpetrator of all you tried to do, INCLUDING the "Fugazi Jump Start Cry" you attempted to pull off during your segment of the reunion. Usually when most humans cry they drop tears like drunk ninjas drop beers. If your eyes remain dry like the career of Do or need more people to convince me that you were TRULY devastated about not winning Flav's heart. From this day forth I challenge you to carve out our your own niche and stay outta New York's lane. NEXT ---> I mean "MUCH SAN DIEGO LOVE!"

Flavor of Dumped.
My heart goes out to Thing 2 for being dropped, on TV, by a Milk Dud. Damn.
Maki-Da-Da, girl. But I will say her hair looked GREAT. Shouts to whoever super-glued the tracks to her temples to conceal the baldilocks edges that made their television debut during the season. **whispers** Now if only someone would wave a magic orthodontic wand she'd be AAALLL gravy, baby... But I digress. She looked nice. It was refreshing to see her AND her sister without those sorry excuse for bangs.

Liz turns Legit
Shouts to Flav's last babymama,
Liz, for sticking in there and ignoring the hundreds of strains of mono contracted in the last couple of years in order to snag her man. I'm happy Flav proposed and hopes he stays in Karma's life before he makes a left down Justin Guarini Ave.

With that being said, the reunion was ehhhhh. No real revelations from the girls. Just biz as usual: Lots of tight dresses, weave and lacefront stocks shooting through the roof!, and shameless hopes of fame and/or notoriety by saying some shit that should get you 66th trimester abortioned. **yawns** I had much more fun watching Chiba and her fucked up eye hiding skills on Miss Rap Supreme.


nica said...

as i sit and read ur blog i am watchin the reunion again. i was a little disappointed bcus i thought my-am-mee woulda said somethin to rayna about the phone call. and i would have to say that my-am-mee was my favorite upgrade! but my favorite part of the nite was when lala said wut do u get when u mix likka and and a 4head LOL!oh wells i'll save a seat on the sofa next to me on july?? when for the love of money comes on!