Since I Been GONE...YEAH! YEAH!

**This post is dedicated to my squad of cute big biatches, especially Miss J-Nic from the Myspace page, wonderin' if a SavvyFatty was breavin' or not. Yo' Luhhhv...It means the world to me! [/Musiq] *****Now..."OWN" with the fuckery!!!!

This past Saturday, American Idol’s pillow-top mattress-shaped stepchild, Ruben Studdard, wifed up fiancée Surata Zuri McCants.

The bride, best known for her .00123 seconds of shame fame in Nelly’s "Tip Drill" video** (3:20 mark; extreme right in white bikini top) couple asked that in lieu of throwing rice, the crowd would "make it rain" with singles instead. In exchange, the bride stripped down to her g-string, garter, and stiletto clear heels to drop and give the guests 50.
**Warning: Video not safe for work OR people with no arms because you’re most DEF going to want to be rubbing some nether regions with a blunt and bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios nearby…or was that just me?!
photo source

*****


Uhhhh…what dee HAIL do you think Britney circa 2019 Heather Locklear was doing when this pic was snapped?!
Please vote below:
C) Just finished saying “Peace Up;” in the midst of shouting, “A-Town Down!!”
OR
B) Chunking the deuces at the Po-Po after they tried to pop her for snatching Denise Richards's wig back.
photo source

*****

**screaming while tearing at afro puff**
JESUS, WHY?!?!?!
**on knees sobbing**

Why?!?!?
First, I was first to live with the news that Mini-Me aka Verne Troyer, has a sex tape with a real-live, regular-sized woman. **spits vomit to the ground**
Now, while reading The Superficial I have to be inundated with midget nipple slippery?!?!? Moonlight Bunny Ranch alum, Bridget the Midget, let her lil' nipple out of her wee whore wear this past Friday in Hollywood.
Why, Lawd?!?!? What have I done?!?!?! **taking negative 36.3 million seconds to ponder**
I know that that was that woman’s husband, Lawd. I did (and do) know that. But…he got an 8!
But this?!!!! My EXTREME baaaadddd!!!!

*****


**handing my tongue the phone while relaying a message**
SUH BAWTH THEE CAW LITH FO’ YOO…
Kim KardASShian celebrated lil' sis Chyna Khloe Kardasshian’s 24th birthday over the weekend by making my clit beat up my KY Warming Liquid- slathered pointer finger.
photo source

*****

Alicia Keys attended the 2008 Michael Strahan/Dreier LLP Charity Golf Tournament pre-party in the NYC this past weekend. The slight showing of a sexy, supple rounded hip is what made me post this pic as it reminds me (and my nipple erection) of when she looks like this...

NFL alum Eddie George was also in the house; lips sponsored by MAC's new lip glass tint, Rainbow Raisin.

*****

Destiny's StepChile' Letoya Luckett was also out this weekend, flossing in her gettin’-extra-hours-due-to her-BOGO-sales-promotion-skills attire, looking like a choco-firework in a bold patterned, off-the-shoulder number.
photo source

*****

High Thought of the Night:
Who do you think is the villainous vixen trying to own and control Ne-Yo in his latest video, “Closer?”

Savvy’s Guess: None other than Miss Black Embarassment Herself,Miss Peachez (Ya Hea' Me?!)…cuz who else gon’ taste test a whole gatdayumed Thanksgiving-sized spread in negative 46 matrillion seconds to let you know if there’s enough fatback in the “grains” but Miss PokeChopWithNoHandsEatin’ Ne-yo-sha?

Is Ya Skin A Sin?

Shouts to my brutha, Jaz, for the info on this one. A few others also emailed me about this so you know I HAAAADDD to post.

Did you know that companies in the US have said they would hire a white man with a felony record and no high school education BEFORE they would hire a black man with NO criminal record and a 4-year degree?

July 23rd at 9pm and July 24th at 9pm CNN will premiere a series, "Black in America with Soledad O'Brien."
For my brothas and sistas, especially those raising young brothas and sistas, I URGE you to watch this special with your children.
The aforementioned statistic and many others will be revealed during the series.
On 7/23 the series will focus on Women and Families. 7/24 is dedicated entirely to the plight of the Black Man in America.

I beg and plead with you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE watch and internalize what you see and hear; no matter HOW disturbing the information revealed...you can (and will) thank me later.
For more information: http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2008/black.in.america

In the meantime, let's take it back to when Hip Hop wasn't telling us to YOOOOUUUUU and super-soak hoes, but was more concerned with each one teachin' one.
80s babies: Remember this one?! Let's see how many rap legends YOU can spot in this clip.

Never Had A Feeling That's So Real

Happy Black Music Month, folks!

Love is in the air like gas prices and air fare. I'm hiiiiiigggghhhhh like a bird in the sky!

Wanna know the reason why?!

All I can say is: Wow! What a weekend!
After 2 years of mad question askin' and blunt passin' over the subject, I finally said these 3 words to the man I've admired and adored for awhile now.

And real talk, I feel free like tittays with no bra. Items with no cost. Employees with no boss.
Fa Real: WHAT was I waiting for?!?!?!!!

So...in celebration of me FINALLY keepin' it realer than Real Deal Holyfield, here's a lil' something from Bad Boy's Day 26 that sings my life with its words.
Sing it, Big Mike!!!! Let 'em know we can put it down for more than a 3 piece and a biskit with a large size Red Beans and Rice, brutha!!!

And the Winner Is...

Mad thanks to all who voted for a Savvy Fatty FreakMixxx. 'Twas fun to see what songs you wanted to see mixxed in a way that ONLY ya girl Savvay Savv can. Ya know I lubz you, riiiigghhhhtt?!?!

However, for you Reading Wasn't Fundamental muhfuckas who voted via Myspace or email...you might as well be in Flaw'duh cuz YA VOTE DON'T COUNT, HOMAY!!!!

So...after 2 PROPERLY cast votes in the comments (What it DEW, Holla and Ms. B!) the winner(S) are:

"I'll Spray Yo Curl"


AND

"My Bra's On For My Tittays"


*****

I'll Spray Yo Curl by Savvy
Just the 1st verse

Savvy up in the club
Just watch her do her thang
She might wanna wrap
She might want some braids
See I was on her
And she was on him
She all on my Lanes
I work my Lanes like a dick
She World of Curls Pop
Don’t know how to ack
Tried to show me her thong but
‘Vator’s drippin’ down her back
Drippin on me
For most of the night
Her man think I’m hornay
But it's just juice in my eyes

CHORUS
Lil Mama’s hair good
Is that a curl?
Lil Mama’s hair flyyyyy
Is that a curl?
Shirt greasy like a skillet
Is that a curl?
She keep her gliss on high
Is that a curl?
Man look at her hair goooo
Is that a curl?
Just watch her soul gloooowwwwww
Is that a curl?
Tell me why that curl looks like it’s from Comp-Compton
She run her fingers through her curls
He try to tell me that’s his girl
But I’m like, “FUCK THAT NINJA!”
Jheri curls drip to the floor
I might break my ankle
I’m like, “Dry that wig up!”
Call me kinky
Drip curl juice on me
Drip it from her head
Now drip it in my bed
I…I I I

*****



My Bra's On For My Tittays by Savvy
Kanye's verse

When Miley Cy get 18 I’ll be Sav Cyrus
Don’t like thinkin’ Steady Sted’s givin’ my bitch sex
I still like tits but dick is what suits me best
I lost the only dick in the world that knew me best
I gotta dozen Krispy Kremes that’s gon’ make me sick
I put the gravy on my wangs, man that makes me shit
Cuz when them Reese’s Pieces is all up eaten
Yo I need just at least a few 20 pieces
Ohhhh…I let my zipper go
Then I hop in the whip to get some tacos
I know ninjas like they bitches mad bite-sized, though
They say “Damn, Savvy Fatty, gain no weight no mo’!”
You done got big fat, homay, put the plates up, homay
If you don’t stop growin, you gon’ live so lonely
I aint lyyying
So lonely
So quit fryyying
I'll have some salad tonight (salad tonight)
No ‘taters just egg whites (just egg whites)
I’m tryna be sexy, right? (sexy right)
So every night (every night)
Put it on

CHORUS
My bra’s on for my tittays
On, on for my tittays



TA-DAAAA!!!!
How ya luuuuhhhhvvvv dat?!

High Like Elevators Ridin' Escalators...

..I'm Loaded UP
Like Cheesed'Up Mashed Potaters
You Greater?!

Yyyyeeeahhhh!!
Happy Friday, my folks!!!

My apologies. It's been a LOOONNNNG time. I shouldn'ta lefff you...without a Savvy rhyme to get fresh to. Fresh to. Fresh Toof. Yeah, FRESH, TOO! (<--respeck.)

Man, I've been at home with the straight Ebola face. Temperature was up. Afro was matted down. Self-esteem was even lower. I was the Frederick Douglass of my sheet set, mang. 'Twas AAALLLL bad.
But shouts to those who hit me up and cared if I was alive or not. AABNEDZ: Love y'all like cooked food. You know you fuckin' with a real dude, right?
But now I'm back on the scene with a FAT GIRL lean. In my Venezia jeans...OOOHHHWWEEE!! Everything's all gravy!!!!

So...I know it's Black Music Month and all, but shouts to Blind Melon (RIP, Shannon Hoon!) for singing my life with their words!!!! If it wasn't for You know I'd like to keep my cheeekks dry todaaaayyy, don't know how I woulda made it through!

So...sit back, relax and enjoy ya Friday with a lil' early 90s Alternative Rock. Bee Girl...where you beeeeee?!

Friday FreakMixxxes

This for all y'all who peeped that "A Milli" remix that popped off last week: I wanna know what you wanna see SavvyFatty FreakMixxxed right about noooowwww. You know I take a song and flip it to fit it for this Savvy Fatty Bizzitch...Snittich...Get it?!!?!

Here's the choices for Friday, June 20th, silliest.

1. "Fuck Fast Like a Rabbit" which is a SavvyFatty FreakMixxx of...
2. "My Bra's On For My Tittayss"..."Own, own" for my tittays
3. "I'll Spray Yo Curl"...now THAT'S the American Dream. Not this.

CAST YA VOTES IN THE COMMENTS SEXXXION!!!
All votes received by Friday, 6/20, 3:30PM Eastern Time (12:30PM on the BEST COAST!!!) will be tallied up and the winner be chosen from those submissions.
The winning FreakMixxx will be posted on Monday, 6/23 for your listening plush'her.

A Dayum Shamie, Lynn Spears!!!

Early Thursday morning, Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to a lil' bastard baby girl. What do YOU think were the first words JLS's new baby, Maddie Briann (<<--For my true folks: Isn’t that ironic?) uttered once she shook that womb like running outta King Tut's tomb?
Savvy's Guess:
Where’s my No Limit chain and Pen and Pixels birth announcement, whoadi?!

Nah'MEME?!

Fuck. I'm just at home Friday night lame'in it up and dat ninja Sane de la WordIzz did a drive-by taggin' on me.
Dammit, man! But it ain't like I'm doin' shit else so...

Here's how this "Meme" test is going down.
1. Put your Music Player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 3 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the MEME themselves!
Let the games begin!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
"Cherish" Madonna

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Steal My Sunshine" Len (Tell my biznaz!!!)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"I Put On" Young Jeezy and Kanye West

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"Foolish" Ashanti (Dammit, man.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
"You Brought the Sunshine" The Clark Sisters

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Song Cry" Jay-Z

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"I'm Sprung" T-Pain (Who Ain't?!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
"Bust It Baby Pt. 2" Plies & Ne-Yo (They busted to make this baby :^p )


WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"One Blood (Remix)" The Game and a whole slew of ninjaz


WHAT IS 2+2?
"Love Changes" Mtume


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"Umma Do Me" Yo Gotti (Mixtape)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Put Me In The Pocket" Tabi Bonney (Truth is...)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Go On Girl" Ne-Yo

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"American Dreamin'" Jay-Z

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Scotty (Geeked Up)" D4L (Yup. Me and my panty partner ;^p)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"We Bout That" Master P & Silkk The Shocker

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Doll Parts" Hole

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Kick In The Door" DJ Khaled & Rick Ross (HAAHA!!! POI-FICK!!!!!)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Lookin' Boy" Hot Styles ft. Yung Joc


WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Numb/Encore (Mash-Up)" Linkin Park/Jay-Z


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"You Can't Play With My Yo-Yo" Yo-Yo & Ice Cube (Spit da troofus!)


WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
"Dope Boy Money" Shawty Lo (More like BROKE Girl Money)


HAAHAHAAHAAHAAA!! This shit is COMEDY!!
Alright, now I'm taggin: SweetB'z, Ol' DanYeller, and MzVirgo

It's The Freegin' Weekend!

Happy Friday, my ninjas and beaches!
Ain't NOOOOOObody happier to see it than me. If I didn't, I swear fo' GOD there was gon' be some White Tees laid out...and NOT waiting to be ironed, either.

My bad for the no post and GHOST! for the past couple of days. A biatch had to take a small hiatus to get some shit together. And now that shit is handled, I'm holla'in at you from my sandals. :^p

So...I was making my blog runs this morning and came across some shit at ol' DanYeller's speezy. I peeped a post where he was talkin' that Play-Doh shank talk; talkin' 'bout if anotha muthafucka and their choych's Praise Steppers make an "A Milli" remix, muhfuckas gon' get Nicole Brown Simpson'd.

So, being the fat, fearless, smart mouf beezy I am...whatchu think I went and did?!?!!?!?
HAHA!!! Take that lil' Billy Creole'shun!!!!

So...kick back, relax and enjoy the S A V V Y Fatty remix, snitchezzzzz!!!!

I’m a hundredaire
I’m a ZERO money hundredaire
Naps rougher than Chicagoan Bears
I got a ride hotter than ya local County fare and still
Only got dough for trolley fare to get me here and there
To the limit through the fire like Kanyeezy through the wire
Cain’t drive shit so I say “Mothafuck ya tires!”
I turned to a driver hater since I’ve been a trolley waiter
Ya got sum’in to say turn you to a casket stayer
Fuck ya sister mother father since my ass is a walker
Take a piss on ya shit like Sparkle’s sister and ‘nim daughter
Tell the popos come and get me Rodney King me fuckin beat me
I’ll still rise on this song talking CANT WE ALL JUS’ GET ALONG?
Can’t deceive me only feed me
L.B. Venezia Jean me
Still drop it AYCH OH TEEZY like Juvie Juve and fuckin’ Weezy
BEEZIES!

So what y'all think? Did my weed and pancake syrup write me a hit, too? Should I invest in a couple bags of dreds and 'C' tattoo between my brows? HOLLA!!!!

LIFE of a Living Bass Head

In honor of Black Music Month and Hump (<-yes, please) Day, here's one of the first songs, that I can remember, to ever make me aware of the potential fiyah down below.

Since the first time I heard "We Want Some," as a 2nd grader (Yup! Don't tell MamaSav, please! Y'all know she believes in retro whoopin's!!) riding with my then 25 year old, highly irresponsible, but always cool uncle, I've been in luhh with anything sporting a bass-heavy, high ass-shakeability beat.

As an early 20-something gettin' my partay and drank on, you'd besta clear a nice plus-sized path to the dancefloor unless you're up for losing a pair of swap meet stilettos or Now Lata Thom McAns. Cuz when I hear just the first SECOND of this, it's a wrap for anybody standing in my way as I make moves faster than Chinese kids make shoes!

And, ask my girls: If I get the slightest inkling that the DJ is about to mix this in, please believe I turn into Good Ol' St. Nick as I lavish the crowd with strings of pearls AND inhalers to clutch cuz EVERYBODY's gonna need breff to breeve after this show. Cuz I'm about to shock the world by changing minds about flat-assed fat girls as it's LITERALLY about to look like I was humpin' an invisible "stick."
Too-Short and Lil' Jon's "Shake That Monkey" is probably my all-time favorite no-ass shakin' song, with "I Wanna Rock," "Scarred," "Hoochie Mama," and Ying Yang's "Salt Shaker" all tied for second.
You ain't NEVVUH seen a big biatch shake it like a salt shaker, polaroid pickcha AND Michael J. Fox sittin' on a washing machine full of bricks until I hear these songs back to back.

So, shouts to my uncle's reckless child care skills and Mr. Mixx, Fresh Kid Ice, Luke, and Brother Marquis for turning this sitting-Indian-style-in-front-of-a-Donald-Duck-record-player-listening-to-Cabbage Patch Dreams kinda gal to a Bass Head for life.
With your influence, I've burned many a'calorie while turning many a dancefloor into a boner-having ninja graveyard, mayne.

What Da Halle?!

For those of you NOT on the upper level playground at Harbor View Elementary back in '89/'90, let me lace ya tennies with this historical tidbit: Danny Wood was THE worst NKOTB member to have a crush and/or BOP poster of.

Get caught with his horse face in your Trapper Keeper and GUARANTEE playground alienation for a good day or two.

I need someone with a time machine and/or a memory of those years other than making your peesh beat up a 10-speed seat and cross bar to tell me what dee HAIL was going on in these pics? Apparently Hal-lizzle didn't get our Spottie Dottie memo.

photos source

According to WhosDatedWho, Halle got her boy band Mr. Ed (and Sharon Stone, dawg?!) on back in the day.
Bet Danny broke it off cuz she H-Beezy wasn't "Hangin' Tough" like she used to.

Ahh! What a day when the tables have turned! What a day when the tables have turned!

It's Gotta Be Destiny

She's taken me...
What y'all know about that Myron circa 1998?!

Ok. Experience the severe case of sleep and nutritional deprivation like I am right now...then twist ya lips to say we ain't staring down a 2024 version of them chil'lun of Destiny.

photo source
Yeah. Ok.
Peep singer Taylor Dane holding a mirror to Bey-Bey's future as she performs during the 9th Annual amfAR Honoring With Pride Celebration in the NYC, with RuPCampbell getting his her it's Kellay on.
And yes, that IS 1994 ringing the phone off the HOOK, but **air quotes** Adina Howard done threw off her T-shirt and pannays and snatched up Paw-Paw's good family reunion straw to get dat much-needed guap.

Mmm!! Monitor-y Delectability!

As I was chillin' over at the homey Coc's and checkin' out her haute spot, I came across this lil' piece of panty eye candy that's dayum near got me givin' my monitor mouf to mouf molestation.
Oooohhh weee!! [/Fez]

Apparently, S. Willy is the cover girl for July's issue of Ebony.
Great. Good for her. **pointer finger applause**

What I really need to know is:
WHO DUH HAIL left the gate open for a muhfucka to photoCHOP all that asstasticness away?!?!?!
Usually, that jooosay's got me cray-ay-zee. But these pics are too tame for this dame.

Iffin' Linda Johnson Rice and 'nem think I'ma spend the night at home, alone, with this mag, a bottle of 2-buck Chuck and a palm full of KY jellay good money on this issue, I need there to be more troof in the advertising, mayne!

LJR & Co.: Don't be skurd of lettin' Reny-Ren' po' out a lil' booty for us ZERO-booty hoes who, try as we might, cain't hump with it. I mean, we could... but ain't nobody HARDLY checkin' for a brick wall in a size 26 pair of Venezia jeans. Believe me. I know.
**checks empty ring finger...commences to wrist-slicing**

So, Johnson Publications: I'll give y'all the go ahead to re-publish this issue and come out with somethin' a little hotter.
And Richie Will'z: **whispers** I give you the permission to allow me the chance to tongue-bathe ya daughter.
:^p

I Wanna Fu-Love You

Ahhh!
**scans office, then slowly slips nipple out**
My loyal SF'ers: You know'z I luhvz me some Pretty Boy Floyd like fat kids love to eat a whole box of Little Debbie's Nutty Bars to themselves.
However...today, there's NUH'CHIN like the sight of fresh charbrizzity on this Monday morning!

photo source
Akon, looking grill-FRESH! in all-black, walking the red carpet at Nelly's All Star Studded Weekend held at the Red Rock Resort & Casino in Sin City, knows just what to do to make my yannays sing a sooooonnnnng. [/Earth, Wind & Fire]
Mmm! Exxon Valdez goodness!

Here's "Soot-Sexxxay" again, with Nelly and JD on the red carpet, standing in the exact order I'd bang 'em in:

photo source
1) Akon: Mmmm! Turn my sheets from satin'y smooth to the ground at Jiffy-Lube!;

2) Nelly, just **whispers** as long as he brought somebody ELSE's dick game. We all read that article in Ozone about him packin' a Vienna sausage like a Pre-K lunchbox, no?;

And in 4,617,332nd place, just edged out by the ghost of Flip Wilson dressed as "Geraldine," comes Damita Jo's own personal growth-stunted Stuart Little, JD.
While he's out on the town doing grown man hood rat stuff, I know there's a 7 year old somewhere frantically searching for and missing a set of play clothes.
**setting up microscope to get on his level, ho**
It ain't right, 'Maine! You up there stuntin' and frontin' while kids got tag to play.

Racism BEEN pullin' capers

As an artist, I can fully identify with the necessity of letting your soul bleed into a medium of your choice.
For those that don't know, now you'll know:
It's far more soul- satisfying and freeing to pick up a brush, spray can, hell, even a dayum keyboard to convey personal views and opinions than it is to simply speak these truths. There's just something about marrying your thoughts with a creative outlet that's like food to your soul.
Believe me, like Lupe and that curly-haired homechick: SavvyFatty has saved my life!

However, the below images (sent from my girl Fre and spotted here, as well **shaking head**) reach FAR BEYOND artistic expression and cross that crackhead-thin line into being purposely offensive and downright racist.
It's both appalling and daunting to witness such hatred and disdain for CHANGE. We've had CENTURIES of the same ol', same ol'. And look how far it's gotten us. [/sarcasm]

What's worse is the fact that the artist responsible, Yazmany Arboleda, has a lot of gotdayumed nerve since his ass is an ethnic minority just like Obama. And living in these here United States I'm quite SURE he's experienced unnecessary and unfair treatment at the hand of those who'd probably most appreciate his exhibit.

When asked about his intentions and plans for the exhibit, Arboleda stated: “It’s art. It’s not supposed to be harmful. It’s about character assassination — about how Obama and Hillary have been portrayed by the media,” [Source]

If that's true, then I'm WIT IT.

If not...then I'm on the fast track to creating my own exhibit and website, both tentatively titled: http://theasswhoopificationofyazmanyarboleda.com/
Unlike Arboleda's, mine would be type-simple; consisting only of a room filled with a wall of rough and ready shirtless, Dickies and Chucks-wearin' West Coast muhfuckas, complete with chain-leashed pit bulls with insatiable appetites for racially, ethnically, and culturally divisive bullshit.

So peep the pics below and give me your thoughts on Arboleda's exhibit. Is he spouting racism or shining a spotlight on the media's character assassination of the Democratic ticket's frontrunners:





^^^My personal low of the exhibit. CRYING SHAME.
I think, "Say ANYthing about the adults. Just leave lil', innocent Sasha (L) and Malia (2nd from R) OUT of it, mayne.

Your Guess Is As Good as Mine

Photo Source
What question do you think was asked of Ashanti as she signed copies of her new venture into obscurity CD, The Declaration, at the Virgin Megastore in NY?

If I had to weigh in, I'd guess:
How many Black Holiday Barbies had to sacrifice their luxurious manes for you to be bangin' in Little Rock?

Your turn!

Turn Off The Dora The Explorer Nightlight...

...and light a candle.

Fuck.
I'm up late nightin' it like I don't got public transpo to catch in less than 6 hours.

So, while over at Fresh's speezy, I came across some shit that got me CPS AND a ninja-with-a- black-light-dialin'.

SF'ers, I solicit you to assist in the lacing of my tennis on this one:

WHAT the F U C K happened to kids being kids?

In the Black Parents' Guide to Raising Respectable Children, (that I'm currently composing to thwart future cast members of Karma of Love,) I cannot recall a chapter on how to properly construct a Garanimals Flamenco dress. **smh and weeping**

If this kiddie prom night (<--necessary for WHAT, again?!) was ANYthing like mine, that ain't no milk OR vanilla pudding droplets on them Disney Princesses sheets there's cause for concern. I needz folks' parental cards revoked. Oh! And hand over them uteruses and vas deferens' too, playaz. **does the 'Gimme' hand**

Flavor in your Sinceer

If you're a reg'la SF'er, you know I LOATHE but still tuned in to [/embarrassed] all incarnations of the Flavor series'iz'zis. Especially this past season since resident "nemesis" Sinceer is reppin' my hometown.
DAYGO! DAYGO! HELLO! It's DAYGO! **doin' a 'Tard-Lite version of the Shawty-Lo**

Being that Sinceer is currently a friend of mine via my personal Myspace, I came across a blog she wrote last night. Subject at a glance: HATERS

I'll refrain from giving my opinion (for a change. **checkin' Hell's temperature**) and allow you fine ladies and gents to form your own opinions about what Sinceer is spittin' via her Craigslist Erotic Services ad Myspace page.

**DISCLAIMER ALERT**
Being that I've already addressed the bullshit azz idea of 'hate' I'mma zip it and zip it good. I DON'T take that ish seriously because 'hate' is just another person's opinion. And we all know opinions are like shitty Pinky Starfishes: From time to time, we ALL have one.
As an adult, to embrace the concept of 'hate' is comical to me. But...to each their own. **shrugs**

As a single big biatch with a respectable, yet low-paying job and an equally low hanging bellay, I'd honestly rather be doing spending big face pennies than slaingin' ass like this....or that in order to get VIP to a club that's gon' get shot up 45 minutes to close ANYdayumway.

So before anybody fixes the their fonkay gums to say, "You just mad cuz YOU ain't on TV" or "Don't hate cuz YOU cain't!" I'll make the 'HURSH' gesture with my fangaz, quick-like, and say: "Ninja, puhleez."
Cuz while bitches these nice, young ladies were fugazi-ass-tear-manufacturin' and wishin' on that fallen star, I'z in a reg'la car, tokin' out with a candy bar. And mighty satisfied with it, too.

Plus, I knoooowww if I peruse the 'net long enough, I'm 1 tumillion% soy'tin I could find a site featuring bitches with the multi-pack belly AND back game out and about for the viewing pleasure of international credit card-swiping Club Chub admirers ready to get their Raspusha 'OWN', ok-k-k?
But I choose to no-exposed-tittay-or-ass-cheeks-involved low wage it and show my brain not give it by spittin' my life to this keyboard and blog.

Now that that's done...
Follow her nah if you give a fuck.

Well..... as you all know Sinceer is officially the most hated on Flavorette in Flavor of Love history!!! And I say that proudly. You never realize how many people out there have issues until you become the target of these losers!!!
Since the show has aired I've been constantly harrased (only online because nobody would dare talk shit in my face) as well as some of my supporters... I'm doing this blog not because these haters are bothering me.... but because they are bothering some of you....(<--Well, ain't that spesh'o? -Sav) sometimes these losers go thru the extent of creating a fake myspace profile request me as a friend.... wait for the friend request is approved and then post these dumb ass comments on my page like I give a fuck what they think.... some of my people see these comments and reply back with a comment and then the hater starts harrassing them.....
I just want my supporters to know ain't no way in hell is any of these things these people are saying affecting me (REALLY?! Then what's the reason for this blog?! Things that make you go "BULLSHIT!"-Sav) what so ever so if you see a loser on my page ignore them because I do... people talk about my forehead but Myamee's forehead is bigger then mine but nobody says shit about hers, (Aww. Another prime example of how it's NOT affecting you. I see you! -Sav)
damn bottle of wine, I get called a bad mom when Hotlanta admitted she ain't pay her rent to be on the show and Bunz admitted she was behind on bills and my bills were paid (how did I end up being called a bad mom),
I get called a backstabber when the twins backstabbed everybody in the beginning, Heezinz backstabbed Thing 1 and Black backstabbed Heezinz,
I get called uneducated when I have a bachelors degree, (Word?! Would love to see THAT side instead of the backside, crackside. -Sav) a job, and I'm one of the only girls in the house who don't live with my parents...these examples given are the reasons why I say I'm the most hated on because people only focus on "me" and try to find anything wrong with "me" and even make up shit...
if you ask me why I think I'm the most hated on the show.... it's because I was the strongest in the house... I was one of the most entertaining on the show.... I had the most self esteem and I didn't give a fuck what anybody thought about me (until the moment you sat down to compose this blog, riiiight? -Sav) ....
these haters are mad that I got on a tv show with my bad attitude while they're stuck behind a computer hating....
these haters are mad that with all the shit talking they did about my forehead and about my attitude I came on the reunion making sure my forehead showed and my attitude was even worse!!! (www.OBVIOUS.com -Sav)
So with that said I'm gonna continue to be me... the more haters I have the more I know that I'm doing something right otherwise they wouldn't have anything to hate on!!!!
And I know alot of yall can relate to what I'm goin thru with these losers cuz I see most of yall have haters too so we all must be doing something right!!!



Now that THAT'S over...**yawning, wonderin' if it's Good Morning time yet**

Why do YOU think she has so many haters?

• IS it the forehead?
• The OBVIOUS playing up for the cameras?
• The fact that we've all seen this show before?
• Or are we all just effin' bored with FOL alum **air quotes** bad ackin' and fresh-off-elimination-T&A-slaingin'?

My opinion is off limits so I shaln't. YOU make the call!

The HAIL We Cain't!

I'm happy like dugouts stay nappy for mah man, Barack Obama. The first round of proverbial "dirt" has, indeed, been knocked off your shoulders, bruh!

For those of us who are politically-aware, I'm sure you're with me in recognizing the "bigness" of this nomination.

For those not politically-savvy, I need you to realize how this is the first time in the 230+ year history of these United States, the world's **air quotes and eye rolls** Melting Pot, that a Black man has clinched the nomination of a major political party.

For those who STILL ain't "own" like a disconnected phone, but will rock a "FREE J-BO" knee-length, black T faster than I can holla: "MAN DRESS!," let me give it to you straight with no grape Kool-Aid chaser:
This is the first time eva, EVA, EV-VUH that a ninja has had a 50/50 shot at being our next President. NO BULLSHITTIN'!
*****
"Stoked" ain't even a descriptive enough adjective to express the sheer amount of pride, excitement, and exhilaration I'm experiencing for both my people and this country. It's like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder how I keep from shootin' this biatch the hell up! Just to witness the apathy and trickery that's plaguing the poor and middle class OR the blatant displays of injustice repeatedly manifested against minorities, in general, is beyond disheartening. Especially given the fact that we were brought or encouraged to immigrate for their benefit. **shaking head**
For those of us suffering under Bush Administration/Republican "business as usual," just the thought of change and the idea of "YES WE CAN" is welcome and refreshing.
So, in celebration of this momentous occassion AND Black Music Month, let my brutha (and fellow Obama supporter!) Stevie Steve demonstrate what, at this second, I cain't articulate.


*****

**side-eye'in the "On-The-Fencers": I'm talkin' to YOU, homay!
I urge anyone reading this who may be on the fence about voting, PERIOD, to conjure up the feelings of your childhood when your parents told ya ass NOT to do something. Didn't whatever it was become that much more appealing and you'd stop at NUH'CHIN to do what you were told time and time again NOT to do?
If you've answered "HAIL YEAH!," then use this same "logic" towards getting out to vote. Because it wasn't that long ago that THEY would stop at nuh'chin to prevent us from doing so.

Like my girl Fre said: "Usually the ones complaining about the system are the SAME ones who DID NOT vote."
At a time like this, the country CANNOT afford your indifference. With politics being dirtier than a set of Superhead tonsils and the race on track to get uglier than Jay-Z before the money, there's no time like the present to GET IN THE GAME!
Let's get American Idol-vote'ish out this bitch! NO, there's no 1-800 or text number to cast your vote. But believe me, as someone who's been voting for 10 years now: the "Pride Payment" is a bigger payoff than one can imagine.

For the "non-felonious" (<--Fre, you'za mess!) who aren't yet registered, but would like to: Follow me nah for Voter Registration Deadlines by state.
Even though you have until October to do so, why wait? If Foot Locker was having a FREE JORDANS event, I can pretty much bet my penny paycheck that your neck-break game would be oh-so strong to get down there. Employ the same thought process for some shit that REALLY matters, mmmkay?


Oh, and in closing, to mah dude, B-Rock Obeezy who has ON-LOCKED the nomineezy:
Hilly C. might be a good running mate, afterall! She appears to be a ride or die-type bia bia to me! Don't sleep on how "The Teflon Blonde" survived sniper fire in Bosnia, mayne!

I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.C.E.

Guess it's finally come to this, SF'ers.

**head in hands, type-dejected**

For the first time since I was a gotdayumed teen
Got my ass on SD Trans' wit' a mug on mean
Had to park the Honda fast
'Tro prices whooped my ass

Got a 16 gallon tank that I couldn't satiate
So I pump my Airwalk sneaks
Not my anti-lock brakes
The Land of the Free?
Please! Gimme a break
Cuz my Nell Carter game
On its way to deflate
Cuz I gotta beat my feet
'Steada beatin' down the street
Less I give ExxonMo my arm, leg, and my teef

The Home of the Brave
Got us livin' like slaves
How I'm government-paid
Yet livin' like min' wage?
1-fifty in a month outta buy me some stunts
Or a hunk in some Dunks
'Least a couple dozen blunts

Try to set my soul at ease
But ain't no comfort in the trees
Cuz I steady day dream of
Days livin' fancy-free
But now I'm payin' like I weigh
Since Bush owed his homies a solid
So they emptyin' my wallet
Sendin' they kids off to college
While I'm 5 a.m. bus pimpin'
On my way to make a livin'
They sittin' back, straight chillin'
Talkin, "Man! We made a killin'!'"
Well, enjoy it while you can
Takin' my life away from me
Play the country like dummies
You isle hop and fuck honeys
But remember one thang
While ya days still sunny
High hog livin' NOW but:
God DON'T like ugly!

We're Gonna Make It

...That's fa sho
If you're stressed
Then let it GOOOOOO

VH-1 Soul: Thanks for the early mornin' bless and word to 'Tribe Called Quest. That's the realest shit I NEED to hear right now.
(Hip Hop Heads: Check the 1:25 mark for a young Kanye West affiliate, Consequence, lookin' like a present-day Lupe Fiasco)

Happy Black Music Month, my pee'po'z!

Today's the first day of Operation: Public Transit...and needless to say, I'm stressed to DEF.
For the first time in over a decade I've had to raise my head 2 1/2 hours EARLIER than I'm used to (<--Fuck.) just to prep for a 2-hour, 12-mile trek that'd usually take me no more than 25 minutes in traffic. **tears**

As a So'Cal native, I've been conditioned to be strapped to my vehicle. Especially here in "Daygo" where public transit is laughable at best. It's not uncommon to transfer from bus to trolley to bus to dayum Razr scooter just to get 10 miles away. And that'll take you no less than a couple hours and you'll STILL have to walk a good 22 blocks or so just to get to your destination.
Back in the mid-to-late 90s I was a San Diego Transit Savvy. I knew all the routes and run times. Now...I'm only used to exercising my key-clickin' finger. Dammit, man!
So I've prayed and packed my patience game and just hope I make it on time. And don't be afraid to shout me out if you see me walkin' and/or Green Linin' it. Like DJ Khaled and 'nem: HOLLA @ ME, BAYBEH! And if you're also victim of this gas price BS, please believe: WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT!

SkinBAD

Is bad skin this season's answer to the winter's chunky neck scarves craze?

As I let MTV Jams make me weep for the future of our youth keep me company this weekend, it's come to my attention that unadulterated scarfaces are the new 'hood hype and the latest chapter in the "Keepin' It Real" movement.

• Monica's Cheatin' Azz Baby Daddy boo bear Rocko spit about his huge'normous horse head and bite-sized body NOT ProActiv'ating his game just like it's no Tu-Maw-Ruh.

• We're well aware that Shawty Lo Dunn Dunn it all...BUT tend to his skin and persevere in preserving his ET finger**air quotes** sexy.
  
  

But I don't have time to worry about they shit. Naw! Cuz I'm over here CHEESIN' like cheddar as this is EGG-SELL-LINT news for a biatch like me!

**bustin' an '80s celebratory Prep**

I guess it's beddy-by for my Dream Matte Mousse and bye-bye to the bronzer as I proudly parade my piles of pimples, acres of craters and wait for SavvyFatty to BLOOOOWWW Rick Ross-style! JEAH!

So...talk amongst yourselves while I sit back, relax, and let the black heads bad-act!
Sheeeiiit! MuthaFUCK a Clean & Clear! A biatch got dollaz to clock so bottles can pop!
**wipes self dowwwwnnnn with Crisco while logging into AdBrite account**

Blue-Black Bluto is a BEAST!

...But instead of eye Pop'n, he was ear tusslin'.

Peep the 0:50 mark to see how that ear said, "I'm outta hEAR!"

For years, ever since I've seen Kimbo slicin' dudes on the 'Tube, I've thought anyone who'd fuck with Trick Daddy circa 2018 had to be off their muthafuckin' rocker like Betty with no Crocker.
But I guess cash ruled everything around James "Colossus" Thompson. Because after this nationally televised mollywhoopin' auditory assault, I have but one question:
Tell me how you 'posed to hear with no ear?!
Can't cheer
Can't jeer with no ear
No ear! No eaarrrr!