Monday, February 25, 2008

Monday SCHMUNDAY! **grrrrrr**

Hey SavvyFatty'ers!!

It's Monday and I'm working on EMPTAY! I'm not tired...I just don't want to be here. I was already almost 3 hours late fucking around with the lady from General Services in the Badges division.
SHOUTS to dat biatch Maria Conchita Enriqueta Guadalupe Hermosilla de Guadalajara for giving me the third emm'effin degree like my folks ain't been here since the cultivation of AmeriKKKa!!!! So I'mma write that tramp a lil sumthin to let her know how I feel about her infringing upon my Monday morning"

Dear MCEGHdG:
I SOOOO appreciate YOU telling ME where I work, what I need and DON'T need to get into my building, questioning my FACE and HAIR and SMILE all while wearing an INSIDE OUT jacket and a stroke-laced lip saggin' dirty toothed grin! BITCH! Puhleez!!! How you gon' question me about ANYTHING when you lookin like you still got border dust under ya fingernails and in ya chonclas?!?!? And don't ack like I don't know why that jacket was inside out. That's ya "sellin'" jacket and if you turned it inside out everybody at work would know the prices you charge for tamales, chicle and for lettin' the donkey eff ya CHOCHA!
So...think before you break out the Patriot Act on folks again. Cuz I got 3 words for you, hoe: LA MIGRA, BITCH!
P.S.
I AM NOT THE ONE! I mean... "No soy el uno" (or something like that!)


So...in celebration of the fact that I ain't got ISH to say today...here goes a SURVEY, thirstay!



1. List two facts about the last person you kissed.
a.) I love that man more than he'll EVER know.
b.) If he don't hurry up and realize I'm the one for him...I'll just keep on waiting till he does (D'OH!)
2. What was your first thought when you looked in the mirror this morning?
I'm an old snatch!! **tears**
3. Do you believe there's always room in your heart for your first love?
Yes, there's always room for my first love. **licks lips at the thought of an order of 5 rolled tacos with cheese, sour cream and guacamole**
4. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's underwear?
Hail naw! I like my men taaaallll and lankay. I couldn't fit anything of there's...well, maybe ONE thing. **wank, wank** OWWWWWWW!!!
5. Where is the next place you will travel to?
I wish Jamaica where I could lay out on the beach in my fat girl bikini, with 2 fine dred-locked men laying on either side of me with FAT GANJA BLUNTS rolled and ready. Ahhhhhh!!!
6. Do you want to get married & have kids one day?
I already have a kid AND a grandkid. (I move fast in 2 years, riiiight) So I'm DONE. Now it's time for me and ya papa to have some alone time...SO GET ON!!!!
7. Do you curse a lot?
What kinda bitch ass question is that, you muthafuckin' shithead?
8. Have you ever kissed in a pool?
Nope. But if you want summa this, meet me at the Y and it's goin DOOOOWWWWNN!
9. Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Which set of hair are you talking? The natural or the MicroYaky?
10. Do you like ice cream?
LOVE IT like this fat kid loves cake...and donuts...and rolled tacos...and Chipotle Barbacoa burritos...and gyros...and sushi...and ya daddy.
11. What's your favorite color?
Red, blood! **tosses up random retarded gang sign**
12. What does the last text in your inbox say and from who?
From my babe, telling me he misses me. **temperature in panties rises from normal to "MOIST"
14. Have you ever lied to protect someone's feelings?
NEVER! NOPE! I straight up told that ninj that his DI was TINIER than Tim. And I had to tell that other one that he WASN'T so fresh and so clean. Tain't easy bein' ME!
15. Are you hiding something from your parents?
HAIL YES!! They'd shart their drawls if they knew the REEEEAAALLLL me!
16. Do you get jealous of other people easily?
Only person I'm jealous of is Stedman Graham cuz his S-Curl since the 80s ass been hittin my babymama off to where she ack like she cain't call noboday!
17. What's the best thing about having a boyfriend/girlfriend?
REGULAR SCREWIN', DUUUHHHHH!!!!
18. How did you meet the last person you kissed?
At work...but SHHHH!!!!!!
19. Have you ever been asked "does size matter?"
YUP! And the person who asked SHOULDN'T HAVE!!!!!!
20. Are you of great importance in someone else's life??
Dayum right I am!! Now tell me how BURNT your existence would be without your daily dose of The Savviest of Fatties?!?!?!
21. Whats your favorite saying?
NINJA!!!!!!!!!!
22. Is there anybody that knows your deepest, darkest secret?
YUP! And I'd never tell that biatch SHIT else! Matter of fact...**dialin' Tony Soprano and 'nem**
23. Could you fit down your chimney?
I can barely fit these Lane Bryant Made for Fatties jeans...so unless the chimney got Stretch-Flex and a tummy panel...
24. What is the oldest person you would date right now?
I'm like Mary J: I love without a limit! If John McCain, Bob Dole, and Joan Rivers wanted to swing my way, I'm ALLL IN!
28. Do you stick up for what you believe in?
Damn right! And I believe in the power of me and Oprah's love! So Stedman: WATCH YO S-CURL, BRUH! **flicking lighter at his Wave Nouveau**
29. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Yup! Everybody who rushes to the club to get in line before 10pm to get in FREE, but couldn't take they ig'nit asses to the polls to vote. UNGRATEFUL ASS IDIOTS!
30. If you could go back in time would you?
I'd go back to 95 and/or 96, back to the days when I was gettin' it on the REG-GU-LAR!!!!!!!!
31. Do you use your middle finger often?
Only late at night when I'm lonelay and watching downloaded porno on my computer. That middle finger ain't no PUNK!
32. What's annoying you right now?
BILLS! BILLS! BILLLLLLLSSSSS!!!!!
33. Are you a really understanding person?
Fuck no! I don't understand shit! You no English...Me no care! You no have legs. YOU GET OFF STAIRS!
34. Do you know anyone who's addicted to any drugs?
**looks out into the crowd**
You...and you...oooh! And you...Why you hidin'? YOU, TOO!

1 comments:

msfre said...

no soy el uno? WTF kinda spanglish....la migra, huh? my, my, my. ans stop ack'n like you don't be buyng her "tamallllleeeees, pelloteeees"