'Tis the day to gather your friends and fam to celebrate Mexican heritage and pride by reflecting on the initial victory of Mexican forces over the French in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, right?
It's Cinco De Drink-o, bitches! Shouts to all you licka-loving Americans who will readily desecrate any ol' historical holiday (4th of July, anyone?) by turning it into a DUI Derby.
All day you sit impatiently in your cubes trying to devise a scheme to make an early exit out of the workplace in order to snatch up the BEST table at the local Chili's or El Torito.
Celebrate Mexican heritage?! Pssshh!! PLEASE!! More like celebrating with mass quantities of Mexican beers and your esay homey, Jose Cuervo.
The free chips and salsa, tiny sombreros and zarapes decor is all fine and dandy, but really you're in the buildin' to get plastered! ROCK OUT with our COCKS OUT!! BLITZ OUT WITH OUR TITS OUT! To get HAMMERED like MC while singing "La Bamba" drunkenly.
It's a dayum shame, U.S. of A.
All I wanna know is: Where da PAWR-DAY at?!