It's MAY! Already! Seems like just yesterday I was standing around KISS-less **tears** at the stroke of midnight at the homies' New Year's Eve party.
But now that summer's almost upon us and the weather's gettin' hot, girls is dressin' less AND checking out the fellas to tell 'em who's best...I'm gettin' NOYVOUS, y'all.
For those of you with a NORMAL set of sweat glands, I'm sure you're eagerly awaiting the moment you can chunk DEUCES to the cold and all the chub-covering cozyness of winter clothes.
Well, CHEERS TO U! and your ability to go through a day WITHOUT turning your shirt into your own personal tea pot. Lucky effers! **pouts and shoots the jealous face**
To those of you, like me, with ig'nit ackin' pits, the kind that don't give a good gotdizzity that somebody's takin a 60 million pixels pic of yo azz so "PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEEEAAASSSE! DON'T put that ninja PIT STAIN in the flick cuz a bitch might wanna put this pic up on Da 'Spacer, dammit!"...here's a word of advice for ya: STAY IN YO' DEODORANT LANE!!!!
Follow me nah to about 2 months ago when I went to Wal-Mizzity to stock up on supplies for my new lil' cute place. (jeah!) Living alone is the BIZNISS for so many reasons...except for not having someone to share costs with. So in preparation to fly solo I had to make sure I had plenty of the necessities on deck since my bills were soon to skyrocket like a priest's pee-pee at a middle school wrestling match.
So imagine my happay face when I stumbled upon the deodorant aisle and see Suave havin' a 2-for $1.88 sale on their 24 Hour Protection Powder scent. I don't really use Suave, but a deal is a deal! "HAIL YES!" I say to myself cuz anytime a biatch can pinch some pennies, I'm ALLL about it. Let me scream and shout it!
So...Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago when the mild Cali Sunshine unexpectedly morphed into Hades. Thought I was straight with a deodorant defense on deck, right?! RIGHT?!?!?!
MAN! If R. Kelly had a hit with Chocolate Factory, Suave has graciously bestowed upon me a Musty Factory. Instead of calling that shit 'DE-odorant,' and advertising, "24-hour Protection" (<--against FRESHNESS!) the package should read, 'RE-odorant' with the tagline: "Expeditiously making waste of your shower one must gland at a time!" **tears for wa$ted dough and the happy optimism of finding a deal**
So in short: