Jeez & Jizz

Young Jeezy, aka Bowling Ball Head Sims, stopped by the TRL studios to rob the place promote his latest project, The Recession. Although I'm not a fan of Conehead Jenkins and his affinity for rhyming a word with itself, I will say I luuuhhhh me some "Put On." Mainly because of the way Kanye spit that ghetto gospel on his verse. Or how Jeez likened the "fresh" of his car to tartar sauce and fish sticks. **rubbing tummy and licking lips as I "Trust the Gorton's Fisherman!"** Good one, Jeez!

The Recession is in stores now...and on LimeWire like 50'leven weeks ago. Getcho copay!

Donnie Klang (ICK! Hate.That.NAME! All it makes me think of this...which does NOTHING for the fact that I think Puffy is a PooPoo Pirate that likes to recruit existing or potential PooPoo Pirates.) was also in the buil'in to promote the fact that he's sounding like an anally-raped-at-a-hot-dog-stand version of Justin Timberlake with his single, "Take You There."

One positive about his appearance is that he got rid of that N'Sync, Backdoor Boys hair cut and color that was HOT! back in late 199Too Long Ago to be Rockin' That Shit in the New Millenium.

I'm SOOOOO glad that Long Island Lolito haircut is buried somewhere under the Long Island Expressway. Before, I didn't know whether to get a scoop of it...or jizz on it. (again.) This new 'do is mosdef and Upgrade!

And although he's rockin' that Fresh-Off-A-Tour-In-Iraq 'do and an early 80's Michael Jackson doll's 'fit, he's lookin' aw'ight. I just might uncover my ears long enough to actually listen to his single while buying earrings at The Icing.

Sol-Slapped

While over at my bloggin' bwoi BJ's spot, HHU2, I came across this vid of BEYONCE'S LITTLE SISTER tryna act like she ain't BEYONCE'S LITTLE SISTER.

All I gotta say is that newscaster is better than ya girl. If that was my channel and/or interview, we either woulda cut to commercial, a boxing ring, or the line of questioning would have deviated from promoting her lil' ripoff, Welfare/WIC-office-Amy-Winehouse-At-The-Flea-Market album to questions people really give a fuck about...like:

"It's common knowledge that you can't turn a young ho into a household name. So, compared to your SUPERTALENTED, SUPERSTAR sister that did NOT have a baby as a teen: How does it feel to not be shit?"

"Are you interested in losing the rest of that Gonzo honker you had chopped off years ago in order to FINALLY resemble a Knowles and not dude from Mad TV?"

And finally:
"Bitch, do you want a SavvyFatty 2-piece combo? MINUS the biscuit?"

My jigga Juelz: You know I luhh you with all my heart and Soledad O'Brien. But ya mama woulda been knocked into some Hadley Street Dreams fuckin' wit' me.

Mah Nay Lil' Plies

Huh?!"
Plies, gettin' his Lil' Darryl on, was seen on the scene at Maino's video shoot for the "Hi, Haters" remix.

Even though I abhor his fugazi thug image AND the fact that he's a ghetto gospel A-alike to Kirk Franklin, there's just something about this pseudo-goon that makes me want to speed in the fast lane, pedal to the floor, mayne, tryna get back to his love.He would get the SavvyFatty BEESWAX, mayne. And like a black widow, I'd eat his bite-sized ass after I busted my nut. Mmmm!! **rubbing hands together** Algernod'y goodness!

Maino was in the buil'lin' lookin' like Khalil Kain and Pillsbury Doughboy's cocoa love child.
IMHO: Ninjas with pillow soft arms should opt out of tattoo-coppin'...and invest that guap in turtleneck-rockin' instead.Oh...and Maino: I HATE your song. So, I guess you got 1 more person to wave to, right, Bitch?!

His Weave Look Like Some Curlay Fries

Shouts to BCK for the flick!
Lil' Henry, Seal and Heidi Klum's first mistake son showed off his chicken fries 'do on a family trip to Rome.
The rest of the people in the pic were lucky enough to enjoy combed hair and matching clothes. Lil' Hen-Dogg is never that lucky.

I'd Kiss These Girls and I'd Like It!

The Girl I'd Be If I Wasn't Black With Ninja Naps And Didn't Work A Gubmit Job, Kat Von D, was spotted on the red carpet at the X Games Awards held at The Stork, L.A. last Thursday.
I LOVE LOVE! LOVE! Kat's look from head to toe. From the dark onyx high hair, to the 50's rocker pin-up makeup, to the tats, to the kiddie camel toe, she's one of my style idols cuz she ain't afraid to step out the box and rep a different side of beauty.

And look who else was in the building, giving me not as much booty as I'm used to lickin' seeing.
Her sister, Chyna Khloe Kardashian, was also in the house lookin' like a pack of linebackers. Hell, I'll throw her manly ass in the mix, too. She'd probably bang my back out better than ANY thug ninja could.
**gives Khloe 'The Eye'**

Cover Camel Boy

JiggaMan graces the cover of Vibe's 15th Anniversary JUICE issue holding up 6 fangaz.

What do YOU think the significance of these fingers are?

If I had to weigh in, I'd guess: The number of ChapStick sprays it took for his lips to reach this level of Ashford & Simpson.
Talk about "Solid As A Roc!"

The Incredible PORK

Apparently we ain't only droppin' bombs on Iraqi dads and moms. We're also droppin' pork meatloaf topped with ham and jellay sammiches for the kids.
The homey-loc Oscar over at VariousCool is mad ill for settin' this shit to an Eazy-E track. Shit's real in the Iraqi fields, mayne.

The True Fucker

**Desperately searching for a word more descriptive and picture-painting than "speechless" to describe my shock, awe and horror right now**

This.Shit.Right.Here.NINJA!

photo source



I cain't and WILL not believe that The New Yorker let my soon-to-be First Lady, **ballot marked; fingers crossed** plucked and high (brows) girl, Obama's baby mama, Michelle, go out like "Shirley" on What's Happening.
That woman is a saint in my eyes! A beautiful black queen who ain't afraid to rock her natural press and curl is so hard to come by these days. And these fuckas got her on here looking like BozNegro The Clown.
SHAMEFUL!!

Oh...and the rest of that shit is unexcuseable, as well. I ain't blind; don't need no glasses to see.
But since you've probably heard (or read) everybody else's opinion on the shit, I won't bore you with mine. Just know I got a SavvyFatty 2-Piece Combo heating up in the microwave for whoever greenlit that cover.

As an artist, I can understand the satirical nature of the photo.
According to Politico, artist Barry Blitt "satirizes the use of scare tactics and misinformation in the Presidential election to derail Barack Obama’s campaign."

Ok. Cool. But why isn't there an alternate, commemorative cover with John "Centrum Silver" McCain holding a press conference while simultaneously pushing up daisies and stunt-doubling for worm food ig-zack-lee 10 seconds after he's sworn in?
That's a very real fear that I have as a voter; that our President will kick the bucket and leave a far-less prepared muhfucka in charge of the countray. Why not satirize the shit that frightens ME?

MY take: OBVIOUSLY they're speeding down Controversy Ave, straight onto the We're-Trying-to-Skew-On-The-Fencers-and-Middle-America's,-Most-Notably-the-Red-States-Residents,-Already-Effed-Up-View-of-The-First-Black-Candidate Expressway.
Shit's tasteless and for those who won't buy the magazine or read up on the "satire," they'll take this shit as law and run with it...straight to the polls with a John McCain vote. We cannot afford that. We've seen The Republican Show for the past 8 years and it's the complete opposite of the BIZNISS!

*****
So...to counter that negativity, cop the HOTTEST B-rack merch you can via CafePress.
Taughted as, “FRESH FRUITS AND VEGGIES FOR FRESH OBAMA LOVERS!," here's my fave item of the moment, for obvious reasons, uhhh doyyy!:



And it's PLUS-SIZED! Available in sizes 1x-5x! **contemplating starting a club called, "Big Biatches for Barack"**

Now...if only I could find the John McCain toilet paper roll. That shit would go PLATINUM (or Assnum) at Chateau Savvy.

Showtime, Synergy!

Photo Source Well, wipe my ass with a Jigglypuff! Ain't Mimi-kins just a cute, sweet bundle of tacky cheesiness ultra-fashionable "youth?" I can't fucking stand love her retro coolness as she gets her Jem & The Holograms on at at the Tokyo Dome while on the Japanese leg of her E=I Don't Hardly Care promo tour.

Photo Source Celebrity Advice for the Day: Meemz, since it seems like your munk has a tapeworm that just can't be satiated, why not feed that savage beast AND save a BUNCH of Monistat money on wardrobe and stylists by having a fabric camel toe surgically attached to your peesh?

Cinch Sak SEXY!

photo hijacked from C+D
I ain't gon' lie: Something about these lil' horny middle-schoolers turn my Caciques into Lake Superior faster than you can make the sex cry-yyyyy! Don't know if it's the provocative lyrics, the washboard abs that are BEGGIN' for a tongue bath or the beat the pussy up, beat the pussy UP gyrations **fanning self**...but whatever it is, I'd R. Kelly it!

However...

• WHO DEE HAIL left the Hefty Cinch Saks by the sewing machine?
• Why is dude with the high top jackin' Terminator X's 1991 swag HARD?!
• Who in the industry was the lucky recipient of a Norwood Young salad toss in order to get his son in the group?
• Shouldn't Slick 'Em be somewhere thanking the Gods of Photoshop for making him appear normal, instead of like the nigger coon spawn of Monster from The Muppets?

TAMPtasia

Let me start this lil' post off by saing: Y'all know I'm AAAALLLLL about individuality.

Especially when it comes to the crop. For those that know me personally, you know I mohawked it for a couple years. But now since I'm all gubmit-employeed up, I gotta weave it till I can achieve it. PLEASE believe it!

With that being said, I STILL demand to know why Fannie Mae thought it was both cute and appropriate to come out the house with her Tampax game proppa'.

photo hijacked from BOSSIP

WHO is her stylist and WHY is this person still living, Lord?
I could live with the skunk patch...and thank Heavens we ALL made it through this...but this shit right here, ninja. **shaking head**
AND I knoooowwwwww my boy Ronnie Mac is somewhere NOT lovin' it!

P-poppin', Hood-rattin' & Ass-Whoopin'

Which "royal" pop singer put her head down and pussy-popped on a handstand for the Today show audience this morning?

If you guessed Miss PeePee Pants herself, Fergie, give yourself a gold star AND a bag of Ultra-Absorbent Depends.





UK songstress Estelle forgot that she was in public as she attended the opening ceremony for the 23rd Annual AIDS Walk in NY lookin’ like your cousin Poobie’s second babymama going to the “nell” shop on Saturday morning.




Famed YouTube asswhoopa, Kimbo Slice, had his midnight alleyway rape swag on PIZZOINT at CBS’s Elite XC Saturday Night Fights.

My panties say, " __________!"

After viewing the pics below, what are your panties thinking?

I'll be glad to share the thoughts of my bloomers panty'lones once they stop trying to hang themselves with the extra skin from my lower belly. **tears**

Dog the Nigger-Hating Bounty Hunter lookin' so sextastic I think I might weave myself a mullet.
photos sourceEnglish Singer/Songwriter Lily Allen showing the WIZZORLD that flat bellies are SOOOOO last year. '08 is the year for CLUB CHUB! Make some NIZZOOIIIIIISE!!!


*Yes, sweet Jesus: Those ARE Crocs! **tucking soul like an iced out chain**

photo sourceThere's ZERO WORDS in all of mankind's dictionaries and thesauruses to describe this shit right here, nigga.

They'll be after dem tittays next

After missing 4 to 5 months worth of payments, rapper Lil Kim's Bentley was snizzatched unexpectedly from her home.

"Apparently, when Kim was asked to turnover the keys to the vehicle, the rapper told the repomen that her accountant would handle the situation. When, [New York's ] CW11 [news] attempted to receive comment from Kim on the falling economy and raising tide or repossession in auto, the disgruntled rapper began to curse at the reporter, telling him to leave her estate." SOURCE

Daaaayyyuuuum, homay!!
I just pray she has the pank slip for the rest of the shit she's purchased. Would suck to see her gracing the cover of a magazine looking like this.

Super Mario Ninja

**peepin' the folks in the background**

photo spotted @ Simply Dope
Am I the only one gettin' the sudden urge to power up?

We're ALLL God's Chil'lunz

First thoughts when seeing this pic?! Anyone? ANYone?!

The first thought, besides frantically searching for a pen while shouting, "RUN ME HIS DIGITS ASAP! ASAP!!!" (I mean, DUH! Can we say "Obvious!!!!") was: "When Akon and Young Jeezy find time out of their busy hip hop-ruining schedules to make this lil' one?"

Now...meet me at the crossroads so you won't be lonely.

NO-NO-NO-NOTORIOUS Pt. 2

This just in!
The HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD casting of the biopic "Notorious" about rapper The Notorious B.I.G.'s life cain't stop, WON'T stop.

Peep the little cutie patootie slated to play Biggie's daughter, Tianna:

Photo Source

And for those who don't remember what Tianna looked like as a baby...follow me nah!

Now you tell me...Who duh HAIL left the gate open for Stevie Wonder to do the casting?!?!!?!!!
Read more here...

NO-NO-NO-NOTORIOUS

Notorious, the biopic currently being filmed about the life of late rapper Notorious B.I.G., would do better being called No Look Alikes.

Jamal Woolard, the actor playing the lead role, is not nearly "Biggie"-looking enough for my tastebuds. My panty partner just doesn't get the same instant drying sensation and overwhelming desire to sew itself shut like it did viewing this nice young man. Uh, BAYBA-BAYBAY UHH!



And Naturi Naughton, the cute chocolate one of 3LW "fame", in the role of Lil' Kim, has more of her Tangi Miller game proper.
Plus, her staink factor is far too low to capture the necessary doucheynous of the Queen Bee. I have no sudden urge to plug a Summer's Eve nozzle into my USB port like I do whenever I Kim comes across my monitor. TRUUUUUEEE!


Add in Angela Bassett as Miss Voletta Wallace...you really got some casting bullfuckery going on!
AN-GEL-A BASSETT??!?!!!! Fa real? That's ya word?
I mean...Alfre Woodard wasn't available? Whoopi Goldberg didn't have space on her calendar? WHAT?!

With casting like this, I don't EVEN wanna know who they'll pick to play Faith Evans.
Heaven help us if Kim Wayans is free!