It's Friday and I'm on cloud 9 because the weekend is HERE! YIPPAY!
It's also the last day of February and Black History Month. Since we celebrated the month with lesser known Black History facts, I wanted to counter those proud moments of excellence with some NOT SO PROUD moments of ig'nance. We come from better so...WE GOTZ TO DO BETTER!
So...sit back, relax and enjoy! (And DON'T be tryna send Pookie and Nay-Nay over my house if you happen to recognize yourself, your friends or your relatives in these moments. Cuz...OHHHH!!! It ain't my fault! Don't jump the messenger!)
First person to quit a job after refusing to cut:
1970: Durwin "Black" Edwards quit his job as the janitor at Neighborhood Preschool in Detroit, Michigan after being asked to cut his afro.
"These muthafuckas don't pay me enough to cut my shit," Black shared. "I been growing my shit too long to get rid of it over this sorry ass job. These muthafuckas can kiss my ass!"
1983: Gerrita "G.G." Blevins left her positon as a secretary at a construction company after the foreman asked her to wear steel toe boots on the jobsite and she refused since the shoes would "fuck up her nails."
"I pay too much for my shit to be stuffing it into some damn steel toe boots. They can miss me with that bullshit!"
1991: Keith "Keefy" Simmons left his flourishing career at KFC after the manager asked him to cut his braids after customers complained about the unkempt appearance of his cornrows. When asked to comment on why he'd leave a job he held for close to 1o years, Keefy answered simply: "Fuck it. I don't need this job anyway. My babymama just got approved for Section 8 so I don't need this shit anyway!"
First ninja to claim a child on his taxes that he denies and has never seen:
1976: Ronald "Rollo" Jackson for claiming his daughter, Ronalda Latrice Jackson, after he vehemently denied the child, even denied ever knowing the mother. When asked why he'd claim a child he claimed wasn't his, Rollo answered: "Mind ya own gatdamn business, bitch!"
First ninja to pimp his ride while still living in his mama's house:
1978: William "Slick Willy" Owens purchased a Ford Pinto and immediately added several after-market features including a custom body kit, paint, and chrome wheels. Slick Willy wasn't available for comment. But his mother, who answered the door, offered this: "This nigga ain't worked a day in his life and ain't paid me a cent of rent or did an ounce of dishes. Yet this bastard got money enough to buy a car? I oughta put his ass outta my damn house like I did his sorry ass daddy 'long time ago."
First ninja to ruin a pillowcase with a jheri curl:
1982: Durrell "Greasy" Mims ran out and ot his jheri curl after years of being called "Nappyheaded." The next morning, after he'd left for school, his mother was horrified to find his pillow case soaked with a mysterious oil. "I didn't know what the hell was going on," Mrs. Mims said. "At first I didn't know what it was. I checked the ceiling for leaks and there was none. Then I see that lil' nigga comin' in here with that shit drippin' off his head and I got pissed! All I know is somebody is payin' for my shit! What this boy think? Pillowcases grow on trees?!"
First recorded use of the term "Baby Mama."
1987: Jerrod "J-Rod" Peters was shocked to find his vehicle keyed in the parking lot of the local BBQ joint. J-Rod had been enjoying the company of a lovely young lady when he made the discovery. When his companion asked who could have done such a thing, J-Rod responded: "Couldn't'na been NOBODY but my fuckin' Baby Mama! GOT DAMN IT!"
First recorded use of the term "Baby Daddy."
1990: Belinda "Peaches" Coleman was mortified when her co-worker informed her that there was a drunken man in the parking lot screaming her name and asking to see his kids. "'Who is that?'" My co-worker asked me. I walked over to the blinds and saw his rag'ly ass standin' there lookin' embarrassin' and shit. I told her nosey ass, 'That's just my baby daddy. Don't pay his triflin' ass no mind.' I shut the blinds and kept workin.' I ain't losin' my job over his ass!"
First person to be "Hated On" despite really needing to take a long hard look AND personal inventory of their life and actions:
1994: Damitria "Big D-rawls" Mitchell describes her haters: "People always tellin' me what the fuck I need to do. Tellin' me I need to lose weight, get a job, buy some clothes that fit, clean my house, take care of my kids. Muthafuckas just hatin' and need to stay out of mine! They just mad they cain't do it like me!"
Friday, February 29, 2008