HOPE Hustle

Damn, Dame Dash: Since you're no longer able to Roc-A-Fella, guess you gotta Barack-A-Fella, no?

My girl, Fre, caught this "Hope Hustler" over the weekend while in DC for the Inauguration festivities.
And even though I'm BEYOND embarrassed, sitting here with my fanguhz crossed hoping these pics don't get in the hands of "company," I can't even be mad at Barack's "Bruh'man" for slainging that Jovan Musk with the Super-Glue'd First Family Photos. Barack speaks of "CHANGE"...and never once did he omit snatching off eau de toilette labels.

So I salute this spirited salesman for his dollar-clocking dauntlessness.

WHAT SAY YOU ABOUT HIS MONEY-MAKING MOXIE?

Do You Wanna Love SOMEBODAY?

Happy MLK Day, folks!
I hope you're also enjoying the holiday off. If not, **laughs uncontrollably as I sip my Two-Buck Chuck from my couch while sporting the finest knockoff Tommy Hilfiger tank dress my mama's 1996-vacationing-in-Acapulco $$$ could buy**SUCKS FOR YOU!
Just kidding, folks. You know I luhh y'all like fat kids love the ice cream truck. And I didn't come here to hate on your work situation; just came to spread some "King Holiday" loving in the form of a 1986 Pop, R&B, and Hip Hop video celebrating the Reverend's legacy. And in honor of the Ultimate Dreamer, we'll play a little game entitled:

How many of the following can YOU spot?

1) Dookie-Thick King Offspring 'Staches?

2) Pre-Kanye West Shag & Shades Combos?

3) Introspective Dr. King posters where his facial expression is UNDOUTEDLY saying, "Laaawwwddd, I Hope These Ninjas Don't Uck This Up After I Worked So Hard AND Had My Life SNATCHED For Their Punk Arses."

4) Pair of grey sweatpants that NEVER had a chance of being loose-fitting

5) Red-Cardigan-Sweater-Wearing New Edition members simultaneously resembling a My Little Pony and hip-popper Lil' Mama

6) Teena Marie mullets

7) Whitney the Snowgirl

8) Menudo members that would grow up to marry wives

9) DeBarge porn 'staches

10) Yellow satin jackets with pockets storing cupcakes, Slim Jims, and sleep apnea machines

?
?
?


Get your answer on in the COMMENTS...
NOW DO IT!!!!

3 Questions: Brought to you by the letter 'I'

...for "Infidelity"
(You'll get it in a minute, home skillet...)

"Happy" Monday, all!
**sips coffee; punches calendar in the dome**

I'm running on 'E' like a muthatoucher, mayne as I just got in from a solo drive from Vegas and I'm BEAT like Suge on LA concrete, man.

This coffee ain't doing a gotdayum thang for me and I'm rocking the same pants I had on yesterday. **pours out a lil' Tide for the work clothes still in the hamper that were scheduled to be washed Sunday, but my fas'tailed azz went to Vegas instead of taking care of home; snatches a branch off a tree to beat my own ass**

Day-Old jeans or not: I made it to the Jay-Oh-Bee and now that I'm here, I just have a few questions for all my loyal Savvy FAT'Liens.

So, if you'd be so kind as to take a moment from your busy schedules of not doing a gotdayum thang while STILL getting paid for it and answer the questions below, I'd greatly appreciate it. Hell, I might even buy you a shortset...

;-)

1) Have you ever seen a 'Uniggcorn?'

2) If you were "blessed" with only 1 hand, how would you:
A) Zip your zipper?
B) Tie your shoes?
C) Wash your hands?



3) Which melanin-wealthy Hip Hop Chorus King did I spot at the club in Vegas OPENLY and UNAPOLOGETICALLY cupcaking and MAD PDA'ing with a breezy OTHER than the woman he gave his last name to??????????????

TO THE COMMENTS, YO!

Like A Chump

Sending text messages, saying things I don't really mean
Like, "Yeah, I like how you spent your cable bill dough on them Red Monkey Jeans"

Kissing on lips I could care less if I touch
While wondering, silently, "Damn, must I introduce this niglet to a brush?"

Dealing with a Ralph Tresvant-type who does WAAAAYYYY too much fussin'
A muthafucka who had the NERVE to ask me: "Why didn't you act like you liked me in front of my cousin?"

Accepting massages when I really came for the drillin'
Accepting WAAAAYYYY less fuckin' and faaaarrr TOO.MUCH.DAYUM.CHILLIN'

I've dealt with it ALL. Did it ALL for the Nookie.
And now I'm in search of a TRILL AZZ Veteran instead of this Booty Call Rookie

Therefore, I resolute to find a new dealer.
One who will MURDER the ooochie like a real cap peeler.

One with a locked & loaded peen deep down in his britches
One, always at-the-ready, EAGER to scratch my midnight itches

One who won't bait me over with promises of fuckin'
Then get my ass to the crib to watch UFC on Spike! and when I ask, "WHAT DA HAIL YOU DOIN' INSTEAD OF RAPIN' ME?" and his ol' sensitive ass asks: "Damn, why you rushin'?"

One who ain't tryna love on me and cuddle up like a bitch
One who looks at me, then the Wu-Tang, then demands: "Come put that pussy on this dick!"

One who's tall, dark, strong, but won't try to push me
Does He even exist?...Or: Should I go strictly for the pussy?

*************

Just like Limp Bizkit's 1999 hit, I've taken an 'L' in the Dick Dealer Department...all in the name of Nookie aka Regular Fucking.
Kissing. Massages. Lap-Laying. TALKING. ICK!
Regretfully, I've engaged in it all in hopes that I was putting "money in the bank" for a back-blowing-out session.
Color me NOT proud.

So, ladies and pimps, atop my list of OH!-9 resolutions is to find a NEW! peen purveyor. One who understands the meaning and significance behind a text message sent after the 10 o'clock hour. One who understands my need to bang like a gang at least thrice weekly.

I mean, really: Is it too much to ask that he gives up the ass like I'm a robber requesting cash?

OR

Should I focus on more lucrative goals, like advancing in my career?

(If you answered Choice B...GETDUHFUCKOUTTAHERE!!!!!!!!!!!)

Is there a heart in the house tonight?

If so, PLEASE tell me I'm NOT the only one who's put up with shenanigans in the name of screwing!!!!

28 With A Bullet

As of TODAY, I have exactly 1 month (**criiiiinge; teeth chattering nervously**) left as a Deuce-8 year old.

As of TODAY, YOU have exactly 1 month to get me gifted. GET ME GIFTED! [/Savvy FIERCE]

And if you don't know what to get for your Savvy, here're a few demands! ideas.

CHOOSE 1.

*************
Cuz I'm tired of looking like a young, pre-jheri curl AND minky yaki lacefront Michael Jackson by the dome.
Mixed Chicks Leave-In Conditioner/Styling Creme, Tre-Deuce Ozs. $50



Cuz I got dick pics that need a'posting. In Pink. Cuz that ninja would have been better off with vajay, anyway.
Bright Pink Set of 2 Picture Frames spotted at MultiChic. $68. (WHAT?! I'm Worth It!)



Cuz Savvy don't play that!Neon Yellow Shield Shades. Ready for purchase, so I can get my Terminator X on, for the low-low of $48 at ShopNastyGal.



Cuz I <3 the 90's. And she's giving us pin-curl swoop.

Harajuku Lovers "Music" fragrance. $25 at Macy's. C'mon. You got that.



Cuz I like to run. **looks at self...the name of my blog...and inside my refrigerator**
Ok, cuz they're cute, you judgemental fuck.
Puma Key High Top Sneaks. $60; brought to you by the fine folks over at UrbanOutfitters.



Cuz I'm tired of my glovebox overflowing with scratched-the-HAIL-up CDs that readily play every corny interlude, yet, not the song that I wasted $14.99 on the dayum CD for in the first effing place.
iPod Touch. I'm easy to please. So surprise me with the GBs. Salivated over via the Apple store.



Cuz I want to be there; wouldn't want to have to ask them hoes, ASK THEM HOES ABOUT IT.
Tickets to the San Diego leg of Lil' Wayne's "I Am Music" Tour.
Somewhere close, where I can easily see the skinty of his jeans, please. Oh, and a backstage pass would also be loverly. (I got a box full of lollilops I'd like "autographed.")