S A V V Y FATTY! Bet I have you NEKKID by the end of this blog: October 2008

Friday, October 17, 2008

And She Don't Stop!

As if yesterday wasn't enough, I got another lil' present courtesy of MamaSavv and her "Fuck Yo Stainky Z-List Azz" **air quotes like a muhfucka** "Awards."

Guess Mama was surprised (like moi!) at the quality of our conversation. ~~It's rare that she doesn't call me 'fat' and I don't call her a 'triflin', good-for-NUHCHIN!-worthless-waste-of-a-mother biatch'~~ So she didn't want the pawrday to end.

So, peep what this crazy azz Huge Heffa left in my email inbox:

Toastee - From "Flavor of Love" and/or "I love Money" smells like old, cold toast with butter & syrup left out on the counter overnight.
SavvySez: YUCK! I can just taste the food stamps that purchased this meal and the trailer that housed it.

Hottie - From "Flavor of Love" smells like old, matted, fake wig hair and Bergamont hair grease that has been left on the wig after too many wearings then discarded in the wig cabinet, drawer or bag for too long. SavvySez: 'Wig Cabinet?' **hitting up Baby D to see if that's anything like the Wig Crypt...and if so, how can we get FEMA in BOTH places to rescue those poor, poor welfare wig-workin' bastids**

Rodeo - From "Rock of Love" and "I Love Money" smells like bacon grease and dirty underwear rubbed in beer and cigarette juice.SavvySez: FUCK. (Nothing more. Nothing less.)

12 Pack - From "I Love New York" and "I Love Money" smells like brand new piggy bank paint or plastic fresh out of the factory and on the toy store shelves. SavvySez: And sweat from some balls across his upper lip. And maybe his mom's scented apricot toilet paper. And an ass-whoopin' that I owe him for looking like such a douche.

WOWSERS!!!

I think I just found mah'self a Guest Blogger, folks!
Whatchu think:
Should MamaSavv be on Team SavvyFatty?!?!!!!!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

She's a BAAAAD MamaSavvy!

Songstress "Kaysha" Cole ain't the only one with a crazy arse womb donor.

Minus the drug problem and add in a mouth full of healthy teef and MamaSavv could run neck and neck with ~~Crackie~~ Frankie F. Baby.

Ahhh, MamaSavv. **sighs**

Growing up with this looney lady was like growing up with Lady of Rage's character, Baby D, from Next Friday.

This woman ain't NEEEEEVVER been one to walk away from a snack...OR a fight.

At 7, I witnessed her bulldoze my brother's dad over some bullshit. Like, literally, she pushed him down, PHONE'KAY **pinches nose** in his KFC uniform, and walked over his ass.

(Yeah. Like THAT.)

At 13 she proceeded to break my stepdad's nose and punk a WHOL

E complex of witnessing neighbors by asking, bloody fist in the air, "Who want next?"

This is the same woman who drove me around our 'hood looking for a couple of my bullying classmates because "You ain't gon' let them ugly black roaches talk to you like that!"

I, being 13 1/2 and more concerned with maintaining my straight-A average than most likely getting my ass beat by these Supreme Scrappin' Sisters, didn't want to squab it out with said "roaches." But MaDukes had nooooo problem offering a 14 year old an ass whoopin'...all while I tried desperately to disappear into the glove compartment of our Hyundai Excel out of SHEER MUTHAFUCKIN' EMBARASSMENT!

Those were the days! [/sarcasm]

*******

So, the other night MamaSavv called and caught me on a gooood Cheech & Chong/Red & Meth one! I was on Cloud 420 and forgot to send her arse to holla at my voicemail.

But good thing I didn't because we actually had an ENJOYABLE exchange. **checks temperature in Hades**

Our conversation drifted from politics and current events to discussing the appearance and hygeine habits of some of Reality TV's "finest."

Mama ROASTED the HAIL! outta the following Triple Z-Listers:

D. Woods of Danity Kane

"I HATE her hair cuz it looks like it was cut with a blunt object. "
**Enter descriptive, RATCHET AZZ noisemaking**We both surmised that it was cut with a hatchet or a fire axe...and that she looks every bit of 33 with that nappy cake atop her head.

Dawn of Danity Kane

"She looks like a cat's head piggybank."

(I literally cranked that casket and died laughing, but mostly because I was like, "WUHT THEE BLUHDCLOT?!" I'm sure she meant a cookie jar...but, whatevz.)

Aubrey of Danity Kane

MamaSavv said she smelled like "Wet Wig."
"Naw, I think more like cigarette ashes and ham sandwich meat." (<--That was me)

Shannon of Danity Kane

"Who is she? The damn cleaning lady walking through every Danity Kane performance and nobody says nuthin' cuz she's just doing her job." (OUCH!)

Donnie Klang

"He looks like a tanned layer of sod. His hair, I mean."

(WHAT?!)

Pumkin of Flavor of Love (and its affiliate fuck-shit shows)
"I KNOW she smells like stinky navel or the smell of a lot of boogers in your nose."

Robin of Real World San Diego

"She's on something, I know it. She smells like bar bathroom floor, tile piss, and spilled beer."

Tonya of Real World Chicago (and a host of MTV "Challenge" shows)

LMMFFBAO cuz we tore her arse a new arsehole!

We discussed how Tonya had gained a noticeable amount of weight and had traded in her previous "hotness" for more of a trailer trash, Tonya Harding-type'a schwag on MTV's new Real World/Road Rules challenge show, The Island.

MamaSavv said Tonya now looks like "she works at a store called 'Stop And Save.'" But instead of being spelled correctly, it's spelled 'Stop-N-Sav.'

(I added that the sign was probably an orange stop sign with white lettering and a white palm demanding you to STOP!...and save.)

Mama said Tonya's uniform was an orange smock, with her name written in a Sharpie across her left breast. The store smelled of dusty, fake flowers and was full of "bargain bins" where you could still find flashcubes, an abundance of flower-print mumus, and 3/$1 Motorola StarTac cell phone cases.

So, my loyal SavvyFAT'liens: Now that you know who was responsible for raising me...

NEVER WONDER WHERE I GET MY "CRAZY!!!!!!!"

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Mama M.I.A.!

World music superstar and Hip Hop Indian Rainbrow Brite, M.I.A. confirmed that she's preggo by her boyfriend, Ben Brewer of band, The Exit, (also formerly known as Ben Brewer, the boyfriend of my musical pixie homechick, Ellenike Abreu. But that's neither here nor there...) after admitting, "I'm creating a baby."

Don't know why, but I picture Ms. Arulpragasam having something fashionably funky up her sleeves for her little one, which for some reason I picture being a girl named something maaaddd azz crazy, but fun and chic like: Butterfly Beatbox Brewer.

So, peep what Ms. ButterBeat will be peeped on the streets rockin', rather it be day time at mama's festival performance. Or night time, front row-stroller, watching Daddy jam with his band brethren.

I can SO see Triple B on the streets of L.A. in a Run-DMC onesie, baby bubble skirt, Gucci booties, and red bow headband, suckin' on a black and blinged-out Binky while her M.O.M.M.Y. carries her bottles and diapers in a colorful, animal-print diaper bag.

For nite it's time to go Goo-Goo Glam in a dainty pink dress, polkda-dot Uggs and more baby girl bling. Add an Indian baby bag to the mix and you got one hot Butterfly!

What do you see M.I.A. dressing her baby in?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Keep Savvy Outta Jail (Reason #1 to VOTE!)

So, this past Friday night/early Saturday morning, some muthafucka, silly sucka azz clucka, jackazz, living abortion decided to fuck with my daughter, Honey D. Honda.
Somebody busted the driver side rearview mirror off the side of my shit for no reason...other than THIS:

Needless to say: I was pissed and MORE THAN ready to send some folks to see Akon and Young Jeezus at the Crossroads.

It's a CRYING DAYUM SHAME that I can't feel comfortable to express my support for the candidate of MY FUCKIN' CHOICE without some shitty asshole coming through and fucking with my baby.
At first, I didn't want to think it was because of my poster. But after someone let the air out of my tire just a couple days after I displayed the poster, I knew it could be none other than me ride and drivin' with my boys B. Rack and Joey B. No one has ever fucked with my car, but now that I'm gettin' all political on punk azzes, somebody makes my shit a victim.

I prayed to the LAWD that I NEVER find out who fucked with my shit. Cuz I AIN'T NEVA skurd of the pen. ('Specially if I could get Oprah, Miley, and Kim KardASShian in my cell. You wouldn't have to call my Savv no more. Instead, I'd be the Pussy Monster. And they'd betta feed me PUSSAY!)

Shouts to my TWITches: ODARA112, SelfEsteemQueen, and latinasiangyrl for offering up some kind azz words right after the shit happened. Much luhvin', ladies! You just may have kept ya from baggin' a 5150 charge! TRILL TALK!
So...instead of ridin' with Obama/Biden on the dash like I was for the past couple weeks, I'll rock my Obama pin with a VENGEANCE! Might even put it on my nipple cuz that's where I see a few of them nasty azz niccas (and biatches, too!!! YUP!) focusing their peepers.
So, I won't even worry about it cuz ain't NOBODY Looney Toons enough to fuck with the kid. I'm a Big Body Benz and most of these cowards are Hyundai Accents; NOT ON MY LEVEL, HOE!

SOOOOOOO...If you ain't registered yet...WHAT THE HAIL ARE YOU WAITIN' FOR?!

*********

Now let me get back to huh/She call me Dracula/Cuz I VACUUM huh!

Reason #A BILLI Why We Need to VOTE!

I know I'm later than Bristol Palin's period FRESH off of birthing baby Trig. (<--Yeah, I said it!)
But, this weekend I took time to re-watch Sarah Palin's interview with CBS's Katie Couric .
As I was the first time I peeped the interview, I'm actively remaining emm'effin' SPEECHLESS as to why anyone with half of a left side of their brain would want to vote for this fuckin' mutha!

Especially, at the 3:38 mark, when Couric asks Palin if she'd "support a moratorium on foreclosures in order to help average Americans keep their homes." Peep Dumbo's answer and tell me she's voteworthy.

However, the proverbial "cake" was taken at the 4-minute mark when Palin responds to Couric's question about the pros and cons of supporting this moratorium.
Palin replies: "Some decisions that have been made poorly should not be rewarded, of course,"
"By consumers?" Couric interjects.
Palin concurs and throws in a "and predator lenders" for good measure.
Boo.
Operation: CleanUpTheBullShitYouJustSpewedCuzThat'sTRILLYWhatYourBeliefsAre FAILED!

Cuz...WHY ARE THESE BANKS BEING BAILED OUT, then?!?!?! Some of these institutions were the "PREDATOR LENDERS" you're speaking of, hoe! If they're being bailed out for BAD BUSINESS and poor decision-making, why can't average Americans be bailed out for the same reason?

Palin goes on and tries to sweep up her verbal mess. However, again, Operation: CUTBYJSCTTWYBA FAILED. You said what you meant and you meant what you said, trick.

So...I said all that to say this:
GET OUT AND VOTE PEOPLE!!!!
We cannot let a "regime" like this rule our land. Where it's ok to fuck up if you're a multi-million dollar company who should KNOW better. But it's not okay to be an average American wanting a piece of the pie that society sells us dreams of so bad that you neglect to read the fine print and end up screwed in the end.

If you STILL ain't registered, COME ON, NOW!!!!!
GET LIKE ME!!! Register to

Friday, October 10, 2008

Look Out, Weekend!!

We made it to Friday, my loyal SavvyFat'liens! JEEEEEAAAHHHHH!
Err'body stand up on ya desks and shake ya dicks or ya tittays in the name of the weekend!
**tries to get monitor x-ray vision**
However...
I'm ready to GO RIGHT NOOOOWWW!!!!

Shouts to John Legend and my wannabe husband, Andre 3000, for singing my Friday life with their words.
Favorite bar: "Let's blow this lame nigga factory."

WHATEVVUH you say, 'Dre 3K!

So...What does everyone have planned this glorious weekend?

Here's what the kid is (hopefully) getting into this lovely weekizzledizzle:

Maybe a lil' bit of THIS!

All I gotta say is: Please pay special attention to the 5:24 minute mark.

*****
Hollywood NOW Love Your Body Day

Sunday Oct. 12th 12-4, all ages, free admission

Check the website for more info:
HTTP://WWW. LOVEYOURBODYDAY. COM

**I'll be in the BUILDING. If you're in SoCali and want some free ish, YOU SHOULD BE, TOO!

Very Scary, Mary!

The CGI, or whatever that shit's called, is BEEEE-NANAS! in this commercial.
Peep how the current Mary, "My Life" Mary, "Real Love" and "The Breakthrough" Marys hung like clothes on a hanger in this commercial for Chevy's new mini-SUV, Traverse.

However, things get quite spooky when the "My Life" Mary appears to have either a bad azz Henessey Buzz...or she done took a dayum dirt nap.
Weekend At Mary's, anyone?

Whatchu think?!

8-Head, ANTM Rejects & Poak Chop Grease Lips

Ne-Yo's head looks like a boxing glove.

Now that THAT'S established...
I watched Tyra chop it up with Ne-Yo in promotion of his new hit album, Year of the Gentleman.

Photo Source
Despite what everybody says about Ne-Yo, I like the kid. He seems like a likeable dude. Somebody you wouldn't give ya goodies to, but you would spend COUNTLESS nights on the phone with until the wee hours of the mo'nin.

However...

In the interview there were more than enough acts I like to call, "Forced, Unnecessary, UNCONVINCING Displays of Heterosexuality a Concerted Effort To Dispell Long-Standing Rumors About OBVIOUS Participation in His Local GHEY Parade:"

Trying to be EXTRA hetero by "GOODNESS GRACIOUS"'ing when encountering the ladies of ANTM backstage. Was it because he liked their lipgloss?

"Uhh...I don't know. Take you to dinner on me." Answer to Tyra's question about what he planned to do with the money from the judgment.

He also spilled the GIZZUTS about his short-lived stint on the R. Kelly Tour. Ne-Yo admitted he believed he was kicked off the tour for outshining his Royal Pissyness.
He spoke about how security wouldn't let him through to thank Kels for giving him a chance to perform on the tour.
Ne-Yo also talked about his experience with "Code Blue" which was code for "His Supreme Urinator is coming down the hall and you better cut into the nearest open door so as not to disturb his "flow."
"We fought so I could get a damn dressing room! He told our people to get dressed on the bus." When telling the tale about Kels had 7 dressing rooms backstage at the Columbus, GA. But Ne-Yo and camp couldn't get ONE. (**Double-Dutch Lips sued R. Kelly's camp and won about $700G's for the ordeal.)

'Yo also performed his smash, "Closer" and ROCKED that fonky joint!
(Don't know who them dayum Phantom of the Ghey Club azz ninjas dancin' behind him, but they also gave it up ~~what what in the butt.)~~

Sidenote: Don't this pic make Ne-Yo seem almost...dare I say it!...FUCKABLE?

*****

Speaking of the ANTM girls, 5 loohoozers from seasons' past are given a chance to flip their fates and become the "spokesbeauty" for Black-owned beauty biz, Carol's Daughter on Tyra's new show-within-a-show, Modelville.
The models compete for a year-long contract with the beauty brand valued at 50,000 boodle$ .

Each contestant will be in charge of creating, producing, and starring in a 30-second ad promoting items such as Carol's Daughter Hair Milk or the product line's Love Butter.
The ladies, who've all converged upon an apartment in the NYC, are:

Cycle 9's Bianca Golden

Cycle 10's Dominique Reighard

Cycle 10's Fatima Siad

Cycle 10's Lauren Utter

Cycle 8's Renee Alway

*******

I vote for Bianca to win it all the way. Especially after some dumbazz member of the "Cankles McCanklesons" (aka The Nikki Blonsky family) fucked her mom up over some dumb shit.

Who do you THINK will win?

Who do you WANT to win?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Don't Call Me 'Savvy' No More

I'm in a MAAADDD musical mood this week. Call me Savv Diddy. Savvy Jones. Savvaland. Savv Storch.
I'm hittin' you over the head with another SavvyFatty FreakMixxx...and you dayum well better enjoy it, dammit!!!

This is a cool azz song. Reminds me of my boy who has NOOOOOO problem "belting" it out in its entirety every chance we get to chop it up on the phone. I ain't saying no names (or blogs!) but he knows who he is. ;^p (Dienda!)
**Sidenote: Peep Fab in the still. Now, pay close attention to the teethular aftermath that a steady diet of boulders and brick walls leaves its victims with. TRAGEDY. Before I ever copped an iced out ANYthing, I'd be seeing mahself an orthodontist. But that's just Savvy. I'm just ordinary people. I DO know which way to go.

So...sit back, relax and enjoy the musical stylings of Savvy Perry remixing Ryan's saingin'. Cuz I subscribed to a blog...AND I LIKED IT!

"Subscription"

by S A V V Y Fatty!

1st Verse

You've posted for awhile

I love your post style and

Ya blog's layouuuuttt

You don't need no one else

You post by yourself, yea

Make us bloggers proud

(I love your subject matter)

B-SECTION
It started off with ya blog (uh huh)

And now I cain't log off (uh huh)

Updates in my inbox (uh huh)

And now I'm here copin' with

My subscription (scription)

Started with a comment (uh huh)

You posted 'bout Will Smith (uh huh)

And now I keep receivin' shit

From my subscription

While all the girls say

HOOK
I've subscripted to you and

I'm addicted to you

Got other shit I should do

Than read your subscription

I've subscripted to you

Now I'm addicted to you

Need a prescription for you

You're my addiction

BRIDGE
When I'm looking through my Blogroll

Your blog is all I seeeeeee

You have turned me to a stalker

Needing your RSS feed

2nd Verse
I was hopin' you posted

So I could come through

And read your whole site

Envision and you will see that

Your blog's where I be at

I'm always around

B-SECTION

It started off with ya blog (uh huh)

And now I cain't log off (uh huh)

Updates in my inbox (uh huh)

And now I'm here copin' with

My subscription (scription)

It started with a comment (uh huh)

You posted 'bout Q-TIP (uh huh)

And now I keep receivin' shit

From my subscription

While all the girls say

HOOK

I've subscripted to you and

I'm addicted to you

Got other shit I should do

Than read your subscription

I've subscripted to you

Now I'm addicted to you

Need a prescription for you

You're my addiction

BRIDGE

When I'm looking through my Blogroll

Your blog is all I seeeeeee

You have turned me to a stalker

Needing your RSS feed

HOOK

I've subscripted to you and

I'm addicted to you

Got other shit I should do

Than read your subscription

I've subscripted to you

Now I'm addicted to you

Need a prescription for you

You're my addiction

B-SECTION

It started off with ya blog (uh huh)

And now I cain't log off (uh huh)

Updates in my inbox (uh huh)

And now I'm here copin' with

My subscription (scription)

It started with a comment (uh huh)

You posted 'bout Cheese Grits (uh huh)

And now I keep receivin' shit

From my subscription

While all the girls say

HOOK

I've subscripted to you and

I'm addicted to you

Got other shit I should do

Than read your subscription

**in my Kool Moe Dee stance**
HOW YA LIKE ME NOW?!?!?!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

BONE Appetit

I LOVE this song!
Even if these ninjas are saingin' like somebody's cheese-grating their dicks to the sounds of smooth jazz while sipping Capri-Suns under the still moonlight, this shit KNOCKS!!!!

Matter o'fact, I love it so much, I had to throw some SavvyFatty STAINK! on it and do a SavvyFatty FreakMixxx. After all: It IS Hump Day, folks!!!

So...follow me nah as I throw my stizzle on Jamie Foxx's vizzle, nizzle!

"He Got A Bone"

I love him cuz he got a bone

Don’t need Cialis, his shit is homegrown

Don’t nuthin’ get me more moist

Than a ninja with a boner by choice

Standing at attention, yeah his shit hard

And I can tell he’s bout to get me off

He won’t slow down, fuck a bump and grind

Gon’ dig it straight into my spine

Thrustin’ so hard I’m about to cry

Damn he aggressive, fuck being shy

I ain’t never seen his softer side

Ninjas blessed, good dick size

Knowing I’ll be screaming for help

I keeps an inhaler on my shelf

Only kinda bone I want

Pussy-pumpin’ king workin’ that good bone

I love him cuz he got a bone

HE GOT A BONE!

He tryna put it down my throat

It down my throat

I love it when he say

Just pop lock and drop it drop it drop it

I love it when he say

It’s cool just swallow just swallow

Peace, BITCH!

Danity Kane resident hoochay mama, Aubrey O'day, was chunked the deuces by Diddy on last night's ep of Making the Band 4.center>

After going at Puff about not "communicating" with the group about the solo plans of other DK members, Aubrey was shown the proverbial "door" and still sat there with the, "So...and?" look on her face like she was Chris Breezy and she ran it, RAN IT!

At that exact moment is when my blood pressure rose from warm milk to Top Ramen water. Her azz better be GLAD she wasn't a member of Savvity Kane...cuz I woulda had a fist full of blonde Great Lengths and been employing my fists of fury like noooooobody's beeswax.

You're FIRED! BITCH, STEP! You're Unemployed! DONEski! Bounce, biatch!

It took all my GATDAYUM strength not to pry my TV open to dap that ninja Puff up. That biatch beeeeennnnnn needing the boot. She's an attention-loving HO bizzag who thinks her shit don't staink just cuz Puff bigged her talent up during the group's formation.

Diddy dayum sure showed her azz who was BAWSS and I loved it!!!!

What did YOU think about Diddy giving "Auberella" the bizzoot?

Friday, October 3, 2008

All FRESHED Up

...with nowhere to go. **pokes at wrists with a butterknife**

If somebody comes over to my cube ONE MORE MUTHALUHVIN' TIME and asks me where I'm going, "with [my] hair all done up, makeup and clothes all nice!" when I'm sure they heard me tell the other fawillion muhfuckas that asked me the same shit SECONDS before they did that I ain't going NOWHERE!!!!!
I'm just on my Fat Fly Fab shit...is that ok?! If somebody steps to me ONE MO' 'GIN! I'mma commence to smashing some craniums together and Boom! Shake! SHAKE! SHAKE THE ROOM!!
Aaarrrgghhhh!!!!

Can't a beezy rock a lace shirt, orange plaid boho scarf, animal-print earrings, lazy-fit jeans, copper snakeskin heels, and a cream-colored bag WITHOUT having a single EMM'EFFIN' plan for the night?

Surely, I must be the ONLY single, fat, fresh 28-year old DEVOID of plans for the night, right? I know there's not anyone else unfortunate enough to be living their life like it's an sandwich baggie like I am, no?

So, please share with a muhfucka so lonely I wish a roach would be crawling across my living room floor when I get home:
Where will YOU be flashing your Friday Night Lights?

When It's Reppin' Time

There is exactly 1 month and 1 DAY until the Presidential Election. Are YOU registered? If you ain't ON, GET DOWN!

Last night, at the Debate party, I got my first bits of Obama paraphernalia, costing me a grand total of $FREE.99!!!

I copped an Obama sticker, an Obama 'Peace' button, and an Obama/Biden campaign poster that I QUICKLY placed on the dash of my baby girl, Honey D. Honda, so muhfuckas KNOW who I'm ridin' for!

Got any Obama/Biden ish you wanna rep?
Email your pics to savvyfatty@gmail.com and I'll post you PROUDLY puttin' ON for Obama! "OWN OWN" for Obama!

Maverick Madness!

This by far was my most "FAVORITE'TESS" moment from last night's Vice Presidential Debate between our man, Joe Biden and their biatch, Sarah "187 On A Muthafuckin' Moose" Palin.
'Twas NOTHING but crazy cheers and uproarious applause at the bar where I caught the debates (and a semi-hangover. D'OH!) when J. Biddy got in that Alaskan ARSE about that overused, overworked, TIRED azz "Maverick" shit. The only thing Centrum Silver's been "Maverick" about is hyping the word "Maverick" to the point where I'm a "Maverick" about ridding the GOP's throats of the ability to speak "Maverick" again. That's it.

Shouts to the crowd at Gaslamp hot spot, Stingaree, for keeping hope alive with its uber-diverse crowd last night.
'Twas nothing short of GLORIOUS to see representations of all cultures and folks from every walk of life coming together to support the Obama/Biden ticket.
At our couch alone was a 40-something year old White woman, a Black woman in her 50s and a Mexican woman in her early 30's, plus me and my crew of crazy biatches.
A Change HAS come!
And this historic Presidential race is ushering in the unity that America has been in DESPERATE need of since FOREVER.
And for that, like Michelle Obama said earlier: I am proud of my country! BIG UPs to all my USA'ers!! [/Shawty Lo]

What did YOU think about the debate?
How muthafuckin' AWESOME was Joe Biden in holding it down for the Obama campaign?
With the slew of note cards and question-dodging, how well/bad do you think Sarah Palin did?
Do you think Biden answered Palin back well when she was spittin' that straight BULLSHIT?!
Did you notice how she straight GANKED Obama's "Change" mantra and used it like she thought of it?
What was your overall favorite moment?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Pussay POWER!

Happy Hump Day, folks!
We're half-way through the work week and guess what...?!?!?!?!!!
I HUMPED!!!!!!
**feels mascara melting down my cheeks, drowns in balloons, tinsel and confetti**
Yay me!!!
But more importantly: YAY, PUSSY!!!!!!! **slaps her 2**

*****

Each and every time I invite someone to my "Lap Luau" I hear the same "Coochie Compliments" over and over again...and a girl can't help but blush. I mean, it's not like there's a 24 Hour "Fitness" for the "peesh." But for some reason (Praises BE!) my ish is in TIP TOP SHAPE!

So, I asked my TWITches from Twitter what Coochie Compliments they get on the reg'la. Here's what a few of them offered up about what THEIR "Pushermen" had to say about their "girlfriends:"

Pretty, tight, & just riiiiiiiiight!! ~cristalbubblin

My bf is constantly saying: "How did you make it squeeze my dick like that?..." ~datGooD_ish

How about, "It's FAT!" LOL! Guys love that and IDK why! ~JazzeeJEF

I'm constantly complimented on tightness and muscle control. I'm asked if it has Tylenol PM in it cuz we make um drowsy! Lol ~MayMay81

I think the nicest compliment I've had was: "You make me feel like a virgin all over again!" After they come outta the coma that my cooch leaves them in, I don't understand stutterin' too much! I need to learn different languages! ~Jhazzai

Best compliment I get is when my dude in NY buys same day tickets 2 get it =) ~CathrynMarie

"I'd get a job for you" LMAO!!!! ~THEflyGIRL

Well, what do they say about YOU, La S A V V'iente?center>

Yup. Like THAT. ;^p

So, besides the text on the pic **takes a bow**, these are the Top 3 Coochie Kudos I've heard time and time again from a diverse group of dick dealers:

"Daaayyyuuum, this shit is JUICY!"

"Oooh! This shit is TIGHT!"

"Damn, that pussy feels so goooooodddd! What you got up in there?"

~~"Oooohhh!!! SUCK THE SKIN OFF THAT DICK, BITCH!~~

Ladies: What Coochie Compliments does your "girlfriend" receive from your dick dealers?

While I Was Out

Happy Hump Day, ninjas and beaches!!!!!
I know, I know. It's been a looonnnngg time. I shouldn'tna left you/Without a fat blog to get fresh to.

So...follow me through the Tunnel of Some of My Favorite Shit that transpired while yours truly was on a self-pity tour with a case of the "I-Really-Miss-That-Tiny-Dicked-Bastard, Fuck-That Insecure-Azz-Big-Tall-Giant-With-A-Small-Penis-Geeky-Bitch-Nigga, and Yeah-I'd-Take-It-From-The-Late-Night-Secret-Straight-To-Here's-My-Heart-Gon'-'Head-And-Keep-Its" regarding the ninjas in my life.
(Sometimes I turn into a Double-X Chromosome...and I don't like it. So excuse the past week's Bitchassness.)
I luhh you, too.

*******

Star Jones decided the time had expired on her signature, 'tato-skin-going-down-the-garbage-

disposal look on the red carpet at the Opening Night Reception of the 2008 Clinton Global Initiative.

T.I. was in New York rocking hot spot, Marquee, while simultaneously turning my pannays into

a quart of milk with that, "I'll-FUCK-yo-cookaze!" look in his eyes.
**massages panties**

Ne-Yo's nose reeeeaaallllyyyy liked the smell of his trouth-mouf azz lips while stuntin' on the red carpet at Jermaine Smurfpri's 36th bday bash held at Tenjune in the NYC.

Running folks over musta been a good look cuz "Gary Coleman" sho' dun' grew!!

Kim Kardashian still has a First Class seat on the SavvyFatty Tongue Express.

And...NO! NOT for barely shaking all that ravishing rump on "Dancing With The Stars."
It's cuz of how I enjoy this illicit display of Obese Munk as she exits the "Dancing" rehearsal studios.

Captain Obvious did a drive-by pixie-dusting on American Idol's Strawberry Shortcake, Clay Aiken.

What have YOOOUUUU, my loyal SavvyFat'lien, been up to in the past week?

Work-Friendly "PONE"

Y'all want this Hump Day started RIIIIGGHHHTTTTT?!?!?!!

**Homegirl on the harmonica and baby on the turntables get MYYYYY vote!

HAUTE as HELL!

Maaaannnn!!
**wipes neck roll sweat**

Ask any ninja in Sunny Southern Cali, San Diego County (WHOOP! WHOOP!) to be exact, if they peeped the Devil swimming at Mission Beach in some cutoff Dickies and a 'Thug Life' tattoo today.
10 times outta 10 you're gonna see a ninja in a tight neck Pro-Club, throwing up this set talkin' 'bout: "HELL YEAH WE BEED DAT NIGGA, BLUUUHHHDDD!"

So, in honor of the sun and Santa Ana winds actin' mad IG'NIT to the point where my Pro-Styl has dayum near thrown the towel in because it's 97 dayum degrees at 4:45 in the afternoon, I'm showing up to work today looking like a sexy baked "batayduh" in my hot! ninjette neutrals. I'm lookin' like I'm on a sexy, supple safari, no?

What's the weather like in YOUR neck of the woods?
More importantly: WHAT ARE YOOOOUUUU WEARING?

OBC: NINJETTE, PLEASE!

I mean, yeah. It's been no secret that La Savviente has been known to appreciate a sexxxay lady...or 9 **winks at ALL'luh'mm; licks my lips; rocks my hips**, in my day.
**reminisces while getting out calendar of this afternoon**

But this shit right HERE, ninja...**tastes the bile'y yummyness of vomit**

Ladies and gentlemen: I present to thee, our homegeisha, our personal kid karate, SHORTYPERS, from the illustrious OBC:

I have a few questions for our Dental Superstar before she finishes rubbing that hamburger's paper across her grill.

1) You look Asian. Ya teef look European. British, to be exact. In what country did you first rest ya naps?

2) But in what country is it accepted, as well as customary, to walk around with teeth looking like Academy Awards statuettes?

2) Do you think your teeth should be treated as biscuits?

3) If not, why are yours so buttery?

4) If so, don't you know all that cholesterol will kill ya?

WHO WANTS THIS HOT BUTTER ON THEIR POP-D-POP-D-POP-CONE?!?!?!!!!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

And She Don't Stop!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

She's a BAAAAD MamaSavvy!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Mama M.I.A.!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Keep Savvy Outta Jail (Reason #1 to VOTE!)

Reason #A BILLI Why We Need to VOTE!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Look Out, Weekend!!

Very Scary, Mary!

8-Head, ANTM Rejects & Poak Chop Grease Lips

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Don't Call Me 'Savvy' No More

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

BONE Appetit

Peace, BITCH!

Friday, October 3, 2008

All FRESHED Up

When It's Reppin' Time

Maverick Madness!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Pussay POWER!

While I Was Out

Work-Friendly "PONE"

HAUTE as HELL!

OBC: NINJETTE, PLEASE!

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