Rep Yo' PIGGAY!

What's better than Oprah?

For those of you who answered: "Miley Cyrus and Kim KardASShian butt-nekkid-buffin' the Honda with a large side of Tyra Banks shutting the hell up and letting her guests tell THEIR stories-SANS interruptions and interjections in order to Keyshia Cole the people by annoyingly trying to drive home the point that "I'M JUST LIKE YOU!" because she must be blind or need some glasses to see that we've heard her fivehead fables and simply don't give a fuck anymore," **breathes and stops** then you'd be CLOSE.

However...survey says: MORE OPRAH!

Last week, Lady O dropped the dime on herself by admitting the fact that she's double-fisting 100 pounds.
However, unlike Lady Lane Bryant behind this blog righ'chea, she isn't proud of her poundage and is actively planning a curb-the-curves coup.

**looks lovingly into the eyes of my BabyMama #1 prize while pinching playfully at her baby fat-fat**
I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU AAARRREEE!!!

**slyly slips hand around to her purse, to ensure it hasn't lost any weight**

In honor of my sugahunnyicedtea, I'll go ahead and let y'all know about the weight I'm working with.
Cuz, sheeiiit: If a bia bia like Opreezy can be honest about her obesity, then so can SAVVistra FATTerline, dammit!

So listen up kids, cuz this ish is like the Halley's Comet of revelations: ONCE in a lifetime.

My weight...**inhales deeply; feels immediate moistening of brows and palms**
...could very easily be the model number of Mercedes Benz.
**exhales**

WHOOOO!!!!! Fuck shackles off my feet; THAT was freeing!

Ok...
Who's next to come clizzean?
;^p

WHO Told Harpo To JOCK Me?

Title don't really have shit to do with the post, but I just likez the way it sounds!

Ok, so Saturday night I got one of the best texts of my LIFE!

My girl Courtney, or 'NeNe' (no ATL Housewives) is what we call'er, texted me to ask if I was free Tuesday night.
Instantly, I was like, **eyeroll** "Oh, gawd: another tresome invite." Don't this fucka's know my pussy's sign says: CERRADO So I didn't respond immediately.
But being the cool azz bia bia that I am, I said, "Let me text her back. She might need a ride. She might need to borrow some money for a midnight abortion. She might need some money for her midnight abortion and a ride afterward. Shit! I don't know." So I texted back.

And guess what this heffa asked me, via Myspace comment?
"Me+YOU=Color Purple and cast party Tuesday night??? Call me"

Muth.Er.Fuck.ERRRRRRRRR!!!!
**does a Negro version of "Riverdance" out of pure excitement**

I've been feenin' to get tickets to this show worse than the corners of Lil Boosie's mouth been itchin' to be wiped, man!
Ever since I heard my Baby Mama #1, Oprah Winfrey, was bringing the classic movie to Broadway, I knew I had to slaing some boodussy save my chips to peep the show LIVE.
Back in '06, me and my girl, NicaMiff, was supposed to go see it in DC in '06, but ninjas got piss poor (but not morally...unless you count the fact that she got me to 'dro tokin' that same summer, but that's neither here nor there).
Me and my girl Millie T were planning to go to the Daygo ("San Diego" for your outtatowners) but shit just never popped off.

Anywhoo, I say all that to say this:

I'm going to Color Purple tonight, bitchezzzzz!!! And then the cast party after!! WHOOO HOOOOOO!!!!
Too bad Fantasia isn't starring in the SD production. Aww, man! [/Swiper]
I'd <3 to see her and Young Dro. Moreso Young Dro cuz LAWD KNOWS I lovez me half-an-inch-from-ugly, 1 minute to midnight man! And he got lips that I'd like to introduce to the space between my hips...

Ok, **turning off Horndog switch** look how Alt-Hip Rocker Nerd Fat Femme Fab I'll be looking tonight!


I'm rockin' my crispy white button up, black pinstriped vest, Lane Breezy RightFit (tightfit!) denim, black pleather bomber, and accessories out the arsehole!! I'm at work mad impatiently counting the hours down 'til showtime. I'm like a late 90s Jennifer Love Hewitt flick, mayne: I CAN'T HARDLY WAIT!!! And PLEASE BELIEVE!, since I'm going to the theatre directly after work, I got the vodka on chilly willy in the lunchroom refrigerator. Wonder how long it'll take these nosey muhfuckas to realize that that water AIN'T freezin'.HAHA!!!!!!

Have any of you seen my baby mama's Broadway endeavor?

If so, HOW WAS IT?