My First Time **hopin parents or pastor AIN'T readin**

Yawl muddasuckas REALLY think I was gon' jump on here and tell you AAALLL the intimate beeswax?!?!?!?


But I'll let you in if you plan to spend a couple hun on the Hen, ya dig? Haha!
Here's a lil Thursday survey since I ain't got ish to say. My creative funnaybone is limper than Queen Latifah's boner at a Chippendales show.

Happy Friday, Jr.!!!!!!


My First Time Survey

First Time I:

1. Fell in love
8...with my Cricket doll. Maaannn! When my mom tucked me into bed and turned off the light (but left the night light on, of course!)...that doll got the BIIIZZZNAAZZ!!! Hahaha! Just kidding! REAL love that broke my heart, soul, and spirit: 16

2. Got a myspace account
25

3. Got drunk
18. Off that Wild Turkey. OoohWEEE! You never seen a dead roach laying on their back laughin with their legs and arms flailing like I was. LAWD!

4. Smoked weed
26 (Lame! I know! SHUDDUP!)

5. Got French kissed
Ooohweeee! Like 5. NO JOKE! I was precocious!

6. Went to the hospital for surgery
Deuce-Deuce (22) Worker's Comp, dawwwg!

7. Got your heart broken badly
My shit was SHATTERED from 1996-2004. DAMN shame, right?

8.Whens the last time you Lost a pet
My Kieddy just died a couple weeks ago. RIP KIEDDY! Is there a heaven for a kitty?!?!?! May you rest in Cat's Paradise.

9. Got arrested
Never, but fuckin around and trying to protect the honor of a biatch who wasn't worth it, I almost got sent to the clink 3 years ago!

10. Smoked a Cigarette
Don't worry 'bout that!!!! **whispers** 9 (<--is it MYYYY fault my uncle used to leave dayum near WHOLE cigarettes in the ashtray?)

11. Broken a bone
Never. But I've made one SOFT, though. (hahaha!)

12. Went to a concert
1989: Keith Sweat, MC Hammer, Heavy D & the Boyz and some other folks I can't remember.

13. Got a new cell phone
Maaan! I'm still rockin the fat OG Motorola that used to be in the suitcase. Naw, I got a new phone in like 2006.

14. Got a speeding ticket
Never! Too swift with the gift like Merry Christmas! SPEEDIN!!!!!

15. Ran away
17. Thought I was hurting somebody's feelings. They could care less. They said, "LESS BILLS! YAY!" **tears**

16. Snuck out of the house
My whole elementary school years! That's what happens to LatchKey Kids! They do THEM!

17. Pierced other than your ears
My lip pierced at 20.

18. Got a tattoo
NEVER! Like John Mayer say: My body is a wonderland!

22. Totaled a car
Iz u CRAY-ZAY?!?!?! Cars cost money! I drive mine with the utmost DUI care!

23. Moved out of your parents house
My PARENTS house...when I was 11. (Precocious! Toldja!) Got my OWN place as in NOT living with la familia: 24

25. How old are you now?
28 and lookin' FRESH like I jumped up out the casket! How I do that? I call it 'Fat Girl Fantastic!'

26. Had a kid?
NEVER!!! YAAAAAYYY lazy uterus!!!! And the pull-out method! And HEEEEAAADDD till I'm dead, hoe!

27. Lost your virginity?
Didn't lose it. I handed it over in exchange for a nut...that I never got. DAMMIT!

28. What was your first car?
1997 Limited Edition Cadillac Neon. NeNe is what they called her! RIP, Babygirl! Mama luhz you!

29. Whats your favorite type of movies?
Documentaries or independent films. I'm a NERD like that. Oh! And I can't forget GAY PORN. OOOHHHWEEEE!!!**hands taking a trip down south**