Tuesday, March 4, 2008


Robbie Carrico, ousted American Idol contestant, is denying rumors that he wore a wig in the competition. He got his people to corroburate the story and say, "Naw, ninjas! That's his ish! He got Indian in his fam-lay."

**gettin' out my magnifying glass, fine toothed comb and laser pointer**

Exhibit A:
The most damaging evidence is the absense of a part. Last time I checked, any time humans had hair going in opposite directions, there's always a small skin-colored chasm called a "part." The only forms of hair that DO NOT have this part are called "Wigs."
Also, peep the straight, stringy, but straw-like texture. Looks like a Zury MicroYaky #22 to me!

Exhibit B:
Same shit as Exhibit A. Part-M.I.A.!!!!!!
Also, peep the hair closest to Robbie's left ear (our right, geniuses!). That patch doesn't appear to be following the same follicle pattern that the "other" hair is. It also appears to be a different color AND texture. Reason being: THAT is HIS homegrown ish!!! That other shit was born in a hot, poorly lit Chinese factory at the hands of a skilled 4-year old craftsman.

So...to sum up my observation as your resident weave-wearing expert AKA track'ologist, It's my duty to tell you: HE'S LACEFRONTIN'!!!!!!!!!!

**sitting down to compose a letter to Robbie**

As a fellow track purchaser, I know it's very difficult to admit to the world that the lady lovely locks you're sportin' are not God-given. There's been MANY a'time where I've been stuntin' and frontin' in the club shakin' my tambourine and my Eve Wet and Wavy thinkin' folks think I got that Filipino in my fam-lay, only for somebody to walk up to me and say, "Girl, who does ya weave?" It's NOT a good feeling! TRUST!!! I know it must be DOUBLY bad for someone like you sportin' an X and Y chromosome. But just know: As good as our procured pelts may look, we ain't fooling no gotdamn body...especially with the poor quality of Dena Cali Stringy Yaki you've chosen. D'OH! Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, and Helen Keller walking hand-in-hand down a dark alley could see that that mess ain't yours. And never forget the Black people watching the show. If the world don't give us nothing else, it gives us a bag of MicroYaky, a large bottle of Naty glue, and the eye to recognize tracks.
So in summation...you AIN'T foolin' NOOOOBODY. You woulda been better off rockin a trucker hat, a beanie, or bandanna or combination of all 3 on your shit rather than tryna stunt and front in ya lacefront.
Here...take this. It's Bret Michaels's number. He'll teach you a thing or two about The Great Cover-Up.

With love and compassion,