Raise your hand if you don't like FREE SHIT?!?!?!
You know the politically-savvy Baby D in me knows AAAALLLL about the Election Day food freebies.
How you think I got this pot belly: OVERNIGHT?! I gotta get it how I live!
So, if your inner fat kid wants some free shit as a reward for voicing your vote, see below on ways to turn your 'I Voted' sticker into some serious Election Day swag!
Key Words: BREWED coffee.
So don't go in there embarrassing yourself and ya mama acting all douche'y if you can't get a venti decaf triple soy latte frappuccino with a chicken noodle soup and a soda on the side.
Be grateful that the company who's charged us a 50 magillion percent markup for the past decade+ on effin' COFFEE is giving us something other than that late morning "No dee HAIL I DIDN'T just spend fo' dollars on some gotdayum ground up beans and I'm STIIILLLL tired as FUCK!" crash.
Need a coffee companion?
Then hit up my favorite pound-purveyor, Krispy Kreme, to receive a FREE sprinkle-spangled, star-shaped donizzity for exercising your right to VIZZOTE!
I scream! You scream! We all scream for FREE ICE CREAM!
Hit up Ben & Jerry's for a free scoop (1, you greedy arses!) between 5 and 8pm today!
KNOW ANY OTHER ELECTION DAY FREEBIES?
Hit the comments off, ninjas! Share the wealth! [/Barack Obama]