Friday, September 12, 2008

Barack The COKE

Jones Cola, the cool ass company behind those fun-flavored holiday packs that I keep promising myself I'm gonna buy next year when my financial sitcheeayshun improves, even though 365 days later I find myself just as brizzoke as I was the previous year which is why I left the aisle with nothing but a $0.99, 3-liter bottle of Zazz! Shasta in the first dayum place, has released a line of Campaign Colas sporting the faces of this year's top candidates...oh, and Ron Paul, too. You can "buy your candidate's way to victory" by purchasing a $14.99 6- or $23.99 12-pack of that candidate's bottle.

**lip smacked-laced eye-roll**

B-Rack, you know I luhh you like crackheads enjoy exchanging BJs and/or cheeseburgers for rocks. However, $15 or $24 is a bit steep for BudgetSavvyFatty.

Now, if Tampico, the poor- and Diabetes-wanting-man's version of Sunny D, released a special edition jug for $1.09, you know I'd make it RIZZAAAAIINNN on a juice aisle by getting, not 1, but 2 commemorative bottles. (Cuz stuntin' IZZZ a habit)

One I'd sit on my fridge to show my future Chil'rinSavvyFatty.
The other would NO DOUBT become a key ingredient in a ghetto draink me and my bitchezzz like to make and give hip hop hoodrat names like, "I Come Through In Sum'in Real FOOLISH and They Like "GIRL ,YOU A FOOOL!" (<--no, fa real!)
Hell, I'd even step out and take it A Milli steps further by honoring the MaryJane Midnight of our fave candidate's pout by "garnishing" my glass's rim with a lil' crumbled 'dro...cuz that's how I roll. ;^)

So, if you make more than a busted Tone-Loc tape per hour and got bread to burn and/or ya vain azz wants to see your ugly mug on a bottle, follow me nah!

Although, it doesn't take a graduate of your local Head Start to guess who's winning this election...**tosses up a diamond**