Tuesday, December 16, 2008


What's better than Oprah?

For those of you who answered: "Miley Cyrus and Kim KardASShian butt-nekkid-buffin' the Honda with a large side of Tyra Banks shutting the hell up and letting her guests tell THEIR stories-SANS interruptions and interjections in order to Keyshia Cole the people by annoyingly trying to drive home the point that "I'M JUST LIKE YOU!" because she must be blind or need some glasses to see that we've heard her fivehead fables and simply don't give a fuck anymore," **breathes and stops** then you'd be CLOSE.

However...survey says: MORE OPRAH!

Last week, Lady O dropped the dime on herself by admitting the fact that she's double-fisting 100 pounds.

However, unlike Lady Lane Bryant behind this blog righ'chea, she isn't proud of her poundage and is actively planning a curb-the-curves coup.

**looks lovingly into the eyes of my BabyMama #1 prize while pinching playfully at her baby fat-fat**

**slyly slips hand around to her purse, to ensure it hasn't lost any weight**

In honor of my sugahunnyicedtea, I'll go ahead and let y'all know about the weight I'm working with.
Cuz, sheeiiit: If a bia bia like Opreezy can be honest about her obesity, then so can SAVVistra FATTerline, dammit!

So listen up kids, cuz this ish is like the Halley's Comet of revelations: ONCE in a lifetime.

My weight...**inhales deeply; feels immediate moistening of brows and palms**
...could very easily be the model number of Mercedes Benz.

WHOOOO!!!!! Fuck shackles off my feet; THAT was freeing!

Who's next to come clizzean?


suga said...


Girl, you are ka-razy!!!

I so identify with Oprah though (minus being a gatrillionaire and shat). My weight goes up and down, as well. A sista will be lookin flyer than fly, and then 3 years later, lookin 12 months pregnant. lol