1 Score and Eight Years ago...

Yes! I've been wreaking havoc and running amuck for nearly that long! **tears** I'm getting ANCIENT!!
Wipe me down with a rewind button, Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em cd, some Teen Spirit, a pair of L.A. Gear Hiking Boots and a Charlotte Hornets Starter jacket!!!!!!!!!!
**pouts and indignantly screams** HELL!!!! WIPE ME DOWN WITH THE EARLY to MID 90s!!!!!!!!!!!!

So...the day that my mom became the 1979 version of Jamie Lynn Spears is almost upon us. For those of us in our **gasps, chokes on spit and almost faints** late 20s, doesn't it seem like the years ZOOOOOMMMM by, Speed Racer-style, after you hit 25?
And...am I the only one who still feels 16 or 17?!?!?!
Could I still show my school ID and get student discounts?
Could I still get on the school bus, hand the driver a copy of my So So Def Bass All-Stars tape, and tell him to play #2 or #4?
Could I still dance happily, merrily, and carelessly in the Quad (shout to all my Madhouse alum!) to songs I taped off the radio and not be tackled, hogtied and drug off campus in handcuffs?
Could I still fuck with those sexxxay, FINE ass boys who I see walking to bus stops in the morning?!??!!!?
Ok...let me stop. **turning my Michael Jackson'ometer off**


Anywhoo...since it's almost 28 years and 9 months from the day my dad had a "better" after-school activity for my mom than simply doing homework, I thought you might be interested in what I'd like to celebrate my day right. (That ISSSSS what you were wondering, right....RIGHT!)

Ok...so to those of you with $$$ to spend on your favorite fat girl, here's my bday list. Oh! And if you don't want to limit yourself to these items, I'm AAAALLLWAYS open to a Target, Wal-Mart, Lane Bryant, or Torrid gift card. Hell, I'd even be happy with a Shell Station gift card! I ain't too picky. You know it's HAAAARRRRD out hea' for a peeump!

**writing bday wish list with a Grape-scented magic marker**

I want an oatmeal colored upholstered bed from Target...


A black and white printed accent chair...


OR a Bemz slip cover for my Tulsta chair in New Baroque Jet Black...


and an egg rug for my new kitchen (YES! I'm moving! Found a great place of my VERY OWN!)


and a pair of cream ankle booties.


Oh! And a big booty billionaire type biatch named Oprah laying on my bed under a sheet of hundred thousand dollar bills! (<--cuz you know her and Bill Gates got 'em...drippin like water!)

It's going down! This Sunday, FEBRUARY 3rd! (Man! Eff a Super Bowl if my Chargers ain't in it! Damn you, Patriots! Damn you to HECK!!!!!!)