Friday, May 22, 2009

Guess Who's FIZZAT?

Yeah, I know: It's been a LOOONNNGGG azz time, so here's some hugs & kisses for you

However, this is no social visit, so no grinning and displayage of tooth

Barack is in office and I thought we'd left this shit back in the Admin of You-Know-Who

But OHHHH NO! We still got bidniss to 'tend to when it comes to the Ghett-Olympics that is Prom for our youth

SHOUTS to my IG Email Posse brought to me by the Triscuit Tress Trio that is NaturallyAlise, LuvvieLG, and ThePBG. Christina: I blameth YOU for bringing this into my world. But Zaynab: You took it over the IZZEDGE with your project poem, homay and for that: iCurse Thee.

To babygirl in the collared-up circus tent, Hot Paink with the Yellow
You effin' Pepto Klepto: Taketh back that toe to that camel!

To ol' gal in the Color By Numbers corset with the cotton candy tutu
Wasn't you slaingin' Newports at the Legion last week? Ain't you really 42?

Dear Chesty Betsy: Your jugs be'eth too behemoth for that strapless gown
And PS: Do your titties have an elevator? If not, then why they look so down?

Oh, my Young Jeezus!: Who gave the OK for the family portrait at the prom?
Please convict them, O'Savior, for felonious, ghettotanous and foolhardy use of Vee-ton.

Now, this orange frock with the feathers, homegirl don't look that bad
But correct me if I'm wrong, but: Didn't she go to prom with your dad?

Now, for this "dude" in the orange: You're no J-Lo in that dress
You've got FAR too much fabric and, clearly, not ENOUGH neck.

To ol' boy in the sofa: Naw, playboy, yo' shit AIN'T HARDLY on point
What you CAN do is get back to them dishes 'need 'tendin' down at Harpo's Juke Joint.

To homechick in the Spongebob, iREFUSE to live with your theatrics!
How disrespectful to rob ya lil sis of the sheet RIGHT off her mattress!
Have you any shame about pulling this frightful fashion caper?
When you know DAMN WELL you just wasted good birthday gift wrapping paper!

To the golden girl going to Carnival in this costumey 2-piece
Why has your weave disagreed, divorced, and parted like Moses did the sea?

To Piggy Smalls in the maroon: Alright, Big Ma: DO YO THANG!
But you ain't gon' be able to sit down in that dress, so I hope your limo is a train.

To the rest of you fools who I spared and did not address
Congratulations on the setting back of hundreds of years of Black Progress
With your illicit displays of sheer niggatry and your stellar ho shit 'fits
I asketh the Lord to curseth your wombs and loins so you can't pass on this shit!

However...For those who've already entered parenthood: PLEASE allow your kids to be kids
Or in 15 years or so I'll see they fonky asses on WSHH acting dumb-niggerish in 'dem vids


**abruptly drops keyboard**


Blackberry Molasses/The Rebel Intellectual said...

Dis Christina right hurr.....

In the words of Master P and Mystikal... 'IT AIN'T MY FAULT' that these fools skipped the... well, I'm not sure exactly what line they skipped in Heaven, but this is what we have to show for it.

However.... Praise Jesus for the shallow end of the gene pool and the habitual line steppers. They provide much foolery and fodder for my ignant azz!

The Pretty Brown Girl said...

Ahem...Allow me to wax poetic for a sec:

Horrendous Hairhats & Colored contacts
Grills on teef & Fat hangin offa adolescent backs
Dresses are final projects from
Mrs. Monroe's sewing class
They only got a "D", but shoulda got
A swift kick in the ass!

As a people we ain't doin' well
Black folks runnin' outta time
Cuz this shit right here is
The best they got to represent
Prom season Oh-Nine!

*drops mic and two-steps, stage left*

Tayo said...

I'm mad at the photographers for not ironing their backgrounds better. How am I supposed to imagine the local community center as the fly elegant ballroom that it obviously is if there's wrinkles on the stairs or windows? SMH...

Assertive Wit said...

bwhahahahah @ Piggy Smalls
Savvy, getcho ghetto cousins off my damn computer screen LOL

Anonymous said...

LMMAOROTGDF! Ghetto Cirque du Soleil!

Mz.Bria2U said...


u know what...i have no words. all i know is Savvy-i'm holding a shut-in service and we ain't leaving til the lawd HIMSELF tells us too. I need u to round up all the chuuch mothas, g-mothas and gg mothas. this madness has to stop in the might name of Hennessy & Coke!!

don't 4get to check out my other blog, savvy: Black & Plastic Blog about black celebs & plastic surgery. See ya on Twitt boo :)

Bre said...

1. Shamwow @ the family reunion and Harpo. Which American city is this? LMFAO

2. Where did you all find this tomfoolery?!?! I need a URL, stat!!!

suga said...

*clutches pearls at babies going to the prom* lol I guess Grandma was like "Ya fast ass wanted to have a baby, well take his ass to the prom with ya! I aint baby sittin!" lol

I'mma need you to keep bloggin. Please and thank you!

kimmysan said...

FUKKIN' HELL, rotflmao!!! Jzzy, you're a damn fool...all I have to say is SpongeBob poem....DEAD!