Monday, June 29, 2009


So, after spending the day soaking up sun at the beach and the evening eating some of the BAWSSest azz sushi San Diego County has to offer, I get home and realized I've already missed 43 minutes of this year's BET Awards. But, good thing I had on my thinking lacefront cuz I came home for a second between missions to set my DVR to tape the pre-show and the Awards.

Since I'm a thug's THUG and a gangsta's GANGSTA, I can say this without fear of being sent up to the Heaven For A G, but:


I honestly thought they did an excellent job in honoring Michael Jackson's work and legacy in the time allotted to them. I enjoyed the MJ tribute get-ups as well as the performances infused with MJ references.
And the feel of the ceremony was JUST RIGHT as it was far more celebratory than sad. And for that, I'm grateful because my eyes didn't need another tear bath, man.
R.I.P. Mikey-J!

I was pleasantly surprised to see ALL 6 member of New Edition paying homage to the man that paved the way for their group to be able to exist in the first place.
Besides the fact that Ralph Tresvant's voice was in immediate need of an oil change along with a dash of Astroglide by the pizzound: I LOVED the performance.
Yes, your uncle would have been able to sound like Eddie Kane trying to prove to the Heartbeats that he still had it, but would that same unc have been able to bust the kinds of moves they did while singing LIVE? 'Xactly! You can't smoke Black & Milds and live on a steady diet of Pork Rinds and crackhead pussy and expect to be great. (No Bobby Brown)
Check the 2:54-3:04 minute marks if you want to see when I got HYPE. New Edition were doing their J5 THANG.
That specific portion of the dance piece will forever take me back to Spring 1985 when we, the pre-school graduates of John F. Kennedy Child Development Center, busted the SAME dope move for our proud parents. HOLD ON!...**whispers** Or is it: "HOLD TIGHT?" **scratches naps**

I WILL say that whatever industry balls Keri Hilson has blown to get to where she is were WELL worth it. I've never seen such a spirited, exuberant display of mediocrity. But you know what, K-Hils: GET DAT GUAP WHILE YOU CAN. Something in your water ain't YOUNG. You may have pulled the wool over the world's eyes, but I know for a fact you've seen the better side of 47. I ain't blind; don't need no glasses tah see.
And shouts to her Best New Artist award acceptance speech. I like how she FORGOT she was at the BET Awards.
Bitch, you ain't graduating from DeVry. Save that shit for when you cop that "Sexiest Senior Citizen" joint. That is IF you can find a way to AWF OG Star Trek alumnus, Nichelle Nichols, first.

Ay Mi DIOS! at Tiny & Toya

Yeah, they've got a show debuting tonight on BET about the trials and trevails of being a well-taken care of Baby Muvthuh, but...other than that they reminded me of the faaassss azz 6th grade girls who had older sisters. The ones who had NO problem coming to school in the finest of Wet & Wild and Jordana facepaints and ig'nit azz weaves the beauty supply had to offer.

As a fat girl, I particularly enjoyed Tiny's ode to French Fries everywhere with her 'do. And I also was a fan of Toya's...Zzzzzzzz!

I won't mention Beyonce's Charmin Charade aka the final arts and crafts project she wore brought to us by the students of The Creole Center for Things That Make You Say, "TINA: NOOOO!" Beyonce and her Creole Crew live by but one motto:

"If you stay ready, you ain't GOTZ tah git TACKY."

Learn about it!

I LOVE Thicky THICKY's Mary Mary's "God In Me" joint.

That ish makes me pop it for Pastor at ALL times. Shout to the lovely ladies of the Lord for providing the world with another song that makes us drop it like it's hot for Akon and Young Jeezus.


LAWD! **dukes the Devil while MLK fanning myself** I can always appreciate a woman who don't mind getting sexy for her savior.


And now...for the Rainbow portion of this post:

I ain't gon' get on my boy, Tevin Campbell, as I was trill glad to see him after all these years. But I WILL say if you look in to his eyes, you KNOW that he done seen some peens things.

Johnny Gill was making Eddie proud showed up and showed out for the evening's tribute to legendary soul group, The O'Jays. Johnny seemed especially happy to be doing something other than diddling Dr. Doolittle there. He was gripping that mic so tight that I'm sure when he returned it, it REEKED of his toothpaste, Eau De Murphy.

(Sidenote: Shouts to the decade of time I lost whilst listening to Don Cornelius. If life had a fast forward button, it would have been employed at THAT very moment. He was STROKIN'. {That's what he be doin'! Shouts to Clarence Carter!})

The moment that brought this thug to tears undoubtedly goes to:

I ain't no punk nigress, but seeing Janet Jackson choked up took my eyes on a swim down the Nile River, mayne. I can't even imagine losing my brother, then having to go on stage to make a statement for FamilySavvyFatty.

I applaud Janet's strength in such a difficult time. I send mad LOVE to the entire Jackson clan, especially Mrs. Katherine Jackson, as a mother should NEVER have to bury her child.

And...Tito: You're UP NEXT!


Overall, the night was cool to me.

Ne-Yo's domepiece vocals were SO on point and appropriate. I'm glad he was there to pay tribute to The King, his obvious influence.

Oh...and shouts to the noticeably absent Chris Brown. You know shit's bad when BET won't even let you come to their project yard of an awards show. You really fucked up, kid!

**points and DIES laughing**


smashedthehomie said...

I am blown away by how much better my Creole FairyMarraine sound live than Miss Keri BayyyBehhhh.

Luxx Monroe said...

lawdddy lawdy lawd.. Now why wasn't their a reference to Zoe's zacky ass mention of Ms. Nicohol having to change her depends?
and WHAT was the real dealio with Wing.. Lawd..
I don't know why folk acting brand new, I mean this si the same ish we get (and watch) err year!

Rondell said...

Girl I just found your journal and it cracks me up! Keep it up now.

suga said...

Best BET Awards wrap up I've read. Even tho New Edition sucked lol

Ur critique of Tiny and Toya was on point!

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