Monday, September 8, 2008

Sav'VMAs

"Happy" Monday, SF'ers!

Hope everybody made it on the flipside of the weekend safely. Hope in 9 months we won't be havin' no showers for no SF'ers babies... :^p

The VMAs rolled back around this year, with a new host, Russell Brand. (Yeah, don't ask me!)
But, TrillVille: I haven't watched a VMAs from start to finish in YEARS. And, I really didn't start last night, either. But I did manage to leave the TV on MTV while I did other ish.
And, really, I only tuned in to see if the lovely lady(<<--no, fa real! No HeadShave!) below was gonna slap the taste outta muhfuckas mouths by giving the people a Classic Britney VMA performance after last year's "D'oh!" fest.
Although she didn't perform, she still redeemed herself in part.

So...follow me nah and see the VMAs through the LensSavvyFatty.



Britney Schpeerz (<--word to South Park's Shelley Marsh)
Bitch was looking uncrazy good!
Face was beat; dress was hot. She might actually regain her early 2-thou'z SavvyFatty BILF status back as I didn't see extension-pod ONE.
Can we say: UPGRADE?!
Damn, it feels good to see people up on it!...(even though THIS, from her downfall days, is HI-LAIR-E-YUS! People are so cool CRUEL!)
But, fa real: What's the deal with her winning all these VMAs?! 'Pity' is NOT just a word that rhymes with 'shitty' (as in her performance from last year).
Shit, I didn't even know she had a song out. Guess cuz I didn't know MTV still played videos. **shrugs**

*****


Rihanna
Since I avoid radio like pregnancy and weight loss, I'd never heard "Disturbia" all the way through until tonight.
And trilly, I could have used another 340+ months without having what I call the OPPOSITE of the "pleasure." **blech**
Guess my inching-towards-30-like-a-Nick-Hogan-driven-Toyota-Supra ears just cain't digest pointless pop like this anymore. I would have done better to watch this performance on MUTE cuz Rih-Rih was LOOKING hot. However, I can always live my life without her daughter-of-Keith-Sweat baaaa'ing.
The hair and makeup: Type-FLAWLESS! That's the kinda shit I'd rock if I didn't have to sit in a cubicle slavin' for the gubmit on a 5x/week basis.
But...Who knows?! Maybe one day when I stop caring about such trivial things as food, water and shelter you can find me by the copy machine rockin' a punky pomp-shag, floor-length tail type'a thang.

*****


Host Russell Brand
I respect his brevity with the "Elect Obama!" statement. Me loves it, lad! Brave, much?!
Just hope Dick Cheney wasn't tuning in with his Suge-Knight-pre-ass-whoopin'-mind on. He mighta holla'd at his Vegas goons to Harry Whittington a muhfucka after the show. Let's hope not. **tunes to Headline News**
**Sidenote: Why could I only understand Russ when I WASN'T looking at the screen? 'Tardation is not just a Palin family thang, fam!

*****


NoAssJonas Brothers
Don't really have much to say about these lil' ninjaz except: REP YO' PROMISE RAINGS!!!
**Real talk: Maybe if some of us would have rocked ours like these young "rock" stars we wouldn't have the problems we have NOW.
Anywhoo...Anybody who's ever been to Sea World San Diego in the 80's and early 90's remember that stage show they had called, "City Streets?" (YES! I'm an ANCIENT HEAD!)
Tell me the facade they performed in front of didn't remind you of the City Streets show? 'Member: The one where dudes in plaid shirts, spandex, and tap shoes were supposed to be "hood?"
No?
Guess that's just the John McCain in me...**tears**

*****


Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Phelps
Wake me when you handin' swimming ass-whoopins to the world...or after you've finished presenting Lil' Wayne, Leona Lewis, and Sooty McSootersteen. Shit! May as well have been raining and pouring cuz SavvyFatty was type-snoring!


Lil' Wayne (ft. Leona Lewis and T-Pain)
Besides being the size of my pinky finger, Weezy-Weez can do ZERO wrong in my eyes right now. Lyrically and musically, he's NOT to be fucked with!
Eff the fact that he was sagging SKINNY JEANS (...pause...) and I saw more of his bootay cheeks than his face (not missing much ANYdayumway) or the fact that he didn't let me hit at Nelly & JD's All-Star Weekend party in Vegas in Feb. '08, I liked the performance.
Wish MTV would have had their usual pit of TRILL party people right at the stage giving Wayne the energy he deserved instead of those boring azz, uninspiring industry folks and middle-aged Y Ts, but hey. Whatevz!
Leona Lewis did her thang on "Misunderstood!" Run me a LimeWire download of this performance ASAP! She spit straight soul to that mic! LOVED IT!

*****


Ciara & Lindsay Lohan
Ayy, Ci-Ci: Khandi Alexander's NewsRadio wig requested to be placed back in the costume closet at NBC for use by someone OVER the age of 160 in the future. Please.And.Thank.You!
And LiLo: Ya betta cover up them goodays. Sammy Ro looks like she packs a MEEEANNN domestic violence backhand, yo.

*****


Pink
LOVED her hair!! Reminds me of the years I negro'hawked and rocked the short 'do.
The song and performance was cool. Pink rocked the City Streets facade, too. AND All while remaining the hottest dude I've EVER seen in a rubber bodysuit. EXCELLENT tuck-job, yo!
Haha!
Trill talk: I love me some Pink. Any bitch who unapologetically says what she feels is on my "Fuck Witchu" list.
BIG UPS, 'Lecia!!!

*****


Jordyn Sparks & John Legend
Big Woman. Little Man. Football player's shoulders. Bitch Lips. THE END.

*****




T.I. (ft.Rihanna)
What in the ghey-azz High School Musical, ghetto Rat Pack hail was going on as Tip performed the song that makes me want to crank dat Marlee Matlin?!
And of course homebitch could have had whatever she liked...cuz you could have WHATEVER you like for a small fee, too. Bitch looked like she had coupons for $5 suckey-suckies on DIZZECK.
That "Live Your Life" performance was fiyah, though. Even with Rih's negr'yodelin'. Plus the biatch got a body that won't QUIT. Let me put the Chipotle down long enough to bless my existing schwag with a flat stomach like 5TonHead and see if I won't rock a Saran-wrap bikini top with my skin-tight jeans on the DAILY.
Just cuz I ain't achieve it (so I extra-cheese it!) I ain't gon' "Mo'Nique" a ho' at all. I'mma tip my hat, grab her camel toe and say, "DO YA THANG, beeyatch!"

*****


Christina Aguilera
I had to put the "flute" down and pick my bifocals up.
ChrissyAg: Datchu, homay?
MTV: Y'all sure the performers didn't get switched up and Blondie ain't come out with some new hot shit on deck for the kiddies?
C. Ag was chunky...but funky. Do ya thang, MILFy McMILFerford!

*****


Tokio Hotel

Guess Bjork is on her MiJac "Bad" tour ish, no?
Haha!
Naw, that ain't the ex-SugarCubes sugah baby. It's just the androgynous frontman of German band, Tokio Hotel, Bill Kaulitz, doing him as the band accepted the "Best New Artist Award."
Oh!...but before they go...an 80s Patti LaBelle called...

*****


LL Cool J
E-mutherfucking-NOUGH with the puffy paints and glitter.
We get it: You got some ish coming out and are on ya grizzy trying not to Todd Smith the project. GOTCHU!
But real rap: That "Baby" shit ain't NUUUHHHFFFIN' but a fork-in-the-garbage-disposal sounding rehash of "Headsprung."
Won't front: I do get my head-noderation on to The Dream's part.
You can search but you never gon' find/A neck that's missing like miiinnne

*****


Kid Rock (ft. Lil' Wayne)
**Sidenote: I've never had the pleasure of sharing air space with Kid Rock, but for some reason I think if I did he'd smell like snot, rotten cucumbers, and pigs' feet water. Oh! And Hepatitis crumbs...
Since that's neither here nor there...
I really didn't pay attention to his performance with Lil' Weezyana. But when I did take the opportunity to glance over at the screen, I kept having trailer-park-meets-projects visions and "Say Say Say" moments.(<<--Mac & Jac, anyone?)

*****




Kanye West
**gets my Tyrese on** HAVE I TOLD YOU I LOVE YOU LATE-LAY?! HAVE I TOLD YOU YOU'LL NEVER BE "CUNTY" TO ME?!

Ninja.ROCKED.that.shit!!!!!!!!
Pure, unadulterated, understated DOPENESS.
'Ye's vocals were surprisingly GRAVY. The drums: IGNORANT! HOT!
This muhfucka consistently blurs the lines of heterosexuality musical genres while STILL reppin' for Hip Hop. I admire AND applaud the way he steps outside the proverbial box to exhibit "'Riginality" at its finest ALWAYS.
New rap dudes: TAKE NOTES and aspire to EXCELLENCE.
**locks eyes with Kanye, then drops to knee with Jacob box ajar**

All photos snatched from Getty Images and WireImage via MTV

Whatchu think?!

8 comments:

jhazzaisworld said...

Re: Lil Wayne: I saw more of his bootay buttcheeks than his face.

Bawaaaahaaaaa!

nica said...

well i have to disagree i am totally upset that i stayed up all night to see kanyeezee and all i saw was ...flashing flahsing lights! c'mon i understand stepping outside the box but HELL NAW that was some garbage! wut was the song?? what were the words?? and y did he steal t-pain's mic (and i have to say t-pain's elephnat was the ish!!)

i understand y mtv gave brit brit all the awards..kinda like a few yrs ago when BET gave wiggy hutton the lifetime crackhead or whatever award. that yr when she told us all "uuuuu better lay low"....mtv wants to encourage brit brit to stay sane and drug free..

i LUVD that pink song! that's wut i'm talkin bout! fuk punk n99as start a fight! i liked the genie in a bottle remix christina bm hit us wit..and i think russel brand was a lil bit funny w his side bar comments. and i think that mclovin stole the show!!

msfre1 said...

You pretty much on point with my thoughts of that snoozer. I LOVED Live Ya Life, that was FIYAH.... Rhirhi can not do live vocals and Disturbia disturbed me. Love Weezie, Dat boy gud! I wasn't a fan of Leona Lewis all like that, but I was feeling her. Who in the HELL is tokyo tea bristol hotel?
I actually enjoyed Russel Brand.. I was DYIN. That Brit is a fool. To bad Amerikkkas aren't as open minded. Michael Phelps should stick to swimming, we know all athletes can't read... Demi Moore was a thickums. I thought that was the daughter Rumor for a minute. Christina need not have no more babies, EVER. and lastly, I am glad the WP let BritBrit get her shine back. She was toned, obviously sober and back to her pre-kfed days... I guess MKnowles has no pull with MTV? I was expecting Solo to bust out of a mushroom or somehting. Maybe next year....

S A V V Y F. Baybeh! said...

Nica doesn't care about Kanye West people!
He performed "Love Lockdown" which is off the upcoming project he's currently working on where he's shouting up to the Heavens: "Mama! I wanna SAAAIINNNG!"
Everybody's stealing T-Pain's EVERYTHING...except that Charcoal Glow. You see muhfuckas leavin' that ALONE, dontcha?! You see how Michael Jackson "Michael Jackson'd" his away! And now he's KKK-type white!

Yeah, I know they gave B.Schpeerz the awards as an incentive to stop coke-sniffing, coochie-showing, kids-dropping, and head-shaving. I REALLY think it's gonna work, too. I got my fingers crossed for Brit-Brit! No matter WHAT: She's ALWAYS got a bowl of Cheetos waiting for her at ChateauSavvy!

S A V V Y F. Baybeh! said...

I guess MKnowles has no pull with MTV? I was expecting Solo to bust out of a mushroom or somehting. Maybe next year....

FRE-ka-leek!
LMMFFAO @the thought of Sol'dOnlyOneAlbum popping her Nouveau-Diff azz out of a mushroom. She'd probably have all kinds of James and The Giant Peach-type special fx.
She's been on my "YOU AIN'T GON'NEVVUH BE NUHFIN'!!!" list ever since she popped off at that reporter for TELLING THE TROOF.

nica said...

oh yea i forgot savvy can u c if disturbia is down the street at the barrel or at jack n the crack cus i'm tryna get that corsett and them boots she was rockin cus that was HOTT! i can see me now in them boots n that corsett n a g-string, yea tip will gimme wutever i like yeeeeeeeeeeeah.

and like i said u hi as a satellite and caught up in the flashing lights if u thought kanye was hot. i think u just sayin that cus u don't want him to leave a cry baby ass comment on ur ish.

(vixenchick) said...

i loved leona lewis! she killed it!

NaturallyAlise said...

Rihanna looked like Gollum with an excellent stylist... "My precioussssss"