Jank-Z's 40/40 Club, Lost Wages

**loud-talkin' with my hand on my hip**

JAY-Z, JIGGA-MAN, J-HOVA, The GOD MC or whoever you are at this moment: I'mma need you to cut me a check and/or send me one of the many platinum-plated toasters or blenders I'm sure you received for your recent nuptials. I WASTED $$$, a pint of blood, and my time like Muslims waste swine at the Vegas incarnation of The 40/40 Club and I need to recoup, ninja!
If I had to rate the overall experience at 40/40, I'd give it a -5 stars.
The only reason I was hyped to go was because of Jay-Z's star power and to support a black businessman. **coughGIGANTORmistakecough**
The ONLY thing that saved it from getting a -1 vajillion stars was the atmosphere and decor. There were plenty of plush seating areas with flat screens everywhere. We were there to catch the Spurs/Lakers game and at every visual point there was a TV showing the action.
Oh, and shouts to whoever was timing the music to come on right when the game cut to commercial: BRAVO TO YOU!!! **pointer finger clap** Thanks for reminding us of whose house we were in by playing the Bey-Z anthology over and over...and over...and OVER again. Allow me to show my gratitude for hearing "03 Bonnie and Clyde" enough times to make me wanna hold MYYYY girlfriend tight.


And now the nominees for the Most Outstanding, Extraordinarily TERRIBLE Experience at a Las Vegas Spot for a Monetarily-Challenged Gubmit Employee:

No clear host station.
When we arrived we walked around aimlessly for a good 5 minutes until we saw people in 40/40 shirts. We asked where do we check in for our reservation (which we were told was NECESSARY. www.bullmuthafuckinshit.com) We were directed to a woman who was just standing around, dressed as we were; no name tag or 40/40 insignia. I told her we had reservations. She DID NOT ask our name; just how many were in our party. We were then walked in a FULL circle (in order to remain un-pissed, I called it a "guided tour" in my head) around the place to find somewhere to sit. We stopped at NUMEROUS spots before finally being seated in a cool ass space.



Food.
DON'T go hungry, poor, expecting greatness OR without your Incredible Hulk hands on deck. Menu was encyclopedia-heavy, mayne. Matter of fact: Don't even TOUCH the menu.

All you'll get is a half-assed attempt at UNSEASONED, hardly microwaved frozen food and a sorry pile of bullshit disguised as salad or a garnish on your plate.


We started off trying several appetizers. (Crab Cakes, Breaded Catfish Sticks, Buffalo Wings, The Picnic {should have been named the YUCKFUCK!}, and Cheese Bread.) EVERYTHING arrived LUKE-FRIGID except for the dry hot wings which were a work-with-able temperature.
"The Picnic" consisted of 2 fried deviled eggs (imagine wet cardboard. BLECH!) and about 5 hard, dry chicken sticks all for $12. I cut the roof of my mouth on one them gatdayumed things, too. But I quickly learned my lesson and tore apart the 2 that I COULD eat. I melted them in Ranch for a good minute or 5 JUST to be able to TASTE them.



The "cheese bread" was nothing more than Grocery Outlet-quality frozen deep dish pizza cut into 4 uneven sticks. It arrived to us looking like it had seen a ghost; PETRIFIED. It was cold, hard, and dry...and $8!! **tears** As a fat girl, I'll try anything ONCE, but just the sight of those 4 dead bodies saved me from several unnecessary calories. And for that, I'z grateful.

Service.
Our waitress was young, dumb, and full of "Umm..." Her ass didn't know SHIT. She even brought other tables' orders to us and basically asked us to pick what we ordered. I feel sorry for whoever had the cheese fries cuz there was a receipt buried under the cheese when we saw it. Mmmm!! Receipt-y goodness!!!!! [/sarcasm]

Be sure to pack your camel (no pun intended) thirst game. When requesting water to wash away the metallic taste of blood from the chicken shit assault, we were brought a toy tea set-sized carafe of water with lemon. I asked if we could have one without lemon and was told that it would take about 20 minutes. Water with lemon...INSTANTLY!! Water WITHOUT lemon...20 minutes! Ok...that made sense. [/sarcasm]
So, annoyed, I just cancelled the water and decided to live my life as a vampire.

Since water is a crap shoot, (and drinks are so jank-ridden, you'd be better sneaking a fif in your purse like I did!) you may not have to go pee-pee, but, unfortunately, I did. The bathrooms LOOKED nice. But skip le toilet if you're accustomed to such trivial things as cleanliness, toilet seat covers OR toilet paper! They'll be more on the floor or in the unflushed toilets than on the roll.

Shopping Bag Girl.
If she don't do nuthin', she gon' fall/Jugglin' menus, plates, glasses, tabs, shit we didn't order and all/Now go and get ya money lil' Shopping Bag Girl/Go and brang me some gotdayumed, mufuckin' wadduh, Shopping Bag Girl!!!!!
**calming down...regaining composure**
Besides the food and service, what annoyed us most was the plastic shopping bag of 40/40 paraphernalia the waitress carried.


I thought her azz was late and didn't have time to drop her things off before manning her stations. I asked what was she carrying and was told that they're MADE to carry souvenirs just in case patrons want to purchase them. My thoughts: "Ummm...whatever happened to a STORE?!"
Even though she wasn't worth her weight in Memphis Bleek CDs, I felt sorry for the girl as she juggled everything while trying to keep the crumpled bag on her shoulder.

*****

Overall, I just PRAY this is simply a franchise and hope H-to the Izzo is NOT directly in charge of or responsible for this fuckery.
But iffin' he IS: PLEASE BELIEVE I'mma Limewire-download and bootleg-sell EVERY SINGLE Def Jam, Roc-A-Wear, AND Destiny's Child (Sorry Kellz. I know you need the guap, but...) and all associated items so I can to get my $$$ back!!!!