The Devil Is The Troof!

**E-VEEL LAUGH**

RARARARARARARRRRRRR!!!!
Remember when I busted the pussy that was Jay-Z's Vegas locale of The 40/40 Club wiiiiiiide open?!?!Well, looka here. LOOKA HERE! BOY! LOOKA HERE!


The Devil Is The Troof!!!!!
I'd like to think I played a hand in this. To those who did NOT fall victim to the anal wallet-raping, unlike me and my girls, and avoided that bullshit azz place like The Plague and now NEVER have to worry about going to that beeyatch: Uhhh... YOU'RE WELCOME!

Now...Please repeat after me. There's only one rule: I.WILL.NOT.LOSE!

Canoodle Me Baby

The Princess of Star Trek, Teyana Taylor received her first kiss from someone with a real-live 3rd leg got a lil' lovey dovey kiss kiss from Lloyd at his album release party for his latest offering, "Lessons of Love." The two partied the night away at Prime in the NYC.

They Want Me With My Hands Up!

Shoootaaaa-aaahh-aahhh-ahhhhh!Yeah! Shouts to Lil' Weezy for jumpin' on that track with Robin Thicke and soundin' like a drunken Southern dayum salamander. HOTNESS!

Lil' Kim and gal pals LisaRaye (R) and Angel Lola (L) Luvin' The Way You Tryna Pass That Azz Off As Yours celebrated her tittays' 8th nose's 2nd facelift's 6th birthday this week by throwing back shots at a party at Spotlight Live in the NYC.

The Queen Bee, obviously bustin' the MC Hammer if you were to pan out, looks aw'ight in these flicks; I gotta admit it. She's not lookin' like the usual Choco Crypt Keeper we've grown to loathe over the past 8 or more years.
Too bad nobody's hardly checkin' for her music anymore, though. The only way I'd get down with the Queen again was if she went on a world tour wearing her old short hair (a la Aaliyah's "If Your Girl Only Knew" {0:27 & 0:33 marks}vid) and every outfit from the "Crush On You" {<<--My fave!} vid.
SavvyFatty'ers: You know I love the way you feel-a/Sip my Tequila/Heard from the dealahz/All in chinchillas

Bisexual Birthday Shower

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Last night, hip hop artist and pussy fiend producer Missy Elliott celebrated her 37th bday with a lil' gathering at Marquee in the NYC. Out of all the pics, I peeped MAYBE 3 dudes. And each looked like his shirt snapped together right up under his bizzalls, so, really, they are doing the opposite of counting.

So, I'm asking you, my fine pee'po: Was the reason for the lack of XY chromosome guests in attendance because Missy is man enough for each of the fine ladies in the house? Or did she make the mistake of leaving Kang Labeefah in charge of the guest list?

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LIFE of a Living Bass Head

In honor of Black Music Month and Hump (<-yes, please) Day, here's one of the first songs, that I can remember, to ever make me aware of the potential fiyah down below.

Since the first time I heard "We Want Some," as a 2nd grader (Yup! Don't tell MamaSav, please! Y'all know she believes in retro whoopin's!!) riding with my then 25 year old, highly irresponsible, but always cool uncle, I've been in luhh with anything sporting a bass-heavy, high ass-shakeability beat.

As an early 20-something gettin' my partay and drank on, you'd besta clear a nice plus-sized path to the dancefloor unless you're up for losing a pair of swap meet stilettos or Now Lata Thom McAns. Cuz when I hear just the first SECOND of this, it's a wrap for anybody standing in my way as I make moves faster than Chinese kids make shoes!

And, ask my girls: If I get the slightest inkling that the DJ is about to mix this in, please believe I turn into Good Ol' St. Nick as I lavish the crowd with strings of pearls AND inhalers to clutch cuz EVERYBODY's gonna need breff to breeve after this show. Cuz I'm about to shock the world by changing minds about flat-assed fat girls as it's LITERALLY about to look like I was humpin' an invisible "stick."
Too-Short and Lil' Jon's "Shake That Monkey" is probably my all-time favorite no-ass shakin' song, with "I Wanna Rock," "Scarred," "Hoochie Mama," and Ying Yang's "Salt Shaker" all tied for second.
You ain't NEVVUH seen a big biatch shake it like a salt shaker, polaroid pickcha AND Michael J. Fox sittin' on a washing machine full of bricks until I hear these songs back to back.

So, shouts to my uncle's reckless child care skills and Mr. Mixx, Fresh Kid Ice, Luke, and Brother Marquis for turning this sitting-Indian-style-in-front-of-a-Donald-Duck-record-player-listening-to-Cabbage Patch Dreams kinda gal to a Bass Head for life.
With your influence, I've burned many a'calorie while turning many a dancefloor into a boner-having ninja graveyard, mayne.

I Wanna Fu-Love You

Ahhh!
**scans office, then slowly slips nipple out**
My loyal SF'ers: You know'z I luhvz me some Pretty Boy Floyd like fat kids love to eat a whole box of Little Debbie's Nutty Bars to themselves.
However...today, there's NUH'CHIN like the sight of fresh charbrizzity on this Monday morning!

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Akon, looking grill-FRESH! in all-black, walking the red carpet at Nelly's All Star Studded Weekend held at the Red Rock Resort & Casino in Sin City, knows just what to do to make my yannays sing a sooooonnnnng. [/Earth, Wind & Fire]
Mmm! Exxon Valdez goodness!

Here's "Soot-Sexxxay" again, with Nelly and JD on the red carpet, standing in the exact order I'd bang 'em in:

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1) Akon: Mmmm! Turn my sheets from satin'y smooth to the ground at Jiffy-Lube!;

2) Nelly, just **whispers** as long as he brought somebody ELSE's dick game. We all read that article in Ozone about him packin' a Vienna sausage like a Pre-K lunchbox, no?;

And in 4,617,332nd place, just edged out by the ghost of Flip Wilson dressed as "Geraldine," comes Damita Jo's own personal growth-stunted Stuart Little, JD.
While he's out on the town doing grown man hood rat stuff, I know there's a 7 year old somewhere frantically searching for and missing a set of play clothes.
**setting up microscope to get on his level, ho**
It ain't right, 'Maine! You up there stuntin' and frontin' while kids got tag to play.

FRONTIN' is a habit

DON'T get like me!

I took my broke azz to Vegas this weekend with not even enough money to cop a crispy new pair of Pro-Wings. But from the way we Sin City kicked it, you'd be under the impression that I made waaaayyyy more than a Chuck E. Cheese token annually.
But I was on a mission: I didn't care if gas cost a Beetlejuice blowjob per gallon, it was a matter of EXTREME importance that I get away for Memorial Day. Lucky for my impoverished azz, the girls and I were able to find a hotel within my budget so we hopped in the ol' Honda and beat the 15 North like a smart mouf kid.

But please believe, like Pharrell sung: I was just FRONTIN' cuz, as most of y'all who know me personally or thru the blogosphere, you're WELLl aware of my adventures as a po' gubmit employee peeump.

If you're a regular SF'er you already know how I cain't even afford to pay attention and how homeless people hand ME change while patting my back and saying, "It ain't trickin' if I got it." **tears**

Regardless of the comatosed wallet, I STILL rartied like a sock par! JEAH!

Shouts to the following for making my Memorial Day weekend mad memorable:
"Dan-Ye" and "Hank Bank$" for showing me and the girls some love.
Dan-Ye, you knowwwww you got an account open at the Head Bank for sending me that cam phone pic of my baby daddy on stage at his SuperFest and for comin' through with that good PLP'in (that's Parkin' Lot Piffin') in the 'Price!! That was just what I needed RIGHT when I needed it. ;^p And...I hope that lil "adult" conversation at The Orleans don't have you lookin' at ya girl any different. Me and the girls don't ever get TOOO crazy. We were just sayin'! LOL!




Pretty Boy Fine Fucker Floyd for just being you. You probably didn't see me cheapskatin' it and watching you from the furniture store parking lot since I didn't wanna pay have $10 to get into SuperFest, but I sho' saw you in your jersey with no undershirt. And usually I don't play that off-the-court-musty-fuck look, but for your hot azz, I'll give you a pass...and if you wanted it, summa this azz. OH!
Only question I have is: WHO dug up a time capsule containing a 1993 issue of Rap Pages and thought it was the BIZNISS to book Domino to perform at the event? The Getto Jam was like, "No, ma'am." But props to you for givin' a brotha an opportunity to make some $$$ in order to get his herringbone and Ray-Bans outta the pawn shop.


Poetry nightclub in Caesar's Palace for its blatant disregard of its own ADVERTISED Saturday night promotion!
I loved the way your website said those in all white for the Tank performance would get front of the line privileges THEN had your Mr. Piggy security guard act like that was the most preposterous thing he'd heard when I asked him about it. Had muhfukkas walkin' around with their Q-tip games strong including my azz, in the buil'in lookin' like a quadruple roll of Charmin for no good gatdayum reason! GRRRR!!!
That was cool, though, cuz we bounced from there and made it RAIN on the bar, tables, and slot machines at Bellagio. And in turn, they made it rain on our livers with all them free dranks. YAY! and D'oh! at the same time!


Gary Payton who was valeting his Range, sittin' on blindingly bright 94'z, right in front of Honey D. Honda at the Bellagio. Both your profile and edge up game were on pizzoint, GP!
Now...if only you coulda seen through the thick layer of desert dust covering my windshield, you woulda been the winner of Thanksgiving dinner. **wink, wink** Cuz I KNOOOW them lil' Middle Eastern lookin' toothpicks you were with cain't do it like ya Fatty. Dontchu know once you go fat, you'll eat till you bring on a heart attack?!?!....NO?!...Well, yeah...like that.


Josh! Good LOOOKKKIIINNNN' on coming through for your ninjettes! We had a BLAST with you at the 'Lagio. And your homies weren't half bad either!! ;-) Just let me know how I can be like YOU when I grow up! I'll have my people call yo' people!


The overzealous maid staff at our hotel for interrupting the tiny bit of sleep we were able to get.
In our half-dead hungover state, how could we hear you bangin' on the door shouting, "HOUSE-GEE-PEENG!" but you, awake, alert and WORKING, couldn't hear us screaming, "NO! THANK! YOU!"
We appreciated your enthusiasm about your job. Really we did. But just imagine, if instead of being in an alcohol-induced semi-coma, we were... Yeah... so clean out your ears, Maria.
That's pretty much it. The weekend was fun for all! except for...

Lady Luck

For years, judging from the menacing sneer on his face to the straight-with-no-chaser verse delivery, I have thought that rapper Bun B had the type of dick game that was equivalent to being stomped in the vajayjay with a steel-toed Timberland boot. **salivating** Cuz I'z a big gal and ooohhh, baby! I like it ROOOUUUGGGHHHH!!!!
So when I wasn't letting my fingers linger, daydreaming of the day when Big Dick Cheney would perform such an act on moi, I was wondering about what kind of woman WOULD he give the beeswax to. And lo and behold, here her is!!!:

Lucky Bitch Queenie Freeman, Big Dick, and an inside-out chimney were partying it up at the II Trill Private Listening Session held inside of the Houston Galleria's Louis Vuitton store. Also on hand were the Mini-Buns, Bun B's trill'dren.

Wino-saur

BevMo is having its 5 Cent Sale...and this time it's not only the wine! It's the hard licka, too!

Buy 1 Flavored Skyy Vodka for $15.99 and the 2nd is just 5 cents!
WHOOOHOOOOO!! **doing the Humpty Dance**

The only catch is you must buy 2 of the same flavor. No mixxy-matchies.
Believe me...I tried! I had some MEEEEAAAN Pink Panties to make and wanted to try the Citrus and the Berry, but I was quickly denied.
But that's cool! 2 750ML for $16 plus tax...I'm wit' it!!!

Welcome to the PARTY LIFE!

For all my San Diego folks, check out my girls who are opening up a new club at Faces (used to be Blue Tattoo) this Thursday, April 10th.

Admission is only 5 cocaine sniffers! If you want an upscale, classy party atmosphere...this shit right here is for yooooouuuuuu!! **doin' the Soulja Boy**



Hosted By: Men Of Sophistication
When: Thursday Apr 10, 2008
at 9:00 PM
Where: FACES NITE CLUB
835 5TH AVE DOWNTOWN SAN DIEGO
SAN DIEGO, CA 92102
United States
Description:
Men Of Sophistication

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