My wifey's hurtin', y'all

My bottom biatch, Oprah, is dedicating an entire show to the memory of my stepdog, Sophie, who kicked the big doghouse last month. The show will investigate abuses at puppy mills and is touted as being for "for anybody anywhere who loves a dog, has ever loved a dog, or just cares about their basic right to humane treatment." (Source)

Yeah, my baby really loved that animal. Nine times out of 10, I couldn't even get her out of her freakum Spanx for her worrying about them damn dogs.
But now that Sophie's finally out the gotdayum way gone to doggy heaven **evil grin while tucking puppy poison** the only hurdle I have that's keeping us off the road to marital bliss is that damn cinna-ninja Stedman. GRRRRR!!!!