Like, "Yeah, I like how you spent your cable bill dough on them Red Monkey Jeans"
Kissing on lips I could care less if I touch
While wondering, silently, "Damn, must I introduce this niglet to a brush?"
Dealing with a Ralph Tresvant-type who does WAAAAYYYY too much fussin'
A muthafucka who had the NERVE to ask me: "Why didn't you act like you liked me in front of my cousin?"
Accepting massages when I really came for the drillin'
Accepting WAAAAYYYY less fuckin' and faaaarrr TOO.MUCH.DAYUM.CHILLIN'
I've dealt with it ALL. Did it ALL for the Nookie.
And now I'm in search of a TRILL AZZ Veteran instead of this Booty Call Rookie
Therefore, I resolute to find a new dealer.
One who will MURDER the ooochie like a real cap peeler.
One with a locked & loaded peen deep down in his britches
One, always at-the-ready, EAGER to scratch my midnight itches
One who won't bait me over with promises of fuckin'
Then get my ass to the crib to watch UFC on Spike! and when I ask, "WHAT DA HAIL YOU DOIN' INSTEAD OF RAPIN' ME?" and his ol' sensitive ass asks: "Damn, why you rushin'?"
One who ain't tryna love on me and cuddle up like a bitch
One who looks at me, then the Wu-Tang, then demands:
One who's tall, dark, strong, but won't try to push me
Does He even exist?...Or: Should I go strictly for the pussy?
Just like Limp Bizkit's 1999 hit, I've taken an 'L' in the Dick Dealer Department...all in the name of Nookie aka Regular Fucking.
Kissing. Massages. Lap-Laying. TALKING. ICK!
Regretfully, I've engaged in it all in hopes that I was putting "money in the bank" for a back-blowing-out session.
Color me NOT proud.
So, ladies and pimps, atop my list of OH!-9 resolutions is to find a NEW! peen purveyor. One who understands the meaning and significance behind a text message sent after the 10 o'clock hour. One who understands my need to bang like a gang at least thrice weekly.
I mean, really: Is it too much to ask that he gives up the ass like I'm a robber requesting cash?
Should I focus on more lucrative goals, like advancing in my career?
(If you answered Choice B...GETDUHFUCKOUTTAHERE!!!!!!!!!!!)
If so, PLEASE tell me I'm NOT the only one who's put up with shenanigans in the name of screwing!!!!